Standard Disclaimers Apply
1807 ZULU
Rabb Residence
ManassasVA
"When do you want me to move?" he asked her, arms still holding her close as she cried.
"I think now would probably be best," she sighed. "We have to get Lucy and DJ soon and I want us to explain to her what's going on, at least on a limited basis," Mac replied pulling back from his chest.
"Yeah, we need to tell her something," agreed Harm, his heart breaking at the thought of explaining this mess to his baby girl. "Tell me what you need me to take from our room," he asked her softly. "What can stay and what needs to go?"
"Your pillow, your cologne, your clothes, at least the seasonal ones all have to go," she told him. "Your CDs, the boom box, your guitar stuff, all that goes. You can leave the books, the guest room doesn't have a place for those and your off season clothing and uniforms can stay. Everything else goes."
"Okay," he answered with a sigh. Obviously she needed everything that was "him" taken out of their room. He understood, but still, it was beyond difficult to wrap his mind around.
"You better get moving," she sighed. "We can't impose on AJ forever."
"You don't want to help with this, do you?" he asked, all ready knowing the answer in his gut.
"Why would I...no better why should I help with this?" she asked. "I'm tired, I feel awful, and I would like to rest. You can move your own things," she told him.
"Yeah, I can," he replied, his voice as calm and even as could be. "I only asked because I didn't want to assume anything, that's all. You rest or whatever you want to do; I'll go...take care of it."
"Good," she snapped and leaned her head back on the couch.
The walk down the hallway to their bedroom was never so long as it was just then. When Harm reached the door, he stopped and stood there for a moment before going in. He wanted to get this done as quickly as he could, yet something deep inside told him that wouldn't be easy. He changed out of his uniform and into jeans and a sweatshirt, then sat down on the bed with a heavy sigh.
"Where do I begin?" he asked himself. She'd said his pillow had to go, so he reached up and grabbed it, tossing it onto the floor by the door. The bed looked so big with only Mac's pillow at the head. His guitar was propped up in the corner against the wall, where it'd been since they moved in to the house. Rising from the bed, he picked it up and remembered back to the times he'd played a silly little song to make Mac smile, or when his romantic side struck, he'd played her a love song or two. Shaking his head, he walked over to the door and leaned the guitar against it.
He went into the master bathroom and gathered the essentials from in there, tossing most of them into the toiletry bag he used when he went TAD. Something kind of ironic about that, at least he thought so. He reached into the shower and grabbed his soap and shampoo, tossed them into the bag and zipped it up, carrying it with him as he went back into the bedroom. He picked up his pillow and guitar and decided to make the first of several trips to the guest room.
He flipped the light switch and looked around at the space which was, temporarily, his. Mac had it decorated in soft pinks and blues, very cheery and inviting. It looked nice to the outsider, but to him it may as well have been painted prison gray. He brought it on himself, though; he knew that beyond any doubt. He poised the guitar against the far corner wall, set his bath stuff on the dresser, and tossed his pillow onto the double bed before heading back to the master suite for another load.
"I'm doing okay," he thought to himself as he walked back down the hallway. He was, all things considered, that is until he went to his closet and began pulling out his uniforms. He grabbed a fistful of them and laid them on the bed, flipping through them to take only the ones he needed to; the winter ones. He felt his heart sink like a stone in the ocean when in the process he came face to face, again, this that lonely pair of suntan pants. As the lump in his throat grew, he snatched them off the hanger and threw them against the wall before dropping to his knees and letting the tears flow once more.
Knowing he had a job to do, he pulled himself back together after a few moments, finished sorting his uniforms and tossed his CD's into an empty box. He was about to take those things to the guest room when he heard the phone ring.
It rang twice before he went to get it. "She must be asleep," he thought as he reached for the receiver. Clearing his throat, he answered. "Rabb."
"Harm, it's AJ again. You're going to have to come and get Lucy," he told him. He sounded off.
"Is she still crying?" asked Harm, taking a seat on the master bed.
"No, she's asleep, but she felt warm so when I took her temperature, it's almost 103!" AJ informed him. "I have her lying on my couch with a fan on her and a cold cloth. She keeps whimpering for you and Mac. DJ, well he's another matter."
"Being himself, I hope?" asked Harm as he rose from the bed and went to grab his tennis shoes.
"He was, but now he's sitting next to Lucy being quiet. Poor little guy's worried and frankly so am I. She never gets sick," AJ said as if Harm didn't know that. "But you do own me a new shirt and a new bathroom carpet," AJ added.
