A/N: This chapter begins Harm and Mac's custody battle. I promised a happy ending, I also promised the ride of you life. Buckle in and enjoy!
Hugs to Snugglebug for being the wonderful friend, person, matron of honor, and everything else she is in my life. You are the best, and even when I'm not acting like it, I appreciate everything you do from fictions, to life, all of it. Snugglebug
That night Harm spent crying over his lost family, but the next day he decided he wasn't going to lose his daughter and his son without a fight. He called Maureen and told her what he wanted her to do. She informed him she'd all ready heard from Mac's new attorney, Jacob Johnston and was prepared to go all out to get him sole custody.
The first step in that was mediation, to try to get the parties to settle out of court. Harm and Mac in spite of the mediation sessions recommended by both of their attorneys could not reach an agreement that suited both of their needs. Mac wanted to punish Harm, to hurt him, to make him suffer as she was suffering for his betrayal. Harm wanted his babies, his children that meant the world to him. He wanted his marriage back, his life back, but he knew that was never to be. In the absence of that he wanted joint custody of his children, not to be a force absentee father, and certainly not to be replaced in their lives by Mic Brumby.
Thus, the case came to trial. Mac had hired a new lawyer, a tough seasoned custody attorney, Jacob Johnston while Harm stayed in the young but capable hands of Maureen McAuliffe. Harm's hands were shaking as he sat with Maureen that morning going over the list of witnesses. On his list were among others, his mother and Bud Roberts. One Mac's, Harriet Roberts, a circumstance that made Harm's heart hurt.
"I feel so bad about doing this," he sighed. "About putting one spouse against another."
"You didn't," Maureen replied. "We submitted our witness list weeks before Mr. Johnston submitted his. He is the one doing this, and Lieutenant Roberts has information that will help your custody claim. Try not to worry."
"Easy for you to say," Harm sighed. "You…"
"I know," Maureen replied. "I get paid whether I win or lose, but I believe in this case. I think we really have a shot at getting at the very least a better arrangement for you. But you have to be together in there. You have to look like a capable father; right now…your hands are shaking." She reached out and took the cup of coffee from his hands. "No more."
"I haven't been sleeping well," Harm tried to justify.
"I know, but you are way over caffeinated. Take a deep breath; I'm going to get you a glass of water."
Maureen left Harm to sit and try to slow his pulse down. He was scared, not because he didn't trust his lawyer, but because he didn't trust Mac's. He didn't want to stoop to hitting below the belt, he wanted to take the high road, but he'd resolved himself that, if need be he'd authorize Maureen to go all out, to use it all, and some how he felt that would be necessary.
An hour later, Harm saw Mac for the first time in three weeks. She'd lost more weight, her eyes looked dark, but her stance was all business. She was seated with her lawyer, and to Harm's chagrin Mic Brumby was seated right beside her. The judge called the court room to order and asked the attorneys to make their opening arguments.
Mac's lawyer did an excellent job of highlighting Harm's indiscretion, his flaws, his tendency to get himself into dangerous situations, all the while making Mac out to be the perfect caregiver, the dutiful, every loving wife and mother, horribly betrayed by the man she loved.
Maureen, when it was her turn, paid credit to Mac's skills as a mother, but made certain to inform the judge of evidence from psychologists and doctors that Harm was a good, loving and stable parent for his children. She did highlight one major weakness of Mac's. Her illness and how it affected her children, listing that the respondent would offer evidence proving that Mac's situation while better was not resolved and could eventually lead to more traumas for Lucy and DJ.
After listening to the arguments, the judge instructed the Petitioner to call their first witness.
Mac's lawyer rose, "We call Mrs. Harriet Sims-Roberts."
Harriet rose from her seat and walked to the stand. She was sworn in and asked to state her name for the court.
"What is you relationship with the parties in this case?" Mr. Johnston asked.
"I've been friends with Commander Rabb and Lieutenant Colonel Mackenzie-Rabb for over seven years," Harriet replied.
"And in that time, you've had the opportunity to see their relationship grow and change, didn't you?" Mr. Johnston asked.
"Yes, I've seen them go from friends and partners, to engaged, to married, eventually to being parents, and now…well to what seems like mortal enemies," she sighed.
