See Chapter One for Disclaimers.
A/N: Once again I'd like to thank you all for reviewing and thank my good friend and partner in crime Snugglebug for her help, inspiration, and encouragement.
To all those who have been repeating the mantra, this should help you out for now.
To those who feel Harm and Mac are out of character…If they'd made the choices they made at the point in which they made them they could very well be like this. Having kids and being married changes someone, and when that marriage is challenged by illness it changes people even moreso.
There have been observations made that Harm and Mac do not have a healthy marriage. They don't. They didn't learn how to because of the speed in which they married. They never did some essential things that are required to build a strong communicative relationship.
Once again I have to ask you all to bear with me. Things have been dark, but they may reach the clearing. However, before they emerge, it will get darker. Just remember the mantra.
I've also decided that, as so many of you have said you like the story and don't want it to end, that while this arc will end, the saga will not. There are in the works two more stories to follow.
Thanks again for reading. And never fear there are plenty more chapters in the future. Enjoy this one! I know it has been awaited.
A/N2: I will be changing my penname after this chapter to some version the mantra.
"Sit still, please," Harm told Lucy as the child squirmed in her chair.
"I am," she said. "My shoe is hurting me." Lucy hated wearing dress shoes.
"We'll take it off as soon as we get in the car," whispered Mac as she held DJ in her lap. "We're almost done, I promise." Just then, the minister finished reciting the final words of the service, and the music began to play.
"See you there," he said to Mac before he left to join the other pall bearers. He'd hardly spoken to her all morning, just enough to get by. She let it go; she knew he was feeling horrible from his bender the evening before as well as their spat in the wee hours of the morning, and burying Grams was going to be unbelievably hard for him to get through.
The burial was very emotional for everyone in attendance. Mac sat in the front row of folding chairs, DJ in her lap and Lucy beside her. Trish and Frank were next to Lucy, and the folks from JAG filled the row behind them. The rest of the crowd of nearly 50 people, most of them knowing Grams' from living in Bellville for so many years, were scattered about the covered area next to the freshly-dug grave
The minister spoke for only a couple more minutes before reciting a final prayer and bringing the service to a close. Some people stayed to speak to the family, others left. Harm wanted to stay until everyone else had departed; he wanted a minute alone with the woman he'd loved his whole entire life. Mac took the children back to the limo they'd ridden to the cemetery in and watched from the window as Harm laid one hand upon the casket while wiping away his tears with the other. When he was finished, he pulled his aviator sunglasses out of the pocket of his dress whites, put them on and walked stoically back to the pall bearers limo. He's succeeded in getting past the funeral and the burial, but the day was far from over.
People were everywhere once the got back to the house. Neighbors, colleagues, even a few childhood friends milled about bringing food and cards in Grams' memory. Harm greeted every one of them with a handshake and a smile, nothing in his demeanor betraying the pain in his heart. He watched Mac and his mother talking, he saw her cry a bit on his Mom's shoulder, and as much as he wanted to go to her, he couldn't. She didn't want him anymore. She hated every breath he took, she didn't care what happened to him, no one really cared, the only one was Grams' and now she was gone and he was all alone. Even Lucy rejected him earlier when he went to hug her in favor of Mic's antics instead of his heart felt love.
Slowly but surely the people drifted out, until finally no one was left but Harm, Mac and their children. She'd fed them and was upstairs bathing them when Harm decided to go to bed. If he was sleeping he couldn't hurt he rationalized and that's really what he wanted, an end to the pain.
"Finally," Mac thought to herself as Lucy fell asleep to her mother's soft singing. "This day is finally over." She went to the bathroom then decided that the last thing she or Harm needed was round three. It would be best for all if she just slept on the couch. She remembered Harm told her Grams kept the linens in the hall closet. She'd just get a blanket and drop out, she was so exhausted.
Harm lay in bed alone, mentally and physically exhausted but unable to close his eyes. This had been one of the worst days of his life, on the heels of several of the worst weeks of his life, and he wasn't sure how much more he could take. It seemed like everyone he loved was leaving him in some manner or another. One of them left him because it was, apparently, her time to leave this earth. Another would be leaving him as soon as the divorce papers were filed, all because of his horrendous mistake in Mexico. He felt so...lost, so totally and completely lost, and he didn't think his heart could stand any more hurt. Gripping the pillow beside him - the one Mac should have been using - he let out the gut wrenching sobs that he'd held inside all weekend.
