All Disclaimers Apply.
A/N: Once again thank you for all the reviews and special hugs and thanks go Snugglebug for working with me and giving me that creative bounce.
Mac slammed the receiver down and immediately answered Harm's call, "What is it Sweetie?" she asked gently, soft cool hands touching his hot skin.
"Is everything okay?" he asked. "I heard you yelling."
"Its okay, it was nothing," Mac smiled. "How you feeling?" She didn't want to burden him with Annie now.
He knew everything wasn't okay, but not feeling up to arguing about Annie just then, he let it go for the time being. "Not so hot," he said. "Can you bring me a glass of orange juice?"
"Sure, though Apple might be...Does you throat hurt?" Mac asked.
"Kinda scratchy, I guess," he answered, his voice noticeable more stuffy-sounding than a few hours prior.
"How about Apple juice then?" she asked. "Orange might sting?"
"No, I'd rather have orange," he replied.
"Okay, Sweetheart," Mac replied but first got the digital thermometer out of the dresser. "Take this while I'm gone."
"Yes, dear," he said with a sigh as he took the thermometer from her and placed it underneath his tongue. He felt pretty rotten, and he was actually beginning to believe he just might be sick.
Mac returned a few minutes later with some watered down orange juice and a cup of Uncle Matt's special tea to ease Harm's throat and chest. The thermometer beeped just as she walked in and setting down the cups she asked him, "What's it say?"
"100.4," replied Harm as he handed her the thermometer and leaned his head a little deeper into his pillow. "I think I'm sick."
"I know you are," Mac said with sympathy. "Here's your juice and an old O'Hara remedy for colds. Drink it," she held the cup out to him.
He took the cup and drank down a few swallows of the tea. "What the hell is in that stuff?" he asked, making a disgusted face.
"Ginger, nutmeg, cinnamon, honey, a bit of paprika," Mac listed. "I know it tastes horrible, but it'll make you feel better."
"Compared to drinking much of this stuff," he said, "I already feel better!"
"You'll drink all of that and more too," Mac said firmly. "We both have work on Monday. We've both missed too much time."
"Monday? That's only two days from now," whined Harm. "We won't be ready by then. You just had your surgery yesterday, and I'm half dead. No way we're working before maybe Wednesday."
"Stick with me and you and Bud will be golfing tomorrow like you're supposed to be doing," Mac replied. "Later I'll give you the Mackenzie family remedy for chest congestion."
"Do I even want to know what's in it?" he asked tentatively.
"Probably not," Mac replied. "But it tastes a lot better than this does."
"I think Colleen's food tastes better than this," he muttered, sniffling a little bit.
"It might, but this will work. Trust me," Mac said. "Now can I get you anything else before I go check on Lucy?"
"Nu-uh"? he said pitifully.
"Not even this?" she asked and leaned over a bit from the waist forgetting her incisions. "Oh, bad idea," she frowned and sat down next to him instead.
"Oh, sweetie," he said, sitting up to check on her. "Did you pull a stitch?"
"No," Mac replied. "I forgot it was there is all. Now where was I?" she smiled. "Oh yeah..." She leaned over to kiss him softly on his lips, which were dry from his temperature.
"Baby, you're going to get sick," he said.
Mac shrugged, "Worth it for that," she smiled. "Sure you're okay for now?"
Before Harm could answer, Lucy, who'd been sent to her room and was now feeling neglected came to her parents' bedroom. "Daddy?"
"Hi, baby girl," he said. "What's up?"
"Why are you in bed?" Lucy asked. Daddy was never in bed, only Mommy.
"I've got a little cold, Button," he replied. "I'll be better in a day or two."
"Can I read a story with you?" she asked. "I gotta read one for homework."
"I would love to read a story with you," he answered with the first smile he'd had all day.
"I gotta read it, but you gotta help me okay?" she asked all ready holding her book.
"Okay," he said. "What's the story about?"
"A puppy," Lucy asked. "He's all alone and he wants to get a boy to love him," Lucy replied climbing up on the bed.
"Well, that sounds like a great story," said Harm, pulling his child close and praying she wouldn't catch whatever he had.
