A/N: This chapter begins a new arc in the story that I expect to take about six chapters to complete. I know I'm going to take heat for it from some, but I've done that all ready anyway. Those of you who wanted me to make a move, I made it…keep in mind the end of the story is written, I know exactly where I'm going with this, and as always I wish to take you all with me. You will be shocked but not disappointed.
Shout out to Snugglebug for being the great person she is. Hugs to you Lady!
The weeks went by and slowly turned into months. Mac and Harm continued to see Lieutenant Commander McCool to try to repair the ruins of their marriage and to improve their communication. Still nothing seemed to work, nothing could bridge the terrible chasm between a once close husband and wife. It wasn't enough that Mac could not let go of Harm's infidelity or that Harm could not let go of not only her distrust in him, but his own anger at her deliberate deceit on many occasions throughout their marriage, but the remaining uncertainty of the paternity of Annie's baby still hung over their heads.
Harm discussed this very thing with AJ the day his world slipped away. "Its not enough that we're breaking open all these wounds, but we have to have this over our heads," he ranted over a beer on Friday in early May.
"The amnio…" AJ began.
"The amnio caused even more trouble," Harm sighed. "I told Mac the day in the hospital we'd know, and then the damned test comes back with no real conclusion…just like with Lucy and the Downs' Syndrome thing and now I look like a liar again!"
"Well, if you told her in the first place…"AJ began.
"If I told her about Annie back in August we'd still be here AJ, really," Harm told him. "We've made to many mistakes, we're do."
Just then the doorbell rang. It was nearing 1900 and Harm rose with the cash to pay for their pizza. Only it wasn't the pizza delivery boy at the door. "Harmon Rabb, Jr?" the messenger asked.
"That's me," Harm replied. "Little later for messengers isn't it?
The messenger handed him a large manila envelope, "Big back log today. Sign here." Harm took the pen and signed unaware of what he'd just received. Closing the door he opened the envelope to reveal the contents. Harm read the words on the top of the legal documents and looked up at AJ lost.
"What's wrong?" AJ asked as Harm collapsed onto the couch with a heavy thud.
"She had me served," said a crushed and devastated Harm as he scanned the contents of the paperwork. "She wants a divorce and full custody of the kids."
"Served you?" AJ asked. "I know things were bad but...sole custody? Really?"
"See for yourself," said Harm, handing AJ the papers he'd just read over.
The retired Admiral looked over the paper and saw Mac's stipulations. She wanted everything, the kids, the house, the dog, alimony..."What are you going to do?"
"Find a good divorce lawyer," he said. "And fight like hell to keep my kids."
"It's going to get ugly," AJ told him.
"I know," said Harm sadly. "I never thought...well, I thought if she was going to do this she would've done it last October. I just...I don't know."
"You said therapy was getting worse though," AJ commented. "And you did separate. When is the last time you really saw Mac?"
"Other than seeing her in therapy or in passing when I see the kids...probably 2 months or so."
"Well, want advice from an old man?" AJ asked.
"I'm open to just about any advice anyone wants to give me," replied Harm.
"Go talk to her," AJ suggested. "She might just want to ask you to stay. It's worth a try."
"You really think it's worth it?" asked Harm. "If she wants me to stay, this is a damn funny way of showing it!"
"That's what Marcella wanted," AJ sighed. "I just didn't have the guts. There's only one way to find out. If I'm right you guys can try to work it out. If I'm wrong, you're no worse off."
Harm pondered this for a moment before getting off the couch, grabbing his keys and heading for the door. "You know, AJ, you just might be right."
"Harm!" AJ called as the younger man ran off.
"What?" he called from halfway down the driveway.
"Go easy, don't lose your temper," AJ warned.
"I'll do my best, Sir," replied Harm, military manners popping up from nowhere.
AJ nodded and watched Harm head for his family home.
He arrived just before he would normally call Lucy. He knocked on the door and could hear the child crying inside.
Mac came to the door looking tired and frazzled, but incredibly beautiful in spite of it. "Harm, what are you doing here?"
"We have to talk," he said. "Why's she crying?"
"You're late calling her," Mac replied. "And she got in a fight at school and I punished her."
"I'll go talk to her," he said, walking past his wife and into the living room.