"And what in your estimation brought about that latest change in their relationship?" Mr. Johnston asked.
"Well, a few things," Harriet replied. "I think that the Colonel's illness is where it really began."
"How so?"
"Well, Mac…Colonel Rabb was petrified of her husband's reaction when he found out she couldn't have anymore babies. She told me Harm was very clear up front that he wanted to have a large family, four children. They only had two when she was diagnosed with endometriosis," Harriet relayed.
Harriet and Mac sat at the luncheonette eating their meals. Mac was more playing with hers as she cried to her friend. "I don't know what to tell him. He's going to be so angry."
"No, he won't," soothed Harriet. "He'll understand."
"He...he wants to have another baby soon," Mac sighed. "He told me. How can I tell him...?" Mac sighed. "What will I be to him now..."
"You'll be his wife," said Harriet. "His best friend, the one person in all the world he can't live without. You have a medical disease, Mac; it's nothing you asked for, it's not your fault. He'll understand, you watch and see."
"But..." Mac swallowed. "I'm just so scared that...I'll lose him."
Harriet took Mac's hand in hers. "I can't think of anything that would ever cause you to lose him. You love him too much, plain and simple."
"But does he love me enough?" Mac sighed. "Does he love me enough to be married to me knowing we may never conceive another baby, we may never even make love again. He hasn't even tried since that night."
"I'm sorry, Mac," said Harriet, knowing her friend was really hurting. "I know you don't want to hear this, but...if it gets too bad, there's always the hysterectomy. You couldn't have babies, but you could have each other again."
Mac nodded, "I can't tell him," she decided.
"You have to," stated Harriet flatly. "You can't keep this from him; it's not fair, and he'll find out sooner or later anyway."
Mac shook her head, "No. I can have the operation and...I'll be okay then, at least for making love. He'll never have to know what it was."
Harriet laughed. "Okay, and what about when he brings up trying to have another baby?"
"We can try, it just probably won't happen," Mac sighed. "I...Nothing I think of seems right."
"That's because you're looking for a way to keep something from your husband," said Harriet. "When you should be thinking of a way to take it to him so the two of you can face it together."
"And if you're wrong?" Mac asked. "If...If he rejects me..." She shook her head.
"Do the words 'for better or for worse' ring any bells?" asked Harriet. "This is the 'worse', that's all it is. It's not the end of your life or the end of your marriage or anything; it's just...it's just the 'worse' that you promised one another and God and everyone in that church that day that you'd go through together."
"What was Commander Rabb's reaction to his wife's revelation?" Mr. Johnston asked.
"He was angry," Harriet began to be cut off.
"Angry?" Mr. Johnston repeated.
"Well, because," Harriet tried again.
"He was angry, so angry her wanted to hurt her, didn't he?" Mr. Johnston asked.
"Objection," Maureen interjected. "Counsel is editorializing."
"Sustained, allow Mrs. Roberts to explain her own answers, Mr. Johnston," the judge instructed.
Mr. Johnston nodded, "Did Mr. Rabb have an affair in the middle part of last year?"
"Yes, he, to my knowledge had a one time affair with an old girlfriend," Harriet replied.
"And that girlfriend gave birth to a child?" he asked.
"Objection, irrelevant. Stipulated paternity tests have revealed that Mrs. Pendry's baby is not Commander Rabb's child," Maureen spoke up.
"Sustained," the judge ruled.
"Did Commander Rabb or Colonel Rabb ever discuss with you his reasons for that affair?" Mr. Johnston asked.
"Yes," Harriet sighed. "Colonel Rabb did. She told me the Commander's reasons were his pain over her illness, over their lost dreams, and her silence."
"A silence she kept because she feared his reaction, isn't that correct?" Mr. Johnston pressed.
"Maybe…but…" Harriet began.
"If a grown woman, a Marine Colonel fears her husband, what does that imply for the children?" Mr. Johnston asked.
"Both of the Rabbs are excellent parents," Harriet answered firmly. "Neither one would ever hurt them."
"Did you ever think that Commander Rabb would have hurt Colonel Rabb?" Mr. Johnston asked.
"No, but…" Harriet began.