"If you two are okay here, I'm going to check on DJ and start dinner," Mac smiled. "You rest up okay?"
Harm nodded as Lucy opened the cover of the book and began to read it to him.
Overall the evening passed calmly, Mac made chicken of which Harm at nearly nothing. She ate nearly nothing and Dr. Bradley did not return Harm's call. Mac sat on Lucy's bed that night tucking her in in Harm's stead, for he was sleeping off his fever in the bedroom.
"There you go, Sweetheart, nice and warm," Mac said pulling the quilt over her daughter. "Do you see Dr. Crimmins this Monday?"
"Yeah, but I don't like her," said Lucy. "When can I stop having to talk to her?"
"I don't know Honey," Mac replied. "Why don't you like her? Is she not nice to you?"
"She's sort of nice," said Lucy. "But I don't like talking to her about you being sick and Daddy being in the lighthouse room. He's not even in there anymore, why do I have to talk about that?"
"Because that really upset you and sometimes we can still be mad or sad about things that happened even if they are over," Mac tried to explain. "Do you understand?"
"Kind of," answered the child through a yawn. "Can I go to sleep now, Mommy?"
"Can you answer me one more thing Lucy Bear?" Mac asked with a soft smile.
"Uh-huh," said the little girl.
"Who loves you best?" she asked, a question she and Harm often asked their children.
"You do, Mommy," answered the sleepy child, sitting up to give her mother a goodnight hug.
"Daddy and I both do, Lucy Bear," Mac smiled. "You snuggle in there now," Mac told her and kissed her forehead. "Good night, Baby Girl."
"Night..." answered Lucy, already drifting into dreamland.
Mac made her way slowly to the bedroom feeling the effects of being up and around all day on a body still recovering from illness and surgery. She could hear Harm snoring as he slept in the bed and decided she's take a shower before she woke him for Nyquil and more tea.
The conversation with Annie was still on her mind as she undressed and stepped under the spray. No matter how good things were going between her and Harm Annie's specter still loomed over her. She was proud of herself though, she's held in her tears and her anger all day to tend to her family, but now in the comforting spray of her hot shower, she allowed herself to feel.
Harm had been asleep for a few hours when all the liquids Mac had been making him drink caught up with him. With a tired moan, he threw the covers off of the top of himself, sat up in bed and touched his feet to the floor as if it were made of ice. "Goddamn, that's cold..." he muttered as he padded slowly to the bathroom. Halfway there, he realized Mac was in the shower, but that didn't mean he couldn't go in and use the toilet. As he neared the door, he could hear that she wasn't just showering, she was sobbing.
"Mac?" he asked opening the door and stepping inside. "Are you okay?"
Mac couldn't turn to face him, not and admit what she was feeling or why so she remained with her face pressed against the time tiles until her knees gave way and she slipped down to the floor.
He saw her form fall from the other side of the shower doors, which he immediately pulled open and knelt down to talk to her. "Baby, talk to me," he said strongly. "Did you hurt yourself? Are you in pain? Tell me, please - I don't know what you need."
Mac reached her arms up and burrowed close to him as she managed to sob out, "It hurts so much."
"What hurts?" he asked in a panic. "Your abdomen?"
She shook her head and through sobs pointed at her chest, "It still hurts so much."
Looking into her eyes, even feeling as lousy as he did at that moment, it didn't take him long to figure out what was causing his wife's breakdown. "Annie..." he whispered, his eyes never breaking connection with Mac's.
She nodded, "She called here today," she whispered as she reached up to turn off the spray. "You get out of here and get dry, you're sick."
"I'm okay," he said gently, grabbing a towel and putting it over her shoulders as he offered both his hands to help her step out of the tub."
Mac wiped at her eyes and offered a shaky apology, "I'm sorry. I thought I could deal with it, but she said some terrible things."
"What'd she say, baby?" he asked her as he wiped away the water dripping from her hair onto her face. Then he began to towel her hair.
"A lot of things, none of it was true though, I know that," Mac sniffled. "But it still hurts, Harm. That you and she...that you...it still hurts." She pulled back from him and began to dry her hair herself.