"Daddy!" Lucy exclaimed, happy to have a surprise visit from her father. "I missed you."
"Oh, I missed you too, Button," he said as he scooped her up into his arms.
"Tell Daddy what happened at school," Mac said firmly her hands on her hips.
Lucy looked at her father and waited.
"Lucy?" said Harm. "Did you get in trouble?"
She nodded, "I did a bad thing," she confessed. "But he asked for it."
"Lucille," said Harm, his tone one of warning. "What did you do and why?"
"I knocked Billy Feldman down on his butt," Lucy told him. "But he asked for it."
"What did he do to you?" asked Harm. "Did he hit you?"
Lucy shook her head, "He pulled out my hair ribbon. And some hair too."
"I'm sorry he did that," said Harm. "But you shouldn't have pushed him. You should have told the teacher."
"I got to look out for myself," Lucy told him. "I have to be a big girl."
"That doesn't mean you can break the rules, though," he said.
"Am I in bad trouble with you?" Lucy asked. "Mommy said no cartoons for two weekends."
"I think that sounds like a good punishment," he replied, looking over at Mac. "Now let's go get you to bed so Mommy and I can talk."
It didn't take long for Harm to settle Lucy. Mac made coffee while he was busy doing that so they had something to do while they talked. She spoke first when he joined her in the room, "We have nothing to talk about Harm, but I made coffee if you'd like to drink it."
"I'm not thirsty," he said. "And we most sure as hell do have something to talk about."
"Harm, watch you tone," Mac warned. "What would you like to talk about? You all had the kids twice this week."
"Quit playing stupid, Mac," he said sternly. "You know why I'm here; now tell me why you're doing this?"
"It's not something I wanted to do," she said. "But...Its time."
"Says you, maybe!" he spat. "But not me! I was under the impression that we were working on fixing things, so imagine my surprise when I'm served with divorce papers today!"
"Were you around the last two months? We tried to fix things, and they've only gotten worse," Mac sighed. "We're even battling in therapy. We're not going to make it, and I'm tired of trying. Its time to stop this agony!"
"Well, you could have talked to me about it, we could have decided together, but you went ahead and did it yourself!" he said. "I expected this 7 months ago, not now, not like this."
"What would you have me do, go to you and ask, 'Harm, can I please have a divorce?' like I'm Lucy's age?" Mac asked. "I'm an independent woman, I can make my own decisions."
"Oh, and you made one, all right" said Harm. "I just don't get it, how you could do it now, like this, after 6 months in therapy and trying to make it work!"
"Because we can't make it work," Mac replied. "Therapy can't fix us Harm, we're too broken. And frankly I can't take two hours a week with you anymore, I just can't. Let's just sign the papers and get it over with."
He laughed. "You honestly think I'm just going to sign those things, agreeing to all your crazy stipulations? You know me far better than that, Mac!"
"What stipulations do you have a problem with?" Mac asked.
"All of them!" he hissed. "You're not getting full custody! I won't let it happen!"
"I didn't...There's a visitation clause in there Harm," Mac sighed.
"I saw it," he said. "And it's not good enough. You're not cutting me out of my kids' lives just because you and I made a disaster of our marriage."
"You bet I am," Mac replied. "If I don't raise them who will? I'm their mother, I should have them."
"I'm their father!" he spat, pointing to himself in emphasis. "We're going for joint custody, end of discussion!"
"We are not going to flip those kids back and forth like footballs," Mac countered. "You'll take them on Wednesday and every other weekend, take it or leave it!"
"You can take it and shove it!" he said. "If you want to play dirty, we'll play dirty, but you won't win."
"Won't I? No judge is going to give children to an adulterous lying bastard," Mac shouted, her voice rising with her temper.
"Just like they won't give them to a mother who spends half her life in bed, so sick she can't move!" He was angry, and he let AJ's advice fly right out the window.
"I'm not like that anymore," Mac hissed. "How dare you..." She stopped halfway when his phone rang.
He pulled it from his belt, looked at the display screen, and got a very cold look on his face as he answered. "Rabb. Yeah...you want me to?...Okay, I'll get there when I can...When I can, I don't know exactly!...I'm not holding your hand...no, no, we've been over this, don't push your luck, Annie!...Just get there, I'll be there later...Bye."
