Standard Disclaimers Apply.
A/N: Once again I ask that you all stick with me as we go on this roller coaster ride together. Keep an open mind and I will see it through to the end.
Thank to all who are reviewing and reading. And thanks and big hugs to Snugglebug for her assistance, support, and talent. Hugs to you!
I will update again when I receive at least seven reviews or one week. Whichever is first.
At a little past seven the next morning, Lucy woke up and listened for her parents. She heard nothing coming from the kitchen. They had been out really late, so maybe they were sleeping. She got out of bed and made her way to the lighthouse room to see if her Mommy or Daddy were in there.
She found the bed messy but no one was there. Maybe Daddy had gone to run. Dragging her Pooh she rubbed her eyes and worked her way to the Master bedroom surprised yet elated to see both of her parents sleeping there through the opened door. She went inside and went over to Harm's side of the bed, poking him lightly in the side.
"Daddy?" she whispered and continued to poke him.
Harm opened his eyes and blinked a couple times before realizing who was standing there. "Hi, Lucy Bear," he said. "Did you sleep well?"
"Yes, but I had a funny dream," she told him. "Why are you in here? Can I come in?"
Not wishing to divulge the details of the previous evening, he chose instead to get out of bed and take his daughter into the kitchen to make breakfast.
"Want to come help Daddy make pancakes?" he asked, offering his hand to the little girl.
"Is Mommy coming too?" she asked. Lucy knew her mother never slept late. "It's all ready 0728."
"No, Mommy's sleeping in this morning, Button," Harm replied.
"Why?" Lucy asked her voice getting tight. "Is she sick again?"
"Her belly is hurting her right now," said Harm as he quietly dug out the big bowl to mix the pancake batter in. "But she'll be okay, we don't have to be scared."
"Then why are you scared?" Lucy asked him as she worked on climbing into a kitchen chair.
He should have known better than to think their daughter - the creation of two of the most observant legal minds ever to set foot in a courtroom - wouldn't pick up on his scared he was for Mac.
"I'm not scared," he said, "I'm a little worried, that's all. Do you want blueberries in your pancakes?"
"No," she said a little bit pouty as tears formed in her eyes. "Daddy?" she asked her little voice husky with emotions beyond her five years.
"Hmm?" he replied as he measured out the ingredients for breakfast.
"Is Mommy going to die?" she asked him.
He immediately stopped what he was doing and went over to the little girl. Taking her into his arms, he spoke to her in as reassuring a tone as he'd ever done in her life. "No, Sweetie. Mommy is not going to die. She's not feeling good right now, but the doctor will give her some more medicine and in a couple days, she'll be a lot better. Okay?"
"But she's sick all the time like my friend's Daddy and he died," Lucy said remembering making cards for that child.
"There's all different kinds of sick, baby," he explained. "Some people get sick with very bad things, like your friend's Daddy. He had something that the doctors couldn't make better no matter what they did. But Mommy, she's got something that the doctors can make better. Just because she doesn't feel good, sweetie, that doesn't mean she's going to die. I promise." He pulled his little girl into a tight hug, as much for his sake and hers.
"Can I ask Mommy if she wants breakfast?" Lucy asked. She needed to see her mother awake.
"Let's go see if she's awake," he said, carrying Lucy down the hall.
When Harm and Lucy got to the bedroom Mac had not moved an inch, she was still sleeping peacefully looking pale against the sheets.
"Why don't we make her some pancakes anyway?" he whispered to Lucy. "So when she wakes up, we can bring them in here to her? Does that sound good?"
Lucy looked at him as if she was uncertain whether she should believe him or not and started to squirm to get down.
He bent over and placed her feet on the ground. "Where you going, sweetie?" he asked.
"I want Mommy up now," she told him. "It's 0739 and she's gotta get up now," Lucy insisted.
Realizing that Lucy needed to see her mother's eyes open and hear her voice, Harm allowed her to go over to the bed and awaken Mac. She needed to wake up in time to shower before the doctor arrived anyway, but he felt bad for not letting her sleep as long as she was able.
Lucy's little hand brushed Mac and she whispered loudly, "Mommy, wake up and have pancakes."
Mac heard something in her blissful state of peace but she didn't want to leave the protective painless darkness when she knew what she would face when she awoke so she ignored it.
Lucy looked at Harm with big eyes confused. Mac always woke up quickly when Lucy tried.
"Try again, Button," he said. "Mommy was really tired last night, so she's sleeping really hard."
Lucy poked Mac this time, the method she had to use to wake Harm. "Mommy?" she said in her normal voice.
Mac heard the plaintive tone of her daughter's voice on a more instinctual than conscious level. She shifted a bit in bed and opened her eyes, "Lucy? What time is it? Harm?" she looked to the spot next to her and frowned when she found it empty.
"It's okay, Mac," he said walking to the bed and kneeling down to her eye level. "Lucy wanted to wake you up for breakfast. How you feeling?"
Mac wanted to tell him the truth, but her baby girl was right there and didn't need to hear it. "Fine," she replied. "I'm still kind of tired."
"Do you want blueberries in your pancakes, Mommy?" Lucy asked. "It's 0741 and you were sleeping really long."
"I'm sorry, Baby," Mac smiled at her. "Why don't you go and let Colleen out. Mommy'll get up in a minute."