"In fact, the Commander has a history of selfish and harmful behavior towards his wife and his children? Isn't that true?" Mr. Johnston fired.
"Objection, this line of questioning assumed facts not in evidence. Nothing in the stipulated reports confirms that Commander Rabb has ever done anything that caused undue harm to his daughter or his son," Maureen objected.
"I'll rephrase," Mr. Johnston replied. "Mrs. Roberts, you are a mother of four, is that correct?"
"Yes, Sir," Harriet replied.
"And you've been married for seven years?" he asked.
"Yes," she replied.
"In your opinion as a mother and a spouse, would you not consider it a selfish behavior for one to leave their post to return to active aviation status while his bride of less than one year was pregnant?" Mr. Johnston asked.
"It's not a choice I would have made," Harriet replied.
"But it is a choice Commander Rabb made," Mr. Johnston asked.
"Yes, Sir," Harriet replied.
"And during this time, did Colonel Rabb, then Major Rabb have any complications or issues with her condition?" Mr. Johnston asked.
"Yes, she has a bad case of sciatica which results in her being bedridden for day or weeks at a time," Harriet replied.
"And during this time, what did she ask for more than anything else?" Mr. Johnston asked.
"Her husband of course," Harriet replied.
"But he wasn't there for her was he?" Mr. Johnston asked.
"He took a week of leave at the worse of it," Harriet replied.
"A week of leave, in a nine month pregnancy," Mr. Johnston scoffed. "How admirable?"
"Objection," sighed Maureen.
"Sustained," replied the judge.
"Withdrawn," said Mr. Johnston. "Nothing further."
Maureen rose from her seat. Mr. Johnston had done nothing to build his case, he simply tried to assassinate Harm's character. Now, she must rehabilitate it.
"Mrs. Roberts," she began. "You testified that Mr. Rabb was angry when he found out about his wife's condition. Did anyone ever tell you why?"
"Yes," Harriet replied. "He was upset because of how long she'd waited before telling him about her condition."
"Understandable, wouldn't you say?" Maureen asked.
"I suppose so, Ma'am," replied Harriet. "Still, he shouldn't have had an affair."
"No," Maureen agreed. "But, Mrs. Roberts, even given all of Commander Rabb's mistakes, his flying, his infidelity, do you feel that he is a good father? Being a mother yourself, do you feel Commander Rabb is a loving and capable father?"
"Of course I do, but…" Harriet began.
"And during Colonel Rabb's long illness, who cared for her?" Maureen asked.
"Commander Rabb," Harriet answered.
"And who cared for the Rabb children?" Maureen asked.
"Their father mostly, but we all helped at times," Harriet answered.
"And at those times when you helped," Maureen asked. "Did either Lucy or DJ ever seem as if they were not being cared for in the best possible way?"
"No, Ma'am," Harriet replied.
"Nothing further," Maureen replied and sat down.
Mr. Johnston called a few more witnesses, including Dr. Bradley who testified that by and large Mac's illness had been cleared up, but on cross admitted that it was chronic and given the severity of Mac's case could and probably would become a factor again in the future.
Finally it was Mac's turn to testify, that testimony would close the days' events. Once Mac had been sworn in and had stated her name for the court record, Mr. Johnston began to question her.
"Colonel, you were the one who asked for a divorce in this case, is that correct?" he asked.
"Yes, Sir," Mac replied. "My husband and I had been separated, and I felt that it was futile to try to continue the marriage."
"What made you feel that way?" he asked.
"He…Harm lied to me, more than once and I just couldn't live with someone I couldn't trust anymore," Mac sighed.
"So there was more than on incident that led you to divorce Commander Rabb?" he asked.
"Yes, it was an accumulation of things really," Mac replied.
"What kinds of things?" Mr. Johnston asked.
"Well," Mac sighed. "I'd have to say it began on our honeymoon."
Harm and Mac lay together cuddling in the afterglow of their lovemaking.
"Do you have any clue how much I love you?" he asked.
"I think that performance earlier gave me a pretty good idea," Mac replied. "And the trip...I can't wait."
They were planning to honeymoon at Walt Disney World, a place Mac had never been before. How was he going to tell she wasn't going this time, either? "Mac?"
