A/N: Sorry for the delay. I put this on hold for my other story with Snugglebug, A Season for Love. We then got tied down with real life as my fiance's health continues to decline. I ask your prayers for him.
Enjoy this chapter…
Harm was kept in the hospital for another day, and then was let out with a stronger prescription and orders to avoid stress as best he could. The new assignment away from the pain of everything they had gone through since May would serve to do that. He'd leave just before Lucy's birthday.
Mac did not bring Lucy to see Harm once he was discharged. The little girl's school resumed and she occupied herself with that, though she did miss her Daddy and would cry to her mother for him at night. Mic and Mac were growing closer much to Lucy's dismay for as nice as Mic could be; he was just not her Daddy.
Mic and Mac decided once Lucy had gone back to school and had for the most part become used to her life as it was it was time to start working for a baby of their own.
"Mic, Sarah," Dr. Bradley sighed. "I warned you both, and Sarah I've warned you previously of the enormous risk carrying a baby is for you given the type and extent of your endometriosis."
"Yes, you have," agreed Mac. "But we've talked about it and it's something we both feel strongly about proceeding with."
"Okay, well have you discussed the options I outlined for you and Commander Rabb with your new, uh, friend?" Dr. Bradley asked.
Mic shifted uneasily in his seat as Mac continued the conversation. "I have," she replied. "We're okay with sticking to the previous plan."
"Yes, that's right," answered Mic.
"Mr. Brumby, do you understand your part of the treatment?" he asked. "You'll have to submit to a test for sperm count, and then give a sperm donation that we'll use to inseminate Sarah."
"I think I can handle that," he said with a cocky grin as he looked at Mac and winked.
"Sarah, I would be remiss as your doctor if I did not express my concern for you in this endeavor. The walls of your uterus are very badly scarred, the tissue is weak...If you become pregnant, carrying to term would be very risky. I'd want you to stop working as soon as the child is conceived."
"Oh, that's what I want her to do anyway, doc," said Mic. "No worries there, eh love?" he asked, looking again at Mac.
"Well, we hadn't really talked about that yet Mic," Mac replied. "But doctor if that's what you feel is best..."
"It is. This is a high risk pregnancy at any rate given your age, Sarah, but...you must avoid stress at all costs during your term. Is that clear?" he asked seriously.
The doctor nodded again and they set up an appointment for all the preliminary testing. Mic and Mac left the doctor's office and walked down the block to the pizza buffet they both loved. "Mic, are you really serious about me quitting work?"
"You bet," he said. "I want you to stay home and be a mother, that's the most important thing to me."
"I've been a mother for almost six years and I managed to work most of that time," Mac replied taking a bit of her pizza.
"It'll be different with us," stated Mic. "I want you home, not splitting your focus between being a mother and being a Marine. I've always envisioned my little lady being at home with our babies."
"Mic, I'm probably only going to be able to have one more baby," Mac told him. "Harm and I always wanted four, but with my health like it is..."
He shook his head. "Don't think like that, Sarah. We'll get our miracles, as many as we want."
"Mic, I have to think like that. I have two other children who need their Mommy alive and well. Maybe this baby is too big a risk," Mac sighed.
"That's why I want you to stay home" explained Mic, popping a bite of pepperoni into his mouth. "Less stress in your life will be better for your health."
Mac acknowledged that, "Harm asked me to do this a few times before," she sighed.
He shook his head. "No, I want you home, Sarah. I think it'll be better for the baby and for us if you just stay home and concentrate on being a mother. I don't want you under any more stress than you have to be, honest I don't."
"What about Lucy and DJ?" Mac asked. "Can you support me, a new baby, and the two of them on one salary?"
"I don't have to support Lucy and DJ," he said, a hint of anger to his voice. "They have a father who pays child support for that."
"Not nearly enough to give them anything they may desire," Mac replied.
"I'm sure we can live on one salary, Sarah," he stated. "Millions of families do it every day, I'm sure we can join the ranks."
"Mic, something has been bothering me," Mac began, tabling the not working issue for the time being, though she admitted, being home with all her children would be wonderful.
"Spit it out, love," he said, taking a bite of his fifth slice of pizza.
"Harm is leaving for Utah in six days," Mac sighed. "Lucy and DJ are going to need a Dad here, in Virginia. And I'm wondering can you...will you love them as your own children?"
He had to find an answer, and fast. "Of course I will, love," he said, knowing in his heart he'd really have to work on it, on loving the children of the man who was his worst competition for Mac's affection from day one.