Satisfied that her mother was fine, Lucy scampered off and Mac let her smile fade and allowed her head to loll on the pillow. "Kill me now," she moaned.
"That bad, huh?" he asked, reaching out for her hand. They'd been on the biggest emotional roller coaster of their entire relationship as of late, but something like this had a way of forcing them both to forget about their issues for awhile. Mac had gone from needing to sleep alone to needing Harm right beside her in a matter of a single evening, and even though they both knew that wouldn't last, it was familiar and comforting.
"Remember when I was in labor with DJ?" Mac asked.
"Oh babe, please tell me you're not hurting that badly," he begged, remembering the nightmarish pain she endured with their son's birth. Thirty-six very long, hard hours with no drugs. He was sure there were less painful forms of POW torture than what his wife had gone through during that delivery.
"Worse," she replied. "And that's with whatever that very sweet medic gave me last night."
"God, Mac," he said. "How are you not screaming and crying? You must be in agony!"
"Lucy's awake," she replied. "Something is really wrong, Harm. Really wrong."
He felt his heart drop to his feet. She wasn't saying anything he didn't already know, but he hated hearing it. This was the last thing they needed right now, on top of everything else; they didn't need her incapacitated. His mind couldn't keep from wandering to thoughts about their decision to try for one more beautiful baby together. What was wrong with her now, and what would it mean as far as another pregnancy went? He held her hand tight and in a moment that mirrored so many in their past, he brought it to his lips for a kiss.
"I have to call Mic," she sighed. "And I have to take a shower before the doctor's appointment. I don't think I can even make it there, but I have to try..." She was rambling and starting to try and sit up.
"Mac, baby its Saturday," he said. "You don't need to call Mic, or anyone for that matter, and you don't have to go anywhere. Dr. Bradley is making a house call, remember?" Doctors who made house calls was a thing of the past for 99 percent of patients in the country, but Mac had been fortunate to find one of the few doctors who would make the occasional house call when warranted.
"I know its Saturday," she said. "We have to meet about the budget. I told you last night."
"Oh...okay," he said. "I didn't realize that; I thought you'd just forgotten what day it was in all this mess. Do you want me to bring you the phone before you shower?"
She flinched in pain again just then before telling him, "You call."
As much as he didn't want to, he knew she wouldn't be asking him to make the call unless she really couldn't handle it herself. "Sure" he said. "Where's the number?"
"It's 202-555-0771," she told him. "Tell him anything you want, I don't even care. And call Harriet to see if she can pick up Lucy later."
"Okay," he said, dialing the number she'd just rattled off. "I assume I'm keeping DJ for the day?"
"Yeah," Mac replied. "He won't understand any of this. I'm going to try and make it to the bathroom while you talk to Mic."
Harm nodded as he heard that all-too-familiar voice on the other end of the line.
"Brumby," Mic greeted answering the phone.
"Mic, its Harm," he said. "Listen, Mac's not going to make the budget meeting this morning. She's really sick."
"I'm so sorry," Mic replied. "It's not the baby is it?"
Not feeling the least bit like getting into that with Mic, Harm lied...sort of. "Something along those lines," he said. "She'll be okay, but for now she's pretty much stuck in bed. I'll let you know if she'll be out Monday as well; we don't know about that yet."
"Give her my best, will you?" Mic asked. "I'll stop by later and check on her."
"That's really not necessary," said Harm. "She'll be asleep most of the day. I'll let her know you're concerned, though."
"If I'm in the neighborhood I might anyway," Mic insisted. "If she's sleeping we can shoot the breeze, eh? And I want to meet your wee ones."
He knew he couldn't keep Mic from stopping by if he was intent on doing so. "Okay, sure," said Harm. "I need to go; she might need me to get her something and Lucy is alone in the kitchen. I'll talk to you later, Mic."
"Bye for now, Mate," Mic replied.
Lucy heard her Daddy finished on the phone and went to him. "Daddy, were there doctors here last night?"
"No, sweetheart," he said. "They weren't doctors; they were paramedics. They're the ones who drive the ambulances and go to people's houses when they don't feel good, remember, we've talked about them before?"
"Did they come to fix Mommy?" she asked him. Then, "Why can't you fix her? Is it because you made her sad?"
"No," Harm replied. "It's because Mommy has a boo boo that only her doctor can fix," Harm replied.
"Why were you sleeping with Mommy last night? Is she not mad anymore?" Lucy asked.
Before Harm could answer they were joined by DJ, "Daddy pee pee now."
"Well, come on, buddy," he said as he led the boy to the big bathroom. "Let's hurry!"
"Daddy, you didn't answer me," Lucy insisted following Harm and DJ to the bathroom.
"I'm sorry," he said as he helped DJ get his pajama bottoms and Pull-Up off. "I slept with Mommy last night because her belly hurt and I didn't want to be in the lighthouse room if she needed me to get her anything, like some water or some of her pills."
That answer satisfied Lucy. "I'm going to go watch TV, okay?"
"Okay," he said, realizing they never made those pancakes they were working on. "I'll come out in a few minutes and get you a bowl of cereal."
"What about the pancakes?" Lucy asked him.
"I'll make them after awhile, if you're still hungry after your cereal, okay?" He needed to get the kids squared away so he could go check on Mac, knowing better than to allow either of them in where she was without knowing everything was safe for them to see.