"What?" she asked, playing with the hairs on his chest. "You look so serious all of a sudden."
He sighed. "Remember that call I got earlier?" he asked.
"Before I went to get changed? Yeah, what about it?" Mac asked, sensing something was wrong.
"It...I..." he stammered, unsure of how to make what he had to say sound any less awful. "I have to be in court on Monday at 0900."
"But we're on leave," Mac reminded him. "The Admiral gave us two weeks."
"I know, baby," he said. "But it's something that no one else can handle, so he rescinded my leave, as much as he hated to do it. I have to defend Roscoe Martin."
"Harm, he's...he's in a mental hospital, anything he does is a civilian matter," Mac sighed.
"He requested me by name, Mac," said Harm softly. "It's...I tried to get out of it, but there's just no way."
"Harm...Harm, Sweetie, please don't do this," Mac begged. "I don't care if we don't go away, but please...don't get involved in this."
"I'm already involved, my love," he said apologetically. "I'm so sorry about our trip; I'll make it up to you, I swear."
"It's not about the trip," Mac sighed. "I don't...You just concluded 18 years of searching for your father...You're seeing Roscoe...You see your Dad in him, don't you?"
Harm thought for a moment. "Maybe a little...I dunno. All the Admiral said was Roscoe asked for me because he thinks I'll 'go the extra mile', and I want the chance to try."
Mac rolled over and gave him her back.
He feared this would happen. "Mac, baby," he said. "I'm sorry. Let's try not to waste the little time we have left together this weekend being angry."
"I'm not angry," she replied. "I'm scared for you. You just concluded 18 years of searching...please, don't go back into that jungle."
He sighed. "It's not that simple, Mac. I can't explain it; it's just...not."
She nodded and rolled back over. "Come here," she sighed on opened her arms to let him snuggle in. "Come on."
He crawled in close to her, resting his head upon her shoulder. "You're my world, Mac. My whole entire world."
She dropped a kiss on his forehead, "I love you so much. I just...I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want you to get hurt."
"That wasn't the nicest thing to do," Mr. Johnston stated.
"Objection, counsel is making a statement," Maureen objected.
"Sustained, ask a question, Mr. Johnston," instructed the judge.
"Why do you suppose your husband chose to do that?" he asked.
"Well, to understand that, you have to know Harm," Mac explained. "He spent 18 years searching for his father, and shortly before our marriage, he found out he was dead. That's what brought us together, I believe. Roscoe Martin was like Harm's father, a victim of a senseless war."
"What other things led to your divorce Colonel?" the lawyer asked.
"One of Harm's biggest deceptions was his laser ablation surgery. He suffered from retinal scarring that impaired his night vision. He had it operated on without my knowledge and applied for a return to flight status, even though I was pregnant with our daughter," Mac recounted.
It was late when Harm and Mac returned to the house from dinner out with Bud and Harriet. "Oh...my legs are killing me," Mac moaned as she worked her way out of the car.
"When did this start?" asked Harm.
"Yesterday," Mac replied. "From the knee down they are really sore."
Harm walked around to the passenger side and looked at his wife's legs. "Wow, baby, your ankles are really swollen."
"Ugg, Harriet said that was the worst part for her. I'm not sure I can get out of the car like this," Mac sighed.
"Here, take my hand," he said, reaching out to help her up. "Let's go inside, and I'll rub your feet, okay?"
Mac sighed, "Can you rub my whole body?" she asked. "This baby is...making me feel all blah."
He looked her in the eye and laid a gentle hand upon her growing belly. "It's making you look beautiful."
Mac smiled and hand in hand they made their way inside. She stripped down and put on her sweats before flopping on the sofa. Once Harm had changed he joined her and took her feet in his lap.
"Like this?" he asked as he rubbed her feet.
"Go lighter, the skin is tender," she replied, leaning back and relaxing. "So...when are you going to tell me what's on your mind?"
"Nothing," he said, knowing she wasn't feeling very well and not exactly up for bad news.
"Come on Babe, I know you," Mac replied. "Did you get in some kind of trouble with Admiral Chegwidden?"
He sighed and shook his head. "No, it's nothing like that. It's nothing we need to get into tonight, sweetie" he said tenderly. "Just relax and enjoy your massage, okay?"
