A/N: Thank you all for your patience. I am going to try to get back to regular updates but it is hard. I do not know how many of you know that my Mark died on March 14th and that is painful and difficult to get over and get past. Still I love doing this and I have finished the story so now I just have to get it all proofed and posted. Thank you again for your patience and your prayers.

A few days later, after two trips to the hospital and numerous treatments to drain the fluid from Harm's joints he lay napping in bed, surrounded by soft pillows meant to treat the ailment and dull the pain. Through it all Mac had tended him, she'd held him, massaged him, bathed him, and fed him; done everything she could for him to make it easier on him, though nothing worked. The nights were the worst...sometimes his fever would hit 103 or higher and he'd dream and hallucinate, other times, he's just lie there and cry out in pain not dulled by the medication. It was hard exhausting work, and after nearly 96 hours of it, Mac felt herself weaken and tire. She sat by Harm's bed on late afternoon to read the latest Tom Clancy, but soon fell asleep.

Harm awakened from his drug induced slumber not to Mac's soft touch or caring smile, but to her light little snore, the snore he'd always adored. She was sitting beside him, head resting on her hand sound asleep. He blinked his eyes a few times, then slowly moved his hand from under the warm covers. With great concentration he reached out and softly patted her knee.

"Mac?" he called out gently, hoping not to frighten her.

She awoke quickly, dropping her book to the floor. "What is it?" she asked and immediately moved to his side. "What do you need?"

"A drink," he said, his voice dry with thirst.

"What kind? Just water, or do you want some tea or juice?" Mac asked standing all ready and moving to do as he asked.

"Orange juice," he said as a cough overtook him.

Mac nodded and went to pour him a glass of juice. She returned with it and a bowl of oatmeal, "You need to eat."

He nodded a little, though he really wasn't hungry he knew she was right. He took the juice glass and downed it slowly before handing it back and resting once more against the pillow.

"Let me help you sit up, then we'll get some of this into you," Mac said gently, then grabbed him from under the arms and pushed him up quickly.

"Ah," he winced as he felt a sharp pain in his shoulder.

"Okay, okay," she soothed. "Where did it hurt?"

"Shoulder," he answered, breathing heavily in response to the pain. "It's...better now."

"Just lie back a minute and breath," Mac soothed and ran her hand over his brow. "I think you're fever's coming down again. You're all sweaty."

"Mm-hmm," he said. "I'm ready for it to...be gone for good."

"Me too," Mac sighed. "Open up," she instructed and began to feed him the soft oatmeal in the bowl.

"I can feed myself," he said reaching shakily for the spoon in her hand.

"And be so exhausted you can't help me with your bath later," Mac sighed. "But if you want to try..." Mac handed over the spoon to him.

With utmost concentration, he scooped up a small bite of oatmeal and moved it to his lips successfully. "See," he smiled at her. "Getting better."

Mac nodded, "Now that you proved your point, will you let me help you? You need your strength to get well. Dr. Baker said your left lung is still congested."

He rolled his eyes but conceded both spoon and bowl to her.

Mac fed Harm the rest of the meal, "There...Good?"

He nodded. "Got cold towards the end."

"You could have said, I would have warmed it for you," Mac replied. "How do you feel?"

He thought for a second. "Disgusting."

"Interesting description," Mac smiled. "Why disgusting? Pain, what...?"

He sighed and covered his face with his hands. "Pain, sweat, I haven't had a real shower in ages. Just feel...ick."

"Well how about a bath," Mac suggested. "You feel like you can make it to the tub?"

"If you help me," he said as he began to move slowly upright.

Mac nodded and pulled back the covers to reveal Harm's long legs, hips, knees swollen, though is ankles never really swelled. Harm got his legs out of the bed, and Mac slipped her arms around his waist, "Ready?"

"As I'm going to be," he replied.

Mac began to help Harm rise and step slowly towards the bathroom. "You okay?" she asked after two steps. She could see he wasn't, his legs, still terribly swollen were shaking with his weight, not strong enough to support him.