"Oh boy," said Harm, managing a little chuckle as he thought about all the things that could mean. "We'll, uh, I'll be there within a half hour."
"How's Mac? I was worried last night. Are you bringing her with you?" AJ asked.
"She's...well, she's been better, but she's hanging in," answered Harm. "You know how she is. I'm not sure if I'll bring her with me or not; I'll let her make the call on that one."
"Okay," AJ sighed. "Just hurry. If she wakes up and sees only me here..."
"Understood," replied Harm. "Thanks, AJ."
"No problem," he replied before hanging up.
Harm turned off the lights in the bedroom and returned to find Mac asleep on the living room couch.
He reached down and gently patted her on the shoulder. "Mac? Wake up, please."
Mac jerked when she felt Harm's hand on her shoulder. "What?" she asked. "I'm trying to get some sleep." She looked at his hand and moved it, "We are going to need to set some ground rules until we start working through this thing. Now what?"
"AJ just called," he said, knowing now was not the time to start round 3 or 4 or whatever they were up to at that point. "Lucy's running a fever and needs to come home. You want to come with me or should I go alone?"
At his word Mac leapt from the couch, "Of course I'm going. How high is it? Is she crying?" Mac's maternal side was coming out full force.
"103," answered Harm. "And she's not crying. He said she's asleep on the couch with a fan blowing on her and a cold cloth. I don't know what's up with her. She never gets sick."
"Well, tomorrow morning we're going to find out," Mac told him. "We're taking her to the pediatrician. Your car or mine?" She asked pulling on her jacket.
"Did he take the car seats from yours?" asked Harm.
"Yeah," she replied and picked up her keys. "Let's go."
He followed, closing the door behind him.
1951 ZULU
AJ Cheggwidden's Residence
McCleanVA
In record time Harm and Mac arrived at AJ's house in McClean. They barely spoke on the way over there, except to say that they'd hold off on telling the Admiral and Lucy for the time being. They walked up to the Admiral's door and out of habit Harm took Mac's hand. Scared for her baby, she let him hold it.
AJ had been watching at the window for them since Lucy had woken up five minutes before and started to cry hysterically for her parents. The always in control Admiral looked frazzled at the child's wails.
"Lucy, it's okay," said Harm, rushing through the door the second AJ opened it and he could hear the little girl wailing. "Come here, baby. It's okay."
Mac was at his heels, rushing to her child. "What's the matter, Lucy?" she asked. "Tell Mommy."
"Let daddy hold you, Button," he said, picking his daughter up and rocking her gently.
"Harm, she has to tell us what's hurting her so we can tell the d-o-c-t-o-r tomorrow," Mac told him. "Lucy, baby, can you tell me?"
Lucy lifted her head weakly from her fathers shoulders, "My head hurts and I can't hear good," she sniffled then buried herself back into Harm's arms.
"Sounds like an ear infection to me," said Harm to Mac. "Think so?"
"Yeah," Mac replied. "We better get her home. Where's DJ?"
"He fell asleep with her, I put him on my bed," AJ said. "I'll get him."
While AJ went to get DJ, Mac turned her attention back to Lucy, "Do you want to come to Mommy, Sweetie?"
"Uh-huh," whimpered the 5-year-old as she reached out towards her mother. Harm leaned down a little to make the exchange easier.
"I wanna go home," said Lucy, beginning to cry full volume again.
"We are, sweetie" said Mac. "We need to get your brother and grab your Pooh bear and your other things and then we'll go."
"Here's your little guy," said AJ as he entered the room with a still sleeping DJ in his arms.
"Wow," said Mac, "I can't believe he's still asleep. Usually any movement like that will wake him right up."
"He's pretty tired," said AJ. "He was up late last night, didn't sleep very late this morning and this is the first time he slowed down all afternoon."
"That much I believe for sure," said Harm, gently touching his son's baby-fine hair. "Where are the Navigator keys? I need to go move their seats."
"Spare sets on top of the fridge," answered AJ. "I figured it was about the only safe place for them after your son somehow got the other set off my dresser and sent them for a swim."
Harm smiled and shook his head. "Sorry about that. Looks like he's taking after his big sister."
"Speaking of his big sister," said Mac, sitting down in the recliner with Lucy. "We need to get her home, Harm."
"I know," he said as he headed for the kitchen to get the keys to AJ's vehicle. "I'll be right back."
"This guy is getting heavier by the day," said the former Admiral as he held DJ, the child's head resting against his strong shoulders.
"Tell me about it," said Mac, caressing her daughter's back as they waited for Harm to move the car seats. "He's bigger than she was at his age."