When Mac heard the sobbing begin she at first was tempted to leave it go. He needed to cry and let his heart heal, and if he'd really wanted her there he'd call for her or come to her like he always did when he was sad or in pain or even when he was sick. He always wanted her there with him, even in the darkest hours of his life...when he'd learned of his father's death he'd wanted her, he'd held onto her so tight...now he was pushing her away.
She'd said she'd hated him, but that wasn't true, what she hated was how he was treating her, how he kept her out, since she'd been sick more so, but even through their entire marriage he'd done so on some level, now though that extended to his times of need and that's what she truly hated. It hit her then what she was feeling; she was hating him for...for hating her.
He cried like he hadn't cried in a very long time, over all the wrongs in his life. He was to blame, entirely to blame, for the situation with Mac, and he knew it. He'd lashed out at her mercilessly as of late, and he hated himself for it. Last night was the absolute worst; throwing her illness in her face like it was something she'd chosen to take on. He'd known all day he needed to apologize for that, but he hadn't been able to face her. He realized then, that when things had gotten so bad that facing his wife or crying on her shoulder were things he couldn't do, life just couldn't get any worse. "I'm sorry, Mac..." he sobbed as he clutched the pillow. "I'm sorry..."
Mac was about to leave and head downstairs. If he wanted her he could ask for her, not like he even would, he didn't have a use for her anymore. As a tear of defeat slipped down her cheek however she heard a muffled sound that sounded like "Mac." That was all she needed, that small bit of hope before she rushed into the room. "I'm here, Harm," she whispered softly and went to his side.
He realized she was there, but couldn't' let go of the pillow or get himself under control enough to acknowledge her.
"Harm," Mac said again. "Harm, look at me, Baby."
"I can't," he sobbed. "I..."
"Yes, you can," she encouraged. "Yes you can. Come on out of the pillow and look at me."
She was there and she wasn't yelling at him, that was a plus in his mind. Slowly, he got himself under control and lifted his head to look at her as his chin continued to quiver.
Mac reached out a hand and gently stroked his cheek, "Good. Good." She smiled a bit at him then, "It hurts doesn't it?" she asked.
He nodded as another wave of tears came over him. He clutched the pillow again and went to hide his face once more.
"No, no no," Mac scolded gently. "No more hiding, Sweetie. Talk to me. Come on. I'm here," she told him. "You can come here, its okay." To illustrated she scooted closer and opened her arms.
He somehow managed to look up at him. "You must hate me so much," he cried. "Last night..."
"Ssh," Mac crooned. "Ssh. Don't talk about that. Not yet, just let it all go, Honey." She patted her chest. "You rest your head here and let it all go. I know you can," she urged. "Come on. Let it go."
He wasn't sure if he deserved to be treated so nicely by the woman he'd been such a creep to less than 24 hours earlier, but he was in so much agony he couldn't refuse the offer of literally crying upon her shoulder. He crawled closer to her, rested his head upon her and kept the tears flowing.
Mac couldn't resist placing a kiss on his temple as she held him closer. She rocked him for a solid five minutes before she instructed, "Start talking, Sailor. I thought you were doing okay. That's what you said."
He shook his head. "I lied," he said with a sniff. "I'm dyin' here, Mac."
"Tell me," she urged. "Tell me Baby. Talk to me."
He tried to formulate the thoughts and feelings that were raging about inside him into words, but he couldn't begin to do it. "I..." he began. "It's..." The tears came again. "I can't talk about it," he cried, laying his head on her shoulder once more.
Mac let him snuggle a bit more before she tried again. "Remember when we were in Arizona and I got bitten by that rattler?" she asked him as she rocked.
"Remember how scared I was...how much pain I was in and how weak I was getting?" she continued.
Again, he nodded, this time moving a bit closer into her embrace. It felt strange to be there, but it was comforting.
"Do you remember what you did?" she asked him. This time he had to speak.
"Drained out the poison," he said softly. "With a pen knife."
"Do you remember what I did when I saw what you were about to do?" she asked.
"Panicked," he answered, his breathing erratic from crying so hard for so long. "Asked me not to."
"More like begged," Mac laughed. "And do you remember what you said to me."
"That it was what you needed," he said. "To stop the pain and...to save your life."
