"I thought you Air Nomads were all vegetarians," Rai commented as Sati browsed the selections of meat in the market of yet another town they stopped in.
"They're not as strict with it now as they used to be. It's a lifestyle choice," Sati smiled.
"Did you find everything all right?" the woman at the register asked.
Rai's eyes suddenly flew open wide as she snapped her head over to the woman who spoke while she rang up the contents of Sati's grocery basket. The woman had dark hair pulled back into a low and loose ponytail and kind, olive green eyes. Her breathing suddenly became laboured as sweat slowly dripped down her forehead as the memories flooded her mind in a relentless assault. Fire… blood… so many bodies as figures forcibly took her and the other screaming children away. Among them, a woman with dark hair and cruel, malicious olive green eyes. Rai was ready to jump forward and metalbend her bracer armor into sharp blades, but stopped when she felt Takumi gently touch her arm.
"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked in concern.
Rai suddenly remembered where she was and relaxed, but kept her eyes locked on the cashier. "Nothing. I'm fine," she said, turning to leave.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"Bathroom. I'll catch up with you two later," she said. Instead of searching for a bathroom like she said she would, she ducked into a nearby alleyway and stayed there until she saw Sati and Takumi continuing down the street. She made her way through to the other end into the back alley behind the shops. She saw the woman emerge from the back of the store to throw away a bag of trash. While she was distracted, Rai quickly made her way up to the woman from behind and forcibly whipped her around and pushed her into the wall.
"Wha- Please don't hurt me! I don't have a lot of money but take whatever you want, just don't hurt me!" the woman begged as she cowered under Rai's firm grip.
She could hardly believe that this woman cowering in fear below her was the same from many years ago, but Rai maintained her resolve. "I never thought I'd see a slaver begging for her life in such a pathetic way," Rai muttered darkly.
"S-slaver? I-I don't know what you're talking about!" she protested.
"You can lie to these people all you want, but I remember you, Kiyoko."
"H-how did you know my name?" she gasped, eyes wide in fright.
"I never forget a face or a name, especially of someone who helped burn my home to the ground and kill my parents."
"Y-you mean… y-you," she stammered frightfully. "Oh, spirits. Please, I've changed! I don't do that anymore!"
Rai gripped the collar of Kiyoko's shirt as she began speaking in an angry, yet quiet tone so as not to draw attention. "And that's supposed to make it better? How many people did you kill? How many children's lives did you ruin before you got to me? How many since?"
"I know what I did was a terrible thing and I have to live with that every day of my life. I regret so much what I did. Please, show me mercy," she begged.
"Mercy?" Rai exclaimed, shocked that this woman was actually pleading for mercy especially after acknowledging what she had done, "I'll show you the same that you showed my village." Rai removed one hand from Kiyoko's collar to metalbend the plates on her bracers into a sharp blade that extended over her hand.
"Rai!" Rai and Kiyoko turned their heads as Takumi and Sati entered the back alley. "What are you doing?" Takumi tried pulling Rai's arm away from Kiyoko, but she was far stronger than he.
"Please, help me! She's crazy!" Kiyoko pleaded with tearful eyes.
"Go back to the hotel!" Rai barked angrily, turning her attention back to Kiyoko. However, a gust of wind suddenly blew right between the two, pushing Rai away from Kiyoko. Rai quickly got back up on her feet to advance on Kiyoko once more, but was stopped by Sati and Takumi standing in her way.
"Rai, were you going to… kill her?" Takumi gulped as he asked. Rai didn't answer, but Takumi and Sati could tell that that was confirmation enough. "Why?"
"Why? Because she's a despicable monster that needs to be put down!"
"What are you talking about? She was so nice in the store. What could she have possibly done?" Sati asked.
"She is a slaver. I'd recognize her face anywhere," Rai spat.
"How would you know that? You can't just go around accusing people like that. Even if she was, she might not be anymore! What if she's a better person now? People can change, Rai," Takumi argued.