"He'll no doubt be tall like his dad," said AJ. "Don't you think?"
Mac felt her heart ache. For the first time ever, she had to work at getting excited about one of their children taking after their father. Despite the tension they were drowning in, she loved him madly, deeply, which served to complicate the situation as well as make it a battle worth fighting.
"Probably so," she replied with a half smile. Just then, the front door opened and Harm entered the room.
"Is this all their stuff?" he asked AJ, pointing to the overnight bags and jackets by the door.
"I think so," answered their former CO.
"Take her on out to the car," he said to Mac. "I'll get this stuff and him."
Mac rose and carried Lucy to the car, the little child starting to cry for her father again. She was so sick she didn't know what she wanted.
AJ watched Mac carry Lucy out, and Harm took DJ from AJ and started after her. "Harm," AJ spoke and stopped him. "What's going on between you and Mac, you can cut the tension with a knife."
Harm sighed and looked down at the ground. "We're having some problems right now. I'm sorry if we made you uncomfortable, we didn't mean to."
"I'm just concerned," he replied. "Cryptic phone calls and now this...Anything I can do?"
"You did a lot by keeping them for us last night" said Harm. "Things, uh...things got a little heated when I got home from Pennsylvania, and we're...we're glad the kids were here instead of there."
"Did you do something stupid, Rabb?" AJ asked. Harm did have a tendency not to look before he leapt.
No sense in lying. This man could chew him up one side and down the other in no time flat if he so much as suspected Harm was feeding a line of garbage. "Really stupid," Harm answered. "Really...really stupid."
"Harm," Mac called. "Come on, she's shaking here. I want to get her home and into bed."
"You can enlighten me when the little one is better," AJ replied. "Word of advice, bring her flowers. She'll forgive you."
Harm looked AJ in the eye as he'd done so many times before and shook his head. "Not this time."
AJ let it go and watched as Harm went and joined his family. He put DJ in his seat then helped Mac put Lucy in hers. Mac squeezed in the back of the car with Lucy, leaving Harm to ride alone in the front.
2023 ZULU
Rabb Residence
ManassasVA
The drive back to Manassas was fairly quiet, the silence punctuated only by Lucy's occasional whimpers and cries and her parents' attempts to soothe her.
When they got home Harm took Lucy in the house first and settled her on the sofa leaving DJ to Mac. She had a hard time with him, he knew but his primary focus was on his daughter.
"Take her temperature again," Mac instructed when she'd made it inside.
"Okay," he said, going to get the thermometer from the hall bathroom.
Mac carried DJ into his room and put him in his toddler bed so that he could continued his much needed nap. Then she returned to Lucy with a bucket of cold water and a face cloth.
"Temp's right at 103," said Harm. "She can't have any more Tylenol yet, either."
"What are we going to do?" she asked him, trusting him with this even though at the moment she could barely tolerate his presence.
Harm remained remarkably calm, sensing that he had to for everyone's sake, most of all Lucy's. "We'll keep her as cool as we can with the wet cloths," he said. "And we need to get her to drink as much as we can. I'll get her a cup of diluted juice while you wet her down."
Mac laid Lucy on the sofa and began to remove her shirt. She did that with relative ease. Then she dipped the wet cloth into the basin and began to wipe her forehead and cheeks.
"UMM," Lucy whimpered and turned her face away. "No. It's cold," she whimpered, starting to cry. "Mommy, no." She opened her blue eyes and looked at Mac.
"Mommy's sorry, Lucy," Mac apologize. "But I have to. I promise when I'm done you'll feel more comfortable."
"Here, Button," said Harm as he entered the living room with a cup of diluted apple juice. "I need you to drink as much of this as you can for me, okay? It'll help you feel better."
She shook her head and turned her face. "No, it hurts to swallow."
"Lucy, please," Mac pleaded as she moved the cloth to her neck.
"Do you want a popsicle instead?" asked Harm, thinking of anything he could to get liquid into her.
Again she shook her head. "Sleep," she sighed and closed her eyes. "Can't cause its cold."
"Let's let her sleep for now," he said to Mac. "Maybe it's what she needs most right now."
"We have to get this fever down, Harm," Mac said. "It's too high." This as Lucy's little body started to quake with chills.
"If we fight with her, it'll only go higher," he said, remaining calm throughout. "Let's get her comfortable, put a light blanket over her and we'll wake her up in an hour and check her temp again. If it's no better, I'll call her doctor and see what we need to do, okay?"
