A/N: Wow! Sixty chapters and more still to come, I promise. I hope that all of you are still interested in this story and once it is done I am planning the sequel so we can follow this family, in whatever state it ends up in through the next stages of their lives. Thanks to all who have been praying for me and my family as we recover from our loss. It means so very much. Enjoy!
Mac didn't walk through the cold mountain roads, she ran. She ran long and hard until she's come full circle about the tiny Utah town. Finally cold and breathing hard she returned to the ski cabin, two hours after she'd left.
Where have you been?" he asked desperately the moment she walked through the door. "You said an hour, it's been over two!"
"I was enjoying the view," Mac replied removing her sweatshirt. "Are you okay?"
"Aside from being worried crazy about you," he said. "I thought something had happened to you, you'd fallen off an embankment and were lying in a snowdrift somewhere..."
"Well I'm not," Mac replied. "Do you need anything, dinner, your medication?" she asked moving closer to test his face for fever.
"I'm not hungry," he said, reaching up and taking a hold of her hand, bringing her down to face him. He silently stared into her eyes.
The spell was broken by the shrill ring of the kitchen phone.
"I'll be right back," Mac replied and went to answer the phone. "Hello."
"Hey, beautiful," said the familiar voice on the calling end.
"Mic, hi," Mac smiled. "How's everything are the children okay?"
"Everything's fine, love," replied Mic. "I miss you; you comin' home soon?"
"I don't know Mic," Mac replied.
"What's there to know?" he asked. "Are you comin' home soon - it's a yes or no question really."
"It depends on Harm's condition and that's up in the air right now," Mac replied. "He's..." She sighed and dropped into a kitchen chair.
"He's gotta be better by now," said the dark-haired Australian.
"From the pneumonia, pretty much," Mac replied. "But...he had a serious complication. I'm certain I told you."
"You might have," he said, not really caring.
"He's still mainly bedridden. He still needs my help, I can't just leave him," Mac told him. "The doctors are saying..." He voice cracked and she lowered her head.
"Sarah?" He said softly, concerned tinting his accent somewhat less harsh.
Her soft sobbing was his only answer.
"Sarah, love," Mic said. "Please stop crying. I'm sure he'll be fine, and you know, if not, well... I don't want you worrying about him so much."
"Mic...he can't walk and...they say...this could be...permanent, and..." Mac struggled to slow her breath.
Mic was silent for a moment. "Well, if he can't walk, I s'pose that'll spare us the trouble of visitation with the children."
"Mic...how could...no, I'll bring him home," Mac sighed. "Home to DC."
"Hold on a bloody minute, Sarah!" exclaimed Mic. "Are you telling me that you plan to bring him - your jerk of an ex husband - back here to the town where you live with me - your fiance! Tell me I'm hearing you wrong!"
"He's not a jerk," she quickly defended. "And if this condition is permanent, you're hearing me right. I'll be bringing my ex husband and the father of my children home to DC," Mac replied.
"I'm not believing my ears!" spat Mic. "What about us? What about the child we're trying to have? What about our wedding? Our life together? He's got no part in any of it!"
"No he doesn't," Mac replied. "But I can't leave him like this Mic. The pain he's in and...I can't do that to Lucy and DJ."
"If you leave him there," said Mic. "They'd never know he was ailing, but if you bring him here, where they can see him, that'd be far worse on them, Sarah. I don't like this; any of it."
"I don't either; I'll try to come home next week okay?" Mac sighed. "If he's improved enough to be left."
"Mac," called Harm from the other room.
"Mic, he's calling me," Mac sighed. "I have to go."
Mic sighed in disgust. "Call me as soon as you know when you'll be home."
"I will," Mac replied. Then quickly ended the call going to Harm. He'd sounded off when he'd called. "You okay?"
"I need to move a little," he said, shifting his upper body.
"Move how?" Mac asked going to him. "Do you need me to prop you up more? Are you hurting?"
He nodded. "Need to sit up a little."
Mac smiled softly, "Lean forward for me," she requested.
He did as she asked, albeit very slowly.
With Harm leaning forward Mac slipped two pillows behind his back, "There you go. Okay now? I think your fever's getting worse."
He shook his head.