He shook his head feverishly. "Oh God! No, no, I can't do this!"

Mac knew that from the moment she saw his legs, but knew he had to try, "All right. We'll do it in bed. Can you make it back or do you want to stop here and lie down a minute?"

"Lie down," he sighed out.

Mac nodded and eased his body down to the floor, holding her breath as his hips hit the wood.

He lie on his back, panting, sweating, gasping in pain.

Mac knelt beside Harm on the floor and pulled his body to hers holding him close to her breast. "I don't...I...I can't..." She began to cry seeing this, seeing him suffer so.

Seeing her cry brought out all the tears he'd been holding back, and they stayed on the floor like that, crying to one another, for the next several moments.

Finally Mac felt Harm begin to shiver with cold, "Harm, we have to get you up and back in bed. Come on, put your arms around my neck."

He followed her instruction, slowly and painfully. "God, this hurts!" he cried.

"I know, but think when we get you in bed, I'm going to give you a nice sponge bath," Mac said as she rose to her knees. "Put your feet on the floor flat for me. I know it hurts, but you have to."

With an incessant cry of agony, he placed his feet, one at a time, on the floor.

"Hold on," Mac soothed. "When I say three, push up and I'll hold you as much as I can. One, two, three!" Mac counted and began to pull up on his body as she felt him give a weak yet productive push to his feet. Shaking he clung to her as they made tiny steps to the bed, before she sat him down on the soft mattress. "There," she crooned. "There, its over."

"Oh...oh God...Oh..." he panted.

"Ssh," Mac soothed. Slowly, supporting all of his weight they made it back to the bed. Harm lay down flat and Mac helped him get back on the bed. "Talk to me," Mac urged. "Tell me what you feel, what I can do."

"Pain pill," he gasped. "Can't stand it..."

"I can't Sweetie," Mac replied. "It's too soon. What else can I do?"

"Rub down," he said. "Tea...anything...oh, God..."

Mac couldn't take it anymore, and she wasn't about to leave him in this pain, so she lay her body next to his and pulled him close to her. "Ssh," she soothed and started to gently rock him. "It'll go soon, I promise," she whispered and placed a light kiss on his cheek.

He coughed a few times, crying after each bout left him in more pain than the one prior.

Mac continued to try to soothe, making tiny sounds to get him to settle, "Harm, please calm down. You're making it worse, Sweetie."

"You have," he began, "no idea...how bad this...hurts!"

"I think I do," Mac replied softly. "I've been in pain too and you helped me. You held me and tried to comfort me. You were great at it too. Just...just listening to you talk made it hurt less. I only hope that I could do this half as well."

"You...you are," he said as he worked at catching his breath. "I'm...you're a...much better patient than...I'll ever be."

"You got that right," Mac smiled. "You think you can lie here alone for a bit?"

He nodded. "Not too long."

"I'm just going to get some warm water and get you cleaned up, that'll make you feel better," Mac replied. "You want to lie there or want me to move you up more first?"

He waved her off. "I can't move again yet."

"You're going to have too before the bath, Harm," Mac sighed.

"Just dump the water on me" he mused, only half kidding with her.

Mac shook her head, "You know I can't and won't do that."

"Worth a try," he sighed.

"Rest," Mac smiled. "I'll be back. Do you want vanilla or peppermint today?"

"Vanilla I guess," he answered.

Mac went to the bathroom and filled the pot she'd used for Harm's baths with warm water, then added the vanilla gel to it. When she returned to his side, he was still lying as she'd left him, though his breathing had evened off. "Ready to sit up a bit?" she asked

"If I must," he sighed.

"You don't move, I'll do it for you, just rest," Mac told him. "Tell me if it hurts too badly."

Mac moved and got on the bed behind Harm, putting her arms under his and pulling upwards until his back was in the middle of the bed. She used pillows to keep him at a 45 degree angle, then she moved to the foot of the bed and lifted his legs up for him. "There, how's that?"