Mac nodded, "Lucy, do you want to stay here or go in your bed."
"I wanna lay in your bed," she said. "With you and daddy."
"Lucy," Mac began prepared to gently deny her.
"Okay, sweetheart," said Harm. "You can do that, sure." He looked at Mac, fearing the glare she was likely sending his way, but he could see in her eyes that she knew this was best for now.
Harm picked up the ailing child and carried her to the master bedroom. He laid her in the middle of the bed as Mac climbed in beside her
"Daddy?" Lucy asked softly. "Where's your pillow?" she murmured into his neck.
He looked at Mac, exchanging a semi-panicked stare. "I think it's in the other room, Luce," he answered. "Do you want me to go get it?"
"S'posed to be here," she whined as she snuggled to the spot where his pillow should be.
"I know it is," he said, hoping she wouldn't press him too hard on the matter. "I'll go get it, okay?"
Being a true Rabb though, she did. "Why's it there?"
Mac swallowed a sob at her daughter's question. She could see the pain in Harm's eyes as well, but she felt if he'd done the action that precluded the pillow being in the other room, he could field the question.
"Because..." He had to think fast. "Daddy had it in his hand and set it on the other bed this afternoon." It wasn't a lie...exactly.
"S'okay," she sighed and fell asleep with her Mommy stroking her soft hair.
"She's out," Mac said to Harm as she continued to stroke Lucy's hair. "She's burning up."
"Let's give it another 45 minutes" he said. "That'll be roughly 4 hours since AJ gave her the Tylenol, and if she's still hot we can give her more or we can call the doctor's office, whichever you want, okay?"
"I want her to be all right," Mac said. "I want everything to be the way it was yesterday," she said as she absently stroked her daughter's hair, then moved to her back. "But that's not to be. Is it?"
"Mac, please," he said. "Not with her right here. Let's take this back to the other room. I know we need to talk some more, you know it, too."
"I don't want to leave her. If she wakes up she'll be scared. She asked us to stay with her," Mac reminded him.
He nodded. "When can we talk? We have to figure a few things out before she asks a question we don't have a half-truth answer for."
Mac looked at Lucy's face, peaceful in sleep. "We can talk now. We need to."
Again, he nodded. "Calm and quiet?"
"I don't make promises I can't keep," she said flatly as she slid off the bed, knowing that remark would hit him where it hurt, where she hurt.
With a sigh, he carefully rose from the bed and followed her to the living room.
Mac sat down on the sofa, and tucked her legs beneath her. "You wanted to talk, talk," she told him.
"What are the rules you said we needed to lay out?" he asked as he sat a few feet from her at the other end of the sofa.
"Harm...we're in trouble," she sighed. "We can't act like everything is fine. So first, we need to tell people, AJ, General Cresswell...they'll find out eventually anyway. I'm not living anymore lies."
He looked down at the floor as she spoke to him. "AJ asked me what was going on with us," he said. "Why things were so tense?"
"Well you'll have to tell him," she answered.
He nodded. He was not looking forward to that conversation. "Okay, so we need to tell people. What do you think we should tell them? I don't think the exact details are anyone's business but our own."
"Tell them whatever you want, tell them we're having problems," she replied.
"That's what I told AJ this afternoon" said Harm. "I know I need to tell him a bit more than that, but for now that's all he knows. What else?"
She sighed, "Do you know why I'm letting you stay here?"
"You said earlier it's because you can't bear the idea of me not being here and being a part of the family. Is that...not true? I want to be here, Mac. I need to be here so we can work through this together. That's what you want, too, isn't it?"
"That's a big part of it, Harm," she replied. "But Lucy and DJ are the primary reasons. I want them to have their Daddy we both know what its like to lose parents for whatever reason. But...I need you to understand something."
"Okay," he said. "What's that?"
"We are not okay. Just because I let you hold me before doesn't mean you can touch me at will. I would like it if you kept your hands to yourself, or at least asked my permission. I'll grant you that same consideration," Mac outlined like a plea bargain.
He leaned against the back of the sofa and stared up at the ceiling. "I...I understand. I kind of figured that not touching you went along with you not wanting me in our bed right now." He was quiet for a moment, clearly thinking about what to say next. "I do have a question for you, though."
"All right?" she sighed and straightened up.
He rubbed his hands over his face, a nervous trait he'd possessed as long as she had known him. "What do you want to do about...ah, never mind, I already know."
"No tell me," Mac pressed. "Silence is how we got into this mess."