"That's okay," Lucy said. "Mommy's sick today. We can make them on tomorrow."
He smiled, proud that his little girl was putting her mother's needs ahead of her own. "Okay, Button," he said. "Tomorrow it is. Can you take your brother out there with you, please?"
Lucy reached for DJ's hand, "Come on, let's go watch cartoons."
Harm was on his way back to Mac when their phone rang.
He grabbed it on the second ring. "Rabb residence."
"Mr. Rabb, this is Mrs. Connors, Lucy's teacher," the woman said.
"Yes, hello," said Harm. "What can I do for you this morning, ma'am?"
"You and your wife were scheduled to have a meeting with me yesterday, and you neglected to show up for that. I was wondering if there was a problem," Mrs. Connors said.
"I'm terribly sorry about that," said Harm. "My wife wasn't feeling well and we inadvertently let the meeting slip our minds. Is it something we can discuss over the phone?"
"I'd prefer not to discuss this without the presence of both you and your wife, as well as that of Dr. Crimmins our school psychologist," she replied. "Would Monday be convenient?"
Harm thought for a moment. "I can't say how my wife will be feeling on Monday. Can we make it Tuesday instead?"
"I'd like it to be sooner rather than later," she replied. "That's why I'm calling you from home. I'm afraid your wife's illness is having a profound effect on Lucy, and its something we all need to discuss and be concerned about. Tuesday at 9?"
"Tuesday at 9, that should work" said Harm. "Thank you for calling, and again I apologize for missing our previous appointment."
"That's fine," she told him. "Just don't miss the next one." With that she hung up.
Harm hung up the phone and pondered, for a moment, what could be so important that the teacher was going to such great lengths to meet with them. He figured it had something to do with the situation at home and the changes that had taken place in Lucy's life lately, but that was just a guess. He was lost in through when he remembered he needed to check in on Mac. He walked to the door of the master bathroom and knocked gently. "Mac? You okay in there?"
"Yeah," she called. "I showered."
"You don't sound good" he said, concerned and worried. "Do you need my help with anything?"
"Yeah," she replied. "I need help getting back to bed," she admitted having taxed her strength in the shower.
He opened the door and found her sitting on the edge of the tub, pale and weak. "Come on" he said, reaching out to her. "Can you walk or should I carry you?"
"I think I can walk," she said taking his hand, but her knees buckled as soon as she shifted her weight onto her feet.
Without asking, Harm leaned down and scooped her up. She couldn't walk 2 steps, let alone 15 feet back to the bed. He laid her down carefully and placed her pillows in the proper positions. "How's that?" he asked.
She nodded to exhausted to try to speak, then let her eyes close.
With Mac settled for the time being, Harm headed for the kitchen to get the kids their cereal.
As he poured them their Cheerios the door bell rang.
"I'll get it!" Lucy called and ran to the door. "Who is it?"
"It's Mommy's doctor," said Harm as he walked behind the child.
Harm opened the door to reveal Dr. Bradley bag in hand, dressed in a Harvard sweat suit. "Good morning, Mr. Rabb. Is this Lucy?" he asked gesturing to the child.
"Yes, sir, it sure is," he said. "She no doubt looks different than the last time you saw her, huh?"
"She sure does," he smiled and followed Harm as he moved into the house. He knelt down near the child, "The last time I saw you, you were a tiny newborn baby," he told Lucy.
"I don't remember seeing you," she said.
"You wouldn't," he smiled. "When a baby is very small it cannot see very well," he explained. "And you were very small, you fit right here," he bent his arm at the elbow to show her.
"Oh," said Lucy. "Are you here to fix my Mommy's belly?" she asked.
"I'm going to try, Lucy," he replied and rose from his kneeling position. "How is she?"
"She's fine," said Harm, the expression on his face telling the doctor that she wasn't fine, but he didn't want the kids to know that. "Follow me, doctor; she's back here." He turned to Lucy. "Please stay out here with DJ and watch your cartoons, okay?"
"Okay," Lucy replied. "Doctor man, please fix my Mommy."
"I'll do everything I can, Sweetie," he replied then followed Harm back to the bedroom stopping outside to ask his question again. "How is she really?"
"Terrible," said Harm. "Come see for yourself."
"Any improvement at all?" he asked. "I don't want to scare her but I want your assessment of her condition first."
Harm sighed. "I've never seen her this bad. She said this morning she's in more pain than she was in with her labor with DJ, taking a shower totally wiped her out, and as of last night she said the bleeding was really bad, I'm not sure about this morning."
"Okay, that's all in line with what I suspect," he sighed. "Is she awake?"
"Maybe," said Harm, opening the bedroom door and showing the doctor in. "Mac, are you awake? The doctor is here."
Mac struggled to open her eyes at the sound of her husband's voice. "I'm awake," she sighed. "Hi, Dr. Bradley. It was nice of you to come out."
"Don't worry about it, I still owe you from two visits ago," he smiled. "I would have sued me." He sat down beside her. "How do you feel?"
"Like I've been dragged behind a tank," she replied groggily. "It's so bad this time."
"I need more, Sarah," he said. "Use the pain scale, 1-10."
"9 point 9," she said. "I'm...miserable."
"Okay," he replied. "Worse or better from last night?"
"Depends on when you ask me," she said. "Right now...a little worse."