"I think so," Mac fretted. "You're warm, Sweetie."
He reached out for her hand, taking hold and once again staring into her eyes.
"Harm," she said softly. The pain catching in her voice, as she fought tears.
Gently he pulled her down to his level. "I...I'm scared, Mac."
She softly ran her hand across his warm cheek, "Of what?"
His answer came hidden in a whisper. "Of falling in love with you again. I can't...I can't do it."
Mac bit her lip to hide the tears, "Why?"
"I had my chance," he said as his own tears began brewing. "I had it and I screwed it up, and now...it's not ...I don't have the right."
"Because of your condition?" she asked softly, knowing that was at least part of it.
"No," he said softly. "Because I'm in the past; I'm part of the life you had before. You have a new life now and I...I don't have any right to be a part of it outside of the kids."
Mac swallowed, she understood though, they hurt each other too much and since he did not remember their encounter, their words, well she'd relent, for now. "Can we at least be civil? Be friends?"
"I'd love to give it a try," he said, blinking back a few tears. "I'm just...never mind."
"I think you're tired," Mac said gently as if he was Lucy's age. "And its time for your pill. Feel like you need it?"
"I guess," he said, clearly not handling the matter very well.
"You're about to cry, Harm," Mac sighed. "If the pain is that bad..."
He looked up at her. "There's no pill that can do anything about this pain," he said as one tear after another rolled down his cheeks. He was trying his best not to fall completely apart, but he was on the very edge.
"I'm calling the doctor," Mac insisted, reaching for her cell phone charging near Harm's bed.
"My God, Mac!" he exclaimed. "Don't you get it? This isn't about my body! This is about my heart and how I..." His words ceased as he dissolved into a full-out sob.
"Harm, I just...I told you I'd be here and I am. You're the one who doesn't want that," she sighed as the phone rang again.
"It's...no...I..." His mind knew what he wanted to say, he just couldn't make his mouth cooperate.
"I have to answer that," Mac sighed. "Try to calm yourself down. This isn't good for you."
"Hello," Mac sighed as she picked up the phone.
"Mommy?" said the child on the other end of the line.
"Hi, Baby," Mac smiled at her daughter's voice. "How are you sweetie?"
"I'm okay," said Lucy. "I miss you and so does DJ."
"I miss you too, but you understand why Mommy's gone right, Honey?" Mac asked.
"Uh-huh," affirmed the little girl. "Daddy got sick and you needed to take care of him."
"That's right," Mac replied.
"Can I talk to him?" Lucy asked. "I want to tell him I love him."
"You know what, he might be sleeping. Let me check okay?" Mac said. "Hold on."
Mac set the phone down and looked in Harm's room, "Harm, it's for you."
"Who is it?" he asked, his voice still thick with emotion.
"Lucy," Mac replied. "You haven't talked to her in a while. She wants to hear your voice."
Knowing Mac was right, he took a couple of deep breaths and forced himself to calm down enough to talk with his daughter. Reaching out to pick up the extension, he did his best to sound cheerful. "Hi, Lucy Bear."
"Hi, Daddy!" Lucy exclaimed. "Are you all better now?"
"I'm not all better," he replied. "But I'm getting a little better every day. Are you being a good girl?"
"Uh huh," Lucy told him. "I'm living at Uncle AJ's house."
"Wow, I bet that's fun" said Harm. "Are you helping take care of DJ?"
"No," Lucy replied. "He's at home."
"He's at home?" Harm was confused. "Why isn't DJ living at Uncle AJ's, too?"
"No, he's staying with Mic," Lucy replied. "I'm here and he's there."
"How come you're not both in the same place, baby?" queried Harm, beginning to smell a rat.
"Cause Mic said I hadda go," Lucy replied. "He said if I didn't like his rules I hadda go."
"He said what?" exclaimed Harm, not liking this news one tiny bit. "Mic said you had to leave, is that what he said, baby?"
"He said I hadta do what he said and I didn't want to. He told me if I didn't like it I could go live someplace else. I said he's not my Daddy, then he put me in my room all night. That's when I left and Uncle AJ found me."
"He put you in - what do you mean you left and Uncle AJ found you?" Harm's blood was boiling by now, temporarily removing from his mind the earlier matter of his heart.
