A/N: I am so sorry for the looooooooooong delay. Here is the next chapter and the story is finished. I just have to post the next 15 or so chapters. Mark's health is still bad but it is improving. Thank you for your well wishes and continued interest. And thanks and love to Snugglebug for being the best, well, just about everything. I love you. Snugglebug

Harm and Mac fell into this routine; she'd do nearly everything for him helping him to get well. After ten days under her care he could take his pills in solid form again, and after eighteen days, he felt well enough to get up and eat at the table.

"Mac!" Harm called from his bed as she prepared a canned veggie stew for them.

She rushed in to check on him. "What?"

She found him sitting on the edge of the bed; socks on his feet looking like DJ did when he couldn't reach something in the high cupboard, "I need help."

"You shouldn't be trying to do this yet," she gently scolded as she went to his aid.

"I'm sick of this bed and I have to..."He paused to cough. His cough had become more productive in the last week, as he regained his strength and he reached for the tissues he kept in his pocket to rid his body of the infected material. "I have to see if I can walk. My legs are getting all skinny."

"Yes, they are," she agreed. "But you can't do this by yourself yet. Let me help you."

He nodded and let her slip one arm around his thin waist and help him up. He sagged against her when he put weight on his legs for the first time in three weeks. "Oh, this is weird."

"I remember saying that kind of thing to you not too long ago." she said, thinking back to all the times she'd leaned on him for support during her illness.

He smiled, "Nothing I liked better, odd as it seems," he sighed stepping slowly and carefully out of the bedroom to the kitchen.

"Slowly," she said. "Easy little steps...there you go...yeah..."

They made it after ten long minutes to the living room/kitchen. He was winded and breathing hard, "My chair," he said and nodded to a large recliner in the corner.

"Let's go," she said, maintaining her grip around his waist. Within two more minutes, they got to the recliner and got him situated.

"Ugh," he moaned. "That was not fun."

Mac gently put her hand on his shoulder, "I know it wasn't. You should not be out of bed yet, Harm."

"I can't stand being in bed another minute right now," he argued.

"I know," Mac sympathized. "I've been there too, but your health has to come first. You've seen what happens when it doesn't. I can think of three times all ready."

"Yeah, I know," he sighed, coughing a bit. "It's chilly out here, are you cold?"

"I'm not," Mac answered. "But then again I'm not the one recovering from a serious illness. Should I turn up the heat or maybe get you a blanket for your legs?"

"Blanket would be great," he said with a shiver.

Mac went to the bedroom and got him a blanket to cover his legs and set a pillow behind his back. He smiled at her, the first real flyboy grin since she'd come to Utah, "The royal treatment."

"Nah, not really," she said. "I just want you to be comfortable."

"I'll be comfortable when I can get this elephant off my chest," he sighed. "And...when I get back home."

She looked at him quizzically. "I...thought this was 'home'?"

"This is a house," Harm replied. "My home is where you...where the children are. I can't stand missing them anymore."

She looked into his eyes and saw his pain. "It can't ever be like before; you know that."

"I know that," he sighed. "I'd just like for us to be friends again. For us to be civil, for us to care about the other again. That's all."

"I...Harm..." she trailed off. "I never stopped caring about you. I know it seemed like I did through the proceedings and with all the...horrible things I said to you and about you, but...I was just really hurting and I wanted you to hurt, too."

"You did," he replied. "You took the most important things in the world from me, Mac. Why did you have to do that?" he asked voice thick with emotions.

"Why did you have to have an affair?" she asked, tears forming in her eyes.

"I...I was hurting, I was scared..." He sighed. "I was stupid, that's the really truth. I let myself be manipulated."

"I mean...I'm so glad," she began as she tried to keep her tears in check. "That the baby wasn't yours, but that doesn't change what happened. She could have been yours, Harm, and then you would've been glued to that...woman for the rest of your life. I think that's the part I can't seem to get over; how close you came to that."