Harm moved closer to her then and took her hand in his, lifting it to kiss the knuckles.
"And where is it the worst? Back, abdomen?" he asked.
"Abdomen," she said. "If I didn't know better, I'd swear I was in labor all over again."
"Is it usually in your abdomen?" he asked her. "Harm, can you get me a thermometer?"
At the doctor's request Harm went to get the thermometer.
"No," she said, taking a deep breath. "It's usually worse in my back, but not this time. What does...is that...bad?"
"I'm going to find out," he told her. "May I?" he gestured to her blankets.
Mac nodded, looking over to her husband for reassurance.
He had returned to her side with their oral thermometer in his hand. "Its all right," he whispered then handed the instrument to the doctor.
He in turn gave it to Mac, "Under your tongue."
They waited until the digital thermometer beeped before the doctor continued, "99.4," he sighed.
"Okay, Sarah, I'm going to poke around a bit. I know you're in a lot of pain, but try and distinguish for me the different degrees," he told her. "Ready?"
"No, but go ahead," she said, feeling her heart begin to beat faster as the nerves crept up.
Harm held Mac's hand and his breath, waiting for the agony he knew was coming.
Dr. Bradley began to palpate her stomach, moving slightly, starting at the left and moving vertically, the horizontally, waiting for Mac to tell him what pained her more or less.
"Ow! Ow!" she said. "There, that hurt!"
"More when I press or more when I let go?" he asked, repeated the action near the lower middle of her abdomen.
"Press," she said, clinging to her husband's hand.
"Okay," he noted that. "I'm not going to do an internal exam today, but I'd like to lift your shirt so I may view your abdomen."
"Hang in there, Marine," Harm encouraged. "You're doing good."
"I'm trying," she said on the verge of tears. "Go ahead, doctor."
The doctor lifted her shirt and looked at her stomach, noting it was bloated and swollen. "Okay, I've seen enough. As soon as possible I'd like to see you in the office for an internal exam. Then we're probably looking at laparoscopy," he told her. "For now, I'm going to increase the dosage on your pain medication and order bed rest until the bleeding subsides. I also recommend trying to take a warm bath, wear a bathing suit if you are worried about the bleeding." He rose and closed his bag. He smiled softly, "Get some rest, Sarah." Then motioned to Harm that he wanted to speak to him.
Harm followed the doctor out of the room. "Yes?"
"As you know endometriosis causes a fair amount of internal bleeding, and I suspect she's experiencing an increase in the amount of bleeding which is causing her abdomen to swell, consequently causing her pain," the doctor explained. "This could just be a really hard month if she's been over tired or stressed or it could signify a spread of the disease beyond reproductive tissues."
Harm ran his fingers anxiously through his hair. "Well, she has been extremely stressed lately. Ever since the miscarriage, thing have been...well, they've been rough. Hopefully this is just a particularly nasty cycle and she won't need any more surgery anytime soon."
"Oh, she'll need surgery, just from the progression I noticed during her last exam," Dr. Bradley informed him. "But hopefully we can hold off until after the holidays. I'm concerned over one other point."
"Go ahead," said Harm, holding his breath, bracing for the unknown.
"Sarah has presented an overwhelming desire to try and get pregnant again," he told him. "Where are you on that knowing what I've told you about the dangers of that in her condition?"
"I'm...I'm torn, honestly," answered Harm. "We both want another baby very badly, and we're both aware of the complications and risks her condition throws into the equation. I was completely against it at first, but she and I have talked about it, and...I believe we're going to give it a try and hope for the best. She said she'd spoken with you about it at her last appointment, is that right?"
"She did, but as she was alone I wanted to make sure you were together on it and that you understand what's involved. She mentioned fertility pills, and I agreed that is a viable first option," he explained just as DJ started to cry.
"That's what she told me," said Harm. "Thank you for being so concerned about this, doctor, we appreciate that. I should go check on the kids, if you'd like to come with me I'll show you to the door."
The doctor followed Harm to the living room where Harm saw DJ sitting on the floor crying, Lucy yelling at him, "That's not your toy!"
"Hey, hey, what happened here?" asked Harm, kneeling down to speak with his children.
"DJ took Pooh and now he's ripped," Lucy said tearing up. "He's my Pooh that you and Mommy got me, not his." DJ continued to cry.
"Well, its okay, Luce," he said. "Daddy can fix the rip, and Pooh will be good as new." He turned to his son. "Come here, DJ."
DJ went willingly into his father's arms as Lucy started to sob, "But he's not his," she insisted. "And he's not gonna get fixed, he'll be all broken and I won't have him anymore."
"No, he won't, baby," Harm comforted. "I'll fix him and you won't even be able to see the rip, I promise. DJ, it wasn't nice of you t take your sister's bear. Can you give her a hug and tell her you're sorry?"
Mac heard the commotion in her living room and knew Harm would need help. She gingerly got out of bed and willed herself to make it out to the living room.
DJ just screamed louder and refused to go near Lucy. He nestled next to his father and said, "Ow. Ow."
"What's going on out here?" Mac insisted moving over to the scene in the parlor, hands going to her hips; her Marine stance.
"We're having a little property dispute," said Harm. "It's okay; I've got it under control. Go back to bed, honey."
"I think I'm going to rest here a bit," she said. "Why is his hand red?"