"Okay," he whispered.

"Hurting?" she asked, sitting beside him and preparing to begin washing him down.

"Mm-hmm," he said.

"This will make you feel better I hope," Mac smiled and dipped the sponge into the warm water. She slowly wiped his face with it, his brow, his cheeks, his neck. "Remember the last time I bathed you in bed?"

He shook his head.

"It was just after you got out of the hospital after that last punch out," Mac said. "You were recovering from pneumonia, but you were still pretty weak. Remember now?" She sponged off his chest.

"Kind of," he answered.

"Do you remember anything good from our marriage?" Mac asked. "Anything at all?"

It took him a moment to respond. "The first few years were good," he said.

"And that last few?" Mac sighed. "Tell me if I hurt you," she said and slowly moved his arm into her lap to wash it down. She was careful as she moved over the swollen flesh, trying not to hurt him.

"Ah!" he exclaimed as her hand touched an especially tender area.

"Sorry," Mac said softly. "I'm sorry." She worked on the arm some more, the laid it down gently. She moved around to his right arm and repeated the motion, a bit gentler as the right side was worst than the left one.

"Last few weren't all bad," he said, the pain in his voice rising.

"How you doing?" Mac asked, wiping his shoulder and under his arm.

"Hurts," he answered, his body beginning to tense against her touch.

"I don't know what to do," Mac said then, stopping her bath and searching his eyes. "I...I guess I know what it feels like now, huh?"

He looked into her eyes, knowing what she was talking about. "It's so hard."

She nodded, "Yes. I want to help you but I don't know how. I just want to make the pain stop for you, Harm."

"Pill?" he asked, his eyes begging her for one.

Mac nodded, "Its close enough now. Do you think you can swallow it or do you want me to grind it for you?" Mac asked.

"Swallow," he said.

Mac covered Harm up and went to get his medication. She handed him first the pill, then once he had it in his mouth, she lifted his head and helped him sip the water. "There now...that might help some."

"Is there anything else I can do before I finish your bath?" Mac asked, her eyes shining with tears of helplessness. "Where is the pain worst, maybe I can put some cream there now or I could..."

He shook his head. "Just hold me."

Mac nodded and moved beside him, before gently lifting him up and pulling him to her chest, "I'm sorry you're in so much pain. And...I think I understand now...why...you know?"

"Why...what?" he winced.

"Why you...why you needed Annie, why you felt so helpless and..." Mac dropped off and kissed his forehead.

"Helpless...yes," he whispered. "Right thing to do...no."

"No, it wasn't," Mac replied. "But...I think I know the pain now...the pain of...of uselessness in the face of...of the one you love suffering so much."

He looked into her eyes. "You still...love me?"

"Yes," Mac replied. "I always will in some way."

"I..." His pill was fast beginning to kick in. "I ruined it."

Mac stroked his hair, "No," she shook her head. "You made a mistake, and...I ruined it. I drove you away; I drove you to...to this place and..."

"I asked for it," he countered. "Annie...big mistake...never should've happened, Mac. Not when I...had you."

"I...we've both done something's we never should have done," Mac replied. "But I have no regrets about being your wife, none."

"I only regret losing you," he whispered.

"I'm here, aren't I?" Mac asked, running a soft hand down his back.

"I don't know why," he said softly. "I...you don't have to be here. I'm not...yours anymore."

"You asked for me and I came," Mac replied. "How are you feeling, better?"

"Little," he said, the drugs continuing their relaxing effect. "Finish the bath."

Mac nodded and eased him back down against the pillows. She pulled the covers back and bathed his legs, being careful of the knees and hips, which caused him pain. It was when she reached his sex that she stopped, "Do you think you can handle this?"

"Nothing you haven't seen before," he answered with a weary smile.

"I mean...do you want me to or..." Mac began. Harm had either been unconscious or had done that himself since she'd been there.

"Go ahead," he said. "I'm okay."