Softly Mac smiled, "That makes me very happy, Mic," she answered. "And I will consider leaving the corp, I really will. I promise."
"That's my girl," he said, leaning across the table to give her a kiss.
Utah
Harm sat on the plane en route to Utah, staring sadly out the window as he thought back on everything that had gotten him to that point. He thought about Annie, about all the ways he could have done everything differently and she never would've been a part of his life again, even for a short while. He thought about his children, how much he'd miss them while he was away, but he knew he needed to go. Mostly, he thought of Mac, of every terrible thing they'd said and done to one another in the preceding year...and how he'd take it all back if only he could.
He thought also about how things had ended between the two of them before he left. They'd been so ugly to each other, it was as if every ounce of hurt they'd felt was thrown at the other one with as much force as possible. The children had to witness this emotional massacre, and by the time it drew to a close, they were in tears and having to hug and kiss their father goodbye only added to their pain.
The Dean of the law school sent a small delegation of students to greet Harm at the airport and help him get situated in his new apartment. "Well, here it is, Sir," a tall young man of about 23 years old said as he helped Harm carry his bags. "Fully furnished."
"It looks great," said Harm. "Thank you...what was your name again?"
"Jason, Sir," he replied. "Jason Bryant. And that's William," he pointed to a short stocky dark haired boy. "And he's Randy." Randy was a short, spike haired red head.
"Nice to meet you all," said Harm, extending his hand to each of them. "I'm Commander Rabb."
"We know, Sir," Jason replied. "Guys, get the rest of the Commander's bags. Move it, move it."
The two younger men moved to retrieve Harm's things. "So...I heard you are divorced?"
Harm looked surprised. "Yes, I am, but how did you know?"
"Nothing much is a secret on campus, Sir," Jason replied. "I'm really looking forward to finding out about JAG." He reached into his wallet and handed Harm a card. "This the address of the church around his area. I go there too. I hope maybe I'll see you there before Monday. It's real easy to make friends there."
Harm slipped the card into his pocket. "Thank you, that's good to know."
"No pressure," Jason smiled. "Lots of the folks on campus aren't really into religion, but a lot are too." William and Randy returned jus then with the last of Harm's stuff. "Hey, do you like to ski?"
"Love to," said Harm.
Jason handed him another card, "A bunch of us from church are going to go up to my uncle's ski cabin next weekend. There are a lot of professors in our ward too. Maybe you'd like to go?"
"It's a few hours up," Randy told him. "But fun."
"Sounds like fun," agreed Harm. "I'll see if I can squeeze a little fun into my schedule and get back to you."
The boys smiled, "Well, we'll shove off. See you soon Commander."
Harm sat down on the sofa and smiled. He liked the boys, and if the others were half as friendly, he just might make it through this assignment. He just might.
Virginia
They were seated around the dinner table one Friday night, Lucy chattering to her mother about her friend, Jan and what they did at the playground that day.
It was then Mic decided to firmly state his intention towards his life with Mac.
He pushed back from the table and turned in his chair to face her. "I love you. I've always loved you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you be my wife?" He pulled a ring box from his shirt pocket and handed it to her.
Mac took the box and studied it, "Oh, Mic...I..." She thought of the last time she'd put on a ring, of the promise, the hope...and the tragedy. Mic was offering her love, stability; to give her children a present father...she smiled, "Yes." Plain and simple, with no frills.
"That's my girl," he replied with a smile as he moved in for a kiss. It was almost as if they'd just completed a transaction in some sad business deal; almost no emotion involved beyond what lie at the surface.
In fact, the only real emotion came from Lucy. "No, Mommy, you can't!" she protested and leapt out of her seat.
"What?" asked Mac, knowing Lucy wasn't exactly fond of Mic.
"You can't marry him, you can't!" she told her and ran to her mother flinging herself across her lap. "You can't. You have to marry Daddy!"
Mac looked at Mic, who was obviously put out by the child's outburst. "Lucy," said Mac softly. "Daddy and I were married, but now we're not, and I'm going to be married to Mic."
"But when Daddy comes back, you can marry him again," Lucy told her. "He's said he's sorry. Please Mommy!"
"Lucy, Lucy, calm down," soothed Mac. "Let's finish our dinner and then we'll go talk about it, okay?
Lucy pouted but stood up, locked her shoulder like Harm used to when he was trying to act hard while coming apart inside and went to her chair to finish her pizza.
