AN: Long chapter here, but it begins to deal with the aftermath of events in the other world. Quite a bit of angst and some really fluffy comfort, then some more angst. Enjoy!
Standard Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to me, which is a good thing else I might never get anything done. They are Adam and Eddie's. Please, guys, don't sue me!
"Well, I close my eyes / Remove each piece of armor one by one / Inhale this moment deep into my lungs / Make amends for all I've done" - "Permission" by Sixx A.M.
Chapter 7 – The Fallout
Regina regains consciousness slowly. In her ample confusion at not being dead, she clutches at the area of her chest that had been pierced by an arrow. But instead of finding the deadly dart that had ended her life, her gloved hands encounter only the pristine fabric of her purple dress. Recognition dawns quickly and she sits up with a gasp as her eyes take in the familiar scenery. She is no longer in the Dark Palace, but back inside the cozy confines of her little town of Storybrooke.
While the memories she has gained from the false life given to her in Heroes & Villains linger in the forefront of her mind like a translucent cloud that will never fully dissipate, she presses them away upon sensing a presence standing at her side. She looks up to see her son, storybook in hand, eyes crinkled with happiness.
"Hi, Mom."
Regina blinks owlishly at him as events continue to settle into their rightful place in her head. "Henry?" When his grin intensifies, a rush of affection surges through her along with a burst of energy. She scrambles to her feet, dignity be damned, to hug him. With her son safely ensconced in her arms, Regina is flooded with relief, and she allows herself to luxuriate in it. "You did it," she whispers, hugging him even tighter.
"No. We did it," he gently corrects, returning the embrace in that awkward way of a teenage boy that she is learning to adore.
"We all did."
Although the voice from their right interrupts the tender moment between mother and son, it is not at all unwelcome. Regina instantly recognizes the smooth timbre as belonging to the second most important person in her life. Her heart begins thudding almost painfully inside her chest.
After separating from Henry, she shifts to find Ruby standing with Emma, both women wearing matching grins of their own. Henry immediately rushes to his blonde mother while Regina stands stock still and unable to move as she unashamedly drinks in the vision that is a pristine Ruby Lucas returned to her tight white uniform top and red hot pants.
"Hey there, hot stuff," Ruby greets, sheepish under Regina's intensely appraising gaze. She is a living, breathing miracle to Regina, so beautiful and whole and unsullied just like Henry had promised.
Words escape Regina at that moment, and for a woman who takes pride in her deft mastery of language, it is an embarrassing lapse of decorum. Still, she can't find it in herself to care about her lack of eloquence when Ruby right in front of her within arms reach and overflowing with love that is all hers for the taking. Tears prick at her eyes, and though she fights against them out of instinct, a few rebellious drops refuse to cooperate.
"Aw, don't cry," Ruby says, slinking forward to gently grasp Regina's face with both hands. Her thumb brushes away the stray tears that have escaped from the dam of Regina's eyelids. She leans in to kiss Regina's forehead reassuringly. "I'm here," she murmurs against slightly chilled skin, "I'm okay. Everything is okay."
"Is it really?" Regina asks doubtfully as she folds into Ruby's arms, body shuddering like a leaf in an autumn gale as Ruby wraps her up securely.
Memories of the vast backgrounds supplied in the false version of the Enchanted Forest are fading rapidly into the background; yet they are still fresh enough that recollections of certain horrific things that happened there wade back to the surface. One specific event is preeminent among them, and Regina can hardly grasp how Ruby can seem so unaffected when they are tearing her apart from the inside.
Ruby takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly before giving her answer. "We're alive and together. Nothing else matters."
The response is incredibly simplistic, which deeply concerns Regina. She knows from experience that the worst way to deal with trauma is to bury it and she does not want Ruby to repeat her mistakes. But at the same time, she gets the feeling that Ruby isn't feigning ignorance but rather genuinely doesn't recall what happened to her in that other world, or if she does, she has intentionally blocked out those that are too traumatizing. As Regina pulls away, she prays this is the case, as Ruby never remembering is unarguably the best case scenario for them both.
Staring directly into Ruby's vibrant jade eyes, Regina grasps for her girlfriend's hands and grips them tightly. Everything else disappears save herself and Ruby as if they are now alone in a town occupied by thousands. That there may be prying eyes upon them does not enter into the equation for Regina, lost as she is in her love for the woman before her. Released from restraint by what they have just been through and in the light of being so wondrously alive, the vitality of maintaining her reputation has lost its shine.
Dying, even if only within the confines of a fictional story, has awakened Regina to the fragile nature of life, and that she cannot afford to take it or the people she loves for granted ever again.
"I love you," she declares with uncharacteristic sentimentality, and when Ruby's lips stretch wide at hearing those words, Regina's follow suit. "If this ordeal has taught me anything, it's just how much."
Ruby nibbles her lip coquettishly. "Oh? How much is that?"
Fishing for compliments is not unusual for Ruby, which serves as another source of relief for Regina. It is not beneath Ruby to show up for a date in some sexy ensemble only to blush and bite her lip just as she's doing now because she, "wasn't sure what to wear." Once she apologized profusely for choosing a certain dress because she claimed she didn't look good in it, but "it was all that was clean, so if you don't want to go out now, I'd understand." While Regina is aware of what Ruby is doing, she seldom misses out on an opportunity to indulge her girlfriend's vanity since it is one of her few negative traits.
She chuckles as she releases one of Ruby's hands to play with a loose brunette curl. Her eyes never stray from Ruby's as she makes her reply. "More than I ever imagined possible." And with that, she leans in to join their lips in a kiss inspired by feelings of adoration she cannot even begin to express.
Regina savors the ensuing intimacy as long as possible, relishing something she'd thought to never experience again only minutes before. When Ruby tilts her head and parts her lips, Regina breathes deeply through her nose as she threads her arm around a slim waist to draw her taller girlfriend closer. The other hand she tangles into the hair at the back of Ruby's head, using it to leverage slight enough pressure to deepen the kiss. The little noise of pleasure Ruby makes when Regina introduces her tongue ignites a flame low in Regina's belly, and she has to exert every ounce of her self-control to not take things farther than they have already gone, which is fairly inappropriate given their audience.
Seconds pass, perhaps a minute, maybe even two – Regina is not sure how much, only that she is back home with her precious son and her gorgeous lover and for the moment good has triumphed over evil. That she is currently kissing said lover senseless is the icing on her triumphant cake.