Harm took DJ's hand into his and looked at it. Turning to his daughter, "Did you pinch him?"
"No," Lucy replied and shook her head for emphasis.
Remembering that he had to be very specific with Lucy, he rephrased his question. "Did you do anything to him that hurt his hand?"
"Yes," she replied. "I slapped him."
"Lucy!" Mac exclaimed in total surprise moving slowly to sit down on the couch.
"That was uncalled for and not very nice at all, young lady," said Harm in a loving yet firm tone. "I want you to go sit on your bed for awhile and think about what you did."
"Why!" Lucy shouted at him. "He took my toy but he didn't get punished."
"He's only two years old," said Harm. "You're five years old; you know better the difference between right and wrong. I'll talk with him, but I want you to go sit on your bed for now."
"I don't want to sit on my bed!" she shouted while her mother struggled just to breathe. That is the only thing that kept her from assisting in the discipline. Stubbornly Lucy dropped to the floor.
"Okay, that's enough," said Harm calmly. "Let's go, come on." He picked the child up and carried her, kicking and screaming to bed bedroom, where he placed her on the bed and pulled the door closed behind him as he left.
DJ had in the mean time crawled up on the couch and sat neck to his mother, patting her leg, as if she knew she was hurting.
Harm came from Lucy's room and dropped on the couch. "What brought that on?" Mac asked him kissing her baby boy's red hand.
"He took her Pooh and somehow it ended up getting ripped a little" he said. "Typical sibling stuff I guess."
"I mean that last episode with you," Mac sighed. "She's never disobeyed you like that before." She leaned her head back on the edge of the couch.
"No, she hasn't" he agreed. "I think the...stress she's lived in lately is affecting her. I didn't tell you that her teacher called earlier. We've got that meeting that we missed yesterday rescheduled for Tuesday at 9. Something's going on with her, Mac, and it's probably all our faults...all my fault I mean."
"Not just yours," Mac sighed. "This has to be affecting her," she touched her stomach. "What did the doctor tell you?"
"Oh, uh, he just wanted to make sure I understood the situation as far as trying again goes," said Harm as he looked at the tiny rip next to Pooh Bear's ear. "I told him I did."
"That's probably never going to happen now," she sighed. "I'm getting worse. I know that."
"You might be," he said. "But the doctor didn't say anything about not being able to try again, assuming he can get everything figured out and cleaned up. Try not to get too discouraged, Mac. There's still hope." He meant that in more ways than one.
"Yeah," she sighed. "What are we going to do with Miss Lucy?" She was still screaming and crying in her room.
"Let her calm down a little," he said. "Then I'll go talk to her. Maybe on Tuesday we can get a better idea of what to do to help her through this mess with us."
"Don't spank her, Harm," Mac said softly, still holding DJ who was going to sleep in her embrace.
"Why on earth would I spank her?" he asked. "We've never spanked her."
"When I did that...that's when my father..." She sighed. "I'm sorry I think the Demerol is going to my head."
"Must be," he agreed, thankful that she didn't actually think he would spank their daughter. "Do you want anything to eat? You need to take your pills, don't you?"
"You need to fill the script for the new ones," she said. "And I need to go back a lie down. I just thought you needed some back up out here."
"I could've managed," he said. "But thanks, I appreciate all the effort it took for you to come out here. Want some help getting back there?"
"I don't think I could make it again if I tried," she sighed. "I'm hurting worse."
"I'll carry you," he said. "Let me move DJ and I'll take you back there."
"Thank you for taking care of me," she said. "Considering how things are I...didn't...We're miles apart aren't we?"
The pained look on his face said it all. Even though she'd needed him through this and he was there for her, in reality there was still an ocean of pain between them. "Yeah. We sure are."
"We have therapy Monday night and...I had homework? Did you?" she asked as he lifted her.
"Mm-hmm," he said. "What was yours?"
"List of the best and worse memories I have from our marriage," she replied. "You? Oh," she gasped as he shifted her a bit.
"Sorry," he said. "Mine was to list at least ten good things I remember from our relationship, from the beginning till the present."
"It's going to be a very interesting session," she sighed as he gently lay her down. "Can you...never mind?"
"What?" he asked.
"No, forget it," Mac blushed and leaned back.
"Say it," he requested softly. "What do you need? I'll get it, just name it."
"I...I just wanted a kiss," she sighed. "Just a small one."
He was surprised, but excited that she wanted him to touch her like that. "Then a small kiss is what you'll get" he said, leaning in and planting a very gentle kiss on her lips. "Okay?" he smiled.
With a weak hand she reached up to touch his face, "Okay," she replied. Then gave in to her exhaustion again and dropped off to sleep.
After getting Mac settled comfortably and tossing a blanket over a very sleepy DJ as he lay on the floor beside the couch, Harm went in to talk to Lucy. He hadn't intended to leave her in her room for the nearly 20 minutes that had passed since he took her in there and left her howling, but in taking care of Mac the time had gotten away from him. He opened her door and peeked inside to find the child sitting on her bed, staring down at the floor, pouting. He walked in and sat on the floor in front of her. "Can Daddy talk with you, Lucy?"
She looked at him, lips in a full pout, but refused to answer.
"I'm sorry that you're so sad right now," said Harm tenderly. "But it wasn't nice of you to slap your brother, no matter what he did. You know that; you're a smart girl."