"And that excuses all the crimes she's committed? Yes, people can change, Takumi. Believe it or not but I wasn't always like this; I used to be happy, I used to have a good life! But then people like her ruined everything. People like her destroyed my life!"
"It's true!" Kiyoko cried. "I was a slaver, but I don't run with them anymore! I haven't been in contact with them for years! I've turned my life around, honest! I swear, I don't do that anymore! I'm not that person anymore!"
"You're lying!" Rai shouted, ready to strike with her blades, but once again, Sati and Takumi blocked her path, giving Kiyoko the chance to slip away as the group argued. "Get out of my way!" she yelled, eager to pursue the ex-slaver.
"No! It's not right. You can't just go around playing judge, jury and executioner!" Sati protested.
"So you would have them go unpunished for all the crimes they committed?"
"The Avatar isn't a killer, Rai," Sati said.
"Then it's a good thing that I'm not your Avatar," Rai whispered back. "And you know as well as I do that I wouldn't be the first one to take a life."
"But it's not right!" Takumi added. "Killing doesn't make anything better! It won't undo what was done. Two wrongs don't make a right."
"Right? You really want to talk to me about what's right? What isn't right is for slavers like her to go from town to town killing people and stealing children to sell as slaves! I should have figured neither of you two could possibly understand," Rai scoffed, walking away from the pair. She kept her distance from the two for the next two days while she carefully monitored Kiyoko, only loosely entertaining Takumi and Sati's idea that she had changed. But no matter what, all Rai could see when she looked at this woman who appeared kind and generous was a malicious and cruel killer. On the night of the third day, Rai watched as Kiyoko left her apartment complex with a large crate of produce. Instead of going to the market, she made her way towards the outskirts of town. Rai crept behind her closely, but made sure not to get too close that Kiyoko would notice her presence. She stopped and hid behind a tree as Kiyoko met with a man in light armor with a familiar emblem of a sword and chain on his shoulder armor.
"Here, this is the last shipment I can give you, but it should last until your next stop," Kiyoko said, handing the man the crate.
"Last shipment? Where am I supposed to get food for my men and my… shipment now?" he asked. The rest of the exchange between them as quick and quiet as Rai watched from afar. So much for turning over a new leaf…
Once the man disappeared and Kiyoko began making her way away from the town, Rai crept up behind her. "Once a slaver, always a slaver," she said.
Kiyoko gasped and turned around, her eyes widening in terror as she saw Rai. "I-It's you..."
"I should have known a snake like you would never change," she muttered grimly as she advanced on Kiyoko.
"W-w-wait! I know what this looks like, but please listen to me!" Kiyoko begged, paralyzed in fear and unable to move.
"Oh, I listened and I gave you the chance you so desperately begged for, but you're just like all the rest. You lie, you cheat and you say whatever it is you need to say to save your slimy skin," Rai said, whipping out the metal blades from her forearm bracers.
"Okay! I lied about my connection to them. But please! I have no other means of eating. I don't deal in people anymore! Just goods, produce. I can't be picky with who I sell to. I've changed; I'm a better person now! Please, you have to understand!" she begged.
"Understand? You want me to understand? You have no right to ask me to understand your plight! You think changing is going to magically erase everything you did? You can try and bury your past as much as you want, change your name, change your everything, but that doesn't make it better for all the people you screwed over! I'm going to do what I should have done the moment I saw you." She dashed forward and stabbed both blades into Kiyoko's abdomen, glaring into her eyes with rage and hatred as blood oozed through the fabric of Kiyoko's clothes and onto Rai's fingers.
Kiyoko's breath hitched as the blades penetrated her body. Blood filled her mouth as she coughed, barely choking out her last words, "P-p-pl-please...I didn't…" Kiyoko's body fell limp and fell to the ground off Rai's blades with a swift push.