Gently Mac took care of cleaning Harm's private area, feeling it stir as her hands moved over him. When she finished, she put her sponge down and moved to cover him back up. "Time to rest now, okay?" she said gently, surprised when his hand snaked out and grabbed onto her wrist.

With a gentle grasp on her forearm, he pulled her close, and without a word, he kissed her lips.

Mac was taken by surprise when Harm's warm lips captured hers. It was the first time in the month she'd been there that they had touched like this. Sure she'd held him and kissed his cheeks or forehead, but it was the first time in a nearly a year, their lips had touched. "Harm, what are you doing?"

"Loving you," he answered.

"But..." Mac protested. "We can't...we're..." He kissed her again, bringing one sore achy arm to hold her to him loosely. "We're divorced."

"I know," he whispered. "But...it feels so...right."

It did, they were right, even still and Mac knew that. She let him kiss her and even kissed him back. "Harm...what...it feels right, but...you're so sick."

"Never too sick to be with you," he replied in a passionate whisper, slipping one hand beneath her sleeve.

"But the pain," Mac whispered again even as she assisted him in helping him remove her over shirt.

They fell silent for awhile then as with hands and lips they got reacquainted with each other's bodies. Harm was all ready devoid of all clothing, so when Mac slid under the covers she got a clear view of his body. "You're beautiful," Mac whispered. "So hard and strong, yet so..."

He suddenly felt very uncomfortable with her seeing him like that...seeing all the weight he'd lost, how swollen his joints were. Without meaning to, he began to try and hide.

Mac noticed Harm moving in on himself, trying to get his body to curl in, "What are you doing?" she asked gently sensing him withdrawing from her.

He shook his head. "You don't wanna see me like this. I don't wanna see me like this."

"But I have seen you all ready," Mac countered. "I've been bathing you for four days, remember?"

"But you haven't seen all of me at once," he said softly. "I'm ugly."

Mac's face softened into a sweet smile, "No," she shook her head and reached out for the blanket he was holding and laid her hand next to his. "You're sick and you'll be better soon. Just like after my surgeries. I was so scared to let you see the scars, remember?"

"I do" he said softly. "To me you were beautiful, but..."

"But?" Mac encouraged.

"This is different," he said. "This is all of me, not just a couple tiny cuts."

"Why don't you let me judge?" Mac asked and pulled a tiny bit on the blanket.

Unconsciously, he held tight to the blanket, afraid to let it go.

Mac leaned over and gave his middle knuckle, the most swollen of the four she could see a tiny kiss, "Come on," she encouraged. "Let go."

She hated that he was so self conscious, with her of all people, but she had put him through the worse Hell anyone should have to go through, maybe he was not able to trust her yet.

With a tiny nod, he released his grip on the covers, letting them down along with his guard.

Mac inched the blankets off of him, first exposing only his arms and chest. Gently she kissed each of the joints, first his right shoulder, elbow, wrist and each finger, then she moved to the left, and gave it the same treatment. To him, it was ugly, to her...it was just Harm.

He found himself melting beneath her touch, his self-conscious worries disappearing as passion took their place. "Mac..." he whispered.

"Am I hurting you?" she asked knowing even the slightest pressure at time caused him pain.

"No," he said. "It...feels nice." He loved having her hands on him; he always had.

"Then what?" she asked sliding her hands down his sides.

"You're beautiful," he said, rubbing his hands gently against her body.

"So are you," Mac replied and kissed his gently. "There's beauty in a man who can be strong and gentle at the same time."

He slid his hands against her tummy, then back up to her breasts. "I miss you."

"I miss you," Mac replied as she rubbed her hands on his chest. "But I'm here now. I'm here with you."

He pulled her close for another kiss. "I want you, here, now. Do you...want me?"

Mac nodded, "I do," she replied. "But..."

He cupped her face in his large, strong hand. "If you're not sure...we don't have to…" he whispered.

"I just...its just that Mic..." Mac sighed and went to hide her face.