Mac knew this wasn't going to be easy, but just how hard it would in fact be remained to be seen...
Mac took Lucy into her bedroom after supper while Mic and DJ cleaned up and sat down to watch the television. Taking her into her lap, Mac held her child close for a moment before speaking.
"Lucy, tell Mommy why you don't want me to marry Mic?" Mac asked. "You know that Daddy and I aren't going to get married again, so why?"
"I love Daddy," said Lucy sadly. "I don't love Mic."
Mac started to rock her daughter, "I know you love Daddy, Lucy. I know, but Mic is a nice man and he wants to take care of us and he loves us. I love you very much, Lucy," Mac told her when Lucy started to sob. "I want you to be a happy little girl again. What can Mommy do to help you feel better?"
"Hold me like Daddy does?" asked Lucy.
"How did he do it?" Mac asked, appalled she couldn't recall.
"Like this," whispered the little girl, curling up in Mac's lap and nestling her face into her mother's shoulder. "Just hug me real tight, Mommy."
Mac tightened her embrace around her daughter and continued to rock slowly back and forth with her, "Like this, Baby?"
There was no answer. Lucy had fallen asleep, completely drained from the sadness her little heart felt that night.
Mac kissed her temple and held her for a while longer before carrying her to bed, undressing her, and returning to tell Mic she'd made a decision. She'd made a decision about working, but not for his reasons, but for her own. Lucy was still vulnerable and having Mac's constant attention was what she and DJ needed, still it was with a heavy heart that she'd leave the corp, though it was for the right reasons, her children. "It was about time," she sighed. "About time I did something for them."
Mac and Mic experienced their first failed insemination cycle that month. It was a new kind of pain for Mac; Mic didn't seem nearly as distraught as she was. He encouraged her as best as he could, but for Mic that meant saying they'd "get 'em next time", which provided her with little comfort. She was growing closer to Lucy as time went on, something that both mother and daughter needed and felt good about. Lucy would always be a Daddy's Girl, no doubt, but in Harm's absence, she was bonding with Mac in a whole new way. DJ, on the other hand, had found a "new Daddy" in Mic. The two would play together daily, and Mac was just waiting for the day DJ would refer to Mic as "Daddy."
Harm decided after it would be a good idea after one week of working and making no real connections to go to Jason's uncle's cabin and see what it would be like. He made the two hour or so drive up the mountain from the university in his rented SUV. As he drove along the winding mountain road, he twisted and turned, rolling down the window and inhaling the clean cool air. This place was beautiful. The trees were green and at night, even near the cities he could see stars, something he'd not been able to do in DC.
He arrived to see the area of Jason's uncle's cabin decorated with picnic tables. He looked around at scores of children playing and running amongst happy adults. He parked his vehicle and got out. Jason spotted him and took him over to introduce him to his Uncle Chris, his Aunt Rebecca and his cousins, Mary, Kelly, and Jake. In spite of being surrounded by strangers Harm felt remarkably at home.
After lunch some of the men went out to explore the ski trails that would soon be covered in snow. It was during this time they passed a cabin, large ranch style cabin that was for sale. Harm didn't know what came over him, one minute he was admiring the impressive structure and the next they were back at the picnic and he was making an official offer to the cabin's owner. By the end of the supper portion of the party, the cabin was his.
Harm moved his things in a month later, after the paper work was signed. He decorated it himself; using photos of himself with the kids and drawings he'd taken to remind him of home. The two hour drive to work each day while tiring was welcomed for it passed the time and made the lonely hours at home, a little less. Before he knew it though, it was December and the general extended his TAD until the following May, he'd done so well in the post. It was then arranged that he would be able to see his children, as he'd wished to do many times in the last two months. Finally, finally, it was time.
Harm went to the airport to meet AJ, who was bringing Lucy and DJ to see him. It was just after the New Year and Harm had been feelings ill since just before Christmas. Still he was so excited about seeing his kids, he wouldn't let a bad cold, a case of bronchitis, or a little body ache keep him down.
Shrieks of "Daddy!" could be heard as soon as Lucy spied Harm from the jetway. She ran to him at warp speed while DJ hung back and clung to AJ's hand.
"Oh, there's my girl!" exclaimed Harm as he knelt down to scoop Lucy up in his arms. "I've missed you so much, Button; so much!"
Lucy held on tight to Harm, "I missed you too. I lost two teeth," she showed him her missing teeth. "See?"
Harm looked at his baby girl's gapped smile and felt his heart melt. "Wow, that's great! Did the Tooth Fairy come and leave you money for your teeth?"
