Socialize
Todomatsu is a character in the Matsuno house hold that is somewhat an enigma. They all grew up together, but at some point in time Todomatsu decided to not only branch out but cut out his brothers from a lot of the things in his life. It was a mystery of why he started doing that. He has five older brothers, being the youngest of the bunch you'd think he'd be willing to rely on one of them, confide in someone. But he didn't becoming somewhat of a heartless monster with a manipulative personality. It was agreed that personality wise Todomatsu was the worse out of all of them. The affection he may show you may be unreal, a ploy, or something with a big scheme behind it. A dry monster who wouldn't even notice if a brother went missing. Todomatsu can't say he was honestly a fan of that title. However, despite that his brothers are still protective of him. Despite what he is towards them they are still his elder brothers and they still see him as their littlest brother. It was annoying at times when it was Todomatsu who acted more like an elder brother then most of them. But at times he fell into the habit of relying on them or clinging to them. When he's scared he can get behind them. The fact that he sleeps between the two eldest in the futon is not by accident. The times he needed to use the bathroom at night. Despite how much each one of them absolutely hated being woken up, they get out of bed and walk him to the bathroom. Todomatsu can't say where his irrational fear of the dark came from. At least he can't quite remember. But the dark always terrified him…unless he had a brother with him then it wasn't so bad.
As the youngest he had learned to look after himself too. He was different because he didn't have the burden of a younger brother to deal with. The burden of having to look after someone else besides himself. Although it was odd, while he saw it as a burden his brothers never saw watching a younger sibling as a burden. To him being an elder brother was an annoying task. There was some pleasure in it, a pleasure that had escaped Todomatsu. Although it definitely would've been nice to have someone to boss around too.
But his five elder brothers were his world. Five invasive elder brothers, but they were none the less. He just had to learn to keep secrets because his brothers would be all in his business otherwise. They like to hover over him more so then any other. They like to know what the youngest is up to. Make sure he stays out of trouble. To shelter him from the harshness of the world. He couldn't even be out too late by himself without a freaking search party going out for him. But it was hard to really feel angry. Because as the youngest he often receives the softer sides of his brothers more so then anyone else. Sure he also gets bullied a helluva a lot! But the flip side isn't so bad either. Which is why he honestly doesn't have a brother's ranking despite what he told them. To him, they are all ranked first. Of course he can't let those idiots know that…
But now a problem has been brought up. Ichimatsu…his dark older brother. Todomatsu wasn't sure if he fully understood like the others. He knew Ichimatsu liked to call himself garbage, but weren't they all garbage. The six of them were the lowest of the low in social standing. Outcasts, freaks, unwanted! He didn't understand what made Ichimatsu feel like he specifically was any lower. He was scared and unsure what to think. He never really knew how to talk to Ichimatsu. Partially because his presence could be so unsettling at times or that he just didn't say enough. So Todomatsu had learned to read Ichimatsu's face. To the untrained eye his face was plastered with indifference. But Todomatsu had learned to read him just a tad better than the others. When he isn't slouching that means he's nervous or paying attention. When he isn't staring down at the floor, like he does a lot, that means he's in a pretty good mood. And some other ticks that are a bit harder to explain.
Todomatsu didn't cling to Ichimatsu a lot either, unless the six of them were spilt in threes with Osomatsu, Karamatsu, and Choromatsu in one group and the younger three in the other. It is in those rare times that Ichimatsu finds himself as the eldest. Todomatsu liked Ichimatsu, honestly he really did! He was pretty much the only one he couldn't manipulate with his cuteness or fake anything with. He could get some brothers more than others sure, but Ichimatsu never fell for it. So normally he'd have to be completely genuine with Ichimatsu. Besides, he doesn't think Ichimatsu is that dark, just a normal person. He may even do that as a way of getting attention. He's just a lonely person who doesn't know how not to be. That doesn't make a person dark!
But even Todomatsu can't argue with the things his brothers have repeated from Ichimatsu. Doesn't change the way Ichimatsu acts around them as of the past few weeks. Doesn't change the fact that he intentionally hurt himself more than once. Doesn't change the fact that Jyushimatsu had just revealed to them all after he came down from his talk with Ichimatsu that their brother had tried to commit suicide. And Todomatsu was scared at the fact that none of them were even aware. That shouldn't be possible right?! He was the only one who was capable of hiding things. And it's not even that he intentionally hides them he just doesn't think they're worth knowing about.