"What is it this time?" Mac asked. "Can't find her feet?"
"If you must know," he said. "She's in labor and she wants me there."
"Go," Mac said. "We are finished here." She said this as she took off to her bedroom.
"Oh no, we're not!" he said as he followed on her heels. "How could you do this to me? How could you plot and scheme to take my kids away?"
She spun around stared him down, "I'm not plotting, I'm divorcing you. This is how it's done. I get the house and the kids, that is non negotiable."
"Like hell!" he yelled.
"Do you really want to take this to court? Do you really want to do that to yourself, to our kids?" Mac asked. "Do you?"
"I'm not the one doing anything, you are!" he said. "Why on earth would I agree to settle with you when you're being such a self-centered bitch?"
"Oh that is rich!" she spat. "I'm being a bitch! I'm being self centered. May I remind you whose selfish tendencies got us to this point? Look in the mirror if you want to point a finger!"
"It all began with you, Mac!" he yelled. "Yeah, I blew it, but only after you curled up inside yourself and kept me in the dark!"
"I told you I wanted to protect you, but maybe I wanted to protect myself, I admit it," Mac sighed. "Its because of you I hid it. You...you never let me breathe. You never let me be my own person, from the moment I married you, it had to be your way. Well I wanted to be sick my way!"
"And you were," he said. "You let me in eventually, but not till it was too late. I never should have done what I did, but damn it, we...we never talked about anything! We didn't! When talking got too heavy, we'd just settle down for a nice little screw and then it'd be over! We...we did this to ourselves, both of us!"
"Who started that?" Mac asked. "In Russia you were so broken up about your father and I wanted to help but instead of talking, you started this. It's your fault!" Mac shouted as she pulled off the ring he'd given her for their anniversary. "All yours."
"I don't recall you saying 'no' in Russia!" he countered.
"Would you have said no to your best friend when he just found out his father was dead and was crying like a six year old?" Mac asked. "Uh, yeah, you probably would."
"I wouldn't and you know it," he said. "If the shoe had been on the other foot, if it'd been you sitting there in pieces and wanting to be with me like that, I would've done it just like you did. I gave you the chance to say no, even threw in the whole birth control 'out' if you needed it, and you didn't, so don't blame me!"
"I will blame you," Mac snapped. "If you hadn't been so obsessed with chasing a corpse we'd never have gone to Russia, never have had sex, never have married and never have had to deal with this mess!"
"Yeah, and we also wouldn't have those two little kids in there," he said as he pointed towards their rooms. "You can't say you wish they'd never been born, I know better!"
"I wish they weren't born with you! They are the only thing that makes these last six years worth it," Mac replied. "The rest of it be damned!"
"You know what?" he asked. "I thought we had some good times, but I guess I was wrong!"
"I thought you loved me, I guess I was too," Mac snapped back. "Get out of here Harm. We have nothing more to discuss."
He looked at her and shook his head in disgust. "This isn't over," he said in a deep, heated tone.
"It most certainly is," Mac replied. "Anything further you have to say to me you can say to Mic!"
"Why the hell would...oh, don't even tell me he's your lawyer!" yelled Harm.
"You're a sharp one," Mac said sarcastically. "Who's your lawyer? Bud I'm assuming."
"I don't know yet," he spat. "But whoever I get will mop the floor with Brumby!"
"No lawyer can clean up the mess you made," Mac hissed. "The best shrink at Bethesda couldn't."
"I didn't make this mess alone!" he shot back.
"No, Annie made it with you!" Mac replied.
"Just...just don't even go there, Mac," he said. "You know what I think your problem is? You can't handle how close I am to my daughter!"
"What!" Mac sighed. "Harm, that doesn't make any sense."
"Sure it does," he said. "She loves me so much that you can't handle it."
"Of course she loves you, she's five, she can't see what a bastard you are!" Mac shouted. "But she will, trust me."
"Gonna try to turn her against me, huh?" he asked, his arms crossed in front of his chest.
"Won't have to try to hard," Mac replied. "She all ready thinks you don't love her as much as you used to...and once you have the new baby, you can forget all about her and DJ!"