"I never loved her Mac, not when I dated her, not ever. Please at least...I know you think me a liar, but please believe that."

"I want to," she said. "But it just cuts me to the core knowing that you were hurting because of me, and you went to her. You should have come to me."

"I'd have hurt you," he sighed. "In trying to protect you, I hurt you worse."

She nodded as the tears won out. "You sure did. We...we used to have everything, and..."

"All we have now..." He stopped to catch his breath and began to cough.

She swallowed hard and reached around to pat his back.

It lasted for several minutes, and all the while Mac rubbed his back and tried to soothe him. When he sagged back against the backrest, "You okay?" she asked softly, one hand reaching to wipe his sweaty brow. "Just take it easy."

"I hate myself, Mac," he sighed. "I hate what I did to us."

"Don't talk like that," she soothed. Then, "Is that why? Why you...?" She couldn't bring herself to finish, but a huge part of her still believed he tried to let himself go.

He looked up at her, his eyes providing the answer to her unspoken question.

"Oh, Harm," Mac said gently. "Oh...Even though things were bad with us...you still, we still have Lucy and DJ, those beautiful little babies that love their Daddy so much. You'll always have them, Harm. I...I don't understand."

"You can't understand," he said. "I didn't take them from you; it was vice versa."

"You still have them Harm," Mac comforted.

"You have them," he said, closing his eyes. "Go eat dinner."

"I'll heat yours up after awhile," she said softly, wiping away a few tears as she left him to his rest. He was right - she had the kids, and he missed them like crazy.

"Don't bother," he mumbled and closed his eyes, though he didn't fall asleep.

She didn't respond; instead she walked out of the room, into the bedroom and had a long, hard cry.

Things were tense between Harm and Mac the next two days. He was getting better, doing more for himself and moving about the house slowly with frequent rests, but still he was doing it. One night though Mac noticed as he ate he was having a hard time picking up the spoon or lifting his arm to get the food into his mouth.

"Let me help you," she said noticing the difficulties he was experiencing that she at first thought was due to weakness.

He jerked his hand away, "I can do it," he insisted and tried again to get his fingers to close around the fork.

She sat back and watched him struggle, her heart aching at the sight before her. "Keep trying," she encouraged, knowing he needed help and knowing he didn't want it.

"What was in that stuff you gave me?" he asked her as he finally got his hand to close and began the process of lifting his arm.

"Nothing," she said. "Just a couple different herbs, that's all. I don't think that's what the matter is."

"I didn't say anything was the matter," he snapped as he dropped his fork back to his plate.

"Well, obviously something is," she said. "Or you'd be able to pick up your fork. I'll help you if you'll let me, but getting frustrated about it won't fix a thing."

"I can pick it up," he insisted and once again worked to close his hand around the fork. Finally after some minutes he did it. "See."

"Okay, good," she said. "Now take a bite."

Harm pinned her with a death glare, but lifted his arm part way before his hand opened and the fork fell back down.

"Sweetie, this is...this is scaring me," she said, rising from her seat across from him. "I'm calling the doctor."

"No, I don't need a doctor," Harm replied. "I just over did it. Wore myself out is all."

"You probably did," she agreed. "But this is the stuff you see in stroke victims and with your history...this could be another TIA."

"I'm not having stroke Mac," Harm sighed. "I'm fine. Leave it be."

She sighed. "I want to help you, Harm, but you can't shut me out like this. This kind of thing is what got us here in the...first place." Her voice trailed off and became low and sad.

"You want to help me?" Harm asked.

She nodded. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

"Then help me back to bed," Harm sighed. "I'm so tired my whole body aches."

"Okay, sure," she said as she went to place her arms around his waist once more. "I think you're trying to do too much, too fast."

"Probably so," Harm sighed and leaned against her as they made their way to the bedroom. She could tell that walking was hard for him too, his step was stiff and it scared her.