"Oh, Rai! There you are. Where have you been?" he asked in worry as Rai entered the hotel room that the three were sharing. Rai, however, did not respond. "Rai? Are you okay?" he asked, but then he noticed the crimson stains on her hands. "Rai? What is that? Please tell me that's just red paint," he asked in a worried tone. Rai said nothing and stopped, looking up at him with her usual stern expression, but something about her eyes felt dead and empty. "That's not your blood, is it?"
"Do I look injured?" she retorted.
Takumi backed away from her and began pacing across the room, running his hands through his hair nervously. He finally turned to face her, barely holding in his feelings. "I-I should...I have a mind to report this, you, to the authorities. Please, help me understand why," he begged.
"As I said many times before, you could never understand," she said, moving to the bathroom to wash the blood off her hands. "But if you're so desperate to understand, just know that I've dealt with another piece of filth. If you want to report me to the authorities, go ahead. I'll be long gone before they even know I was here. Not only that but you'll lose your escort AND the only thing that's been keeping you alive and safe from the assassins your father's been sending. So, any other questions?"
Takumi stood there in shocked silence. "I...I thought you were better than this. Or at least getting better. What about the slaver you rescued me from? You spared him!"
"Only because you insisted on getting in my way. And like I told you then, you should have let me kill him," Rai sighed. "I envy you, Takumi. I envy the happy world you grew up in with no troubles; I envy your blissful ignorance and naivety. As much as people like you and little Miss Sunshine want to think, the world isn't made of rainbows and butterflies. Just because you're nice to everyone doesn't mean everyone you meet will show you the same courtesy. Some people just want to hurt others, some people just want to watch the world burn, some people are just pure evil; they lie, steal and cheat no matter how much they screw over the people who get hurt in the process! You always said to me that I should use my powers and skills to help people, right? Well, there's lots of ways to help people: healing the sick, defending the weak, and executing dangerous criminals. Either way helps."
"Seems you prefer the last of those options, don't you?" he remarked.
"It's the only one that works for me. Do you honestly think you'd be able to sway the morality of every criminal you met? Somehow convince them of the error of their ways and turn their lives around?" she asked, washing her face in the sink. "It doesn't matter anymore. She doesn't deserve to be remembered, not after what she did. I suppose you're going to ask me if I feel better after what I've done?"
"Do you?" he asked.
"It doesn't matter what I feel," Rai said, focusing on her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Her expression was so blank, so devoid of emotion, so hollow inside. "This was never about making me feel better. What matters is what's right and stopping these people from doing what they do to other innocent victims and getting justice for those they've already wronged."
"Well then what's the end result for you once the slavers are gone?"
"I don't know. It'll be a long time before I cross off all the names on my list. I may not even be able to get rid of all of them, but I'll take as many of them out as I can."
"Wait? You have a list?" he asked.
Sati entered the bathroom, drawn by the commotion. "List? List of what?" she asked before gasping in shock at the sight of the blood in the sink. "Oh my goodness, what happened?"
Rai ignored Sati's worry and pulled out a small book from her pocket and tossed it to Takumi. "A list of people who have what's coming to them." Sati hovered over Takumi's shoulder as he opened the book, revealing a list of names on each page, some of which were already crossed out. "This person wasn't the first and they'll hardly be the last."
"You're just gonna kill all these people?" Sati asked.
"Some of them will be lucky; they'll be getting quick deaths."
"That's cold," Sati replied, her usual cheerful expression instead replaced with one of shock and horror..
"It's also generous, more generous than they deserve."
"Rai, killing is never the answer. If you kill a killer, the number of murderers in this world stays the same," Takumi reasoned, trying to appeal to her.
"I know, that's why I don't stop at one. Would you rather I leave this to the authorities? The same authorities that are either ignorant to these crimes or corrupt and turn a blind eye? Someone has to get justice for all the lives these people destroyed. An eye for an eye; a life for a life."
"But that's so… how can you sleep at night?" Sati asked, horrified.