He nodded; she was right. With a deep breath, he continued. "What do you want to do about our plan to start trying for one more baby? I know it sounds like the dumbest thing I could ask you after you just kicked me out of our room and asked me to keep my hands off you, but...it's important to me and I know, I mean I think it's important to you and I just...I need to know where your heart is on that right now."
"We can't even think of trying for a month, Harm," she replied. "Let's play it by ear. But..." She licked her lips and stopped.
"But what?" he encouraged.
"I'm glad that you said it's important to you," she replied. "I thought maybe since you're getting another baby you wouldn't need this one." She touched her belly.
He sat up on the edge of the sofa and faced his wife. "Mac, there's no proof that Annie's baby is mine, none. I know it's possible, but it's not been proven and the more I think about it the less likely it seems that it's mine. Regardless, though, the baby that you and I want to have together, my God Mac, that means as much to me as getting things back to the way they used to be. I want that so much - the baby with you and...and the life with you that we had before I went and screwed it up. I haven't given up on that plan, Mac, on trying for that miracle baby. If you still want that, I do, too."
"I don't...I have to think about it, but I can tell you one thing," she sighed. "We'll never get back to before."
"How can you say that, Mac?" he asked, clearly hurt and upset. "How can you say 'never'? Never is a long time, hell its forever and I don't see after I found a way to forgive you, truly and totally forgive you for Chris, that you can say there's no chance you'll forgive me for this! That is what you're saying, right?" He held his breath, hoping he was wrong.
"Chris has nothing to do with this, Harm," Mac sighed. "Its apples and oranges."
"Apples and..." He sighed. "The situations may be different, but what they both come down to, ultimately, is forgiveness. I know that I don't have a right to sit here and ask you to just get over what I did and we pick up and move on; that's not what I'm asking. I'm laying it all out here, Mac. I'm asking you to tell me what you need from me, to tell me what I have to do to even begin to help us get through this, and I'll do whatever you ask me to...but it'd be nice if I knew how much you think anything I can do will really help. Are you going to hate me forever?" Again, he held his breath.
She sighed, "I don't hate you. I lo...I'm just upset, Harm. And okay, you forgave me for not telling you about Chris, for lying to you about killing him and I know that I never deserved that. I forgave you for Meg Austin. I think the difference is we were only newly married...I mean we barely...we just dove right in, we didn't even consider..." She stopped and looked at his eyes, pain evident in their depths. "Please don't think I hate you; just don't ask me to tell you it's all right."
He nodded slowly. "I know it's far from alright, Mac. Believe me, I know that. It feels good to hear you say you don't hate me, though. I'd...I'd understand if you did." He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees as he thought. "Do you have a plan for all this? I mean, how long do I need to stay away from you; how much space do you think you need? I'll give you anything you ask for, Mac, I just need to know."
"I don't know what I need," she replied. "I know I need my husband, I know that...but he's not here anymore." Her voice caught and for what seemed like the millionth time she began to cry.
He felt the old, familiar pain of that knife twisting in his gut as he watched his wife dissolve into tears. "Mac...don't cry, baby...I...see, this is what I mean - I need to know what I should be doing for you and..." He ran his fingers through his hair, another nervous habit of his. Moving just a little closer to her, "You tell me in one breath to stay back and keep my hands off you, and in the next you say you need me. I'm still here for you; I want you to know that. If you need me, I'm here. I'll hold you while you cry, or I'll walk away and leave you alone; whatever it is that you need the most." He began to reach out a hand to her, but decided against it. He had to let her be the leader.
She didn't answer him right away. She kept crying trying to breathe. Finally, "I don't know what I want. You've...you've been telling me what to do for so long...I..." She took a deep breath. "Hold my hand."
He reached out and took her left hand, wrapping it both of his. As he sat there, looking at his wife in pieces once more, he felt another familiar feeling; this one the gathering of his own tears. "I'm still here, Mac. I'll give you all the space you need, but I'm still here."
"I need you to do something else," she said after another moment.
"Just name it and I'll do it," he said as he brushed away a couple of his own tears.
"Call Bethesda and make the first appointment you can with Commander McCool. We need help...I need help and..." She looked up at him, meeting his eyes. "I don't want to wait until the space is so wide we can't cross it."
"Me either, Mac," he replied softly. "I'll call in a couple minutes, and I don't care if I have to rearrange every minute of my work schedule or take some days off, whenever we can get in there is when we'll go, no matter what." He caressed the back of her hand as he spoke, working hard to keep from breaking down as she sat beside him and continued to cry.
Mac was about thank him and snuggle closer when they heard DJ call from his toddler bed. "Mommy! Out!"