But then in the near distance she hears a clattering indicative of booted feet running on pavement. It is followed by a series of shouts, one of which stands out among the rest.
"Emma!"
The sound of Mary Margaret's voice pierces through the air as if a supersonic missile that slams straight into Ruby, who stiffens and pulls away from Regina so quickly that Regina nearly stumbles.
Eyes wide, she peers at her girlfriend, anxiety mounting by the second. "Ruby?"
Regina receives no answer from her shell-shocked girlfriend, whose mouth hangs open in horror, lips forming silent words that refuse to emerge from paralyzed vocal chords. Fat tears bubble up in Ruby's eyes along with a horror that Regina can only describe as absolute in intensity and terrifying to witness. She doesn't need to ask what is happening. She knows instinctively that Ruby's memories of Heroes & Villains are not so buried as she had hoped, and that Mary Margaret's – Snow's – voice has triggered them to emerge.
Not knowing how to help Ruby, Regina makes a split-second decision to do what she can to diffuse a potentially catastrophic situation. She whirls on the approaching couple, noting that Hook accompanied them and has already scooped Emma up into a kiss while Henry rushes toward his grandparents.
"Stop!" she shouts, and is satisfied to see her warning heeded immediately. As Hook sets Emma back down, Mary Margaret and David screech to a halt along with Henry. Both seem every bit as perplexed as Henry. All of them stare back at Regina utterly perplexed. When the Nolans start forward again seconds later, Regina raises her hand and issues another, more stern, command. "I said stop right there! Don't come any closer."
Regina can feel Ruby shrinking into herself even though she is out of view, and the tell-tale growl that follows indicates Ruby's nerves are teetering precariously upon the edge of a razor. There is no doubt in Regina's mind that her girlfriend's green eyes are now glowing with the ancient power of the wolf, and that with Ruby reeling from the flood of traumatic memories, it will take little provocation to send her plunging over headlong into instinctive action.
"What's going on?" Mary Margaret asks, and the sound of that sweet voice, even absent of its storybook venom, adds a prolonged groan to Ruby's growling.
With her own memories flaring up, Regina glares daggers at her former step-daughter. The insufferably loyal person she has learned to trust these past years mixes in her mind with the blood-crazed lunatic she had hated mere minutes ago, and it is all very disconcerting. With how hard it is for her to reconcile fiction from reality in so tense a moment, she can only imagine how distraught Ruby feels.
There is acid in Regina's voice she only half feels when she answers, "She remembers." That single sentence is all Regina has to say.
The part of her that is still unredeemed draws a measure of perverse satisfaction as horrible realization dawns upon Mary Margaret, who stumbles backward into her husband's body. Pale skin turns ghostly white and tortured eyes flit nervously between Regina and Ruby as the meek school teacher internally confronts the barbaric actions she'd perpetrated as the Evil Queen within the false narrative of Heroes & Villains.
It is both difficult and fascinating for Regina to watch Mary Margaret meltdown over the remembrance of her recently erased atrocities. While her own inner Queen revels in the self-loathing currently written upon the face of her mortal nemesis, the motherly part of her aches alongside the tenderhearted woman she's come to admire. In the end, however, her better self wins out at the simple wrongness of such a pure of heart being subjected to the millstone sized burden of carrying around those kinds of memories, especially when they are not based in reality. In a way, Mary Margaret is being gas-lighted by her own brain, and Regina feels a surge of protectiveness swell within her breast at anyone besides herself inflicting such torture on poor, innocent Snow White.
She starts to speak to offer a word of encouragement, but before she can she catches sight of Charming. By the pinched, haunted expression on David's face, he is clearly recalling his own part, involuntary as it may be, in scarring the soul of one of his closest friends. Since he considers Ruby a sister to him, it is highly probably to the point of near absolute certainty that he is eviscerating himself for his actions even though he had no control over them. His self-disgust manifests itself by the way he clenches Snow's shoulders so tightly she is surprised the diminutive woman is not protesting painfully.
A choking sound has Regina turning her eyes back to Mary Margaret, who seems smaller than ever before, and for a moment it appears the mousy looking schoolteacher might vomit. But a crushing grief passes over her visage that drives away the nausea.
Seeing Mary Margaret in such a state elicits memories of a time in which Regina had been grieving herself. To her surprise, she'd opened her door one day to find a woman fraught with guilt standing before her, the very same woman who had just been used to commit the murder of Regina's own mother. At the time, hearing Snow White beg to have her heart ripped out and crushed to alleviate her unbearable pain was music to Regina's ears. But whereas Cora's death haunted Mary Margaret to the point of breaking her, Regina is concerned that her part in traumatizing her best friend will have consequences that are much farther reaching. It is unlikely she will ever fully forgive herself, and Regina laments the damage that has been done to a friendship that predates both of their current relationships – one of them by over three decades.
A gasp from behind Regina arrests her attention, and she swirls to find Ruby bent over at the waist while clawing frantically at her chest. "She wants...out," she bites out. "She wants..." Ruby pauses, turning up baleful yellow eyes to Mary Margaret, "revenge."
"Calm down, sweetheart," Regina says, soothing a hand on Ruby's back. She makes sure to keep herself between her girlfriend and the source of her stress, using her body as a shield between them. "Those memories may seem real, but they aren't." A quick but pointed glance at an anguished Mary Margaret is Regina's way of making sure the other woman knows the message is for her as well. "That didn't really happen. It was just a story, an illusion, just as my own death was."
Veins in her neck straining and pulsing with every beat of her heart, Ruby leans menacingly toward Mary Margaret, who flinches back with fear. "I don't...care, and neither...does...she," she growls and then starts to lunge.
With plenty of experience under her belt watching Ruby transform, Regina catches the precise moment – a widening of the eyes, dilation of the pupils, and flaring of the nostrils – that control is surrendered to the alter ego who exists solely to destroy all in her path, and when so inclined protect her kindred human spirit from harm. And now the those disparate desires are perfectly aligned, for to the wolf's baser perspective, protecting her human means destroying the source of her pain.
Regina knows she has no time to reason with Ruby. If allowed to shift she will go on a rampage that will put the lives of everyone in town in jeopardy, which in turn would force Regina's hand. Unwilling to further harm her victimized lover who has every right to her feelings, she instinctively shouts the activation words to the most powerful sleeping spell in her repertoire. It works instantly, much to her relief, and she only just catches Ruby before she slumps boneless to the ground.