She shrugged her shoulders and crossed her arms. "I'm not talking to you," she told him.
"Okay," he said, rising from the floor. "When you're ready to talk, you can come out to the kitchen." He headed for the door, knowing that his daughter was so much like her mother that sometimes he needed to let her come to him; let her be the one to decide when they'd talk.
As Lucy watched Harm leave her alone in her room again, she felt herself wanting to cry again. She wanted her Daddy to say he was sorry for making her go to her room, but he didn't. Before he made it out all the way she said, "I'll talk now."
Harm turned around and sat back down on the floor in front of the bed. "Okay," he said. "Can you tell me why you slapped your brother?"
"He took my Pooh Bear. He knows he's mine and he took him and messed him up," Lucy told Harm. Her blue eyes were shining with unshed tears.
Harm reached out and took hold of the little girl's hand. "He shouldn't have taken Pooh. That wasn't nice of him, but he's at the age where he's still learning what is right and what is wrong. You're bigger than he is, and you already know a lot more about that than he does. When he makes a mistake like that, you need to tell him that it's wrong to take things that don't belong to us without asking. It's never okay to hit him, though, Button."
She started to cry then, "I know that Daddy. I just wanted to. I was so mad."
Harm wondered if perhaps some of Lucy's anger wasn't stemming from what DJ had done, but what was going on between himself and Mac, a possibility which made him feel terrible. "What have we talked about before, about what to do when we get really mad at someone?" he asked her.
"To use my words," she replied. "But...I've got words I don't know."
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"I got some mad right here," she told him and pointed to her chest. "But I don't know words for it." Tears of frustration and confusion started to trickle out of her eyes.
That admission from his child confirmed Harm's fear; her problems were rooted in the tension she was surrounded by day in and day out now. Feeling even worse than he did moments before, he pulled Lucy into his arms and hugged her tight. "I'm so sorry for that," he said. "Daddy knows what it feels like to be mad or to be sad about something and not know the words to use. It's not a nice feeling, is it?"
"No," she said and burrowed closer. "I'm sorry I was a bad girl today, Daddy. Please don't make me go sleep in the other room."
Her plea broke his heart. He knew exactly where it came from; where she got the notion in her head that when someone makes you mad, you send them to sleep in another room. He couldn't get into the intricacies of all the ways a husband and wife relationship differed from a parent and child one, so instead he focused on just trying to make his baby girl feel better. "Oh, Button," he said. "You don't have to go sleep in the other room. I know you think that because Mommy made me do that, that you'll have to now but you won't. You can stay in here and sleep, I promise."
"I don't want you to sleep in there either. I want it to be like it was," she cried into his shoulder her whole little body shaking with the force of her sobs.
He held her tight and swallowed hard. "Me too, baby. Me too."
Lucy cried some more until she felt herself calming down. "Can I come out now and say I'm sorry to DJ?" she asked.
"You sure can," said Harm softly. "I'm sorry I had to make you come in here, Luce, but you needed to think about what you did, and I know you did that and I'm very proud of you."
Before they left to bedroom Lucy leaned over and placed a kiss on Harm's cheek. "I love you Daddy."
"I love you too, Lucy Bear," he told her and smiled.
Lucy went out to the living room and gave DJ who had since woken up hugs and kisses. Harm made their lunch and put a video on for them periodically checking on Mac who slept on in the bedroom, albeit fitfully. He'd just cleaned up from lunch and was sitting down to do some work when there was a harsh knock at the door.
"I'll get it, Daddy," Lucy declared and scampered to the door. "Who is it?" she called as she'd been taught.
"Its Mic," the accented voice replied.
"Do I know a Mic?" Lucy asked Harm.
"You don't remember him," sighed Harm. "But yes, you know him. Go ahead and let him in."
Lucy fiddled with the door knob and opened the big door. "Hello," she said to the tall dark haired man there.
"Well, hello, cutie," Mic smiled. "Are you Lucy?"
"Yes," she told him. "Daddy!"
Harm entered the living room just as Lucy called for him. "Hello, Mic," he said. "What brings you here?" He knew full good and well why Brumby was there, but he felt like asking anyway.
"Well, I wanted to bring by the minutes of the meeting for Sarah and to see how she was getting on," he replied. "May I?" he asked as he stepped in.
"Mac's sleeping right now," said Harm as he closed the door behind the visitor. "If you'd like to wait for a little bit and see if she wakes up, that's okay." He really didn't want this man in his house, let alone hanging around to chat with his sick wife, but he didn't feel like causing a big scene by making him leave.
"I can do that," Mic replied. "Is that...he's you Harm," Mic replied referring to DJ. "And she's Mac except for the eyes.
Harm smiled. "Yeah, we hear that a lot; guess it must be true."
Mic sat down on the sofa and watched the kids play with blocks, "What's wrong with Sarah, Mate?" Mic asked.
"I'm not sure exactly," said Harm. "She's just really out of it and her stomach is bothering her pretty badly. She'll be fine in a few days."
"Is there anything I should watch for at the office?" Mic asked, genuinely concerned.
Harm was torn between wanting to believe that Mic was truly interested in helping versus being wary of his offer to keep a close eye on Mac. "Not really," he answered. "When she's not feeling well, she usually hides it to the point that no one has any clue anything is wrong. If she ever gets sick at the office and it's anything serious, you'll know. Can I get you a drink? Coffee? Water?"