"Yes, five whole dollars!" Lucy told him. "And Mommy made me a special dinner."
Meanwhile AJ approached with an apprehensive DJ, "Hello, Harm. How are you?"
"Doing good, AJ" he replied, coughing a few times before kneeling down to his sons eye level. "Hey, little sailor, I've missed you!"
DJ turned from him and hid his face in AJ's pant leg.
Harm looked up at his former CO in confusion. "What's with him?"
"He's shy," AJ replied. "He's going through a phase."
Harm nodded, his feeling a bit hurt but he understood how preschoolers could be. "Well," he said to Lucy. "Let's head down to get your suitcases, then we can all go for pizza, okay?"
"Okay," Lucy said. "Did you know Mommy and Mic are going to a special doctor?" she asked as the headed for the baggage claim.
Harm shook his head as another coughing fit overtook him. "N,o" he gasped when it was over. "I didn't know that."
"Daddy, are you okay?" Lucy asked little brows knitting.
He nodded, coughing a little more as he stopped at a water fountain. "I'm okay, button. I just need a little drink of water."
As Harm drank some water Lucy jabbered on about school, her new friends, and Mac and Mic's "special doctor."
"What kind of doctor is their 'special doctor'?" asked Harm, part of him afraid in doing so.
"A doctor you go to to get a baby," Lucy told him. "They went after Mic and Mommy said they were gonna get married. He did something once to Mommy and it didn't work and she cried and cried and cried really hard and Mic wasn't nice to her. He didn't even hug her hardly and then I yelled at him and then I got punished."
Harm's head was spinning at the realization that Mic and Mac were trying to conceive a child...the child that he'd wanted with Mac himself. For a moment, he was lost in regret until he felt a tug at his pantleg. Looking down, he found DJ looking up at him, silently begging to be picked up.
"Hi, Daddy," DJ smiled after coming out of his shell.
"Hi, son," replied Harm, holding the boy close. "Did you like flying on the airplane?"
"It went up high," he told him and cuddle close. "Uncle Mic flies planes." The boy smiled.
"He does, huh?" asked Harm, the ache in his heart quickly matching the one in his head as he figured out that another man was filling his role in DJ's life; a man he greatly disliked. "Hey, those look like yours," he said about two bright red suitcases, changing the subject as the luggage carousel moved by them.
The next few hours flew by as Harm and AJ got the children pizza and drove them to his new home. They were both exhausted by then and he and AJ settled them in for a good night's sleep before a day of ice skating and stories from their Daddy. Harm was exhausted himself by the time he joined AJ by the roaring fire. "You don't look so great there, Harm."
"I don't feel so great," he admitted with a sigh and a couple of coughs. "Bad cold; caught it skiing. I'll get over it."
"Sounds worse than a cold," AJ sighed. "Nice place though. A bit far from Brigham Young U."
"Yeah, it is," agreed Harm. "But it was too pretty to pass up. It's so peaceful out here, I love it."
"It is pretty here," AJ replied. "So...Is anything else "pretty?"
Harm smiled a little. "As in do I have anyone special in my life?"
"As in Mac's moved on, did you?"
Harm shook his head. "I'm not ready yet, AJ. It's way too soon and...and no one is Mac."
AJ nodded, "Well, don't get old waiting for another Mac. You'll never find one."
He looked out the window. "I know. I'll have to live with that fact forever."
"But you're happy here?" AJ asked.
"All things considered," answered Harm. "Yeah, I really am."
AJ nodded, "Good. Good."
The week flew by and in that time Harm bonded with his children again. By the time they were ready to leave it was a bittersweet goodbye. He was feeling sicker throughout the week, but he wouldn't let it keep him down. He stood at their gate with them and held each child close.
"I'm going to miss you two," he said, holding his emotion in check.
"We'll miss you, Daddy," said Lucy, her bottom lip beginning to quiver. DJ simply snuggled deeper into Harm's embrace.
"Time to go, kiddos," said AJ gently. "Harm, take care of yourself, that's an order."
"Yes, Sir," Harm replied.
"I want you to see a doctor about that cough," Lucy told him sounding exactly like her mother.
Harm couldn't help but smile. "I will, I promise, Button. Go with Uncle AJ and be a good girl, okay?"
"Okay, Daddy," Lucy obeyed. "Bye. I love you."
"I love you, baby girl," he said as he watched her, for the time being anyway, walk out of his life once more.