"The new baby won't take the place of either Lucy or DJ," he said. "Assuming it even ends up being mine, I've told you that over and over, bit you refuse to listen!"
"It is yours, that's why you never told me the amnio results! I waited to see if you would tell me and you didn't so I guess I have my answer!" Mac hissed.
"The amnio was inconclusive! That's why I'm so against them!" he growled. "That's why she called tonight, she needs me there so they can do a blood test, and you mark my words, that baby isn't mine! You just watch, you'll see!"
"I won't hold my breath," Mac shot back. "Everything you say I take with a grain of salt so..."
"Yeah, salt you rub in my wounds every chance you get!" he yelled.
"Your wou..." Mac began to yell but were interrupted by the sound of their daughter's and their son's cries.
"Way to go!" hissed Harm.
Mac sighed, "I have to deal with this. Get out of my house."
"OUR house!" he yelled. "My name's still on the mortgage, and it's gonna stay there!"
"Like Hell," Mac hissed. "When I'm finished with you you'll be living in box on the side of the road. You're going to get nothing! Just like what you left me with, nothing!"
"Just shut up!" he said as he headed for Lucy's room. He found her sitting up in her bed, crying her little eyes out.
Mac headed for DJ's room and lifted her son into her arms. She carried him crying into Lucy's room.
"Daddy?" Lucy whimpered. "It's loud. I'm scared."
"I know, baby," he soothed as he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry."
"Its okay, Lucy," Mac soothed as she came into her daughter's room. "Mommy's here. I've got this Harm."
"I've got her, Mac," he said quietly so as not to alarm the kids any further.
"Harm," Mac said with bite. "I said I have it."
"Stop being mean," cried Lucy. "I get scared when you yell, Mommy!"
"Lucy, Mommy's not being mean," Mac soothed. "Mommy's just upset with Daddy right now. Would you like to come here and give me a hug?"
Lucy looked at her father, and then slid out of his arms to walk over and give her mother a tentative hug.
Mac kissed Lucy's soft hair, "Its okay, Sweetie. You're okay babies," Mac whispered as she rocked both her children. "Mommy's here."
"DJ," said Harm. "Come see Daddy."
DJ stretched out his little arms and went into his father's arm. "Don't do that," Mac said in a hushed, brutal tone.
"Enough, Mac," warned Harm, telling her in very clear terms that she was not going to keep his kids away from him.
Mac was silent for the time being until both children's tears had stopped. DJ fell back to sleep, but Lucy fought it. She continued to hide in her mother's arm, her entire body shaking even if she's stopped her tears.
"Get her settled," said Harm, more calmly than he'd said anything all night. "I'll be outside."
"Daddy?" Lucy whispered from inside Mac's arms. "Stay here."
It broke his heart to hear that. "I can't, baby doll. I'm going to go outside."
His response started Lucy in on a fresh bout of tears and Mac once again began rocking her.
As his daughter cried, Harm went out onto the back porch to try and clear his head. This was fast becoming a nightmare; one he'd give almost anything if someone would wake him up from. He was lost in thought when his cell phone rang again.
"What do you want?" he asked the caller as he leaned against the deck railing.
"I want to know where you are?" Annie gasped. "This is really starting to hurt."
"Its labor," said Harm. "It's supposed to hurt."
"I know...but...Harm, please come and help me!" Annie pleaded. "Last time I had Luke, I'm alone and...I'm scared."
"I don't doubt you are," he said. "But we've been over this and I'm not going to be in there holding your hand and being involved in this birth! If we knew for sure it was mine, that'd be different, but we don't, so you'll just have to find a compassionate nurse to hold your hand."
"Will you at least see it when it's born?" Annie asked.
"Maybe," he replied. "How fast can they do the blood test?"
"Not blood from..." she paused and started to breath deeply.
His mind drifted back in time as he listened to her breathe, back to a much happier time in his life as he stood beside Mac and watched her bring their children into the world. For a moment...life seemed good again. If only...
Annie took a cleansing breath, "They don't take blood from the baby. Skin sample," Annie replied.
"Won't that hurt it?" he asked, feeling surprisingly protective of the baby just then.
"Nope," Annie said. "It's a cheek swab. The blood would hurt it."
"But they need my blood?" he asked. "Why?"