Mic was about to say, "Beer," when they heard a thud from the bedroom and Colleen's loud bark.
Harm immediately dropped his pen and ran back to the bedroom. "Mac?" he called as he ran. "Mac?"
Mic was not far behind Harm as he ran to the bedroom. When Harm opened the door, both men found Mac lying face down on the carpet, trying to get to her knees. She didn't answer Harm but froze with arm across her belly and cried out in pain.
"What's wrong with her?" Mic asked Harm moving to kneel beside Mac just as Harm was doing. Thankfully, Colleen intercepted and growled at him whenever he tried to move closer to Mac.
"It's nothing I can't handle," said Harm as he reached out to his wife. "Could you go keep an eye on the kids, please? I don't want them coming back here right now." He never thought he'd see the day when he'd be asking Mic Brumby to watch his children, but desperate times...
"Sure thing, Mate," Mic replied and went to the living room, Colleen following him as he left the bedroom.
"What happened, baby?" Harm asked Mac as he reached his arm around her to help her move.
"I had to go to the bathroom," she replied. "But my legs just went out and...Ohh," she moaned. "It hurts...so...bad."
"Want me to take you in there?" he asked, nodding towards the bathroom.
"Yes, please," she replied. "I need my medication. Did you fill the prescription?"
"Oh, damn, no, I sure didn't" he said apologetically as he scooped her up in his arms. "I can go do it now, though, as soon as I get you back in that bed."
"What about the kids?" she asked him. "I can't care for them like this," she said miserably
"I'll take them with me," he said. "Or...nah, I'll take them with me; it's not a problem."
"Or what?" she asked as he lowered her down and steadied her so she could use the bathroom.
"Well, Mic's here," said Harm. "He wanted to see how you were doing and I think he brought you something from the meeting this morning. I could see if he could keep an eye on them for a half hour."
"DJ won't stay with him and Lucy..." Mac sighed. "Damn this hurts now too."
"I'm sorry, baby," he said. "I wish none of this hurt, I really do. I'll take the kids with me; do you want to talk to Mic at all or should I ask him to call later tonight?"
"I'll see him in a bit," she sighed. "Did he see...?"
"Yeah, he followed me in," said Harm. "But I sent him out to watch the kids. He doesn't know what's wrong, but I think he suspects it's a 'pregnancy complication'." His tone and demeanor changed noticeably as those words left his lips, thinking back to the charade from the evening before.
"I'll have to tell him the truth," she sighed. "I can't believe I said those things, I just...Oh, God. Harm!" She reached out for his hand as another cramp wrapped around her back.
"Here, squeeze as hard as you can," he said. "The pain will be over in a minute, Mac." He's said those very words to her countless times throughout both of her labors, only this time they didn't accompany the excitement of a new baby on the way.
She held onto his hand, "I hate being so helpless. I'm a Marine...I should be able to handle it. I traipsed through the woods with you shot for God's sake and I can't take this. I'm...done," she said and started to the struggle of standing up.
He wondered if, at that point in time, he felt more helpless than she did. He was supposed to protect her and keep her safe, and this was another reminder of how against her endometriosis, they were both defenseless. Times like these were when the doubts he had about putting off the hysterectomy crept to the front of his mind. It'd be so nice to know she'd never have this kind of pain again, but he knew the pain she'd feel at giving up the chance of being pregnant again was even worse than this.
"Harm," Mac broke into his thoughts. "I'm going to need help."
"Okay," he said with a nod, once again scooping her into his arms. He looked into her eyes and saw how much she was suffering and aside from getting her meds, there wasn't anything he could do.
"You're helping me Harm," she told him. "Don't look at me like that."
"Sorry," he said as he laid her down gently on the bed. "I'll take the kids and we'll run to the pharmacy. I'll tell Mic to give you a few minutes and then he can come say hi."
As Harm was covering her with the blankets, he realized she hadn't eaten a bite yet that day. "Hey," he said. "Before I go, I'm making you some toast. You haven't had anything to eat all day."
"I'm not hungry, Harm," Mac said. "Anyway, it probably won't stay down."
"You'll have to eat something to take the pills with," he said. "If you nibble a little now, then when you eat with the pills it might stand a better chance of staying down. Just some toast, okay?"
"One slice," she said all ready feeling weaker from her trip to the bathroom.
"Agreed," he said softly. "I'll go fix it real fast, and then I'll go get your meds."
Harm walked out of the bedroom to see Mic sitting in his chair with Lucy and DJ on either knee both quiet and engrossed in a book. Harm was amazed at how well they sat with him; even Colleen had relaxed and lay chewing on her chew toy near her blanket.
The kids didn't even look up when he went to the kitchen and started making Mac's toast.
He was partially thankful for that, even though a tiny part of his heart hurt that another man could so easily tend to his children. Still their silence made it easier for him to get Mac her sustenance.
He placed her toast on a napkin, spread a tiny bit of butter on it and carried it back to the bedroom. "Here you go, Mac," he said, sitting on the edge of the bed.
She opened her eyes, "Just leave it," she told him.
"Okay, but you need to eat some of it while I'm gone," he said. "We'll be back as soon as we can." He looked at her lying there, so broken and in such pain, and it was all he could do not to lean down and kiss her. He knew better, though. He knew he'd lost the right to touch her without her permission when he made that terrible decision in Mexico, not to mention the decision to keep it from her for as long as he did.