"Did he say what it was?" Osomatsu questions sternly doing his best to keep it together. Jyushimatsu shook his head.
"But he didn't right, so things are fine right?" Todomatsu asks looking at everyone.
"Well…not really…" Choromatsu says with a frown on his face. "Who knows what the conditions were when he decided not to. Maybe we came home early, maybe someone else was around, or maybe he couldn't go through with it. We just don't know…"
"So we watch him like a hawk then," Osomatsu asserts.
"We already do that Osomatsu nii-san…"
"Well that shouldn't be hard I mean there are five of us after all!"
"But we hadn't known about the attempt…" Karamatsu points out sadly.
"Now we do! Come on guys he's getting help now, he'll start therapy in a few weeks, and he's started taking his meds. Now we just wait for him to get better!"
Todomatsu wanted to believe his eldest brother based on how optimistic he was. Honestly they all wanted too. So they did. But honestly looking at Ichimatsu Todomatsu was really unsure of how long this wait was going to be. He was still so distant, losing interest in the few things he liked to do. A cat may scramble into their room and Ichimatsu would mindlessly pet it. Neither enjoying it or smiling while doing so. Todomatsu could tell, he was just forcing himself. Everything looked forced. He looked nauseous when he ate. Often couldn't sleep. Often scolded for not taking his meds when he should. His brothers were committed, but Todomatsu was really unsure how long they could keep this up. It wasn't that they don't love Ichimatsu, but…Ichimatsu sees himself as an outcast. Surely this attention should be helping but Todomatsu just wasn't sure. He wants to do something for his older brother but he is unsure of the kind of care he could even give! He isn't the sympathetic type so listening to his problems wouldn't work, he wasn't the super optimistic type so cheering him up wouldn't work, he could listen but he didn't know what kind of advice he could give. He just didn't know!
Then an idea struck him making him smile. Todomatsu pulled out his phone and fired out a couple of quick texts. He was glad to see the quick confirmations within a few minutes. He felt this plan was something only he could do, operation Socialize!
"Ichimatsu nii-san~!" Todomatsu calls stepping into their shared bedroom. His brother wasn't there which startled him a bit. He decided to check the bathroom to see his brother still in his pajamas staring into the medicine cabinet with clear contemplation written on his face. "Ichimatsu nii-san."
"Huh…" he replies blankly only partially startled.
"Taking your meds?"
"…Yeah," he was slow to respond as he reached in to take the pill bottle. Taking one exactly then putting it away and closing the cabinet. He seemed to stare at his reflection for a few moments looking as indifferent as usual.
"That's a cute face!" Todomatsu says slipping his face into the mirror.
"What are you doing here Totty?" he asks in a bored tone.
"Well I do live here too."
"So you do…" he replies dryly moving around Todomatsu. Before he ventured too far Todomatsu grabbed his brother's wrist keeping in mind it was the one he didn't cut.
"Oh and nii-san I wanted to hang out with you today, are you busy?"
"You know I'm not…" he replies with a backwards glance, "Besides I wouldn't be much fun. I'm sure the others-,"
"Well they aren't here and I want to hang out with you Ichimatsu nii-san. You, not anyone else." Todomatsu wanted to make sure his brother understood that. Ichimatsu looks at his youngest brother a bit of distrust in his eyes.
"What are you up to?" Ichimatsu asks. Todomatsu inwardly smirks to see that suspicious part of Ichimatsu hasn't faded yet.
"You'll see it's a surprise for you. But first, get dress," Todomatsu says smirking before releasing his brother to walk past him. Ichimatsu was still suspicious, but he'd feel bad turning down Todomatsu's invitation, especially since it was an invite tailored for him. So he threw on his usual hoodie, sweatpants, and went to the door to wait knowing his brother would take forever to get ready. When his brother eventually came down he was surprised to not see him in his hoodie but dressed up to go out. In his normal jeans, but with a button up pink shirt, a black vest, and his regular fedora. Ichimatsu isn't that self-conscious of himself but Todomatsu knew where they were going while he did not. Thus he felt he was very under dressed.
"Uh…"
"Come on let's go," Todomatsu says slipping on his brown shoes. Ichimatsu barely had time to get his feet in his sandals before he was pulled along by his younger brother.