"They can swab you too, but they have to do it at the hospital," Annie replied. "Prevents tampering."
"Harm!" Mac called from inside the house.
"I gotta run," he said. "I'll be there when I can. Don't call me again."
Harm went back into the house after hanging up with Annie to find that Mac had finally gotten Lucy to bed and was now back in their room. "Close the door."
He did as she asked, then stood by the wall and stared at her.
"Now I think we've talked enough for one day," Mac said. "She's was so upset she made herself sick. We have to think about what's best for Lucy and for DJ and being in the middle of this mess is not it."
"No, it's sure not," he agreed. "And we should've known better than to fight this close to them. We're both lawyers, Mac, we know better than most folks how terrible it is for kids to be caught in the middle of things. Just because you and I can't be civil doesn't mean the kids need to know it."
"That's right, so that's why I think it would be best for you to keep your distance until we've duked everything out. I don't want you to come around here until then," Mac said firmly.
"As long as you let me see them when I'm supposed to," he said. "I'll stay away."
"No," Mac said. "No contact with the kids until then."
He shook his head. "No deal. I'm gonna see my kids, or this is gonna get even uglier."
"Wednesday night, three hours," Mac offered.
He opened his mouth to argue, but something inside told him to keep quiet. "Fine. I'll come get them at 1730 and bring them back at 2030."
"Done," Mac replied. "And you better bring them back like you got them."
"I'll feed them, play with them, and bring them back," he said. "Not much more I can do with three hours."
"Be thankful you got that, but don't get used to it," Mac sighed.
"Whatever," he sighed. "Are we done?"
"We've been done," Mac sighed. "Will I be hearing from a lawyer or are you representing yourself?"
"When I decide," he said plainly. "You'll know."
He left then, leaving Mac sitting at her vanity table staring at her wedding rings. For his part, Harm got into his car, drove to the hospital and waited.
He sat in his car for over an hour when another ring of the phone startled him back to reality.
"I thought I said-"
"Harm," this time Annie was sobbing, crying so hard there was no way she could be faking it. "Harm, please...I can't."
"I said no," he replied firmly.
"I'm sorry," she cried. "I didn't want to...to both...er...you but...Oh!" She cried out and began to try to breath. He could hear that it was all over the place, way too fast and sometimes way to long.
"Can't they give you something for the pain?" he asked, again thinking back to when Lucy and DJ were born and the agony Mac was in.
"They did," Annie sobbed. "It...please, I can't do it alone. I can't."
Harm sighed. "What exactly do you want from me, Annie?"
"Just..." she began but couldn't finish as she was hit with another contraction. "Oh God! Oh!"
"Tell them to give you something else," he said, determined not to cave.
"They...Harm, please," Annie begged. "You just...just have to sit...please."
"I can sit right where I'm at," he said. "Or I can sit in the waiting room, but I fail to see why you keep calling me if all you really want is for me to sit someplace."
"I...sit here and...just talk...please," she tried. "Please."
Before Harm had a chance to answer, he heard, "Sir?" through the phone.
"Yes?" replied Harm. "Who is this?"
"I'm Becky, and OB nurse," she replied. "Are you a friend of Annie's?"
"I'm...uh...yeah," he replied. "What's going on?"
"She's very distressed. Her age, the position of the baby, and that stress is making the delivery difficult," Becky explained. "She's inches away...if you could just help calm her down."
He rubbed a hand over his face. "I'll be right there," he sighed. "Where is she?"
"Labor and Delivery, 203. Thank you so much," the nurse replied.
"Yeah," muttered Harm as he ended the call and stepped out of the car, taking a deep breath as he hurried towards the hospital entrance.
Against his better judgment Harm made his way to that floor. He could hear Annie's screams down the hallway and quickened his pace just a little bit. Just as he reached the door, he heard it, the unmistakable sound of a newborn baby's cry.
He peeked around the doorway and saw the nurses busily rubbing at the baby as it lay against Annie's chest. He almost turned and walked away when she looked over and saw him.
"Harm," she said just loud enough to be heard. "Come see."
Harm stepped into the room and stood just behind the nurse, "It's a girl," the nurse smiled.
"That's nice," he said with a little smile.
"Okay, Annie," the nurse said. "We have to take her now and wash her up. We'll bring her right back."