"I hate him, Daddy," Lucy whined. "And I wasn't gonna stay in there with no dinner. I went out the window and Uncle AJ found me."
"Does Uncle AJ know that Mic didn't give you dinner?" asked Harm.
"Uh huh," Lucy replied. "He gave me dinner, but no popsicle cause he said I should not have yelled at Mic or left the house."
"Well, he's right" said the disgusted father. "Lucy Bear, daddy needs to talk to mommy, but I'm so happy that you called to ask if I was all better. I love you so much, Button."
"I love you too," Lucy replied. "Daddy?"
"Yes, baby?"
"Are you gonna come home soon? I miss you," Lucy told him with a tiny whimper. "I need you."
"I need you, too, baby girl" he answered. "I'll...I'm not sure when I'll be...home, but I promise as soon as I'm...better, I'll come see you, okay?"
"Okay, I love you Daddy," Lucy chattered and then hung up.
"Mac!" exclaimed Harm. "Mac!"
Mac dashed into the room, "What?"
"Do you have any idea what's been going on at home while you've been here?" he asked, eyes wide with disgust.
"Yeah, what about it?" Mac asked. "I know Lucy's been sick."
"Did you know your fiancé sent her to her room for the night with no dinner? Did you know she crawled out her window and AJ found her? Did you know our children aren't even living in the same house right now?" Harm was pissed and he wanted her to know it.
"I talked to AJ last night," Mac sighed. "He was at our house. Did this just happen?"
"I don't know when it happened" said Harm, "but I know I don't like it one damn bit! No one treats my kids like that, I don't care who it is! What's gping on back there, Mac?"
"I don't know," Mac replied. "I talked to Mic eariler and he didn't say anything. He said it was fine. You know how Lucy exaggerates..."
"Not like this she doesn't!" he exclaimed. "Mac, he sent her to her room without feeding her dinner, just because he was mad at her! She's 5 - she's too little to be punished like that, and he has no right to ever punish her like that anyway!"
"He's going to be her father, Harm," Mac sighed.
"Like hell he is!" yelled Harm. "I'm her father! No one else will ever be her father, Mac! Not Mic, not anyone else you decide to screw around with now that we're ancient history! No one! She's my daughter and I'll be damned if anyone is going to mistreat her!"
"Harm, you need to calm down," Mac said softly, seeing his face get red and his brow break out in sweat.
Don't tell me to calm down!" he spat. "Things are happening to my children that I completely disapprove of and their mother doesn't seem to give a damn!"
"I do give a damn and I'm going to deal with Mic," Mac said. "I promise you. But you have to calm down. You're still very ill, this is too much for you."
"Gee you think?" he retorted sarcastically. "I never liked him, Mac, never! I know I don't have any say in who you go out with or play house with or whatever the hell you want to call what you're doing with him, but when he treats my kids like he did, I have a whole lot of say in that, and you better believe he and I will go a few rounds over this."
"And you have that right," Mac agreed. "But Harm, can you do something for me, please?"
He looked at her, his eyes wide and dark.
"Can you please just relax? Lie back in the pillows, let me get you some water, and rest. Tomorrow we'll call Mic together and confront him, okay?" Mac asked, running her hand over his left arm, which was showing more swelling in his aggravated state.
"This isn't gonna be pretty" he said. "You know that."
"I know that," Mac replied. "And I'm just as upset, believe me. Will you rest now?"
He took a deep breath in a vain effort to relax. "I'll try."
"How's the pain?" she asked rubbing his arm again gently.
"Worse than ever" he answered.
"Physical pain?" she clarified.
"Tolerable" he sighed, "but it might as well be killing me, everything else feels like it is."
"Okay," Mac nodded. "I'm going to get you some medicine. Do you want me to lie with you?"
"No, I can swallow it."
"Okay," Mac smiled. She returned a few minutes later with his medicine, "Here you go. Harm?"
He didn't look at her; he just lay against the pillows.
"For what its worth, I'm not happy with Mic either," Mac replied. "And...no matter what happens. I want you to come home with me. The kids need you."
He slowly turned to face her. "You mean that?" he asked softly.