Regina wastes no further time in waving her hand over Ruby's prone form, magicking her into the bed they have only just begun to share on a semi-regular basis. Although she wants nothing more than to be there herself, to curl her body around Ruby's and hold her until morning, she cannot yet afford such a luxury. She cannot leave Mary Margaret in such a state, particularly not with Emma having been clued in that something is very wrong between her mother and her long-time friend. A curious Savior is bad a thing right now, as the last thing Ruby needs is Emma nosing around, prodding the bear (or wolf in this case), so to speak
"I've knocked her out and sent her home to bed," she tells the group now huddled together before her. That she'd referred to her house as Ruby's home is of no small consequence, but there are more pressing matters to take care of before she can sit down and further analyze that strangely welcome slip of the tongue. "I advise that no one approach her until she's sufficiently calmed down."
"How long will that be?" Mary Margaret asks, sounding as broken as Regina has ever heard while tears streak down her full cheeks. "She's s-so...so angry."
"I've never seen her like that," Emma interjects. "What the hell happened? All of the sudden she just went nuts."
Regina can see the wheels turning inside that golden-capped cranium. She mentally pats herself on the back for having the foresight to stick around for explanations.
Aloud, she replies, "She didn't just 'go nuts', Miss Swan." Her reverting to a formal address of Emma is due mainly to her frustration at being apart from Ruby when Ruby needs her the most. "She remembered what happened to her because of that puny piece of human trash, Isaac Heller." Regina's only consolation at the moment is that said piece of human trash is stuck in Storybrooke with no where to run. She hopes to get a moment alone with him before Emma locks him up.
After hearing Regina's clarification, Emma's brows draw together in that way of hers that reminds Regina of a hound catching the scent of a mortally wounded fox, reinforcing her belief that this is something the Savior will not let go.
"What exactly did happen?" she asks. "I remember when we arrived at the castle Ruby was in chains and Mary Margaret was about to kill you."
"It's not my place to tell you, Emma," Regina answers in an attempt to avoid discussing the situation any more than is necessary, particularly with Henry around. To that end, she purposefully cuts her eyes toward her son in a way Emma quickly and correctly interprets.
Emma pats Henry on the shoulder, a patronizing move in Regina's opinion, then says, "Hey, kid, do us a favor and go check in on Ruby." As if something has just occurred to her, she glances up at Regina with a perfectly pale brow raised. "She won't hurt him will she?"
Regina shakes her head without thinking twice. She knows that Ruby would never hurt Henry, even with her self-control compromised. "No. He'll be safe. The wolf perceives him as family, whereas she sees your mother as an enemy at the moment."
Emma seems to accept Regina's assurance, although Henry apparently does not agree with the suggestion he make himself scarce. "But we just got here!" he protests. "Heller is still on the loose, and I need to check on my grandpa..."
"I swear, we will handle all of that after we're sure you're safe," Emma promises.
"But…"
When Henry begins to resist again, Regina steps in. "Listen to your mother, Henry," she says. "This is not simply a dismissal. I actually need you to check in on Ruby, not for Emma, but for me. The reason she acted that way is because she was scared, Henry. She is scared and hurt and angry right now, and I don't want her to be alone when she wakes up. You're the only one I trust to calm her down if she's still agitated, so please, will you do this for me?"
The argument, while not Regina's best, works. She breathes a sigh of relief when Henry harrumphs a grudging acceptance of her wishes. Although it comes with the caveat that he be treated less like a kid in the future and more like the young man he is growing to be, the request is reasonable, so Regina grants it. With his approval secured, Emma magicks him to back to Regina's house.
"Alright," Emma then says, eyes darting back to Regina. "Sensitive ears are no longer among us. Spill. What was that with Ruby just now?"
Regina opens her mouth to answer, prepared to tell the truth since Henry is not present to hear it. She is interrupted by Mary Margaret, who cuts her off with a cry.
"It was me! I did something awful Emma." A shiver works its way down Mary Margaret's petite frame as she shrinks further into Charming's embrace. "I-I…" She pauses to take a tremulous breath, then relays the truth they all would much prefer to forget. "In that world, I was the Evil Queen as you know, but Ruby was still my closest friend. She was the only person I truly trusted. But then she fell in love with Regina, my enemy, and I found out about it. I...back there, I did things to prisoners...terrible things, but I saved the worst punishments for those close to me who betrayed me."
"Like me," says David, who rubs Mary Margaret's arms in a show of support that is indicative of his high character and of his abiding love for his wife. "She had my heart...literally."
Mary Margaret nods despondently. "When I caught Ruby, I contacted Regina on a magic mirror I sent to their monthly meeting place. I had Ruby brought to me and forced your father to r-r...I can't even say it. Oh, my God. Oh, God!" Huge gasping sobs break free as Mary Margaret hides her face behind her hands.
"Mom!"
Emma rushes quickly over to her mother, kneeling in front of the nearly hysterical woman. She grasps at frail wrists and carefully pries her mother's hands away from her face. "Mom, look at me," she commands gently. When Mary Margaret complies, still hiccuping, Emma releases a wrist to wipe some of her mother's tears away. "Whatever it is, it wasn't real, just like Regina told Ruby. You didn't really do those things. So just tell me what happened. I won't judge you, I promise."
"Tell her, Snow," Regina says, more harshly than she'd intended judging by Mary Margaret's wince.
"It's okay, honey. Tell Emma what happened so you can start to let go of it," David assures, now holding his wife in his arms. Regina can only admire his ability to set aside his own sizable trauma for the sake of his True Love. "Holding it in or denying it will only make things worse."
Mary Margaret wrenches away from his grasp and maneuvers herself between her family and Regina. "How can I do that?" she wails. "How can I let go of these memories? How can I ever forget the countless lives I snuffed out on a whim? Or forcing my own husband to rape my best friend in front of the woman she loves? You're asking the impossible!"
Emma blanches at hearing the awful truth. "Oh...oh, Jesus. No wonder Ruby lost it."
"Yes, no wonder," Regina grits out, still sorting through her latent hatred of the evil version of Snow. "But David is right, Snow," she then says, crossing over to grasp the frantic woman by her upper arms to still her frenzied pacing. "Snow! Listen to me, dammit! You cannot let this destroy you. As much as it pains me to say this right now, you did nothing wrong. You are as much a victim as we all are."