"Totty, hey!" He calls. Todomatsu doesn't pay his brother much mind though. After some travel time they make it downtown to the mall. Ichimatsu looked anxious just from being there with the way he was looking around. "What are we here for?"
"I need some new clothes."
"Shopping…really, this is the big surprise?" Ichimatsu groans.
"This isn't the surprise this is only a pit stop. Just trust me nii-san okay."
As Todomatsu says, Ichimatsu was the only person he had to be completely genuine with. So Ichimatsu lets out a frustrated sigh a signal of his resignation to his fate. Todomatsu smirks as he hauls his brother off. They go to different clothing stores all over mostly window shopping. He made sure to get Ichimatsu's opinion on everything he picked up. Ichimatsu raised an eyebrow at some of his choices since he didn't think the items he saw as Todomatsu's style. They were mostly darker colors and had a more purple hue then a pink one. Finally, Todomatsu managed to gather an outfit he was satisfied with before he moved on to shoes. Todomatsu casually asked what shoe size he was. Ichimatsu remembers that he shared the same shoe size only with him and Jyushimatsu. Ironically the elder siblings having slightly larger feet. Sometimes with sharing the same face it's easy to forget that there are some things they don't share. Todomatsu nods before trying on a few pair again getting Ichimatsu's input on each pair. Finally, he settled on a casual grey shoes that string ups.
"Geez you spent a lot on this…" Ichimatsu remarks.
Todomatsu rolled his eyes, "Nii-san I know how to shop. It wasn't that much, besides I still have a part time job. So now on to the first part of the surprise here," Todomatsu shoves the bags into Ichimatsu's hands. "Go change."
It was nice to see a completely startled look from Ichimatsu not often Todomatsu can get such a reaction. "W-What do you mean?"
"Put those one," Todomatsu remarks before pulling out his phone to check the time and shoot a quick message out. Intentionally ignoring the completely flabbergasted look of his brother.
"Totty…these…are yours?"
"No, they're for you," Todomatsu looks back at his brother. "That stuff isn't really my style and it should all fit perfect. Besides you don't have nice casual going out clothes so I figured I'd update your wardrobe a bit. Hurry and go change."
Ichimatsu frowns a bit but eventually goes off to find a place to change. Todomatsu stayed put playing a few games on his phone and occasionally responding to messages while waiting on his brother. He admitted that Ichimatsu was taking a rather long time maybe he didn't know how to wear the clothes. It was a strong possibility. He stands up and proceeds to go get his brother.
"Totty?" Ichimatsu's voice came from behind him.
Todomatsu frowns. How did he get there behind him? Todomatsu turns to see Ichimatsu and his eyes widened. He totally overlooked his brother since he was so unused to seeing him this way. Todomatsu smiles at his handiwork. The nice black khaki pants with a light grey purple sweater, the collar of a purple button up shirt underneath, and his grey shoes. He even tried to stand straight up and smooth out his hair a little. Todomatsu smiles again before stepping forward to ruffle his brother's hair.
"Ruffled is a look that suites you," Todomatsu says. "So how do you feel?"
"Weird…"
"But you look nice, thanks to me!"
"Thank you Todomatsu."
Todomatsu blinks owlishly at his brother. He's not quite sure he's ever heard Ichimatsu so those words before. He can't help the small blush appear on his own face, "You're welcome Ichimatsu nii-san~!"
"So what is the next part of this little surprise?" He questions.
"We're going to a mixer," he tells his brother. Ichimatsu faces falls a bit hearing that.
"But…you wouldn't take any of us to one of those…"
"Well…" Todomatsu keeps his cutey smile on his face as his eyes cast to the side. "I figured this one time couldn't hurt…" At least that's what he'd tell his brother anyway. He couldn't choose one brother over the other if he was honest. Also a fact he wouldn't want those idiots to know. "It's at a sushi place not far from here so we can eat there. It starts in a few minutes so we made perfect time."
"I might shit on the table…"
"Please don't…I'll even do most of the talking. Just at least grunt to let someone know you're listening," Todomatsu replies trying to fight back the image of his elder brother shitting on a table. It would be the complete suicide of his social life, for lack of a more appropriate term, he'd no doubt have to speed up his plans of plastic surgery if there were to happen. To show he understood he grunted in reply. Todomatsu could only hope this was a good idea.