Harm felt as if the earth had been suddenly pulled from beneath him. "Oh, Mac...I'm sorry. I...this is wrong; you're not mine anymore."

Mac leaned and kissed him softly, "Don't apologize. There's a part of me, Harm that will always be yours. That will always love you."

"And I'll always love you," he returned. "I never meant to hurt you. I was...stupid."

"No," Mac shook her head. "You were in pain, lost maybe," Mac replied. "But not stupid, never."

He stared into her eyes. "I want tonight to be like before."

Mac nodded, "It'll be better," Mac replied and leaned down to kiss him once more. They kissed and touched each other like it was their first time once again. As he touched, she caressed, as he pushed, she pulled, "Am I hurting you?" she asked him as she let her body and her hands move all around him.

"No," he answered as his own hands moved about her body. "Does it still hurt you?"

"It won't with you," Mac replied. "I know you'll...you'll be gentle with me," she replied and rubbed her cheek against the soft hair on his chest.

"I wasn't the last time," he sighed, thinking back to how mean and rough their last time together had been; how he'd forced things to move faster then her body was ready to handle. "I'll never do that again, baby."

"I know you won't," Mac replied. "I'll never push you there again. I promise."

He slipped his hand in between her legs, moving them apart just a tiny bit. "I don't want to rush you," he whispered. "Tell me what you want."

"I...do you think you can...can you get on top?" Mac asked. She liked being under him, subservient, and pliant to his will, but only if it wouldn't cause him pain.

"I'll try," he said. "Not sure though."

"If it hurts you tell me," she told him, marveling at how often he'd spoken those words.

With a nod, he began trying to move his body up over hers, but soon collapsed against her bare chest.

"Harm?" Mac whispered concern and fear in her voice.

"I'll try...again," he gasped, pushing himself back up on his arms.

Mac told herself she'd allow him one try only before she let him lie down again. He managed this time though to raise himself over her and meet her brown eyes.

"This has to be..." he began. "Just the way...you want it."

Mac nodded, "It has to right for us both," she replied and lifted her knees, parting her thighs for him. "Come to me, Harm. I'm ready now."

That was the last encouragement Harm needed. As he kissed Mac, he slipped his tongue inside her mouth, a moment later, as he had done so many times, he slipped his sex into her body. He moaned a bit in pleasure pain as his hips pressed against hers. Mac gasped and arched her back in ecstasy. He moved down and she moved up, falling into a familiar rhythm just like it had been only hours instead of months since they'd made love like this. When they were finished, Harm collapsed onto Mac's chest, gasping, wheezing a bit, but smiling softly. "Harm?"

"Mm-hmm?"

"Are you okay?" Mac asked, her hand touching the back of his head as he lie against her.

"I'm glad you're...okay" he said breathlessly. "Last time we did this, I was..."

"Ssh," Mac replied. "Don't talk about that." Then, "Harm...are you sure you feel okay?"

He fought to take in a few deep breaths. "I think maybe...I should get some rest."

With great care, he rolled himself off of her and onto his back on the bed.

Mac slid out of the bed and pulled on Harm sweatshirt, "Okay...What do you need to be comfortable?" she asked. "An extra pillow, some medicine?"

"Both," he replied, the weariness in his body becoming evident in his voice.

"Which kind do you need?" Mac asked. "Cough syrup or pain pill?"

"Pills help me...sleep better."

Mac nodded, "I'll be right back."

Moments later she was back with his pill. She'd ground it for him and put it in water just to make it go down easier. "Here you go," she smiled and lifted his head for him. "Take it all down."

He did as she requested, taking down the whole amount of water before resting his head against his pillows again. "So tired...but worth it."

Mac held Harm up another second and slipped another pillow behind his back, "There you go. I know you're tired, but...does this mean...anything to you?"

"Just stay with me," he whispered, eyes heavy with sleepiness.

"How love?" she asked. "Do you want me to hold your hand?"

He could barely respond, but he reached up to find her hand with his. "Love...you, Mac."