January was beginning to wane, and that found Mac back at Doctor Bradley's office preparing for her next insemination. Mic was not with her that day, he had a very important meeting that couldn't wait. As she sat in the doctor's office waiting for him to come in her cell phone rang. "Mackenzie."
"Uh, hi, I'm looking for Sarah Rabb," said the young male caller. "
"This is Sarah Mackenzie Rabb," she replied. "And you would be?"
"My name is Jason, ma'am," he said. "I'm calling about Commander Rabb. You are his ex-wife, yes?"
"Yes, I am. What is this about?" Mac asked growing apprehensive.
"Ma'am, he's very sick," said Jason.
"I beg your pardon?" Mac asked. "What do you mean by very sick. Is he in the hospital?"
"No, but he needs to be," replied the young man. "He has a horrible case of pneumonia, but he's refusing to go to the hospital."
"Well where is he?" Mac asked.
"He's at home, ma'am," said Jason. "People are caring for him there, some of his neighbors and friends, and a doctor stops by twice a day, but it's no substitute for being in the hospital."
"Can I speak to him?" Mac asked. "Maybe he'll listen to me."
"I'm not currently at his home, ma'am," said Jason. "But I called you because the Commander keep desperately calling your name. I wasn't sure if I should, but he seems so insistent that you're the only one who can make him feel better. Not sure if he even realizes what he's saying in his condition, but..."
"I need to come out there," Mac said. She wasn't asking.
"If you feel it best, ma'am," said Jason. "It might help him."
"I'll be there within the next few days, as soon as I can make the arrangements. Jason?" Mac asked voice growing high pitched.
"Yes, ma'am?" he answered.
"Tell him...tell him that I'm coming. Tell him, okay?" she asked softly.
"Count on it, ma'am," assured the young man.
Mac ended the call as Dr. Bradley entered, "Okay, Sarah, let's get this done."
Mac hurried home from the doctor's office, picked up her children, and set about packing and arranging for a flight to Salt Lake City. She had no idea why she felt so compelled to run to Harm's side, but she did. He was sick, he'd called for her, and that was all she needed to know.
Mac had nearly finished packing her suitcase when Mic got home from the office that evening. Lucy and DJ were occupied in the family room watching 101 Dalmations. He entered the room and kissed Mac on the back of her neck.
"Hey, love," he said. "What's all this?" He asked as he realized she was packing.
"I'm packing," she replied. "I have to go to Utah."
He was baffled. "Utah? As in where...he lives, that Utah?"
"Yes," Mac replied as she began to pack her make up bag. "I got a phone call today. Harm's sick."
"Well what does he have?" asked Mic coldly.
"Pneumonia, it is very serious and he's asking for me," Mac told him. "I have to go."
"Since when do you have to go when he asks for you, Sarah?' demanded Mic."You don't belong to him anymore!"
Mac turned to stare him down, "I don't belong to anyone. He's got nobody out there, Mic and he's still Lucy and DJ's father."
He rolled his eyes. "You didn't even ask me what I think about this, you know?"
"I'm sorry, Mic," she softened. "If I were all alone halfway across the country sick like he is, and it was Harm or strangers, what would you want for me?" she asked, taking his hand in hers.
With a sigh, he relented. "How long will you be away?"
"Two weeks, maybe longer," Mac replied.
"But..isn't that when you have to go back for the pregnancy test?" he asked. "It's always two weeks after they shoot you up, right?"
"I can take a pregnancy test in Utah if I have to," Mac replied. "I can't not go, Mic. I can't."
Mac didn't want to get into the finer aspects of her appointment; she had to get on a plane in less than five hours.
"Well, make sure you call me when you take the test," he said. "I wanna be with you when you find out, even if it's long distance."
He pulled her close and kissed her lips. "I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too," Mac replied. "Mic, maybe we'll wait okay? I'll test when I come home, so we can be together?"
He smiled. "That sounds perfect, love. Then we can celebrate together."
Mac pulled back and began to pack again. Mic helped her, then went to get dinner before loading her bags and the kids in the car and driving her to Dulles. "Be good for Mic, babies," Mac told her children.
"Mommy?" said Lucy. "Tell Daddy to get all better because I love him, okay?"
"I'll tell him, Sweet Pea. When he's feeling some better I'll have him call you okay? Be good for Mic," Mac told her and kissed her. "Mommy loves you."
With a final kiss on each child's forehead and a wave of her hand, Mac took her bags and disappeared into the airport on her way to the man who'd always hold her heart.