-000-
It was an idea…weather bad or good was still to be determined. Todomatsu introduced his brother to the group of eight or so people at the mixer which comes up to ten including them. Their largest so far. Ichimatsu was instantly stared at and swooned over. Possibly these people had never seen twins before and the initial fascination it always there. The unfortunate part about it though is that then people start to compare and contrast everything you do. Your voice, your mannerisms, how you speak, and other quirks. In a way it's nice because they're brothers, not clones. So those things are needed to differentiate between who is who. Todomatsu requested Ichimatsu not mention that they were actually sextuplets. Ichimatsu didn't like it but since he wouldn't be doing that much talking anyway he just shrugged. As expected Todomatsu had to handle his own conversations along with Ichimatsu's. Jumping in to help his brother when he couldn't respond with a simple 'yes' grunt or 'no' grunt.
"Totty, so you call Ichimatsu, nii-san? I thought twins were the same age?" one girls asks.
"Oh well Ichimatsu nii-san was born first technically even though it was on the same day. It's kind of a twin thing so the elder brother can feel more in charge I guess," Todomatsu shrugs.
"I see…" she looks at Ichimatsu who is staring down his partially eaten meal. Todomatsu frowns at his brother's negligence to still eat.
"Is he mute or something?" one of the guys at the table asks. This earns a dark glare from Ichimatsu, not a full on look though only one to the side the mediate it's intensity. He immediately shrank back in response. "Sorry…"
Todomatsu gives a nervous chuckle while elbowing his brother to stop, "Nah, he just prefers animal to people."
"Yeah I can get that…" one girl says.
"Oh here Osaka goes…"
"Well it's kinda true, people suck. I wish I didn't have to come to these things…or at least have them at a cat café to give me something to do…" she groans. Ichimatsu perks up.
"You're like super anti-social, you need to get out more!" her friend beside her nudges her shoulder.
"How the hell do you be social?" Ichimatsu suddenly spoke up. Todomatsu winced at Ichimatsu' callous tongue. Some of the people at the table stared as if unsure the words came out Ichimatsu's mouth.
"You talk, it's not that hard. Just talk to people," the girl finally responds after a moment of surprise.
"Wow Juri I think you cured me. My insecurities just faded away and my social anxiety just poof from existence…"
"Next she'll say if so many people in the world are starving then they should eat food..." Ichimatsu adds.
"Exactly!"
"Whoa when did I become the bad guy?!" Juri exclaims holding her hands up.
"I'm just saying it's not easy. I get it Ichimatsu, so much going on hard to focus on one thing at a time. I sure your brother thought this would be a nice surprise for you didn't he?" Ichimatsu grunts in confirmation. "Yep, same. Juri says if I don't get out more I'm gonna become the gross old cat lady."
"I'm serious you will!"
"Well at least for cats to receive their unconditional love all you have to do is feed them."
"She has a point," Ichimatsu says with a slight smirk. Todomatsu smiles at the interaction. Osaka was always a downer at these mixers in his opinion. But somehow having two socially awkward people in the same room makes them suddenly socially capable. Even if it is just mocking how socially inept they are. It was weird how math worked that way. Like these two negatives cancel each other out. That is how math works right? Todomatsu slightly backed off hovering over Ichimatsu's conversation to excuse himself to the bathroom. He left hoping that things would be good and thankful his brother hardly noticed his absences as he was still listening to Osaka.
This is when tragedy struck. As Todomatsu left the bathroom he heard it…
"Totty! What's up guy!" a voice called.
"Oh no…" Todomatsu mutters in distress. He quickly glances around the corner to see a man his age hugging Ichimatsu from behind. Ichimatsu was petrified at the sudden contact. The response was something he expected. A swift elbow to the gut and a growl of annoyance. Ichimatsu doesn't mind affection, but he requires a bit warming up before that could happen.
The man staggers back shocked. "Ugh…Totty…what the heck-?" He stares at Ichimatsu. "What is up with this look of yours…did something happen babe?"
Before Ichimatsu could growl the correction he was left stumped but the pet name. "Babe?" he mutters confused.
"Kai!" Todomatsu exclaims rushing over to attempt damage control. The man pauses before staring at Todomatsu and then to Ichimatsu and back again.
"Totty?"