"Well that's what you need," Mac told him. "You need to get rid of the poison. That's the only way the pain's going to stop. Now I'm here, and I'm going to help you...but you have to drain the poison. Start with the worst and let it flow. I won't let go, I promise."
He was silent except for his staggered breathing and the occasional sob as he recounted everything that was burdening him. As before, the ability to formulate his feelings into communicable words was gone. "I can't talk about it...we never..." he cried. "We never talked about this stuff, and I don't know how..." He was on the brink of falling victim to another wave of sadness, another bout of tears.
"You can't tell me what's hurting the worst?" she asked. "What is it that pushed you to tears, Harm? I know you know, now say it. Say it out loud, release it. Come on."
"Everyone I love is leaving me!" he cried, burying his face into her shoulder.
"Oh, Sweetie, no," she crooned to him. "I...Your Mom is here and Lucy and DJ. All your friends came to see you and to help you and...I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."
"Yes, you are," he cried. "We're finished and I know that now, and it hurts...so bad..."
"Harm..." She pulled back from him out of his reach. "Tell me about the hurt. Talk it out. Come on."
"I can't talk about it," he insisted, still crying his heart out. "Look at you though, pushing me away when you said you wouldn't let go..."
"I'm not pushing you away, Sweetie," she told him. "I'm moving because I need you to do something. Lie on your stomach," she instructed. "Come on."
By then his head was pounding, and he welcomed the chance to lie down. With a slight nod and a slight break in the tears, he did as she asked.
Mac pulled the covers down and exposed his back to her view. She touched his neck, his shoulders, all the way down his spine. "Does it hurt here?" she asked him running her hand over his neck muscles.
"Yes," he answered quietly, his breathing still far from controlled.
"What pain is here?" she asked as she touched him, gently rubbing the tension out. "What are you holding in here?"
"Grams," he said, his voice cracking. "I didn't get to say goodbye."
"Yes you did," Mac told him. "You said goodbye today like we all did. And she knew you loved her. She knows you still do." Mac rubbed his neck softly until the tension released. She moved to his shoulders, "How do your shoulders feel? Pain in there?"
"Mm-hmm," he said. "Lucy."
"What about Lucy?" Mac asked him as she worked on his right shoulder. "What about her is hurting you?"
"She's stuck in the middle of our problems," he said tearfully. "She doesn't want me like she used to, doesn't...doesn't seem to need me because she's so mad at me."
"It was you she was crying for last night, and it was you who pushed her away when she tried to crawl onto your lap at the service," Mac told him. "You're her hero, Harm. She loves you. You know she does."
"Then why did she want to be with Mic today instead of giving me a hug?" he asked, the pain of his words nearly crushing him.
"Because she's five," Mac told him. "And she needed a little break. She's scared Harm."
"I know she is," he answered as he took a deep breath. "I am, too."
"What are you scared of, Baby?" Mac asked as she moved to his other shoulder. "Is it of whatever you are holding in here? What's in here?"
"Us," he said, unable to hide the crack in his voice. "What used to be us."
"Why do you say it like that?" Mac asked him as she started to work on that knot. It was the tightest of them all.
"'Cause I'm scared of never having that again," he cried softly. "It's over and it's because of me."
Mac pressed the heel of her hand into his knotted flesh, "Why do you say it's over? Its not."
"It is though," he cried. "We can't keep going like this, that's why I left the note..."
"Did you mean the note?" she asked on the verge of tears.
He cried a little harder. "No, but I didn't see any other way..."
Mac's voice cracked, "So you don't want a divorce?" she asked. "You...you still want...me? Us?" she asked, stopping her touch on his body to cover her mouth as she began to cry with relief.
He rolled over to face her, still crying as he did so. "Yes. All I've ever wanted is to get back to before...I don't want to lose you..."
"You didn't lose me," she told him. "I thought..." She cried harder herself, matching him sob for sob.
"I thought we were over," he cried. "I thought therapy would help but it didn't and...all we do is fight and we can't talk without getting angry..."
"Yes we can," she whispered moving closer. "We always did. Talk to me Harm. Come on."
"We've tried," he replied softly, still very emotional. "We end up fighting every time, and I can't...I can't take any more fighting right now."
"We never used to fight," Mac whispered leaning still closer. "You and I...we never used words. We never needed to. Come on now, you know how to talk to me." To illustrate she leaned over and placed a kiss on his lips just a tiny one.
He leaned into her kiss, breaking it a moment later. "We're not supposed to do this," he whispered.