"Doesn't feel that way," Mary Margaret whispers so lowly Regina barely hears.
Thoughts suddenly intrude upon Regina that unsettle her to her core, thought of things that she has purposefully avoided dealing with since starting down her personal road to redemption. One thing in particular is rearing its ghastly head, provoked back to life by Mary Margaret's guilt. And when those disgraceful sins start to creep past the barriers she has kept them locked under since the Curse broke, she scrambles to reinforce them lest her benevolent mood vanish under an avalanche of shame.
"I know it doesn't," she tells the ailing Mary Margaret after somewhat composing herself. "But that feeling will fade. Take it from someone who chose to do horrific things in real life." It is a lie in the light of this recent surge of suppressed memories. But only a partial one, she tells herself.
"She's not wrong, Mom," Emma adds, and Regina internally rolls her eyes at the condescension in that agreement. "You'll get through this. But right now you need to pull yourself together, if not for yourself, then for your family. Don't forget you have a son at home who needs you. So go be with him. Focus on Neal for a while, let him anchor you, let him help you get your head on straight while the three of us take care of Heller."
"That's a good idea, actually," Regina remarks, earning a glare from Emma that she shrugs off to refocus on Mary Margaret. "Don't dwell on this too much or it will eat you alive from inside out. You should do as Emma suggests. Go home and hold that precious little boy in your arms and remember all of the blessings in your life. You have so much to be thankful for, Snow. Don't let that power-tripping literary maniac take it all away from you."
The speech surprisingly does the trick. Mary Margaret straightens up, then sniffles and wipes her tears with her sleeve. She is not the formidable Snow White of old, but she bears a close enough resemblance for now to get her through the coming days.
"Okay," says Mary Margaret after a deep breath. She takes another and then another. "Okay. I'm better now, thank you both. I think I would like to see my son now if you don't mind, Regina."
"Not at all," says Regina, managing a small smile, and with a flick of her wrist, she sends Mary Margaret to the loft in a puff of purple smoke.
When her mother disappears from view, Emma steps up beside Regina, hands on her hips. She looks focused now, and the information she's just learned has added an edge to her eyes that has Regina's blood rushing. The hunt is on.
"Now, where do we start looking for Heller?" the Savior inquires, Charming jaw and Snow White chin set in a hard line. "I have a few choice words for him."
"As do I, Emma, as do I," Regina replies, and she does not have to contemplate possibilities for long. Only one person could have provided Isaac Heller with everything he needed to write Heroes & Villains.
Openly wearing her rage as motivation, Regina straightens her coat and dons a grin that hearkens back to days when she was a much different person. She needs the Evil Queen for the coming confrontation.
"I know exactly where to begin."
When Regina arrives home nearly four hours later, she is bone weary. After securing Isaac Heller and remanding him to a cramped prison sell, alive but a little worse for wear, more problems cropped up that had to be dealt with, namely the Apprentice's death and the Dark One magic being released from its centuries long host, Rumplestilskin. As it goes with Regina's tragic luck, it had chosen her as its new vessel. But before she could be claimed by the darkness, the idiotically heroic Savior intervened on her behalf.
Now, Emma is the Dark One and has vanished to God knows where, David and Mary Margaret are shattered in more ways than one, and as if that is not reason enough to crawl headlong into a bottle of scotch, Regina has no damn clue as to how even begin fixing the mess that is their lives. Added on top of all that misery is Ruby's justifiably hysterical reaction to Mary Margaret earlier in the day. Worries are being heaped upon worries for Regina, and at the moment they weigh so heavily on her shoulders that she rather sympathizes with the mythical plight of Atlas.
The second she is inside her home, she shucks her heels off and kicks them beneath the little table in the foyer she keeps adorned with one of her favorite vases, too tired to even care about scolding herself for such laziness. Because her feet ache terribly, she pauses for a moment to lean against the wall and massage the soles before padding up the landing.
"Hey."
The small feminine voice that calls out from the living room catches Regina by surprise, and she whirls to see Ruby on the couch, half-read book cast aside next to bare legs which are tucked up beneath her. She is dressed only in one of Regina's Oxford's, the top three buttons left open, and her hair is arranged in a messy bun. Free of makeup, her face is splotchy but absent of tears, which tells Regina she has been crying recently.
"Hey," Regina replies as she shuffles into the living room. Once at the couch, she carefully kneels in front of Ruby and tugs at shapely calves until Ruby rearranges herself so that she is seated more normally. Regina then pulls at Ruby's knees until her miserable looking girlfriend scoots closer to the edge of the cushions, hemming Regina in between her long legs. Peering up into sad green eyes, Regina rubs tenderly along the smooth lengths of Ruby's thighs. "How long were you out?"
"About an hour according to Henry," Ruby replies. "He was sitting by the bed reading when I woke up. It helped seeing him, calmed me down."
Regina smiles at that. She will have to thank Emma later when all of this Dark One mess is resolved. For now, though, she is in mother hen mode. "I'm glad. Did you eat anything?"
Ruby nods. "Henry was hungry, so I fixed him a BLT like we make at the Diner. I wasn't gonna eat anything but he made me." An affectionate smile forms on Ruby's lips at that, which only makes Regina's widen.
"That's my boy," she comments. "Is he still awake?"
"No." Ruby then scrunches her nose up adorably. "Or at least I don't think so. After we ate, he told me he was going to tuck in early after he read for a bit. Said he was tired from, and I quote, a very long day. I haven't heard a peep for the past half hour, so I assume he's asleep."
"Good, he needs the rest," Regina replies, then glances down at Ruby's incredibly appealing legs. She internally muses how much she loves these legs, loves to touch them and kiss them and feel them wrap around her when they are making love. Ruby's legs are her most famous physical feature for very good reason. When she looks back up, Ruby eyes are twinkling. "I suppose Henry being in bed explains your lack of pants."
"Don't see you complaining," Ruby teases.
Regina smirks. "Nor will you any time in the near future." She gives Ruby's legs another deliberate rub. "I love these legs."
Ruby snorts. "Don't I know it. Caught you staring enough times during those 28 years of miniskirts and short-shorts."
"Bless that little unexpected detail," Regina quips mischievously. "That first day we were here, I saw you and Granny arguing outside the Diner. You were dressed in your famous get-up, and I remember thinking, 'My, my, isn't this going to be fun?'" Her good humor fades with memories of the months and years that followed. "It turned out to be not quite as wonderful a revenge as I'd thought."