Harm watched as Annie allowed the nurse to take the baby from her. He felt like he should say something, but he didn't know what.
"I'm going to call her Elizabeth," Annie told him. "Do you like it?"
"Mm-hmm," he replied, suddenly finding it very hard to keep the emotions straight in his head.
"I'm going to go to sleep," Annie sighed and promptly did.
Harm turned back towards the door and began to walk away when he heard the nurse call to him.
"Sir!" she called. "Would you like to see her? Annie said...she said you...that you may be her Daddy."
He stopped and thought for just a moment before nodding and beginning the short walk back to Annie's room.
"Did you give your sample?" the nurse asked as she lifted the tiny baby out of her basinet and moved to hand her to Harm.
"No, not yet," he said as he took the baby into his arms.
"When you're done here you can go to the lab and they'll take care of it," the nurse said. "She's tiny, a little over six pounds."
He looked at the little bundle as she lay sleeping in his arms. He was fighting with all in him not to get too attached, but he found it almost impossible. She looked a little like Lucy had the day of her birth, and that both scared and excited him. Maybe this baby was his after all...
Harm held the tiny baby a while longer until she fussed to be fed. He didn't have it in him to see Annie again so he gave her over to the nurse and headed to give his DNA sample. It took only a few minutes then he was free to go back home, or to where home was just then, AJ's.
It was nearing midnight when Harm got back to AJ's. His friend was still awake, sitting on the sofa waiting for him. When Harm came through the door, looking like death he moved quickly to him and helped him sit. "What happened?"
"Everything," answered Harm, his voice low and dejected, almost distant.
"I mean what happened with Mac?" AJ asked. "Do you want something to drink?"
"Beer," answered Harm as he flopped down on the sofa and let out a long sigh. "It didn't go well at all."
"Did you lose your temper?" AJ asked as he went to get Harm the cold beer he wanted.
"Yeah, but I wasn't the only one," he replied.
"Harm, I...I don't know what to say," AJ sighed. "Are you going to contest her terms?"
"You bet I am," he said. "It's going to be bad, AJ. Guess who her attorney is?"
"Can't be better than the one I dug up for you," AJ said. "I don't want to get involved in this, I don't want to be called to testify, it would be like choosing between my son and my daughter but I know the pain of divorce and of losing your kids so I called in a favor. Who is her lawyer?"
Harm looked up at his friend with an expression begging the idea "please don't make me say it."
"Oh, no," AJ sighed. "Brumby?"
"The one and only," sighed Harm. "I'm...I have no idea what's gonna happen."
"Well I do," AJ sighed. "You are going to stop lying there like a bump on a pickle and decide once and for all if you want to fight or run away. If you want to fight," he handed him the card. "She'll do it for you. If you want to run away...kiss those kids goodbye."
Harm took the card in his hand and looked it over before returning his eyes to AJ. "I've never walked away from a fight," he said. "And I've never had a fight this big."
"She's young," AJ nodded to the card. "But she's tough. Her father is a friend of mine. Call her...She'll cost you a fortune, but call her."
"First thing in the morning" said Harm. "Right now, I just wanna go to bed."
"Hey, Harm?" AJ asked as the younger man rose from the sofa.
"Hmm?"
"Why were you gone so long?" he asked. "Did it take you and Mac this long to do this?"
"No," sighed Harm. "Annie had her baby."
"Did you go? Were you there?" AJ asked, not wanting to pose the more pertinent question.
"I was there afterwards," he said. "Got to see the baby."
"And, what is it? Do you think...?" he let the query die, Harm would know what he meant.
"It's a girl," said Harm. "I still...I don't know. She looks some like Lucy did, but then all newborns kind of look alike, so we'll have to wait for the tests to come back."
AJ nodded, "Well its late, we better get some rest. Try and sleep tonight okay?"
"Not gonna happen," he said. "But thanks."
Harm headed to the guest room he'd been sleeping in and stretched out on the bed. He took his left hand and held it over his head. He removed the golden band from his finger and read the inscription there, "Harm, I'll always love you. Mac." He smirked a moment the tossed the ring to the floor, "Yeah right," he muttered, before turning over and trying, in vain to go to sleep.