"We need to do this," she countered. "I need you and I know you need me." She touched his chest lightly.
"I want to," he said, touching her hand as it rested over his heart. "But it'll hurt you."
"If it happens I'll have you to take care of me, won't I?" she asked him rubbing his chest gently, holding his gaze intently the memory of his words the previous night still burned into her mind.
"Of course I will. That's all I ever want to do," he replied, tears still streaming down his face. "But not because I caused you pain."
"I know, but...that pain…that pain you can't fix...It's there everyday...everyday I hurt, even if it's just a little. This pain..." She touched her own heart, "This you can fix."
"Are you sure?" he asked softly as he reached out to caress her leg.
She nodded slowly. "If...if...you'll be here. I can take it knowing that. But I need you so badly and more than that you need me. Don't you?"
He swallowed hard as a fresh wave of tears lay on the horizon. "I do." He placed his hands on her face, bringing her close for another kiss.
Mac leaned into Harm's kiss opening her mouth a bit. She breathed into his mouth, giving him her life, her love directly into his aching body. He shuttered at the touch, so starved he was for attention and affection. She broke the kiss and moved her mouth to his cheek. She kissed there and moved up to his eyelids, placing one kiss on each one. "I love you," she said with her body and her words.
He wrapped his arms around her, gently rubbing across her back as he pulled her nearer. "I'm the same man I was on Tuesday," he said softly. "The one you said you didn't like, but I love you, too." He leaned down and placed a kiss on the spot where her shoulder met her neck.
She kissed the tip of his nose, "I didn't mean that. I wanted to hurt you that's all. I was hurt and I wanted to hurt you back. I'm so sorry I said those things. I didn't mean them. Do you believe that?"
"Yes," he replied, showing the slightest hint of a smile. "I do." He gently rolled her onto her back and found her mouth with his own, engaging her in a sweet, tender kiss.
Mac shifted under his weight not accustomed to it anymore.
He quickly lifted himself off of her. "I'm hurting you, aren't I?" he asked, his hand rubbing her cheek.
"No," she smiled at his tenderness. "I'm just not used to you anymore." She reached her arms around his back and pressed him closer.
They kissed again, this time for a couple of minutes before he pushed himself up off of her again and slipped his hand underneath her shirt, one of his old ones, as she often wore to bed even after things had gone sour. He massaged her abdomen softly, not realizing until then how much he missed doing that.
Mac moaned under that gentle touch. It was so rare she felt anything there but pain, this was a lovely change. As Harm moved his hand higher along her rib cage he froze.
"What?" Mac sighed, crying out at the loss of sensation.
"Just thinking about how long it's been since we've done this," he answered. "I don't want to go too fast; I want to remember every second with you."
"Touch me..." she told him. "Touch my breasts. Touch...touch my stomach again."
"As you wish, my love," he whispered, resuming his actions on her stomach, moving higher up and finding her breasts. "Feel okay?" he asked as he moved his fingers about.
"Wonderful," she breathed. "Why did you touch me there?" she asked as she moved her legs up and down against his.
"Because you like it," he said. "Because I like it."
"I think that's the most wonderful feeling," she gasped. "Both hands."
"Both hands here?" he asked, gently raking his fingertips over the top of her breasts,
"No," she moaned. "No."
"How about here?" he asked, moving them slowly back down towards her stomach.
She shuttered under that touch. "Yes," she cried. "Oh yes. I want…I want you to give me a baby Harm," Mac gasped as she relished in the gentleness of his caress. "Please…I need it. We need it."
"Yeah, we do," he whispered, his breathing still heavy, only now for a much different reason. "Can we try yet, though? I don't want to hurt you, Mac."
"It always hurts me, Baby," Mac replied in truth. "I have to gage it now and what would hurt more and...and not having you now...not having our baby...that would be far worse than any physical pain that may result."
He brushed her hair away from her forehead and leaned in to drop a feather-light kiss there. "Then let's give it a try," he said softly. "Let's see if we can create our miracle."
Mac eyes filled with tears at his words. She lifted her hips so that he knew she was indeed ready to try and create this with him. "It's not only the baby that will be the miracle," she whispered as he eased her bottoms down over her hips. "The real miracle will be..." She had to stop as a sob caught in her throat.
"If we can find each other again," she whispered through her tears. "I'm so lost," she whispered.