Todomatsu snickers, "I see you've met my twin brother. This is my older twin brother Ichimatsu." The stare Ichimatsu gave Kai and then Todomatsu was one of clear contemplation. Looking between them and trying to figure out something. "Ichimatsu nii-san this is…my friend Kai." Kai seems to quirk his eyebrow at the introduction. Ichimatsu only nods.
"Ah I see who you ditched me for today. I thought you would tell me if you were going tonight?"
"Sorry…I wanted to spend the day with my brother. Hope you're not mad."
"I wish I could say I get it, but there are still some things I don't understand. But we can talk later now I get to know how Todomatsu lives at home. Tell me everything Ichimatsu!" Kai exclaims sliding a chair next to the man in question. Todomatsu sighs. He assumed Ichimatsu wouldn't give up much if any conversation since they just met, so this wouldn't be so bad. However, he shares a look with his brother. A subtle read of his face and he pales as a slight smirk slips on his lips before facing Kai.
"Well…" he began.
-000-
Todomatsu was walking home alongside Ichimatsu with his face completely red from embarrassment. Ichimatsu had told Kai all sorts of things. How he's a cuddler, even though he acts like he's not. His fear of the dark. His inability to go to the bathroom at night by himself and make it back to the bedroom by himself. Todomatsu silently swore to drink a gallon of water every night and knew which elder brother he'd choose for the next month. But first thing was first…he needed to talk about this now at this point. There was no way a person as observant as Ichimatsu didn't pick up on what was happening.
"So…Kai and I…"
"Is he your boyfriend?" he interrupts.
"Uh what no-no-no, well…we've been dating for a few weeks now. I…wasn't ready to tell you guys…"
"Have you dated guys before?" Ichimatsu asks curiously.
"No…this is a first…"
"…Why hadn't you told anyone?" his voice had a slight curious and concerned undertone. "This isn't anything like you've hidden before. This is a big part of you that you're keeping away from your family." Todomatsu pauses mid step Ichimatsu notes him stopping and only looks at him over his shoulder as he stops a few steps ahead. "I mean why not even tell Kusomatsu nii-san?"
Todomatsu was a little surprised Ichimatsu tacked on nii-san to Karamatsu's less then flattering nickname. But he snorts a laugh, "Maybe…I know he wouldn't think anything of it but…he couldn't keep it to himself for long. If anyone pressed him he'd crack easily. Choromatsu nii-san sucks at lying in general. Everyone in a five mile radius would hear Jyushimatsu nii-san. Osomatsu nii-san…I don't know how he'd feel…"
Ichimatsu nods. Todomatsu was worried about the eldest's opinion the most it seems. "But you know he doesn't care what kinda of weird shit we're into. He won't see us differently because we're still brothers."
"Yeah…"
"You should tell them," Ichimatsu leaves it at that as he turns back forward to continue the walk home. What he doesn't expect though is a tight hug from behind. He is again startled but he doesn't push his youngest brother off. Jyushimatsu and Todomatsu were the only two brothers he rarely laid a hand on.
"Ichimatsu nii-san…" he says with a sniffle in his voice. Ichimatsu was surprised that he was crying. Ichimatsu swears he cries more than Karamatsu. "Nii-san…how can you hate yourself so much?" Ichimatsu half lidded eyes widened a bit hearing that. "How? You mean so much to us in so many ways. You mean the world to Jyushimatsu nii-san. Osomatsu nii-san worries about you the most. Karamatsu nii-san encourages you all the time and is able to connect with you like no one else. Choromatsu nii-san is more protective of you then anyone. And you're the only one I have to be honest with! How can you think you mean nothing to us!? Because you talk less than the rest of us?!" Todomatsu rubs his tears on the back of Ichimatsu's sweater. "I just came out to you and it didn't affect you in the fucking slightest! I've been so scared to tell anyone…oh god…nii-san…"
"What does it matter? You're still my shitty littlest brother," Ichimatsu responds in his monotone voice.
Todomatsu laughs a bit before letting go of Ichimatsu. Ichimatsu turns to his younger to again be embraced in a proper hug. Ichimatsu's arms still rest at his side still surprised at all this contact he was receiving. "I love you Ichimatsu nii-san."
"…" Ichimatsu's arms slowly raise to return the embrace weakly. "…I love you too…"