"Yeah," Mac replied lying down next to him. "Yeah I do. Rest now, I'll be right here."
"I don't know what's gonna happen" he said, his voice growing weary.
"What do you mean?" Mac asked, unsure.
"There's just so much....I'm...never mind." His eyelids became so very heavy just then.
Mac ran her hand softly over his chest, rubbing it gently, "What Sweetie?"
"Trying not to" he whispered.
"Trying not to what?" Mac pressed for she sensed it was important.
As his breathing evened out and he drifted off to sleep, she realized she'd have to wait until another time for her answer.
In spite of herself Mac fell asleep as she held Harm. She always slept the best in his arms or at least in his presence as she'd slept so well the last month, better than since before he left home. Her sleep was not to be peaceful however, nor was his for it was his mumbling and his hot temperature that awakened her at midnight. "Mmm...no...okay..."
Mac sat up as she heard him mumbling and felt him shaking and thrashing about, "Harm?" she whispered. "Harm, wake up."
He didn't hear her, that or he couldn't get himself awake.
Mac reached out and stroked his cheek. He was hot again, hot and sweating. She leaned in closer, "Harm, its Mac. Please wake up. Come on."
This time he awakened with a start. "Mac? What...where...?"
"Ssh," Mac soothed. "Its okay. Were you having a bad dream?"
"I...I guess so" he said, out of breath and still shaking. "Lucy....she was..."
"Ssh," Mac soothed again. "She's fine. She's with AJ. Do you want to talk about it?"
He looked her in the eye. "She needs me, and I'm not there. I'm supposed to protect her and I can't... I can't even see her right now."
Mac continued to soothe his cheek with her hand, "Its okay. Maybe over the weekend she can fly up and see you. I bet AJ would love to visit too."
Harm shook his head. "I don't want her to see me like this. I want to get past being an invalid so I can be the father to her that I swore I'd be from the moment I first held her in my arms." He felt his emotions coming unglued.
Mac could see Harm battling, and knew he'd need a moment to himself. "I'm going to get you some Tylenol. I think you're still running a fever. Do you want some water or tea?"
"Water" he whispered.
Mac slid out of the bed and got him a cool glass of water, a few Tylenol, and the thermometer. "Open up," she instructed, coming at him with the digital thermometer that had become part of his anatomy for the last six weeks.
He did as she asked, holding the thermometer under his tounge until it beeped.
Mac took it out and read, "Not bad. 100.8, but that's better than lately. Tylenol, then talk, okay Flyboy?"
He nodded, taking the pills and water from her, swallowing both, and returning the cup.
"There," Mac smiled and began to tedious fever bath that was almost reflexive to her by now. "Harm, you said...I think we have to talk about the possibility that this is a persistent condition. We never did come up with a plan and we share children so..."
"Are you asking me what we should tell Lucy and DJ in the event I never come out of this?" he asked. "I'm trying not to think like that, Mac. I got like this out of stubborn pride and stupidity, and I'm holding out hope that my kids won't end up traumatized by it."
"I'm not asking what to tell them," Mac replied. "I'm asking how do you plan to live. If you had to get up to use the head could you do it?"
"I suppose eventually" he said, "If I had to learn to do things for myself, I'd be able to adapt."
"Adapt, to one bad leg and one bad arm, Harm..." Mac sighed and wiped his face gently. "I guess what I'm asking is...if this is...it for you...will you want to still see the kids?"
He was silent for what seemed like an eternity in his mind. "Yes. I can't fathom not seeing them, Mac - that was the nightmare I had; I can't see my kids and I can't protect them. I'm their father, that hasn't changed."
"Then why don't you want to see Lucy?" Mac asked wiping his neck.
"I understand," Mac sighed. "Harm, I'm going to have to leave in another two weeks," Mac told him.
"I know" he answered softly.
"Don't you want to know why?" Mac asked, dipping the cool rag again.
"I assume because you can't stay forever" he said. "But yes, why?"
"Lucy has a dance recital," Mac smiled. "I know she's love it if her Daddy was there to watch her."
He nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure she would. Are you really sure...you know...about me moving back to DC?"