He nodded as he teared up a bit himself. "I know the feeling. I've been hopelessly lost without you these last few weeks, Mac." As he spoke, he gently ran his hand across her abdomen.
"Find me," she told him. "Come find me and maybe you'll find yourself."
With a nod, he carefully leaned back down to find her mouth and kiss her passionately, yet tenderly. After a moment, he pulled away just enough to speak. "I'll be so careful," he whispered. "But you tell me if it hurts you."
She nodded, "I will," she promised. "I will. Are you sure you're okay to do this?" she asked him gently.
He kissed her left collarbone three times, and then worked his way down the front of her neck. "I am," he answered. "Unless you're not sure? We don't have to if..." He wanted to make love to her more than anything he could think of at that moment, but if she had any doubts, he didn't want to force her to do it.
"I'm sure," she replied. "I just want to make sure this is love and not...not a way to kill the pain."
"Mac, baby," he said, leaning down to kiss the right collarbone three times, as he'd done to the left one a moment earlier. "Nothing in the world can kill the pain I've been in for the past couple of months, and right now nothing would be more painful than not being here with you. This just feels so...right."
"It does," she replied running her hands over his back. "I need you so much, Harm. You still love me, don't you? Even in spite of all the things I said last week?"
"In spite of all those things," he said, sliding his hands around her back. "I love you like crazy. You're my whole world, Mac; and that'll never, ever change."
Mac craned her neck upward and kissed him soundly, "Time to prove that then," she whispered huskily against his soft lips.
"Gladly," he replied, his voice low and sexy. He placed both hands upon her breasts once again, caressing them gently. "Like that, sweetheart?' he asked.
"Mmhmm," Mac moaned softly. "Feels so good." She took one hand and slipped it down his back and around until she could touch him and feel his excitement. She placed her hand underneath his waist band and gently she tugged at him, arousing him, for she wanted this for him as much as for herself.
He drew in a deep breath at the feel of her hands on his body. "That's nice," he whispered, leaning down to kiss the valley in between her breasts, something she always enjoyed.
"So's that," she gasped out. "I only have one complaint."
"Oh, do tell me what it is," he said in his deepest voice. "So I can make it right."
"There are still barriers between us," Mac said with a half a smile that left little room for interpretation.
"Allow me a moment," he said, his smile mirroring hers as he slid off the bed and quickly rid himself of his pajama pants and his boxers. "Better, my love?" he whispered into her ear as he rejoined her on the bed.
"Thank you," she gasped out. "I don't know how much I can..."
"Shh...shh," he sad as he ran his fingers over her stomach, gently feeling her rib cage. "Try to relax; let's take it slow, like we used to, and I'll take care of you just like always."
"I know you will," Mac replied. "Make love to me," she whispered. "Please."
"I could never say 'no' to such a beautiful request," he said, again wrapping his arms around her body and melding his mouth to hers. The kiss began gentle, grew deeper and more intense as the seconds drew on, then returned to slow and sweet as he pulled back. "I love you so much," he said as he stared into her eyes.
"I love you too," Mac replied as she shifted beneath him again. "So very much."
He slid his body down a little bit and began working on her breasts with his mouth, something else she'd always liked.
"Harm," Mac gasped as he slowly tortured her. "Harm..."
"Hmm?" he asked as he continued his ministrations.
"I...can't..."she gasped as his tongue flicked at her nipples.
"In due time, baby," he said, pausing from his work on her breasts to look up and into her eyes. "They say the best things in this world are worth waiting for. I'll get there; don't you worry."
Mac nodded. This was slow torture, painfully so...but she loved him and she wanted him to show her he loved her too.
As he continued to kiss her navel, he slowly slipped one finger inside her body, moving it as gently as he'd ever done. He did that because she loved it, and it was somewhat of a gauge for him of if the experience was going to be terribly painful for her or not.
Mac sighed when she felt his long finger enter her. So far so good. "Nice," she gasped.
"That's good," he said huskily, moving about inside her very carefully, knowing that this didn't mean the encounter would be pain-free for her, but this was further than they'd sometimes gotten in the past.
"No more," she sighed as she felt him checking and rechecking. "No more."
He froze. "It hurt?" he asked, hoping he hadn't caused her pain.
"No," she replied. "I just...I want you inside me. I want to feel you."
"Then that's what you'll feel," he said as he shifted his body over hers a little. He patted her right leg, "Move this just a bit, baby."