They reached the bed and got him settled, after which Mac retreated to the living room for a break of her own. This whole concept - her life in general right then - was so completely...crazy. How did she go from being married to Harm, to divorced from him; working with Mic to dating him, to sleeping with him to...engaged? Whatever possessed her to leave her fiancé with her children and fly thousands of miles to take care of the one person who'd hurt her more in the past year than any other? She just didn't know...or...did she?

Mac cleaned up the supper dishes, read a bit, then called home to say goodnight to the kids. Once again AJ answered the phone.

"Hello," AJ said into he phone.

"Hi, AJ," said a weary Mac. "How goes it up there?"

"We're good," AJ replied. "DJ's in bed, Lucy is finishing her homework, and Colleen just came in from her nightly recon of the yard. How's he?"

"Some better," she answered. "But he's still very sick. I'll probably be out here another 2-3 weeks easily...if you think you can manage the kids for that long?"

"I can, I'm not so sure about Mic," AJ sighed. "Is he up and around still?"

"As much as he can be," she said. "But I think he's overdoing it sometimes. I can't exactly figure him out, even after 6 years of being married to him."

"He is a puzzle," AJ laughed. "You sound tired. How are you doing?"

"I'm...really tired," she replied. "How's Mic doing with the kids? Is Lucy any better?"

"Lucy's fine physically," AJ said. "But she missed you both and she won't obey one thing Mic says anymore. Hence why I'm here."

"Right," she agreed. "Well, if there's nothing else to report, I think I'll go grab a hot shower and call it an early night. He's been waking up four and five times a night lately."

"Really? Any reason?" AJ asked.

"Pain usually," she said. "Other times he needs a drink, needs to cough, you name it."

"Give him my best," AJ sighed. "And see if he'll be up to calling Lucy. She's worrying about him."

"I'll let him know," she said. "Thanks a million for everything, AJ. I...we owe you."

"Don' mention it," AJ sighed and ended the call.

Mac took a long hot shower, drank a cup of tea and got herself ready for bed. She had been sleeping on the couch as Harm improved but tonight she thought better of it and took her rest in the chair at his bedside. She was thankful for that foresight a few hours later when Harm's cry of pain woke her from a deep sleep.

"What? What's wrong?" she asked as she jumped up from her chair.

"Pain," he gasped out. "Pain all over."

"Ssh," she soothed. "Its okay. I'll get your pills and maybe I can rub your chest like I did last week. Will that help?"

"No," he protested. "Mac..."

"What?" she asked, brushing her hand against his forehead, noticing how hot and clammy it was. "Oh Harm, you've got a fever."

"Hurts," he grumbled. "It really hurts."

"I know...Just let me go get your medication and I'll rub some salve on your chest. Just lie still and try to rest. Its going to be okay."

"My hands," he moaned. "My hands and my arms, oh God... Stop the pain," he told her. "Just stop it."

"I don't know how," she said, her heart breaking as she listened to his anguished, shallow breathing.

He slowly with great pain moved his hand from underneath the covers and grabbed for her. It was then she saw what was probably causing his pain. His elbow, wrist and finger joints were swollen to nearly twice the normal size.

"Oh my God," she gasped. "I'm calling the doctor that is not good!"

Mac slipped off the bed ignoring Harm's further protests and dialed the phone number on the fridge. "Good evening," the tired female voice said.

"Yes, I need to speak to Dr. James Baker," said Mac. "Regarding a patient of his, Harmon Rabb?"

"Hold a moment," she replied. "Jimmy! For you!"

Mac was amazed that she'd reached the doctor at home, something that didn't happen back in DC.

"Hello, Dr. Baker," the familiar voice said into the phone.

"Yes, hi, this is Sarah Rabb," said Mac, "I'm calling about Harm."

"Yes, Sarah. What's the problem?" the doctor asked calmly.

