See Disclaimers in Chapter One.

Enjoy!

Mac sat in Commander McCool's office waiting for their appointment time. She was early having left work ahead of time to make sure she was waiting when Harm arrived. There was no conceivable reason why, she just liked waiting for him. She liked to be home or wherever they were going and see him come in the doorway, it was like he was coming to her, and truth is he was.

At five minutes of five Harm walked in dressed in his winter blues. Mac looked up from her Child in Psychology magazine and immediately went to him touching a dark bruise on his cheek. "What happened?"

"Client got a little upset with me," he answered. "Apparently, he's not a gracious loser."

Mac frowned gently in sympathy, tracing the bruise lightly. "I'm sorry. How does he look?" she asked sliding her hand down his arm and taking his hand leading him to the row of chairs.

"Good in a bright orange jumpsuit, I hope," said Harm with a little smile. "Nah, I didn't hit him back; the MP's got to him before I got a chance."

Mac laughed lightly, "You wouldn't have anyway. Other than that how was your first day back?"

Harm and Mac had been given some bereavement leave. Mac three days after the funeral and Harm had one week. He had just started back.

"Okay, I suppose," he shrugged, and then lowered his voice and his eyes. "I missed you, though."

"Well I'm here now," Mac replied and reached to take his hand. "You didn't sleep again last night. I think we should talk about that today."

He sighed. "Maybe. I don't know." It was hard, in a way, for him to put his whole heart into being at Cmdr. McCool's office that afternoon. Things had gotten, he felt, a great deal better between he and Mac during those few days at Grams' place, and while he knew there were still any number of issues they had to work through and past, he really just wanted to skip it for one day.

"Hey," Mac smiled and reached out to touch his face. "I know you don't want to be here today but we missed all of last week. If we do okay this week we'll take a day or two off, deal?"

"Deal," he agreed, moving a little closer to her, which was something he hadn't felt able to do in the weeks preceding Grams' death, but now it just seemed so right.

"You know how to close a deal, Sailor?" she asked softly lifting her face so her lips were inches from his.

He smiled a bit, and then winced as he felt a twinge of pain in the bruise on his face. "Yeah, I do," he said. "But we're in public, so will you settle for a kiss?" He knew that's all she was talking about all along, but once again it just felt right to be romantically playful.

Mac leaned closer and set her lips to his, letting him kiss her softly. She reached up to put her arms around her neck when they heard, "Commander, Colonel?" come from the doorway. "Come on back."

Reluctantly they broke their kiss and Harm rose taking Mac's hand in his holding it while leading her back into the office.

"I think it's bound to creep into today's conversation," smiled Mac as she sat beside her husband, their hands still holding onto one another.

"Well, why don't you enlighten me as to what brought it on. Things seemed pretty sour when you left her last time," Vera sighed. "Commander, you can begin and Colonel you can follow."

Harm took a deep breath. "Well, as you know my grandmother passed away, and we spent a few days in Pennsylvania for the funeral and such. I think we just...I guess we found a way to reconnect up there. Maybe the sadness of losing Grams had something to do with it, maybe not, but as you saw earlier we're doing, uh, 'better' now than the last time you saw us."

"Good," the doctor replied. "Colonel?"

"I think...Harm and I had lost each other I think but the mutual loss...it just helped us see what was important I guess. I know we're not all better yet, but we're closer."

"Commander, you said "reconnect". Did anything specific do that for you?" she asked.

"Probably the grief," he said, doing his best to avoid the real answer.

She nodded, "And how did you deal with that? Did you let it go?" she asked. "You have to let these things go, it isn't healthy to internalize it."

"I cried," he said softly. "Quite a few times, actually. I cried when I found out she'd passed away, and I cried several times over the few days we spent at her place."

"Alone or with Sarah?" Vera asked looking at Mac silently holding Harm's hand in hers stroking it lightly, so much love in her eyes.

"Both," he admitted. "She didn't let me shut down." He looked over at Mac and smiled a bit.

"Did you cry, Mac?" Vera asked.

"Some but...I don't know. It was different for me I guess. I wasn't crying over Grams so much as I was over Harm crying for Grams," Mac replied.

"Did you tell Harm how you felt as he grieved?" she asked taking notes for their all ready thick file.

"Not really," he said, a little surprised at her answer and the love it conveyed. He didn't know why it surprised him, probably because of everything before then.

"Tell him now," Vera instructed.

Mac turned to Harm and looked at him. "I loved Grams so much and I'll miss her. But seeing you...I don't like it when you hurt or...I just don't like it and you wouldn't let me make it better," she told him starting to tear up. "I wanted to make it better and you just wanted to be by yourself. I felt so useless. I know that a lot of the reason you shut me out was my fault, because I was so mean to you, but I still felt useless."

He tightened his grasp of her hand. "I didn't mean to make you feel useless, Mac," he said. "I was in more pain than I knew what to do with, and I didn't feel like anyone could help me, not even you. With things between us, you know, being as they were up to that point, I didn't feel like I could go to you for comfort. Looking back, I think deep down, I knew better, but..."