Mac nodded, "I've been selfish, I've been mean, and all that's done is hurt the people that I love," Mac sniffled. "I don't want that anymore. I want my babies to have what I didn't, a Daddy that loves them. And I was serious about the joint custody too."
"What does...Mic think of this?" asked Harm, finding it difficult to even speak that man's name.
"That doesn't really matter," Mac said, her facign saying it did.
As he went to respond, a cramp overtook his left leg. "Oh shit! That hurts!"
"Harm?" Mac said gently. "What is it? What hurts?"
"Leg!" he exclaimed. "Left!"
"Your hip? Your knee?" Mac asked pulling back his covers. "Tell me. Try to tell me."
"Knee" he gasped out in obvious pain.
Mac looked at his knee and saw the swelling has increased. "Oh, Sweetie. Harm, I'm going to rub some salve on it okay?"
He nodded. "Whatever, just do it fast, I'm dyin' here!"
Mac quickly got the clear gel and poured some onto Harm's knee. His skin was hot, fiery to the touch and the cold gel shocked him.
"Whoa, damn!"
"I know," Mac soothed. "I know." She fell silent then, small hands began to massage the gel into his skin. She used two fingertips to get the gel into Harm's joints a process that caused him a great deal of pain and Mac by extension. As Mac worked she began to remember happier times when she's touched him like this, and caressed him like this.
"What?" he asked, sensing the change in her touch the more she worked.
She didn't reply, just lightened her caress again taking it from healing to something akin to loving.
Slowly, he reached out and touched her forearm. "Mac."
"Is it better?" Mac asked shaking back to reality.
"Getting there" he answered, his hand still on her arm.
"Do you need something else?" Mac asked looking at where his hand was on her forearm.
He answered her without words, instead he tightened his hold on her arm and very slowly pulled her towards himself.
Mac let him bring her closer to him, she always let him take the lead and now looking into his eyes, she had no choice but to follow him. "Harm?"
He stared into her eyes as his hands moved to either side of her face. "God, Mac, you're beautiful" he whispered as he brought her lips to his.
Mac once again let his lips claim hers. She opened her lips and sank into his kiss, relishing in the feel of it. "Harm, this...You're...I miss you."
"I miss you, too" he said, breaking the kiss only long enough to speak.
"Your touch is still gentle," Mac sighed as he ran his hands, one still mostly fluid up her arms. "Is this hurting you?" she asked, noticing some of her weight was on his bad leg.
"Nuh-uh" he gasped. "I'm okay...I..." He captured her lips again, kissing her even more passionately as he moved his hands down her back and pulled her in closer.
Mac rubbed her forehead against Harm's as he kissed her lips. Finally a tiny sob escaped her lips and her tears fell.
"Hey, Mac" he said softly, pulling back just a little. "What's wrong, baby?"
"We can't do this," she sobbed. "I can't let you touch me. I can't."
"Okay, okay" he whispered. "We won't do it, but why can't I touch you?"
"Because I'm...Mic," she whimpered and sniffed dropping to Harm's side and covering them both with his covers.
He wrapped his arm around her. "Does he hurt you, Mac?" he asked softly. "I know it's not really my business, but if you can't be with me right now because of...him, I want to know why."
Mac sniffed again, "He doesn't mean to," Mac sighed. "He tries to be gentle and considerate but he's just not..."
"I'm so sorry" whispered Harm. "I'm sorry that I put you in a situation where you ended up with someone who hurts you like that. Not that our bed wasn't filled with far too much pain for you at times, I...I always tried not to hurt you."
"So does he," Mac replied. "So does he, he doesn't do it on purpose. He's just not very patient and he doesn't...remember that night...that awful night I lost our baby?" Mac asked.
Harm felt a shiver at the memory. "I do."
"Remember I had to tell you to stop twice before you did?" Mac asked, not sure if she'd ever told him that.
"I don't remember that part" he said, "but I believe you."
"If you did remember...you wouldn't remember, if you heard me you'd have listened," Mac sighed. "Let's just say sometimes Mic gets wrapped up and he doesn't listen well. That and...Lucy or DJ...they are little kids and they have nightmares and get sick and nothing...I can't believe I'm telling you this. It's not like we're still together or even friends really..."