"It wasn't without its bad times, though," Ruby says, looking thoughtful. "I got a kickass car out of it and a job I enjoy. I have money in the bank and more than enough food to eat. There were times back in the Old World I went without the basic necessities."
"Ruby..."
Ruby stops Regina's apology with a finger upon her lips. "No, it's okay. We each have our lot in life. I didn't choose to be born poor just like you didn't choose to be born a wealthy noble. We made the best of what we were given, or at least tried to I think."
"Some of us more than others," Regina adds, expression ridden with guilt.
"True," Ruby smiles, "but in the end I think it all turned out okay. Like I said, we're here, and I love this town and all of its idiosyncratic craziness. I love my life here. Do you know why?"
Enraptured by Ruby's voice, Regina never loses contact with Ruby's eyes as she says in dulcet tones, "I do," and she does. Ruby has given Regina this exact little speech more than once. "But tell me again."
Breathing deeply, Ruby reaches up and starts sifting her fingers through the hair at Regina's temple. "Because my dream finally came true. After decades of inappropriate fantasies, I finally caught the eye of the hottest Mayor in the good ole' US of A. And just my luck, she's even more wonderful than I ever imagined."
Regina leans into Ruby's touch, a tear rolling down her cheek as she chuckles lightly. "You are such a flatterer."
Ruby doesn't miss a beat as she untangles her fingers from Regina's hair to bop her lightly on the tip of the nose. "If by flattery you mean honesty, then yes I am." When Regina wiggles her nose in protest at the action, which elicits a grins from Ruby that actually reaches her eyes.
Silence falls after that and Regina settles into along with Ruby. They trade loving stares and gentle touches for a bit, enjoying being together again without the sword of Damocles that was Evil Snow hanging over their heads. Eventually, though, Ruby's eyes stray, grow distant, and Regina is reminded of why she'd come home so burdened in the first place.
"How are you?" she poses, already knowing the answer.
"Okay, I guess," Ruby replies around a little sniffle.
Regina gives her a look. "Don't lie. I know you're not okay."
Ruby sighs as she reaches up to play with the tips of Regina's hair. "You're right. I'm not okay. I keep remembering it, hearing Snow's commands and sensing David step behind me…" as her voice trails off, she shivers and the flesh of her legs pebbles beneath Regina's fingers. "The dread coils up in my stomach like I'm back there and I can hear you begging and feel him inside me and I know it didn't really happen but it's just so sickening. After Henry went upstairs I took some Pepto and climbed into the show to scrub my skin until it was raw, but I just...the dirtiness and nausea won't go away." When Ruby's exposition trails off, that sickness manifests itself through the tightening of her jaw and the way her lips spread into a thin line as dots of sweat appear on her brow.
Hearing Ruby describe how she'd felt sends pangs of guilt and anger through Regina's chest. The anger is easiest to process; it is an old companion that feels familiar as it settles into place within her heart. She struggles with the guilt, though, because she feels responsible for Ruby's suffering and represents a woefully insufficient resource from which Ruby can draw comfort.
But as much as she wants to wallow in the misery of her own personal failings, her primary focus is getting Ruby through this however she can. Feeling it to be an inadequate gesture, she nonetheless takes Ruby's hand and places a series of kisses upon her knuckles.
"I'm so sorry," she murmurs against Ruby's warm skin, then looks up with pleading eyes. "What can I do to make it better?"
"There's nothing you can do to make it better aside from making me forget," Ruby says, voice a little too numb for Regina's liking. But then her eyes grow misty and she looks at Regina with such emotion that Regina's heart squeezes painfully. "What you can do, though, is love me. Just love me, Regina. Hold me and don't let me go."
"That I can do," Regina says in an almost whisper. She stands and shucks her jacket off, folds it neatly, and then places it upon the coffee table before adjusting the throw pillows on the end of the couch opposite Ruby. After reclining back and getting settled, she holds out her arms and says, "Come here." She smiles when Ruby immediately crawls over and tucks herself into the waiting embrace.
With her left arm at Regina's side and their legs tangled together, Ruby rests her head over Regina's heart and then brushes the palm of her right hand down Regina's forearm until their fingers are threading together. "I love you so much," she says with a noticeable hitch in her voice. "The entire time I was imprisoned, I just kept praying you would change your mind and run, that you would save yourself. I should have known better. You always were too stubborn for your own good." She pauses and then chuckles lightly. "My plucky bandit."
Regina hums her own laugh before replying. "And I always will be."
"Promise?" Ruby doesn't look up, but Regina can hear the creeping doubt in her voice.
"With all of my heart, I do."
Ruby nods her acceptance into Regina's chest and then settles in. "'Kay," she murmurs as she squeezes Regina's hand. Silence falls once more that is only penetrated by the occasional sniffle or whimper from Ruby. Regina alternates between peppering kisses upon her lover's crown and murmuring soft assurances as she brushes her fingers gently through Ruby's thick mane of dark hair. Before long – perhaps five minutes Regina reckons – Ruby grows still, her body going limp shortly thereafter as she falls into a deep sleep.
Using her magic, Regina summons a blanket over them both while at the same time changing her attire into a more suitable nightgown. She abstains from her ridiculously comfortable silken pajamas out of a need to feel the skin of Ruby's legs against her own and the press of a warm cheek against her chest.
As she holds Ruby securely, Regina allows her mind to drift back to a moment during Mary Margaret's meltdown. A particular statement she'd made flashes through her mind. When Mary Margaret had lamented how she didn't feel like a victim, Regina mentioned that the guilt would fade. "Take it from someone who chose to do horrific things in real life," were her precise words. What she'd really wanted to say was, "Take it from someone who actually did those things in real life."
For whatever reason, perhaps the stress of what had just happened or the tangible grief Mary Margaret was feeling or Ruby's loss of control, at that moment thoughts of Graham resurfaced that she'd entombed long ago. With them came acute feelings of guilt and shame that threatened to upset the delicate balance of her own self-control. She'd pushed them away to focus on calming Snow down, but now that she is back at home and Ruby is safe, she can't help but dwell on them again.
In analyzing those feelings, she realizes that she has avoided them simply because she didn't want to admit to herself how very similar her own practices were to Evil Snow's. To be clear, Regina did not make a habit of raping her victims, but that does not mean that she had never done any such thing. The fact of the matter is that after Graham betrayed their agreement, she had taken his heart and forced him into her bed to subdue his will. That it happened only once, and that their arrangement in Storybrooke was consensual in nature is of no consequence in the light of Ruby's suffering, or of David's, or of Mary Margaret's.