"How bad did things actually get?" Vera asked listening to every word.

Harm looked into his wife's eyes, silently communicating that he'd field this one. "I, uh, I left her a note before leaving for my quals 2 days before Grams' death that said I wanted a divorce. It asked for her to have one of our friends in the office begin drawing up the papers." He looked down at the floor, rubbing his brow with his free hand.

"Why did you ask for a divorce, Harm?" Mac asked softly. "I never got to ask you why."

He shook his head, still rubbing at his brow. "It seemed like we were at that point, you know, after that last night before I left. We'd given the neighbors something to talk about with our 'conversation' on the front lawn, and I went to bed that night feeling like there was just too much damage, like I'd screwed things up beyond any hope of repair."

Commander McCool sat back and listened. "Did you really believe those things I said? Did anything I said...Do you still want a divorce?" she managed to ask. She knew the answer but she wanted to hear it anyway.

"I never wanted a divorce, Mac," he said softly as he looked her in the eye. "As for believing what you said...I hoped you didn't mean any of it, but considering what I'd done and how bad it was...sometimes I thought you might at least mean some of those things. I know better now, but then..."

Mac smiled, "I am angry, and I am hurt, but you didn't deserve those words Harm. You didn't. I love you so much, Harm."

"I love you, too," he said, reaching for her other hand. "I love you so much, and I'm sorry for everything - the note, the way I shut you out, the way I acted, all of it."

As the couple before her talked, Vera McCool smiled. They were at least from all appearances going to be all right.

The therapy session was successful for Harm and Mac and when they got home they ate pizza and played with their children. Mac had just put DJ down and went to take a bath while Harm finished talking to Lucy about her therapy session that day.

"So do you feel better today, Button?" he asked her as he brushed the hair back off her forehead.

"No, I still don't like that lady," Lucy replied. "But I'm happy that you and Mommy aren't so sad anymore."

"Why don't you like Dr. Crimmins?" asked Harm. "She's a nice lady.

"She says things about you and Mommy that I don't like," Lucy told him. "Only I didn't want to tell Mommy."

"What kinds of things, baby?" he asked, knowing that the issue he and Mac were having were bound to come up in Lucy's sessions.

"She's always says that I gotta be important, but I'm important. She says that Mommy...she says I gotta tell Mommy she makes me sad when she's sick in her belly and that I gotta ask her to get it fixed. She says it's not nice for Mommy not to get it fixed cause it scares me," Lucy told her Dad. "And she says if you and Mommy are fighting a lot that I got to tell you I don't like it and ask you to "remove" or something. I just don't like her, she doesn't know what she's talkin' 'bout." Lucy wrinkled her nose, "And she smells funny."

Harm smiled a bit at his child's expression. "I know, Luce. Have you told Dr. Crimmins that Mommy and I aren't fighting like before?"

"Yes, I did," he replied. "I told her you are in the big room again, but she didn't say anything bout that. She just keeps asking about Mommy's boo boo. I don't think she likes Mommy."

"Oh, I don't think she doesn't like Mommy," said Harm. "It's just her job to ask you all those questions and to make sure that if you're sad about Mommy or Daddy, that you know it's okay to tell us."

"I know its okay," Lucy said. "I just don't want to do it sometimes." She gave a big yawn and squiggled in the bed a bit.

He pulled the covers up over her and handed Pooh Bear to her. "Well, whenever you do want to, you know it's always okay. I love you, Lucy, so does Mommy."

"I love you too, Daddy," Lucy replied. "Where's Mommy?"

"She's taking a bath," he answered. "She'll come kiss you goodnight when she'd done."

"Okay," Lucy yawned. Just then Mac came into to room her big terry cloth robe around her.

"Somebody sleepy?" she asked sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"She just asked where you were," smiled Harm as he stepped back out of the way.

"I'm right here, Sweetie," Mac smiled and leaned over to give Lucy a kiss. "You ready for sleep. Mommy sure is."

"Mm-hmm," said Lucy, her little eyelids already closing.

"I love you, Lucy Bear," Mac said. "Good night."

Mac slid off the bed and followed Harm out of the room. "She seems to be doing better. We're all doing better," she replied and slipped her arm around his waist leaning against him a bit.

He put his arm around her waist in agreement. "We really are," he said. "We've come a long way."

Mac nodded. "You ready for bed?" she asked. It was early but she was exhausted.

"Yeah," he said, not very sleepy himself, but he knew she was wiped out.

"Did you see my pills anywhere?" Mac asked. She'd gotten into taking them regularly and had been better since she started that.

"I think they're in the cabinet," he said as he turned down the covers on the bed before heading over to brush his teeth.

"Can you get me one when you come back in?" she asked sliding off her robe and getting into bed.

"Of course," he said with a smile. He brushed his teeth and completed the rest of his bedtime ritual before grabbing a pill and a cup of water for her and returning to her.

"Here you go," he said, holding them out to her.