"It's okay" he encouraged. "If you need to talk, you can talk to me. I'll listen."
"Okay," Mac nodded. "In a minute. First I want to get some tea for you and me and I need the head. You lie there and rest a minute."
"Okay" he agreed, releasing his arm from around her.
Mac set the tea to brew, a medicinal pain relieving blend for Harm and a relaxing one for her, then went to the bathroom. The phone rang, in spite of it being after one am in Utah, as she did that.
Harm reached over and grabbed the handset from his bedside table. "Rabb."
"Oh, hello Mate," Mic greeted. "How's the patient?"
"Brumby, what the hell do you want calling here at this hour?" asked Harm, clearly irritated.
"I want to talk to Sarah now," he barked. "The kid is crying."
"'The kid'? Lucy?" asked Harm.
"No, Lucy ain't here," he slurred a bit. "The other one. Davy."
"You're drunk!" exclaimed Harm, immediately fearing for his little boy's safety.
"I'm not," Mic retorted. "Now I want to speak to Sarah."
"The hell you're not" hissed Harm. "Where is DJ? Why is he crying?"
"He's in the bed with me," Mic replied. "Damned if I know. He does this."
"He doesn't just cry for no reason" said Harm. "Why isn't he in his own bed?"
"He came in here with that damned bear you gave him and started wailing. He won't tell me why," Mic sighed.
"Well not if you're yelling at him" retorted Harm.
"I'm not yelling at him, I'm yelling at you because I wanna talk to Sarah. Where is she?" Mic hissed. "Let me talk to her now."
"No, I won't let you talk to her" said Harm defiantly. "You don't get to cause trouble and create problems with MY family and then call up here in the middle of the night and demand that I put her on the phone!"
"Why not? She's mine now and she's going to have my baby," Mic hissed. "DJ enough!"
"Don't you yell at him!" ordered Harm, wishing he could reach through the phone and strangle Mic. "And while we're at it, don't you yell at my daughter EVER again!"
"Someone has to," Mic retorted. "DJ, stop it buddy," he said this softer though.
"Well, that someone isn't you" hissed Harm.
"I'm going to be her stepfather, she must respect me," Mic argued. "Let me talk to Sarah."
"No, not until I'm done talking" said Harm. "You seem to have it in your head that you can just slide into my family, take over with my kids, with Mac, and that I'm not going to have anything to say about it."
"You haven't since the divorce, why again now? What do you need Mac? IS that it? She said you're bedridden. Is that why you're so interested all of a sudden?" Mic spat, then softer still, "Its okay little guy."
"She's not happy with you, Brumby. My kids aren't happy with you. Why do you want to stay where no one wants you?"
"She is too happy with me," Mic fought back. "And this little mite loves Uncle Mic. Its you that makes her unhappy. Its you he forgot about."
"It is not!" defended Harm. "Face it Brumby, you don't have the wonderful life you think you do."
Harm could hear Mac still crying softly in the kitchen as he fought Brumby, but Mic's next words cut him deep. "She's pregnant you know."
"She is not" said Harm.
"She is...she was inseminated just before she left on this Red Cross mission," Mic replied. "It usually takes. What is wrong with you anyway?"
Harm found himself shaken by Mic's revelation, but he wasn't going to go any further down that road with him. "Pneumonia" he answered, determined not to let his hurt over the other issue show.
"That's not all, Sarah told me so. What else?" Mic pressed. "How much is she doing for you?"
"None of your damn business" answered Harm.
"Yes it is," Mic pressed. "Tell me now."
With a sigh, Harm relented, for DJ's sake only. "She cooks, gives me my meds, helps me take a bath, just the usual stuff."
"Helps you...why? What is wrong with you? Pneumonia doesn't make you a cripple," Mic hissed.
"It does when it gets as bad as mine got" rebutted Harm. "It led to secondary illnesses."
"What illness?" Mic sighed. "This is like a bad cross."
Harm sighed yet again. "It's a form of arthritis, okay? I can barely move sometimes."
"Thank you," Mic sighed. "Now let me talk to Sarah. I want to talk to my fiancee."
Those words stung the core of his heart. "Fine." He covered the receiver with his hand and called out to Mac.