"He can't see us like this," said Harm, reaching out to wipe a falling tear from Mac's face.
"Mommy! Out!" the boy called again.
"I don't think we have a choice Harm. He's going to cry if you don't get him out," Mac told him. "He's little, maybe he won't understand."
"I think he'll understand that we're upset," replied Harm. "But I'll go get him." He gave her hand a gentle squeeze before rising from the couch to tend to his son.
Harm entered DJ's room to find the boy sitting on the end of his toddler bed on the verge of tears.
"Daddy. Mommy?" he asked with a sniffle.
"Come on, Pal," he said, picking the boy up. "Let's go see mommy."
DJ looked at Harm's face with curiosity and patted his cheek. Harm could tell the boy sensed something all ready, because his son leaned over and gave him a wet kiss.
"Thanks," he said holding the boy closer. "Daddy needed that." He carried his son down the hallway into the living room where Mac remained on the couch, sniffling and wiping her tears with the back of her hand.
DJ saw his mother and reached out his arms to her. Mac took him in her lap and snuggled him close. "Mommy sad?" he asked.
"Yeah, sweetie," replied Mac softly. "Mommy's sad."
"Why sad?" he asked, little eyebrows indenting like Harm's did.
"Can he look any more like his dad?" she thought to herself as she looked her two-year-old in the eyes. "I'm sad because someone hurt my feelings." She didn't know how else to answer the boy.
DJ turned and looked at his father. "Daddy fiss?"
Harm would have preferred a cannonball to the heart than to have to look at his son and reply to his innocent request to come to the rescue. "Daddy's trying, DJ," he said. "Daddy's trying, but mommy is really sad."
"Why?" the toddler pressed. "DJ bad boy?"
"Oh, goodness no, son" said Harm, bending down to the boy's eye level. "You're a very good boy. You didn't make mommy sad."
DJ looked at Harm, the eyebrows knotting again. "Daddy bad boy?"
Harm took a deep breath. "Yeah, DJ" he answered. "Daddy was a bad boy and he made mommy very sad."
DJ looked at Mac's teary eyes and his father's face. In his two year old brain he couldn't understand how someone could be bad and have sorry not fix it. So that's what he requested. "Daddy sowy Mommy?"
Harm thought for sure he would fall apart right then and there. "Yeah, buddy, daddy's very sorry. Do you want me to tell mommy that I'm sorry?" He figured maybe seeing the apology would help the little boy understand, on a very small level anyway.
The boy nodded and pointed to Mac's tears. "Daddy fiss," he demanded.
Harm looked into Mac's eyes, still full of tears. "I'm sorry," he said. "I hurt your feelings, and I'm sorry."
She nodded her head. "I know," she replied then looked at her son. "Can Mommy have a hug?" The child started to hug his mother, when Mac added, "Daddy too."
The child hugged his mother tightly, then leaned out towards his daddy. Harm held him close with both arms. "Thank you for the nice hug, DJ." His heart hurt so much right then he almost wished the floor would swallow him up.
DJ looked at his mother and father. He'd never seen his Daddy not hug his Mommy when she was sad. He wanted them to hug and make it all better again so his Mommy would smile and tickle him like she always did. With a true Marine bite in his words he ordered, "Daddy Mommy!" and demonstrated that he wanted them to hug.
Harm looked at Mac for permission and with DJ studying her as well she relented and allowed Harm to take her into his arms along with his son.
Harm wrapped his arms around them tight as memories of so many times from the past flashed through his mind. He remembered hugging like that day DJ was born. The nurse had just handed the newborn to him, and he carried him back to Mac's bed and laid him into her arms. She looked down at the boy and cried an overwhelming smile of joy across her face. "Look at him," she said to Harm. "He's so beautiful." Harm leaned in and hugged Mac tight, their little baby son between them, much like now, only… Now, as he held them close, he felt the same love as he did that day in May 2002, only this time he also felt guilt. Guilt that he'd held another woman as close as he was holding Mac just then and guilt for putting his children in the middle of the mess, just like DJ was in the middle of the hug.
Mac had always loved having Harm's arms around her. It was how she felt whole, how she felt safe. This time though…She didn't feel that way. She could feel Annie on him, all over him. She couldn't shake the thought that Annie had held Harm, had touched him, to comfort him or for whatever reason she did it for when Mac wanted to so badly but couldn't. She closed her eyes as his embrace tightened and tried to summon those feelings again, but instead all she saw were flashes of Harm and Annie in each other's arms in a dingy Mexican hotel room. The images sickened her and she jerked back with a tiny cry of pain.