That night as she lay holding Ruby so close that she can feel her lover's heartbeat against her breast, Regina feels as if she is the ultimate hypocrite to be comforting Ruby over memories of an event that did not happen in reality while in the very real world she had committed the very same heinous crime. As if to deepen her turmoil, Graham's haunted eyes appear behind her lids every time they close, condemning her for being the villain that she is.
"Murderer," he taunts in his harsh Irish lilt, eyes burning with disgust. "Rapist. Thief. Monster."
Like a broken record, he repeats the accusations over and over until Regina feels choked and suffocated by her justly assigned reproach. The only reasons she doesn't fly apart at the seams is Ruby's grounding presence holding her together and because her own indomitable force of will.
Escaping the torture of remembering proves impossible, however. A part of her past that she had purposefully locked away has resurfaced that will not go back in so neatly for a second time. For her to move past it, she will have to face it, but to do that requires a level of honesty she isn't ready for. Regina doesn't think she can stomach admitting what she did to Ruby, not only because she is afraid of what Ruby will say or do, but also because Ruby is so terribly fragile right now and so many lives are in total upheaval. Eventually, though, she will have to tell the truth knowing that it might very well spell the end of this exceedingly precious relationship.
The very thought of losing Ruby fills Regina with so much anxiety she is surprised at her ability to remain outwardly calm for Ruby's sake. Inside, though, she is reeling and frantic and feeling that insidious desperation well up that had once pushed her down a deep, dark hole that swallowed her whole for the better part of a decade. She is treading dangerous waters dangling to an uncertain life preserver to prevent her from drowning. The Queen, ever present in the back of her mind, cackles as she urges Regina to accept the darkness once again if only to spare herself the pain of having a conscience.
Regina resists the seductive pull with all of her might and focuses in on the sound of Ruby's even breathing, causing the Queen to fade into the background once more. And as Ruby slumbers peacefully through the night ensconced in her arms, Regina remains wide awake. The harrowing specters of her past persistently trouble her mind, and sleep eludes her just as it will many other times in the weeks to come.
It turns out that Graham's ghost follows Regina back to the Enchanted Forest and on into Camelot as the gang of heroes chase mythical legends and their own tails searching for a way to purge Emma of the darkness. Regina's only consolation over the ensuing days is that Ruby had remained home in Storybrooke upon her insistence.
"You can't make me stay," Ruby had said, hands on her hips as she glared obstinately at Regina.
"No, I can't," Regina replied calmly. "But I can ask you to. I can beg you to. And I will do that if I must, Ruby, because I can't do this – I can't help Emma if I'm spending half of my time fretting over you."
Ruby had deflated as if a balloon being burst by a dart. "Ugh. Why do you always have to be right?"
"Because I'm a Queen, darling," Regina replied around a smile, "and a Queen is always right."
Ruby gave a chuckle as she leaned in for a kiss. When she pulled away she firmly swatted Regina's rear, eliciting an undignified yelp. "Well then, you'd best get that Queenly ass moving so you don't keep the Scooby Gang waiting."
After sharing another series of parting kisses, each more lingering than the last, Regina finally disappeared in a cloud of magic.
It turns out getting to Camelot is no small feat. According to the dying apprentice, the only way to reach the Enchanted Forest is with his wand, which incidentally requires both light and dark magic to open a portal. Unfortunately no one among the group of heroes, Regina included, possesses enough darkness to fuel the wand. Thus, they are left with no alternative but to seek Zelena's assistance.
Going to her sister for help offends Regina's every sensibility, noble and vindictive alike, but she does it anyway because she owes Emma for saving her from a fate that would have all but ended her one shot at redemption. Since Regina doesn't trust her elder half-sibling enough to lend her a crayon with which to decorate her padded walls, it comes as no surprise that Zelena is only willing to agree on the basis that she be freed. Regina flatly refuses, and not only for herself but for Robin's sake as well.
In thinking of Robin, it suddenly dawns on Regina how disgustingly similar she really is to her sister. Both have used sex as a weapon to get what they want, victimizing innocent people in the process. The only difference between them were the methods employed. Zelena had used magic to deceive Robin into bed and conceived a child as a consequence, while Regina had taken Graham's heart and forced him into hers to bend him to her will.
And as Regina stands listening to a slimy attempt to persuade her to remove the magic dampening cuff preventing her sister from activating the wand, she can only see Graham's face, condemnatory expression firmly in place. The longer Zelena rants the more Graham mingles with Robin until Regina feels bile rising up the column of her throat as if lava about to erupt from a volcano. She hightails it out of the cell just in time to vomit up what little breakfast Ruby had forced her to eat earlier that morning in the hallway. Nurse Ratchet gives her a withering look due to the mess she'll have to clean up, but Regina ignores the woman in her haste to escape the dingy space of Storybrooke General's Mental Ward.
In retrospect, she shouldn't have left Hook behind, but his questionable judgment winds up working in their favor to secure a portal for them to hijack when Zelena uses the wand in an attempt to return to Oz. Luckily for Regina, after learning of Zelena's escape, she'd retrieved the magic dampening cuffs. When her sister stumbles due to the enormous energy required to open the portal, Regina slaps the cuffs back on and relishes the minor victory.
Unfortunately, Granny's Diner is the first casualty in the quest to rescue Emma. Regina isn't quite sure how she will explain things to Ruby if the Diner doesn't make it back to Storybrooke in one piece. But that, she decides, is a problem for later.
Once in Camelot, it is difficult for Regina to concentrate on saving Emma with her waking thoughts at home with Ruby in Storybrooke and her nights plagued by her own dark memories of that infinitely regrettable incident with Graham. Still, she manages to soldier on as she always does, just like her mother taught her. She has always been adept at compartmentalization, which a good thing considering she has to endure Zelena's presence the entire time, a thorn in her side that festers ceaselessly, feeding her self-loathing and rage.
After a series of setbacks in the quest to cleave Emma from the Dark One dagger, Regina finds herself back in Storybrooke with missing memories for the second time in as many years. Another Curse has been cast to get them all back home, and of course, Emma – now dressed in full-on Dark One leathers and her hair silvered with dark magic – immediately goes missing. The Dark Swan is loose in Storybrooke, and there is no predicting what she will do.