Mac came to the phone and within a few minutes managed to calm Mic down with soft words and promises to "be home soon." When she finished she sat beside Harm, "Sip this slowly."
"I'm sorry about Mic," she apologized when he'd drank some of the tea. "He gets like that sometimes."
"Yeah, I guess" said Harm.
"He really is good with DJ," Mac sighed. "What's wrong?"
"Are you pregnant?" he asked, failing to look her in the eye this time.
"What?" Mac asked shocked. "No."
"Mic seems to think you are" said Harm.
"We were trying...he's been drinking and...I'm not," Mac assured him. "Do I look pregnant?"
"Please, Mac, we both know you don't look pregnant until your fourth month."
"And you know that with Lucy and DJ both I had such bad morning sickness," Mac replied. "You know that there's no way I could be hauling your six around this bed if I were pregnant. I'd be in the bed instead."
He pondered her arguement. "Point taken. He did sound drunk and probably just wanted to piss me off."
"He did that," Mac sighed. "Harm...why didn't...why didn't you tell me you were on Cardizem?"
He shrugged. "Guess I didn't think about it."
"They put you in a hospital for two days for high blood pressure, and you don't tell me," Mac sighed. "Harm, I'm...we were married. We have to promise from now on we tell each other everything important to do with health, especially health."
"If you feel we need to" he said. "Though once you marry Mic, I seriously doubt you'll care very much about my health issues outside of how they pertain to the kids."
"You're very wrong," Mac whispered. "Very wrong."
"When is the blessed event, anyway?" asked Harm.
"Four months, first Saturday in July," Mac replied.
He only nodded.
"You doing okay?" she asked, touching his cheek. "Fever's coming down. You think you want to try to get up tomorrow morning?"
He shrugged. "Play it by ear."
Mac nodded again, "What's wrong Harm? Before you were like your old self and now..."
"I finally realize" he said, "that someone else, someone I really hate, has taken over the life that I never should have let go of."
"We're here if you want us," Mac smiled. "I wouldn't be here otherwise."
"But it's not that simple, Mac" he said, heartbroken. "I...even if I wanted..."
"You're getting tired," she whispered as she saw his struggle. "If you wanted what?"
He took a deep breath. "Even if I wanted to ask you if we could give things another try, you're with him."
Slowly Mac nodded, "But in spite of that, in spite of him, you're not alone. Please believe that. And please Harm, try...try to get better."
"I'm trying" he said, "but it's hard when I'm watching everything that means the most to me slip away. Mic said that DJ has forgotten about me. Has he?"
"No, but he sometimes...its not important now," Mac sighed. "Go to sleep."
Knowing he couldn't handle whatever it was Mac chose not to share with him regarding their son, Harm pulled his covers up and closed his eyes.
"Harm?" Mac said as he closed his eyes.
"What?"
"Why did you wait so long? When you first got sick?" she asked as she tucked his blankets around him.
"Told you, I was being stubborn and stupid."
"I don't believe that. When I first got here you said it was no use," Mac sighed. "Why did you say that?"
"'Cause I screwed up, wrecked our life, lost you, lost the kids, nothing mattered."
"And now?" she asked.
He opened his eyes and looked at her. "Everything matters, but...it's still lost."
At a loss for a response given Harm's dim memory of the other evening, Mac simply nodded. "Would you like me to stay as you go to sleep? Do you want me to stay with you?"
"If you want to" he replied softly.
"What do you want?" Mac asked, moving to the side of the bed all ready, showing what she wanted. She wanted to be held, to be treated softly again, and she wanted him to know that on instinct.
"I want you next to me" he said quietly, moving the blankets back to allow her to crawl beneath them.
Mac slid between the covers and carefully moved as not to brush his bad side, "Get some rest. I want to take you back with me for Lucy's recital."
"I'll try" he said, rubbing her arm tenderly, all the while his heart breaking over the whole situation.
Mac nodded, "That's nice," she whispered her voice fading as she was lulled by his touch.
Before long, he realized she was asleep, and he laid with her beside him, trying in vain to push the painful thoughts of how much he wished she wasn't with Mic out of his head.
Alas though he realized that could not be and he too succumbed too much needed rest.