Mac did as he asked lifting her legs to give him better access to her opening. "Go slow," she requested as she prepared herself for what was to come.
"I will," he said softly. "But if it hurts you, tell me and I'll stop." With infinite care and loving concentration, he began to join his body with hers.
He did go slow, so slow that speed was almost painful. He inched his way inside, giving her time to adjust to his length and his width. Still in spite of his care and gentleness the higher he moved the more she ached. She lifted her hips against his, shifting a bit. Harm took this as encouragement and pressed down a bit harder. Mac bit her lip, "No, no. Go lighter," she told him.
"I'm sorry," he said, knowing he'd caused her discomfort. He focused even more of going as slow as he possibly could.
After a few more adjustments and only two tears, they were able to find a rhythm and angle that gave them both pleasure. Even at the slow pace, Harm was able to reach a satisfying climax and Mac...she was able to as well, suffering relatively little pain until the very end and even then it was of no real consequence.
"Hmm," she made that tiny sound as Harm leaned against her spent and tired.
"What, my love?" he asked nuzzling his face into he shoulder.
"Can you...It hurts a little," she said softly not wanting to alarm or upset him.
"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry," he said earnestly, instantly going into protective husband mode as he shifted his body again. "Should I move fast or slow? Which would hurt less?"
"Fast," she told him. "Get it over with."
He nodded and braced himself up with his elbows. "Here we go," he said, hoping he could move out of her without hurting her too badly.
Mac bit her lip as Harm moved out of her and off to her side. She bore it well, letting only a tiny moan escape her lips as she breathed deeply.
"I'm sorry," he said, caressing her cheek tenderly. "Other than that and a little in the beginning, did it hurt you?"
She shook her head, "Not too much. It was not very bad at all," she said with a smile. "In fact it was quite good. How are you feeling?" she asked softly.
He snuggled in even closer to her. "Happier than I've felt in a long time," he said. "That was good, wasn't it?" He rolled in a bit to kiss her shoulder.
"It was," she whispered. "Now you know what you have to do?"
"No," he replied softly. "What do I have to do?"
"You have to hold me all night," she told him. "Unless of course another lady needs attention tonight," Mac smiled settling into his embrace.
"If by 'another lady', you mean our little girl," he said. "Then you very well may have to share me, but aside from her, there's no one else I'd rather hold all night" he said, sliding one arm beneath her warm, soft body. "I've missed this so much. I want this back; all of it."
"Me too," she sighed and settled back against him. "Can you do what you were doing before?"
"Rubbing your tummy?" he asked, moving his hand and beginning to do just that.
"Yeah," Mac sighed. "It's nice to feel something there other than pain."
"I'm sure it is," he said. "Think we made our little miracle tonight?"
"I don't know," she replied honestly. "Even so...we connected, didn't we?"
"Mm-hmm, we sure did," he said. "For the first time in weeks. Of course, we weren't supposed to 'connect' this way - both Dr. Bradley and Commander Mc Cool will want our heads on platters if they find out."
"Bradley especially," Mac sighed. "Did I tell you what he said at Thursday's appointment?"
"Huh-uh," he said, rubbing slow, gentle circles across Mac's abdomen. "What'd he say?"
"More surgery," she replied. "The disease is advancing and my symptoms will get worse if I don't have another lap."
He sighed. "I kind of knew that was coming eventually," he said. "Any idea how soon?"
"Soon," Mac sighed. "Before my next cycle he prefers. He said I'd bleed into my stomach again if I don't. That's what happened last time and that's probably why I can't eat."
"God, Mac," he gasped. "If it's that bad, we shouldn't have done this... I'm sorry, I didn't know..."
"I didn't want you too," she replied. "I needed this and so did you."
Mac let out a tiny moan of pleasure as Harm continued to rub her belly. She was cramping a bit, but the touch of his warm strong hands made her relax. They lay in companionable silence, enjoying a closeness they hadn't enjoyed since things had gone awry. Just then they heard from their son, "Mommy!" he cried out the hint of tears in his little voice. "Mommy!"
"I'll go," said Harm. "You need to lay still for awhile, okay?"
"But he's calling me," Mac said beginning to sit up.
He gently put his hands on her shoulder and laid her back down. "Let me go see what's wrong," he said. "If he really wants you, I'll come get you."