"Harm...I know something is up with you and if you don't' tell me I'm just going be up all night worrying," Mac sighed. "And that's not good for me or Harmon the Third."
He smiled a little. "Oh, sure, bring the baby into it.'
"Harm," she warned. "Come on, you've been acting distant since we got back from California. Is it...Are you reconsidering..." She paused the words shocking her as they left her mouth.
He looked at her. "God, no, Mac," he said. "If you're afraid I'm having second thoughts about us or...about the baby, I'm not. I love you both like crazy, and I'm so lucky to have you; both of you."
"Then what is it?" she asked softly. "Please let me in, let me help you if I can."
Ceasing his massage, he leaned back against the sofa and slowly turned to face her a little more. "There's no easy way to tell you this," he began, "So I'll just say it. I'm planning on changing my designator."
"Changing you...to what?" Mac asked, all ready knowing but not believing it.
He answered her in short form. "I'm going back to flying, Mac."
Mac sat up straight at that, "Harm, no...You...What about your night vision? You'll..." She was getting upset, starting to panic.
"Shh, calm down," he soothed. "I won't have any trouble with that anymore. I got my eyes fixed." He said the last part noticeable softer than the first.
"Fixed?" Mac sputtered. "When did this happen?"
"Six weeks ago," he said. "I had what's called laser ablation. In and out in a couple of minutes."
"And you didn't tell me," Mac sighed. "Why didn't you tell me?" That was practically shouted.
"Because I didn't tell anyone until I was sure it worked," he said in a feeble attempt at self-defense.
Mac rose from the sofa and started to pace about. "Anyone, so that's what I am. Just anyone?"
He sighed and rose to go to her. "Of course not. I just didn't want to make an issue of it in case it didn't work, that's all."
Mac sighed, "I don't want you to go back to flying. What about me and the baby, huh?" she asked, her jaw starting to quiver.
"I'll only have to fly in combat if we go to war," he said, hating that this was hurting her so much. "Otherwise I'll just be flying routine missions off a carrier, like before. I'll be okay, Mac; I promise."
"But it was one of those "routine missions," she stopped halfway through and put her hand on her belly, breathing in hard. She made a tiny "oh" sound and breathed deeply.
"What?" he asked, eyes wide with anxious worry. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"I think...Oh..." she gasped again."Help me sit."
He helped her ease down onto the sofa again and he sat beside her. "Tell me what happened," he begged. "Is something wrong?"
"I had this funny pain," she began.
"Where?" he asked as he assessed he situation, or at least tried to.
"Here," Mac told him and placed his hand near her rib cage. "There it is again. Is that...his foot?"
Harm smiled. "I think so. Wow, can you believe it? That little life in there...we made that; you and me."
"Yeah, we did," she replied. "Promise me...promise me two things," she asked as he sat with his hand on her belly feeling his child kick.
"Okay," he said, still smiling.
"Promise that you'll never keep a secret like that again, and promise me you'll come back to us. One tour, that's all," Mac said firmly. "Promise me." She placed her hand over he belly, "Promise us."
His answer came in the form of a long, tender kiss.
"You have two children with Commander Rabb, is that correct?" Mr. Johnston asked.
"Yes," replied Mac.
"And what kind of father do you think he makes for them?"
"He's…he's a good father. But he doesn't know how to put them first. He sometimes gets distracted," Mac replied.
"Distracted how?" her lawyer pressed.
"Well, the prime example is a few months ago, after we separated. While our son was in his father's care, he fell down and sprained his wrist," Mac said.
Her lawyer continued to question her with some interruptions from Maureen at the most ludicrous queries. Finally, he began his last line of questioning. "So it was Commander Rabb's selfish, sometimes careless nature that led to your divorce?"
"Yes, indirectly," Mac replied. "More directly it was the affair he'd had though."
"Is it true that Mr. Rabb had an affair during the early days of your marriage?" asked Mr. Johnston.
"Yes," answered Mac, once again looking at Harm.
"Would you please tell the court what happened?"
Mac nodded. "It was the day I'd stood court martial for the death of my ex-husband, whom Harm was unaware even existed. I was found innocent of murder; the death was ruled self defense, however between Harm and I, the whole matter caused a great deal of conflict."