The first order of business for Regina upon arriving back in Storybrooke is to bid a hasty adieu to the company at Granny's. They protest her departure with Emma in the wind, but she grips Henry's shoulder beneath steady hands and says, "If you find her, give me a call. I have a son to take care of and Ruby needs me at home. Goodnight." And with that, she magicks them back home in a puff of purple smoke. However upon arriving in her living room, she is greeted not by Ruby's sweet smile but rather by the pungent, cloying smell of the darkest magic imaginable.
She enters the foyer cautiously, pushing Henry behind her to protect him to the voicing of his confusion. "Quiet," she says, effectively cutting off any further complaints. Henry obeys, though his confusion turns quickly into barely concealed fear. Regina then scours the area with her eyes before turning them upstairs where she hears the faint sounds of a conversation emanating from somewhere down the hallway. Her immediate deduction is that the voices are coming from her bedroom. Horror strikes her square in the chest.
"Go into the kitchen and stay there," she orders Henry as quietly as possible, and then ushers him past her, giving his shoulder a little nudge as he slides by. "Don't come out unless I tell you. Understand?"
"Yes," he nods, looking like he wants to press the issue. To his credit, he simply obeys. Regina makes herself a mental note to reward him later.
With Henry safely in the kitchen, she makes her way upstairs and then down the hallway toward the master bedroom that she intends on sharing with Ruby on a more permanent basis as soon as she can work up the nerve. In the real world, they have not been together nearly long enough for cohabitation, but a year's worth of memories are in her head of being romanced by a dashing werewolf and of making plans to run away together and be married. Included in those memories are Regina's own death. Life, she now believes, is far too precious and fleeting to waste on having cold feet. She wants her home to be Ruby's too because to be frank, Ruby is rapidly become her home.
Of course, there is the matter of telling Ruby the truth about Graham as well, and to be sure that throws a kink in Regina's plans. But as she nears the door to her bedroom, she pushes all such thoughts away. Now is not the time for such contemplations.
Up so close to the bedroom door, the conversation inside is now decipherable, so Regina listens in before making her entrance.
"I've always wanted to know if you taste as good as you look," she hears Emma say, her voice silky smooth but tainted by that dark edge that's been present since she became the Dark One. Regina can feel Ruby cringe at the crass language, but something prevents her from barging in to give Darth Swan a piece of her mind. Instead, she listens as Emma's seductively stated offer continues. "The way Regina waltzes into the Diner these days like the cat that ate the cream, I'm willing to bet you do. And, Ruby, I can promise you right now that you will have the time of your life. Not only can I make you feel things you've never imagined, but I can also make you forget about all of that crap that's been swirling through your brain since escaping Heller's warped fairy tale. I can make your life so much better if you'll let me."
"I don't want that, Emma," replies Ruby, voice wavering but intent clear. "I don't want to forget. As terrible as it was, I also watched Regina sacrifice her life twice, once to save Henry and once to save me. If I didn't before then, I know now how much she really loves me, and that is something I want to remember for the rest of my life."
"Even if it means reliving being raped over and over again?" Emma counters, emphasizing that one repulsive word. Regina starts at the phrasing, only aware of the one incident. She hopes she has merely misconstrued Emma's meaning because the alternative is too appalling to consider.
For a moment there is silence after Emma's question, but then Ruby answers, "Even then." Her voice is small but strong with certainty.
"Well, I can't say I agree with that decision, but okay," Emma then says, sounding amused. "You can keep your memories then. And as for Regina, she'd never have to know. It would be our little secret."
"And what about Hook?" Ruby poses.
"He is all in on this plan," Emma replies with a strangely secretive lilt to her voice. It is as if Emma is privy to information everyone else isn't, and being ignorant of it nags at Regina until she forces the irritating feeling away by recalibrating her mind to zone in on the words being spoken inside her bedroom. "…I think his precise words were, 'The more the merrier, love.'"
"No, Emma. Just...no," Ruby says sternly. "Even if I were interested, and I'm not saying I am, but even if I were, I would not do that to Regina. She's had enough people fail her in life. I won't be another one of them."
Emma makes a tutting sound, clearly growing annoyed. "I don't get your loyalty to her. I really don't. I mean, don't get me wrong, Regina is hot as hell, and I would not say no to a wild ride on that hate-sex train, but the fact remains you haven't spoken to my mother in weeks and yet you sleep next to a woman who has done far worse."
"I know what Regina's done. You don't need to tell me about all the people she's killed."
"That? Regina's proclivity for murder is not what I was referring to." There is a pause that indicates Emma is waiting for an answer. None comes. "Oh, wow. You don't know. She hasn't told you."
When Emma laughs with malefic pleasure, Regina's heart plummets. She knows what truth is about to be revealed and rushes in to prevent it from happening.
After barging into the bedroom, she fixes Emma with a hateful glare. "What the hell is going on?"
Emma reacts by tilting her head and smiling as if everything is merry with the world. The expression would look strange on Emma even if she were in her right mind, but in her Dark One attire, it is especially unsettling.
"Just having a conversation with my friend, Ruby," is her response. Her eyes narrow at Regina. "Why, Regina, were you eavesdropping on us?"
Regina is in no mood for games and is not inclined to lie given that Emma almost certainly felt her presence when she arrived home. "As a matter of fact I was," she confirms. "I was curious as to what you wanted with my girlfriend," Regina emphasizes the word just as Emma had because she is agitated and therefore not above a pissing match with her former and now on-again rival. "I let this little..." she waves her hand between Emma and a confused looking Ruby, "chit-chat go on in the hopes you would say something stupid. Maybe I should I have let you go on. What is it they say about giving someone enough rope? At any rate this little tête-à-tête is over now. Kindly exit my home, Emma. You're not welcome here in this state."
Emma smirks at Regina's mention of her dramatic change in appearance and lifestyle. "And what state is that?" she throws back. "No longer constrained by all the hang-ups and issues that held me back most of my life? Dr. King said it best, I think. Free at last, free at last," she sings, "thank God almighty I am free at last!"
"You're not free, Emma," Regina counters. "You're more a prisoner than ever before. You simply traded one master for another, and make no mistake, the darkness is subtle in its cruel domination. If you don't believe me, ask Rumplestiltskin what his freedom has cost. Embracing the darkness is the cowards way out, Emma, and I never took you for a coward."