He leaned against the counter. "I know. It hurts me, too, especially to see you like this. I still can't believe I did something so...stupid."
"It's okay," Mac replied. "I...there's just..."
"Just what?" he asked before a coughing fit overtook him.
Forgetting her own pain and heartache in that moment Mac put her arms around him and patted his back, "Easy there Sailor," she soothed. "Let's get you over to bed, you shouldn't be in these wet things."
"Let me pee first," he said hoarsely. "Then I'll go back to bed."
"Okay," Mac nodded then headed for bed herself. Her abdomen was sore from the force of her sobs and her eyes stung as much as Annie's words, "He resents you..." Mac took out Harm's Navy sweats and laid them on the bed for him before curling up herself under the cover.
He finished in the bathroom and came out still wearing his wet clothes. He sat on the edge of the bed, slowly stripped off his wet pants and peeled the soaked T-shirt from his body. Pulling on the sweats Mac had laid out for him, he decided to forego a shirt and just climb back into bed.
"You feel any better?' he asked softly, reaching out to place a hand against her arm.
"A bit," she sniffled. "Don't worry about it. I'll be all right. I'm just not feeling up to par yet."
"I know," he agreed gently. "I'm sorry she bothered you today. I...I heard part of what you said to her, and I could tell she was being a real bitch. I'm sorry I wasn't the one she was talking to, baby."
"I'm glad she wasn't talking to you," Mac replied. "I don't want her anywhere near you or the children. I wasn't so out of it that I didn't see her Thanksgiving, I was just too sick to handle it."
"I'm sorry," he said, rubbing her arm. "I tried to keep her away from you."
"Harm there's something I have to know," Mac sighed rolling over to face him, to see his eyes as she asked him this.
"Okay," he nodded, his voice still very congested.
"Did you ever tell her that you...that you resented me or did she read into that?" Mac asked softly, holding his gaze.
He looked into her eyes and willed himself to be honest with her. "I did say it" he admitted. "In Mexico, when I was wallowing in the pity pool I'd dug myself. I didn't mean it. I knew you didn't bring any of the problems you've had with that disease on yourself, and I was just so lost in feeling bad about things that I chose my words very poorly. I don't resent you, Mac. I never have and never will."
"I wish you'd have come to me then," Mac sighed. "Why didn't you come to me? Why her?"
"I didn't feel like it was something I could talk to you about," he said. "Which is so crazy. You're the one I'm supposed to take these things to, and I let my own pain drown my good judgment and common sense in every aspect of the matter. I did a hundred things wrong in dealing with my feelings 4 months ago, but God help me I'm trying to make them right."
"I know you are," Mac smiled softly. "It's okay and I've forgiven you for the most part," Mac told him stroking his warm cheek.
He smiled a little. "That makes me feel better," he said. "To know that you've been able to do that when I haven't even forgiven myself."
"I didn't say all the way," Mac told him, she felt she needed to be brutally honest.
"I know," he said. "But I haven't even forgiven myself part way." As he finished his sentence, a vicious round of sneezes attacked his body.
"Easy Sailor," she soothed rubbing up and down his arm. "Easy."
"Ugh..." he moaned, rolling from his side to his back. "Kill me, please."
"It can't be that bad," Mac sighed. "You've had worse than this, remember?"
May 2002
Bethesda Naval Hospital
Mac sat next to Harm's bed still holding his ice cold hand underneath the warming blanket. She couldn't' believe how close she'd come to losing him, now he was battling pneumonia on top of it. As a round of harsh coughs gripped his battered body, Mac stroked his cheek, and crooned, "Ssh. Easy, Harm. It's okay."
He opened his eyes slowly and struggled to focus on the face before him. "Mac...?" he questioned as the fuzzy image became a little more clear.
"Yeah, it's me," she smiled. "You're home now Baby. You're safe and I'm here."
He coughed and coughed, each time causing his body to hurt more than the last. "Why..what...?" he managed to get out.
"Why are you here?" she asked. "You ejected from that Tomcat and you were missing for a little bit. They brought you here by helo late last night and I've been here since. How do you feel?"
Her words were foggy, not completely registering in his mind, but her face was becoming very clear. "Like hell," he answered before another cough hit him.