Harm looked at her, his mind muddling through all the possible reasons for her sudden retreat. He didn't know specifically what made her do it, made her pull away like that, but he knew it had to be awfully painful.
"What?" he asked Mac after feeling her body pull out of his grasp.
Before Mac could answer his query DJ loudly demanded, "Jelly!"
"You want a sandwich, buddy?" asked Harm, thankful for the child's distraction at the moment.
"Jelly!" he repeated. "DJ hungee."
"Well, come on then," he said as he smiled at his little boy. "Come help daddy make you a sandwich, and you can sit in your chair and eat it, okay?"
"I'm going to go check on Lucy," Mac told him rising as DJ nodded and went to his father.
"Okay," replied Harm, headed towards the kitchen with his son at his heels.
Mac went to their room and leaned over her daughter who was still soundly sleeping under the sheets. She reached out her hand and touched her brow. If it was possible she was even warmer now than before. She went into the bathroom and got the earscan thermometer and clicked it. She frowned at the reading and kissing Lucy's cheek went to the kitchen.
Without a word to Harm she got the bowl of water she'd been using to wet Lucy down and emptied it. She turned on the tap and watched as the water ran.
"How is she?" he asked as he helped DJ spread grape jelly on a slice of wheat bread.
"Fevers up to 104," she sighed. "I can't wait any more I have to bathe her down. Hopefully she's in a deep enough sleep she won't cry too much."
"Can I do anything to help you?" he asked.
"I'm thinking maybe I should just strip and put her in the tub, it'll be faster, but I can't lift her right now," she told him. "What do you think?"
He nodded. "Let me get him set up here and I'll come carry her to the tub" he answered. "I think that'd be better than a sponge bath in the bed; it'd probably cool her off faster."
"Thank you," she said in a very official manner. "I'll go start the water."
Harm had just finished fixing DJ's sandwich and cleaning the jelly off the counter when the phone rang. He contemplated letting the machine get it, but when he saw on the ID box it was Harriet and Bud he answered. "Rabb."
"Hey, how's it going?" Bud asked tentatively. By the sound of his friend's voice, he had a pretty good idea.
"Not good," answered Harm. "We're talking, but...it's not good."
"How are you? How's Mac?" he asked.
"I've been better, Bud," he said. "She's all over the place, you know? She goes from yelling to whispering to talking to crying, just over and over. This is...it's...man, I really..."
"Hard?" Bud finished. "Are you moving out or staying there? Where did you land on that one?"
"In the middle," replied Harm. "She asked me to move to the guest room. I don't know how it'll go, but I said I'll do anything she asks me to and I mean it, so we'll see."
"Listen, Harriet said that things were pretty tense earlier and neither or you got much sleep so we were thinking why don't we take Lucy and DJ tonight. Would you like that?" Bud asked.
"That'd be great," said Harm. "Except that Lucy is sick again. We'll have to keep her of course, but if you want to take the little guy for the night, that'd be a huge help."
"Sure, he and Jimmy can hot bunk," Bud offered. "What's wrong with Lucy? Headache?"
"Yeah, headache, fever, she's pretty sick," said Harm as he picked up the sippy cup of milk that DJ dropped on the kitchen floor. "Mac's drawing her cool bath right now; I need to go move Lucy off the bed for her. What time should I bring DJ over?"
"I'll pick him up," Bud said. "How about an hour?"
"Sounds great," said Harm. "I'll have him ready to go. Anything special you want me to send with him?"
"Nope," Bud replied. "Just a couple of pull ups in case."
"Will do," said Harm. "Thanks a million, Bud. You have no idea-"
"No problem," he said. "Talk to you later."
Harm had just about hung up the phone when Mac's voice called, "Harm!" with a hint of annoyance. "Come get her please."
"Coming," he called. "Daddy will be right back, okay?" he said to DJ.
DJ ignored him and munched on his sandwich.
When Harm lifted Lucy into his arms, she stirred in her sleep and whimpered.
Mac stood with her hands on her hips, "Who was on the phone that was so important?"
"Oh, Bud," answered Harm. "It's okay, Lucy Bear" he said, placing a kiss on the child's sweaty forehead.
Her tone softened, "What did he want?" she asked following Harm as he carried Lucy to the tub.
"He offered the keep the kids for us tonight," said Harm. "But since she clearly can't go anywhere, he's just taking DJ. He'll be by for him in an hour."
"That was a good idea," Mac said. "Can you hold her while I get her top off?"