"I don't. Agree or disagree, I do what I have to do to survive and I do what I have to do to get justice." Rai took one last look at herself in the mirror before wiping her face with a towel and pushing her way past her silent and shocked companions. "I'm going to bed."
Rai couldn't fall asleep that night, but it was different than every time before. She felt troubled and conflicted and she just couldn't get comfortable in the bed. Was she feeling guilty? 'Ridiculous,' she thought. She had taken lives before and she hadn't felt guilty then. Unable to sleep, she sat up in her bed and looked over to see Takumi and Sati sound asleep. They looked so peaceful and it reminds her of better times. She couldn't help but smile and be a little bit envious at how peacefully they could sleep. Between the nightmares and always being ready for an ambush, she hadn't slept soundly for years. She lay back down onto the bed and shut her eyes, trying to get to sleep as she shifted onto her side, her back facing Takumi's bed in the middle. All of a sudden, she heard a whisper, a voice speaking so quietly that she almost didn't notice it.
"Avatar Rai," the voice spoke.
"I told you never to call me tha-" she began, preparing to scold Sati, but quickly noticed the Nomad girl was sound asleep. "Huh? Who's there?" she called, standing up in a combat stance. However, she looked down at her arms, noticing that her entire was a ghostly blue and transparent. Below her, she could see her own body unconscious on the bed.
"They can't hear us." All of a sudden, in a small flash of light, an elderly woman with silver hair and tan skin dressed in blue winter attire appeared in front of Rai. "Hello, Avatar Rai. I am Avatar Korra."
Rai narrowed her eyes at the sight of the old woman. "You... Heh, I was wondering how long it would take you to show up," she said, crossing her arms.
"Oh, I can't take all the credit," chuckled Korra with a smile, "You made a considerable effort to keep me at bay. But how can I refuse when I am called by my kin?"
"I never called you and we are not kin!" she shouted.
"You did not call me of your own accord. But your soul was screaming as you slept. And I know why."
"Don't try to make me feel bad for what I did, because I don't! She got what she deserved," Rai said, unwavering.
"And yet this is the first time you have contacted me. You've killed people before, but I remained at bay even then. Something has changed. Deep down, you do feel guilty. You've spent so long disconnecting yourself from everyone else and everything around you but for the first time in so long, you have people to connect with, people you are concerned about and people who are concerned about you."
Rai smirked, "Heh, I get how this is supposed to go. You tell me how guilty I feel to try and make me feel guilty. Well I don't! And don't give me the crap about how going through with this won't make me feel any better in the end. I KNOW THAT!" she suddenly yelled loudly. "It'll never make it better; I'll never feel better! But it's not about me!"
"Then who is it about?" she asked.
"It's about Kala and Arata, and every single child whose lives they destroyed! How many people have they killed? How many children ripped from their homes and sold like property? Would you just stand by and let these people go unpunished for their crimes?"
"And what happens when you're the destroyer?"
"What would you have me do? Go around preaching peace and harmony like your predecessor and his flock of sheep? Well, that doesn't always work! I seem to recall you being a punch first and ask questions later kind of Avatar. The past doesn't just conveniently go away when we want it to. You might as well save it because your preaching isn't going to work on me," Rai said, holding up her hand to silence Korra. "They'll pay for what they did to me, to all of us."
"You could have turned Kiyoko into the authorities. She would have answered for her crimes," Korra reasoned.
"Oh, you're such a hypocrite!" Rai snapped. "How many times did you operate outside the law to get justice, to do what was right? How many rules did you break to do what you knew in your heart was the right thing? And what about your fight with the Red Lotus? You had every intention of killing Zaheer because you thought he killed your father. How is this any different? The law doesn't always help those who are really in need nor does it ensure that true justice is carried out. I can't rely on the justice system because they never knew what happened to me and all those children! All it and the law does is protect those in power who implemented them in the first place. So don't you dare try to lecture me about what's right!" Rai shouted, pointing her finger at Korra in accusation. "You know what? I think I'd prefer to talk to an Avatar who might actually understand me. How about Avatar Wan? Oh, that's right. I'm stuck with you," she said venomously. "Hundreds and hundreds of Avatars before me that I could turn to for help if I wanted, but the only one I can talk to is you."