"I will," she promised him. "Just hurry please. I can feel it building and I don't want Mic to see," she confessed.
"I understand," he said as he hurried out of the bedroom and down the hall. The kids were still enthralled with the story Mic was reading to them when Harm reached the living room. "Hey, guys," he said. "I need you to go get your shoes on. We have to go to the store for Mommy."
"Are we buying shoes?" Lucy asked knowing her mother loved shoes. DJ wiggled off Mic's lap and toddled to get his shoes by the door and brought them to his Dad.
"No, we're not buying shoes," he said as he helped his son get his sneakers on the correct feet. "We need to go get some medicine for Mommy so she can feel better."
"Can we get her a surprise?" Lucy asked as she fastened the Velcro on her sneakers.
"Sure we can," answered Harm as he helped DJ stand up. "What do you think she'd like?"
"Um...chocolates from us and flowers from you," Lucy pronounced.
Mic spoke just then, "Should I keep Sarah company or take my leave?"
"You can stay for a bit if you'd like to," said Harm as he put his checkbook in his jacket pocket. "Give her a few minutes to get settled and then you can go back there. I'll be back in no more than an hour, I hope."
"Sure," Mic replied. "Leave it to me. I'll make sure she's all right, Mate."
Somehow, that didn't make Harm feel entirely comfortable, but he was more focused on getting to the pharmacy and back as soon as possible. "Thanks," he said as he ushered the children out the door.
Mic waited exactly five minutes before he slowly walked to the bedroom where Mac was. He lightly wrapped on the door.
"Oh, hi," said Mac as she opened her eyes and realized who had come calling. "Come in. Sorry I'm not much of a hostess today."
"No matter," Mic smiled and moved to sit beside her on the bed, pausing to ask permission first. "May I?"
Mac nodded and tried to move over a bit. "Ow! Damn it..."
Mic started, "Sarah, are you all right? What's wrong? What can I do?" He was panicked to hear her cry out like that.
"I'm okay," she gasped out. "Just...moved wrong is all."
"Can I get you something?" he asked, reaching out to touch her arm lightly to provide her comfort.
She shook her head as the pain held on. "No, Harm went to get my meds."
"But you shouldn't take medicine with the baby," he told her. "At least that's what they doctors told my sister."
She'd momentarily forgotten about that little issue, but she knew she had to come clean with him. "I'm...there's no baby, Mic. I'm not pregnant."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Was it a miscarriage? Is that what's got you in the bed?" he asked wanting to provide her comfort if he could.
"No..." she sighed weakly. "I wasn't pregnant this time around. We thought maybe...but..."
"What's wrong then?" he asked. "Its not..." He trailed off thinking the worst given her pallor and the pain, added to the pinched look her face took on.
"It's nothing fatal, Mic," she said, sensing his mind was going in the wrong direction. "It's just one of those 'woman things'."
"Tell me," he prodded. He wanted to know what was going on with her, even just as a friend. She was devoted to her husband, he knew that.
"I don't think you want to know," she said wearily.
"Yes, Sarah," he told her. "I do." He picked up her toast and gave it to her. "I think you should eat this. You're looking thin."
She reached out slowly and took the toast, brought it to her lips and took a little bite. "I've got endometriosis," she said. "Ever heard of it?"
"No," he replied. "Never."
She swallowed the bite of toast in her mouth and took another small one. "It basically means my 'female organs' are damaged and scarred, and that causes me a lot of pain sometimes, like now."
"I'm sorry," he sighed. "You collapsed before...was that?"
She offered a little nod. "Pain, yeah."
Mic shook his head. "How do you...is it all the time or...how come I've never noticed it at work?"
"I hide it when I can," she said, taking another little nibble of toast. "I had surgery to treat it about 6 months ago, and it was better for awhile. In the last 6 weeks or so, it's gotten progressively worse. This is the worst it's been since the surgery."
"Who takes care of you?" he asked stupidly not seeing Harm as being on to do that unless he was the only one who could.
She looked at him, slightly unsure of where the question was coming from. "Harm takes care of me," she said matter-of-factly. "He does a wonderful job of it, too."
"Does he?" Mic queried. "I'd never considered him the type."
Mac's expression changed as she tried to understand where these ideas originated. "Why do you say that?"
"Well, you have to admit it, Sarah; Harm cares about Harm, if you know what I mean. I mean no disrespect but...I was the one who drove you to the hospital that time with little Lucy while he was flying on a carrier," Mic reminded her.
"Mic, he was on assignment when that happened," she said, finding herself a bit surprised at how she was willing to defend Harm for something she'd thrown in his face only days before. "It comes with being in the service; sometimes you have to be away from home when things happen to your family. You deal with it, that's just how it goes."
"I'm sorry if I overstepped," Mic sighed. "Do you want something to drink or should we just go over the numbers from this mornings meeting?"
"Could you get me some white grape juice, please?" she asked him. "Just a small glass."
"Certainly," Mic replied and left to get her what she needed.
Mic quickly found the juice and poured it into a small glass. He carried it back to her and moved to set it down next to her when he noticed that her eyes were closed in sleep. He leaned down and placed the juice on the night table before he turned and let himself out.