"Easy, easy," she soothed. "Hurting?"
He nodded, the pain taking his breath away.
"I'm going to get a doctor, maybe he can give you some oxygen to help you breathe easier," she replied and stood up.
He shook his head adamantly as she began to stand up.
"What is it, Baby?" Mac asked. "No you don't want oxygen?"
He continued to shake his head a little. "You."
"You don't want me?" Mac asked confused.
He began to nod gently. "Do want you," he gasped out. "Don't go."
"Oh, okay," she sighed. "I'm going to be right back Honey. Right back." She tried to move away again.
"No!" he said with every ounce of strength in his battered, sick body.
"Harm," she said gently. "You have to breathe easy. You have pneumonia. You have to breathe easy." Then, "Can you try to sit up?"
He lay still for a few seconds, then tried to sit up only to make it a few inches off the bed and fall backwards against it. He looked up at her and shook his head, his breathing labored and heavy.
"Okay," Mac sighed. "I'm going to try and slide in behind you. Try to push up one more time, then you can lean against me. It might help you breathe easier. One more time, then you can rest," she kissed her cheek. "I promise."
He nodded, resting his head against her chest.
Mac placed tiny kisses on his head, "Sleep now, Sailor,' she whispered.
"Don't let go," he whispered.
Present
"I promised that night to never let go," Mac sighed. "How did I do?"
"Perfectly," he answered, his voice still sounding pretty terrible.
"How's your chest feeling now?" Mac asked. "Ever since you get a cold, then you get bronchitis..." Mac sighed. "Can I do anything?"
"We have any of that stuff?" he asked.
"What stuff, we have lots of stuff,' Mac smiled.
He waved his hand around in the air a bit as he searched for the words. "That...menthol, slimy goop..."
"Vicks?" Mac asked. "Yeah in the kid's bathroom. Want me to rub some on your chest?"
"Mm-hmm" he said. "Can't hurt."
"Want anything else while I'm up?" she asked.
He shook his head and pulled the covers up to his chin.
Mac quickly made her way to the kid's bathroom and came back with the rub. She sat down beside him and pulled the covers back. Taking some of the rub into her hand she began to rub his chest in slow circles, "This is a nice switch isn't it?"
"Hmm," he muttered as she massaged.
"Your chest hurt?" Mac asked.
"Mmm...all of it," he mumbled.
"You whole chest?" she asked. "Or other places?"
"Head to toe," he answered with a loud sniffle. "Ugh...I feel rotten."
"I know, Honey," she said softly. "I know. Is this better though?"
"Mmmm...yeah," he replied, melting a little deeper into the mattress.
Mac pulled back and slipped off the bed, "You going to go to sleep?"
"Need to," he said. "Not sure I can."
"Close your eyes," she whispered and smoothed his warm forehead. "Close your eyes and let your body relax. Just let it go, Baby."
He closed his eyes and tried to lose himself in the sound of her voice and the feel of her hands on his face. It didn't work. "Lay with me?" he asked in a sad little voice.
"Let me wash my hands," she replied. "Just keep those eyes closed."
He did as she asked, counting the seconds until she was once again beside him.
Mac slipped into bed and snuggled up to him rubbing her hand over his shoulders, "Go to sleep, Sweetie. I'll be here."
"You...feel okay?" he asked, trying not to bring about another coughing spell.
"I'm sore," she admitted. "But that's okay."
"I should be taking care of you," he whispered. "You have holes in your tummy; all I have is a cold."
"It's okay. Go to sleep."
To him, it wasn't okay. He rolled to face her, slowly and carefully. "I want you to know how much I love you."
"I love you too," she whispered. "You need to rest. I'll be okay," she told him. "Just close you eyes."
"Will you lie right here?" he asked her. "All night long?"
"Right, here, Honey," Mac replied. "Just close your eyes and try to get some rest. I'll be right here."
With his beloved wife's assurance that she'd stay right beside him all night long, Harm was finally able to drift off into a restless, unsettling sleep.
Next in Can We Ever Get Back to Before: Harm and Mac return to duty, but its too soon for one or both of them. Stay tuned.