"I know I can't even begin to pretend that I know what you've gone through. But taking the law into your own hands like this will only poison yourself. Every time you take a life, you're killing part of yourself. That is no way to live."
"What does it matter? I already feel dead inside; I have for years. I lost my home, my family, my brother… everything. There's only so much a person can take before the hope is kicked out of them," she muttered. "Once this is over, I'll be more than happy to let someone else take over as Avatar. Then you and the White Lotus can lecture him or her all about how bad of an Avatar I was."
"You're not a bad Avatar, Rai; you're just lost. We all lose our path sometimes, but that doesn't mean we're lost forever. Sometimes we just need help finding our way again. Trust me on that. Even if you don't care to admit it, you haven't felt more alive in years and it's all because of them. My friends stood by me even when I wanted to push them away, when I felt they couldn't understand what I was feeling and what I was going through. Don't push away those that care about you, Rai."
"Why not? It's only a matter of time before they leave me anyway. Takumi thinks of me as some sort of virtuous paragon and Sati looks at me like I'm the next great Avatar. Both of them are looking for something that just isn't there! Once they finally realize what I really am and that I'll never be what they see in me, they'll leave me of their own accord," Rai muttered, the stern expression on her face masking a sad look in her eyes.
"Or perhaps, they are looking to bring out something in you that you didn't know you had."
The image of Korra disappeared as Rai returned to her body. She opened her eyes and was about to wake up, but heard Takumi shuffle around in his bed and sit up. She stayed still as he began speaking. "I wish I could understand you. I wish you'd let me understand you! But you never let me. You won't tell me anything else about you," he whispered sadly, wiping away a tear, "Maybe you were right, maybe she did deserve it, but… but you don't have to resort to that! You don't have to be as bad as them. I-I looked up to you, like the big sister I never had. You might expect me to give up on you after tonight. I know you're going to tell me that I'm seeing something in you that just isn't there. But I won't give up. I know there is good in you somewhere deep down," he sniffled and scoffed, "Listen to yourself, Takumi, talking to a sleeping girl. Practically talking to yourself. Maybe I'm going as crazy as she is."
"You're not crazy. Misguided, perhaps, but not crazy," Rai said, sitting up.
Takumi almost jumped when he heard her voice. "Umm, how long were you awake?" he asked nervously.
"I heard everything," she replied, turning around and sitting on the edge of her bed to face Takumi as he sat on his.
Takumi scratched the back of his head nervously. "I'm sorry for what I said to you. I know that it wasn't my business, but-"
"You don't have to be sorry, Takumi. It's so much easier to see the world in black and white. Gray... I don't know what to do with gray. Since you look up to me so much, I'll give you some advice." She gave Takumi a serious look before speaking, "Don't be like me."
To her surprise, Takumi leapt off his bed and reached out towards her, embracing her tightly. Rai was shocked by the hug and sat there unsure of how to respond to this before gently reciprocating and patting his back. "There's a good person in you, Rai. And one day, we'll find her and bring her out. Call me naïve, if you want, but I don't give up on my friends."
Ah, it finally happened. Rai talked to Korra. Obviously, their first talk wouldn't go too well. But I knew from the start that at some point, Rai would have to talk to Korra and you can rest assured that this won't be the last time.
Hop on over to this chapter on my deviantart for my lazy quickie sketch of an elderly Korra.
You may recognize a quote I adapted for this story. Garrus Vakarian's "black and white" quote, some of my favorites :3
Next chapter: Sati is attacked by an agent of Goro's, who leaves Rai with a grim message from her former master.