"Regina..." Ruby begins, but stops short when Emma raises her hand.
The new Dark One approaches Regina, smile betrayed by the malice in her eyes. Regina does not back down. She stands her ground, knowing that showing fear in the face of such evil only whets its appetites.
Frame coiled tight as if strained to the point of snapping, Emma still manages to sound calm as she says, "If you think I'm a coward, why don't you test me?"
"I don't need to," Regina replies. "You won't hurt me here, not with Ruby present and Henry downstairs in the kitchen, waiting on me to tell him everything is okay. Even the Dark One wouldn't kill her son's other mother while he was in the house."
The mention of Henry seems to finally penetrate the armor of detached coldness Emma has wrapped herself in, which confirms for Regina that the Savior is still in there. Emma is not yet beyond hope.
When Emma's jaw flexes angrily after realizing Regina's tactic worked, Regina takes a step back. Rather than allow things to escalate, she gestures toward the door. "Let's take this outside, shall we?"
Emma gives a terse nod and heads through the door, stopping halfway to speak to Ruby over her shoulder. "My offer still stands if you change your mind." And with that, she disappears from view.
Regina breathes a sigh of relief. She looks up to Ruby, who is clearly shaken by what has transpired.
"Stay here. I'll return shortly after I take out the trash."
Ruby seems to intuitively understand Regina's request is not so much a request as a demand that is not to be disobeyed. She nods then nervously picks at the sheets.
"Just be careful."
Regina tries to smile in order to diffuse the tension. The results are mediocre at best. "Don't worry. She's not going to hurt me."
"How do you know?"
The question is not ridiculous by any means considering Emma's immense power. A Savior possessing the power of the Dark One is a foe not to be trifled with. Regina is not ignorant to her hopeless odds were she to actually battle Emma one on one. Empowered as she is, Emma would crush her like an annoying little pest, which only helps prove Regina's point.
"Because I made it back to Storybrooke alive," she explains. "If Emma wanted any of us dead, we would be. I certainly can't stop her and she knows that. She has an end game in mind, I just don't know what it is."
Ruby nibbles at her lip nervously. "That may be true, but still be careful, okay? I can't lose you."
"I promise." Regina's smile is more genuine this time. "I'll be back shortly." She leaves before Ruby can respond.
After making her way downstairs, she shouts for Henry to go to his room and lock the door, then exits the house to find Emma pacing on the walkway a stone's throw from the porch. As she thunders towards the waiting Dark One, she doesn't waste any time tearing into the woman she who has against all odds wormed her way into what once a blackened and closed off heart.
"Dammit, Emma! If you want to play games, do so with me. Leave Ruby out of it!"
Emma rolls her eyes. "Don't play innocent with me. You treat her like a breakable doll when she is anything but. Ruby is strong, she just needs a reminder."
"I know she is!" Regina barks. "That doesn't give you license to toy with her emotions after what she's been through. And you call yourself her friend..." Regina emphasizes the condemnation with a derisive scoff.
"I am her friend," Emma replies. "But there is also a darkness in Ruby that calls to me just like Killian's does. I'm willing to bet it's what drew you to her in the first place. And if you were afraid I'd really hurt her, you shouldn't have been. I wouldn't...at least no more than she is comfortable with."
The last words are thick with innuendo, causing Regina to reel back a step. Hands clenching into tight fists that strain the skin of her knuckles, she grits out, "I don't know what you mean."
Emma laughs at the obvious lie. "C'mon, Regina. I know for a fact you give it to her rough on occasion. I'm an observant person and that porcelain skin of hers bruises easily."
Regina splutters indignantly for a moment, outraged at Emma's lack of tact as much as she is for being called out on the legitimate kinks she and Ruby secretly share a fondness for. "What we do in our bedroom is our own business, Swan."
Emma raises her hands in mock apology. "Of course. Sorry. But I don't hear a denial."
Regina shuffles at the uncomfortable direction of the conversation. At the same time she is aware that refuting Emma's insinuation is pointless. They both know it's true.
"You won't get one. We get adventurous on occasion, but it's completely consensual..."
"Which is the entire point! Ruby likes the darkness whether she'll admit it or not, and you like that about her. It turns you both on." Emma's eyes flash as she steps toward Regina. "Consider how much fun the four of us would have together – you, me, Hook, and our little puppy. Hell, I bet between the three of us we could make Ruby truly howl."
Regina doesn't understand Emma's continual inclusion of Hook in her dark whims. As far as she knows, the pirate is a one woman at a time sort of fellow. Enlightenment only comes later upon learning Emma had turned him into a Dark One back in the Enchanted Forest, but at that moment she is too incensed to make much sense of anything Emma is doing or saying.
"That's it, this conversation is over," she spits out, fury blazing in her eyes. "Remove yourself from my property and don't return."
"Or else what?" Emma asks, danger in her voice.
"Or we'll fight and you'll have to kill me, which you will regret later on."
Emma laughs again, and this time her merriment rings out into the night so that Regina is sure half the neighborhood hears it. "You think I'd regret killing you? That really is amusing. Thanks for the laugh, I needed it after you ruined my good mood."
Regina knows Emma well enough that she can tell her merriment is for show. Emma does care, she simply won't admit it to anyone – even to herself. It is another sign that the real Emma is still present within the sinister shell of the Dark One. But even though Regina could call Emma out on the lie, she doesn't. At this point, all she wants is for Emma to leave so she can spend the rest of the night in peace with her family.
"As for the threats," Emma continues, "you can save them. I'll leave." She steps up into Regina's personal space, her green eyes shimmering and her unnatural skin glittering in the moon light. "But you'd best keep a close eye on that pretty little thing warming your bed, 'cause one of these days she's going to wake up and realize what kind of a monster she's sleeping beside every night."
The words pierce Regina's heart like a dagger, and she is assured that Emma didn't miss the way she'd flinched by the satisfied smirk that takes up residence on those naturally pouty lips. But the truth of the matter is that Emma is right.
"I know," she admits, resignation in her voice. "But that's not going to stop me from loving her as hard as I can while I have her."
"Admirable but foolish," says Emma, who takes a moment to study Regina thoroughly. Upon concluding her impromptu inspection without comment, she turns abruptly and walks away, throwing back her departing words over her shoulder. "I'll be seeing you, Regina. Give my love to Henry."
"Unlikely," Regina whispers in reply as she watches Emma disappear in a magical vapor.