"Thanks," she smiled and put the pill in her mouth. "I'm so glad you moved back in here. I missed having you when I wake up in the middle of the night."

He took the empty cup from her and set it on the bed side table. "I missed being here for you in the middle of the night." He flipped the light switch off and climbed into bed.

"How's your face?" she asked rolling onto her side and getting comfortable.

"Still hurts," he said, moving his hand up to feel the bruise. "It'll look just lovely in a few days when it begins to heal, and turns all different shades of green and yellow."

"Can I kiss it for you?" she asked with a tiny smile.

"Yes, you can," he answered with his own little smile.

Mac leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on the bruised flesh. "There, all better," she sighed.

As she began to move away, he slowly leaned in to kiss her lips.

Mac returned the kiss lightly, then pulled back and lay down again.

He rolled over even closer to her and began kissing the crook of her neck. "I love you" he whispered.

Mac let him kiss her and replied, "I love you too Harm."

He slid his mouth upwards and began nibbling on her earlobe.

Mac shifted a bit, "Harm, no," she said softly moving her head away from his lips.

He laid his head against her pillow. "I want to be with you, baby. Please? I'll be so careful, just like at Grams."

Mac shook her head, "Not tonight," she replied gently.

He was disappointed, but he knew not to pressure her. "Too much too soon?" he asked softly.

"No, that's not it at all," she replied. "Not at all. I just want to snuggle tonight."

He pondered her words for a moment. It wasn't like Mac to forego lovemaking in favor of snuggling, at least it wasn't like the "old Mac", before...everything. This concerned him. "We can snuggle," he said, wrapping his arms around her. "We don't have to do anything more...but when you're ready for more, I'll be here."

"Harm, if you really want to..." She sensed his disappointment.

"I really want to," he said softly. "Really and truly, but not if your heart's not in it, which I sense is the case. Am I right? It's up to you, sweetheart."

"Its not my heart that's not in it, Honey," Mac replied. "My heart is always ready to love you."

Hearing those words made him smile. Things were better, but he still needed reassurance from her that she still loved him as much as he loved her. His smile faded, however, when he thought about what she'd said. "Are you having pains again, Mac? Is that why you said no?"

"I have been," Mac replied. "Since we left Belleville."

"Oh, Mac," he said as he placed a hand gently against her tummy, "I'm so sorry, I didn't know. It was that night we spent together, wasn't it?"

"I don't know," she replied. "I woke up and I felt okay but he said this was going to happen...don't feel badly about it okay?"

"But I do feel badly about it," he whispered. "I mean, it was amazing and it turned out to be just what we needed to…to get back to where we're at now, but it ended up causing you more pain."

She snuggled rolled over and pulled up her legs before leaning back against Harm's chest, "I really don't think so, Honey. I think this would be happening regardless. I made an appointment for next week. You'll come?"

"Of course I'll come," he said gently. "And you'll roll back over onto your back and straighten those legs. Do you need the heating pad?"

"Just leave me like this, it's not a flare up pain," Mac said. "Let's stay like this."

"You sure, sweetie?" he asked. "I'll get you anything you need."

"I'm sure," she replied. "When's your Mom coming?"

"Week after next," he said as he held her close against his body.

"To Dulles?" Mac asked him. "We need to get all your stuff out of the guest room before she gets here."

"Yeah, Dulles" he said, "and yes, I'll be sure there's no trace of, uh, the last few weeks left in the guest room when she gets here." He leaned down and kissed the top of her head as she lay with her back against his chest.

"Harm?" Mac asked softly feeling sleepy.

"Hmm?" he replied.

"Would you do...Damn it, I still feel funny asking you to do things," Mac sighed.

"No, no" he soothed. "Don't feel funny, Mac. We're not back to normal yet, but we're making progress. Go with it; it's okay."

"Can you rub my back?" she asked moving away a bit, knowing he'd say yes.

"Most definitely" he answered softly. "Same place as always?"

"No," Mac replied. "I really don't need you to, I just want you to. You can wherever you like."

He smiled; she was asking for his touch and his comfort. He moved his hands down to her shoulder blades and slowly massaged all around them. "I wish.. ah, never mind."

"What?" Mac asked, relaxing under his soft touch.

"I..." he hesitated. "I wish we could make love right now. I'm not blaming you that we can't, I know it's not your fault you're hurting, but...it just, it did so much for us, just that one night at Grams. Like it or not, that's just the...the way you and I communicate best. I know words would be better, but I'm just not too sure we'll ever master that..."

"Once I get operated on again we'll be able to do it more," Mac sighed. "After I get operated on again everything will be better. Then we can try for our baby."

He temporarily halted the massage to wrap his arms around her and hold her tight, just for a moment. "I cannot wait for that, Mac - for being able to make love whenever we want to and not worry about the pain, but mostly for trying for our baby. I guess there's not really much chance that last week could have taken care of that, huh?"

"A bit," Mac replied. "We'll see what the holiday brings. We may have something else to be thankful for after all."

PREVIEW: Thanksgiving day for the Rabb's. Will they have something to be thankful for? Could that something be life?