"Okay," she said sleepily. "Can you get me a hot pack while you're up? I feel pretty good but I don't want a bad morning. Go to him first."
He paused to cup her chin with his hand. "I'm so sorry, baby. We shouldn't have to deal with trying to cut a bad morning off at the pass after we're together like this. I'll get your heat pack, though, and you can just lie still and relax."
With a sleepy smile Mac nodded, and watched as Harm slipped from the bed to answer their son's mounting wails.
"What's wrong, buddy?" he asked as he entered DJ's room, the night light in the corner the only illumination.
"Mommy!" DJ cried but reached his arms up for Harm anyway.
"Mommy's sleepy, son," said Harm as he took the crying child into his arms. "What's making you sad? Do you need a drink?"
The boy shook his head and snuggled next to his Daddy, not replying otherwise.
"DJ, tell Daddy what's wrong," Harm encouraged. "Then we can go back to sleep."
"No seep," the toddler mumbled. "Bannie go."
"Oh," Harm sighed as it dawned on him. "You can't find your blankie, huh? Well, let's look around. You want Daddy to find it?"
DJ snuggled close and nodded his little head up and down. Harm first looked in the bed and shook the covers around in case the blanket got tangled in with the sheets. When he didn't find it there he checked the floor around the bed and underneath. Finally, just as DJ was beginning to cry again Harm lifted the pillow and found it there. "Here it is," he said to his son. "Silly boy, you had it under your pillow."
DJ took the blanket from his dad and held it close, little eyes all ready drifting closed now that he had his favorite blanket back. By the time Harm had him laid down and tucked in, DJ was once again sound asleep. Placing a kiss on his son's head, Harm whispered, "I love you, Little Sailor. Sleep tight."
Harm stopped by the bathroom to get the heat pack Mac had asked for on his way back to the bedroom they were - finally - sharing in joyous peace. "Hey, baby," he said upon returning with the pack in hand. "I got the heat pack you wanted. Mac?"
"Mmm," she murmured and stirred only he eyes remained closed.
He knew she'd dozed off while he was away, but he also knew she needed the warmth of the heating pad against her tummy or the morning was almost guaranteed to be hell. "Baby, can I put this on your tummy?" he asked, lifting her blanket just a little.
"Yeah," she murmured still sleeping. "He okay?"
"He's fine," whispered Harm as he plugged the heating pad in to the outlet beside the bed and laid it upon her abdomen. "You still okay? You're not hurting too bad, are you?"
"Not too bad," Mac replied. "I'm sleepy though. Really sleepy."
"Go to sleep," he said as he pulled the covers back over her before going around to his side of the bed and crawling beneath them himself. "Can I hold you while you sleep?" he asked.
"Yeah," Mac replied as she snuggled close to him. "Maybe I'll actually get some," she said as she yawned.
"I sure hope you do," he said softly, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "Tonight was so beautiful."
Mac mumbled something against his chest of which he only heard "Sorry though."
"What was that, baby?" he asked, placing his hand over the heating pad, feeling it just begin to heat up.
"Said, I'm still sorry though," she repeated.
"For what?" he asked, sliding his hand underneath the heating pad to make sure it wasn't making her skin too warm.
"This," she yawned. "That we had to...you had to hurt so bad to get here," she whispered.
He once more leaned in and kissed her head. "I know. I hate that we had to grow a billion miles apart before we got back to where we never should have left. I'm the one who started it, though, so please don't be sorry for that, baby."
Mac nodded weakly again, then pushed her exhaustion aside to force a promise from him. "I need you to promise me something," she said lifting up a bit so she could look at him.
"Of course," he said, sliding his hand out from beneath the heating pad.
"Promise me you'll never do what you did last night again," she told him. "No matter what. Promise me now."
With a nod, he gave her his solemn word. "I won't do that again, ever," he said. "I don't know what I was thinking; I knew better."
"Yes you did, and it was the second time, Honey," Mac told him as she shifted her position again to lie against him. "Soon it'll be the 22nd, then 42nd, then 202nd. Be careful. Talk it out, even if it's not to me. Don't do what I did, or my Dad. Please, Harm."
He pulled her even closer. "I won't do it again, babe. I promise. The last thing I want to do is crawl inside a bottle, for any reason. It won't happen again, I promise."
Mac gave a nod and as that worry lifted from her mind and heart, she felt her eyes close, her body relax, and her soul be enveloped in the peaceful oblivion of sleep.