She started working on the little girl's shirt. "Did you call Commander McCool yet?"
"Haven't had a chance yet," he said. "But once I set her down, I'm going to do it."
Mac rolled her eyes, "Don't bother."
"What do you mean 'don't bother'? I haven't had a chance - DJ woke up in the middle of our conversation, and you know what I've been doing since then. I'll do it, Mac, honest to God."
"I'm sorry, you're right," she apologized. "Can you get her waistband?"
"Yeah," he said, moving his daughter gingerly so he could get her jeans off.
The movement upset the child's sleep and caused her all ready aching body to hurt more. She whimpered again and tried to push away from Harm.
Mac reached out a cool hand and touched Lucy's cheek, "Its okay Baby. Mommy and Daddy are just going to give you a bath okay, Sweetie?"
Mac looked at Harm's whose face was the picture of paternal torture, "How you doing there Dad?" she asked just the tiniest bit concerned he would crack under the strain of everything that happened in the last 24 hours.
"I hate it when she's sick," he said, glad that she cared about what he was feeling. "How are you?"
Mac pulled on the bottom of Lucy's jeans and took off her socks. "I'm about to feel like the worst Mommy ever," she sighed. "I'll put her in the tub if you'll hand her to me."
"Okay," he said. "Lucy, I'm handing you to mommy and she's going to put you in the tub."
Mac took Lucy who didn't protest at the idea of being put in the tub, but the sounds she made when her hot body hit the lukewarm water ripped both of her parents to shreds.
"I know, Baby," Mac comforted. "I know, but Mommy has to cool you off so you can feel better. I'll be quick and then you can cuddle with me and Daddy like you wanted to okay?" she said as she moved the wash rag over Lucy's cheeks and chest.
"I need to go check on DJ," said Harm. "But I'll be right back. Will you be okay for a minute or two?" he asked Mac over Lucy's cries.
"Yeah, I hope to be done by then," she answered and ran the rag over Lucy's arms. "Go he's too quiet."
Harm left the bathroom and went back to the kitchen to check on DJ. "I guess you're done, huh?" he asked the boy when he saw him mushing the last little piece of his sandwich between his fingers, staring at it intently.
"Sticky," the boy told his Dad and help up his hands. Then, "Mommy?"
"Yeah, you sure are," said Harm with a little laugh as he got a clean wash cloth out of the drawer. "Guess what you get to do tonight?" He asked as he proceeded to wash the boy's hands and face.
DJ stared at him blankly.
"You get to play with Jimmy," said Harm, his voice enthusiastic in hopes of getting the child's attention and excitement. "Won't that be fun?"
DJ thought about that for a minute then, "DJ Mommy sad."
"Yeah, mommy's sad, son," agreed Harm as he tried to get the jelly out from between the middle of the little boy's fingers. "But its okay for you to go play with Jimmy, I promise. Daddy will stay here with mommy and try to make her all better."
"DJ be good," he told Harm. Then he said, "Tomcat."
"Yeah, buddy," said Harm. "We'll make sure you take your Tomcat. Will you share it with Jimmy?"
DJ nodded again and gave his Daddy another sloppy kiss.
"Daddy has to go help Mommy with Lucy now," Harm told his son. "You want me to put on a tape for you?"
"Airpanes!" DJ announced in reply.
"Sure, airplanes," smiled Harm as he unstrapped the boy from his seat and put his feet on the floor. He followed behind DJ into the TV room, found the "Top Gun" DVD and put it on for him.
Mac could hear Harm as he fussed with DJ getting him cleaned up and situated on the couch. He took longer than she'd thought and she had to take Lucy out of the tub. Lucy's cries slowed down as her mother took her out of the tub and wrapped her in a large bath towel. "You're going to have to drink some juice now okay? Then you can sleep again," Mac promised awkwardly carrying Lucy through the front room.
"Harm," she said as she moved Lucy.
He looked up and saw her carrying Lucy. "I'm sorry, Mac," he said, jumping up and rushing over to take Lucy from her. "He wanted to watch the movie. You should have yelled for me, I would've come and helped."
"Its okay, I can carry her if I have to," she replied. "You were busy with him. Can you put on her summer nightie and I'll get her some special juice."
"Sure, of course," he said, taking his daughter into his arms. "Let's go get some jammies on you, Button."
Within a few minutes, Harm had the child dressed and laying back in the big bed. Mac came in with her special juice, and to their pleased amazement, she drank it without much complaint before snuggling into Mac's pillow and falling back to sleep.