"I hate to bother you this late." she said. "But Harm's in a lot of pain and his joints look like they're incredibly swollen."

"Which ones?" the doctor asked quickly. "Check his whole body. I'll hold on."

She put the phone down and hurried back to Harm's side, returning moments later with the report. "Wrists, fingers and elbows," she said. "All are at least twice their normal size."

"Nothing in the knees, hips, ankles?" he asked.

"Some there too yes," Mac replied.

Dr. Baker sighed. "Fever?"

"Oh yes," she said. "I'm guessing at least 102."

"Okay...start a fever bath, elevate his arms and legs and sit tight. I'm on my way," Dr. Baker said.

There was one good thing about country doctors, they made house calls. What sucked...it took them almost an hour to get to you.

Mac hung up the phone and hurried back to Harm's side. "Dr. Baker is on his way," she said softly as she wiped his brow with a washcloth she'd kept beside the bed. "He wants me to give you a fever bath, okay sweetie?" There was that word again; that name.

"What's happening?" he asked. "Why can't I move anything right? What's wrong with me! I should feel something and I don't!"

"What do you mean you should feel something?" Mac asked. "Do you...Have you ever felt like this before?"

"No, but I know not feeling is bad!" he exclaimed in a panic.

Mac sat down on the edge of the bed and began to rub his upper arms softly, "Harm, listen to me. Your joints are all inflamed that's probably why you hurt so bad and why you're feeling numb. Dr. Baker is on his way and he's going to help you I promise, but in the mean time why don't I get some pillows and put your arms and legs up, he said that might help. Why don't we do that?"

He shook his head, "Please just leave it. It hurts too move."

"Doctor's orders," she sighed, "I know it hurts, but I don't have a choice."

Mac went to the blanket box and removed six spare pillows from it. Slowly she pulled back Harm's covers taking in his body, the terrible swelling of his arms and how his legs were beginning to puff even as she looked at them. She began at the bottom and lifted his right foot and calf, "You really know how to get sick don't you, Sailor?" she asked as she gently lowered the limb onto the soft pillow.

He winced and cried out a bit in pain.

"I'm sorry," Mac apologized as she slid another pillow under his thigh. "Just try to rest, please." She moved to the other side and lifted that foot and calf. "Remember doing this for me?"

"Uh huh," he replied, voice still filled with pain. "You hated it, too."

"I know, but it made me feel better," Mac told him. "Half over." She moved up and lifted his right arm, "You know what else made me feel better?"

He shook his head. "No."

She placed his aching right arm on the pillow, "Knowing you cared enough to put me through it anyway because it was what was best. I loved you for that, even if I fought you on it." She moved to his left side, the worst looking of all four limbs and as gently as she could lift his arm up.

He looked up at her, into her eyes. "I...I love you for this," he whispered, part of him afraid to say it, to admit it aloud.

"For tending you or for being here," Mac asked setting his left arm down and moving to cover his sweaty body.

"Both," he answered, becoming scared at how much love he still held in his heart for this woman.

Once he was covered up Mac sat beside him, "How do you feel?" she asked stroking his fiery cheek.

"Can I have some water?" he asked after a moment, his mouth dry from breathing so hard.

"I'll be right back," Mac assured him and went to get it.

Mac returned with some cool water and helped Harm drink and a while later the doctor arrived and examined Harm. He drew some fluid from his knees, which had begun to visibly swell and from his elbows. He was almost certain Harm had developed infectious arthritis as a result of his pneumonia, but wanted to test the samples. He gave Mac some medication, some creams, and a prayer before leaving promising to return the next day.

When Mac was alone with Harm, she sat and took his hand in hers. She ran her hand over the swollen knuckles, and kissed them, like he'd done for her many times. "I have to put this cream on you soon," she told him softly.

"I know," he said. "I'm hurting bad tonight, Mac."

"I know, Sweetie," she said softly. "You're very sick. But Dr. Baker thinks he knows what it is."