"How so?" asked her attorney.
"He was very angry at me for never telling him about my first marriage" explained Mac. "He felt that I'd betrayed him by keeping it a secret, when in reality it's not something I ever talk about because it was such a mistake and such a disaster." She looked at Harm yet again, almost as if to say their marriage had also been those things.
"So, Mr. Rabb had an affair because he was angry with you?" asked Mr. Johnston.
"He did," replied Mac. "He went out the evening of my court martial, said he 'needed time to think'. He ran into his ex-partner, the one he worked with at JAG before me. I don't know what happened there except that he came home later, crying his eyes out and apologizing."
Mac was sitting on their sofa, a blanket tucked around her legs as she listened for Harm's footfalls at the door. Eleven pm came, the midnight, then one o'clock. Finally she heard his familiar step and rushed to the door to throw her arms around him, hold him close, and beg his forgiveness. When she opened the door however, she was not prepared for what she saw. Harm was standing there, his uniform shirt unbuttoned at the neck, hot tears falling from his face, and shoulders heaving with sobs. "Harm?" Mac asked softly. "Baby, what is it? Are you sick? Hurt? Come here," she opened her arms for him to go into them.
He stepped closer to her and into her open arms, where he fell apart all over again. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." was all he could say.
Mac brought her hand up to caress the back of his neck, "Its okay," she soothed. "You were angry. I understand."
He shook his head as he cried. "No...no," he said. "What I did...I'm sorry...oh, God..."
Mac pulled away and met his wet, red eyes. "Honey, come and sit down. You're scaring me."
He did as she asked, clinging to her hand as they walked to the sofa. He forced himself to look her in the eye. "I didn't mean to," he whispered as fresh tears rolled down his face.
"I know," she cooed. "I know. I hurt you very badly, you had to breathe. I understand its okay."
He had to come clean. "I ran into Meg tonight," he spit out, looking into his wife's eyes for the first signs of comprehension.
"Meg Austin?" she queried holding onto his trembling hand.
He nodded and took a slow, deep breath. "I never meant for it to happen, honest I didn't," he cried.
"Of course not," Mac sighed. "You didn't know she was here, if you did we'd have had her over."
He stood up, realizing he had to spell it out, plain and clear for her. "I ran into her and we talked and then we kissed and then-"
"You...You kissed?" she asked her face falling as if it had broken. "Kissed and what?"
He needed another deep breath. "We kissed and then...things started getting out of control". He paused to wipe away his latest teardrops. "She started unbuttoning my shirt, I did the same to her-"
Mac shuttered and rose from the couch, "So you slept with her?" Mac asked. "You..." Her voice caught as she fought her own tears.
"No, no..." he said, shaking his head adamantly. "I...we kissed and we got a little bit undressed and we...felt around each other a little and then it hit me...I came straight home; I had to see you, to tell you and to ask you to forgive me." He looked away and tried to stifle a sob.
Mac nodded, "Then ask me," she instructed.
He went to her and took hold of both her hands. "Mac," he began, once more crying steadily. "Will you forgive me?"
With her shoulders firmly squared and her eyes dry she nodded, "Yes, I will. I love you," she whispered and reached up to take his lips in a kiss. "God I love you, I'm so sorry I hurt you."
"I love you so much," he whispered against her lips. "I'm so sorry..."
"So you forgave him instantly for that incident?" Mr. Johnston asked Mac.
"I did," answered Mac.
"And the second time? This most recent time?" he asked.
"This time was very different," said Mac. "He kept it from me for two months, I found out about it on my own before he ever told me anything."
"Mrs. Rabb, I realize that this was a very difficult thing to deal with, your husband's betrayal, but...Tell the court why you feel this makes him an unfit father?" the lawyer asked gently.
"It's my belief that any man who has an affair, who doesn't hold true to the promises he made to his wife, who lies to her and to his family, lacks the responsibility and good judgment necessary to raise children," stated Mac matter-of-factly.
"And of your own short comings?" he asked. "You've kept truth from your husband by your own admission."
"I have, yes," agreed Mac. "But out of love, not out of fear."
"Thank you, Colonel," Mr. Johnston sighed. "Nothing further."