Harm laid still and allowed her to apply the soothing, cool cream to his aching joints. It was oddly comforting to be in that position again, to be dependent on her to make his pain go away. She caused so much of it in the run of their lives over the past year, he wasn't sure how fate brought her to his side just then...but he was glad it had.

Mac had creamed one arm, and started on the next one, "Is it any better at all?"

"Little maybe," he mumbled.

"Is there anything else I can do? Anything at all?" Mac asked. "I want to make the pain less, Harm. Just tell me what you want me to do."

He looked up at her. "Why are you here, Mac?" he asked softly. "I...we haven't exactly been on the best terms since the last bang of that gavel, I...I just don't understand what made you come here."

Mac rubbed the cream into his elbow as she replied, "We have a past Harm. We have...I think a better question is why did you call for me?"

He was silent. "I...guess I wanted you here" he admitted gently. "I don't really remember asking for you, but I guess I did."

"Becky said you did," Mac replied. "Harm...does it help at all? My being here, does it make any of this easier on you?"

He looked up at her. "In some ways, yeah, but in others...all I can feel is the pain between us. It's there and it'll never go away."

Mac nodded, "Do you want me to go? I don't want to, but I will if you ask me to." She didn't want to leave him, she wanted to be with him, God knew why, but if she was making it harder for him at all, she wanted him to say so.

"No, no," he said, reaching up to touch her cheek. "I need you here, I just...sometimes it hurts to have you so close and think about everything I did to you. I can't believe you want to be here."

Mac reached up and placed her hand over his, "There's no where in the world I'd want to be more."

The following night as Harm lay sleeping restlessly, his dreams took him back to a happier time and place, a time when his beloved wife was caring for him during an illness, and a place where all the world seemed right.

Mac moved closer to Harm as he started to moan in his sleep. She dipped the cloth into the icy water and wiped his feverish brow making tiny shushing noises as she went.

The baby..." he mumbled. "Where...?"

"Ssh," Mac soothed. "They're at home."

"Baby..." he continued, caught in the memories within his mind.

"What baby?" Mac asked sensing Harm was once again at another time or place in his mind. She wanted to join him and soothe him.

"Lucy..." he replied wearily. "Needs a bottle..."

It dawned on her then where he was. He was back when Lucy was maybe seven months old and he'd been attacked by an irate client he was interviewing. He's been stabbed twice in the upper thigh, not deep wounds, but both infected. He'd also sustained several bruised bones and cracked ribs. "She had one, Harm," Mac told him. "She's sleeping."

"Oh, good..." he sighed. "I feel...awful..."

"I know," Mac soothed. "Where do you hurt the worst?"

"Hip," he moaned. "Left hip and knee..."

"I'm sorry," Mac apologized. "Can I help? Tell me how to help?" Mac remembered asking the same question five years ago.

"Hurts..." was all he could say.

Mac's heart was breaking, "Harm? Harm, can you look at me?" she asked softly.

Somehow, he snapped out of the dream and looked into her worried eyes. "Mac?"

"Yeah," Mac said softly. "Yeah, hi. Tell me how to help you, Sweetie. Please tell me how to help you," she near begged eyes filled with tears now spilling down her cheeks.

"It hurts so much," he whispered, his voice cracking.

Mac's tears spilled off her cheeks and onto his fiery skin, "Tell me how to make it stop. I'll do whatever you need, just tell me, please."

He looked at her, eyes wide with pain. "Hold my hand?"

Mac smiled, "Okay. Which hand do you want me to hold? Which one hurts less?"

He held out his left hand to her.

She held that hand cradled against her breast, then softly whispered, "I'm going to make it all right Harm. You'll see. I'll take the pain away, I will. I caused it and I'm going to heal it, I am. Please, please believe that."

He nodded ever so slightly. "I know you will," he whispered. "That's why I...love...you." With that, he drifted off to sleep.