Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.
It was late October now, and for as much that had changed in Harm's life, so much had remained the same. Things with Analise were going well, and he grew to love little Maggie more each day. She reminded him so much of Lucy, though...of the biggest part of his life that was changing for the worse. She was so sick all the time, it was heartbreaking to hear about and even more heartbreaking to witness every time he was there to help care for her. She'd gotten a chemo port a few weeks earlier, something he and Mac had debated on and finally agreed to. Lucy's long, curly locks were beginning to fall out, though patches remained for the time being. With his heart heavy over the pain in his life, he along with Ana and Maggie arrived at the restaurant for his birthday dinner.
Mac was all ready at the table with Lucy leaning against her mother and wearing a pretty red hat, and DJ coloring on his placemat. "Happy Birthday!" Mac smiled rising as best she could given her seven month baby belly.
"Thank you," smiled Harm, leaning in to give his ex-wife a gentle hug and a kiss on the cheek. "How're you doing?"
"Good today," Mac replied. "Hello, Ana. May I?" she reached out for Maggie.
"Of course," she smiled, handing Maggie off. "She likes you, you know?"
Mac lifted the little girl, "Hi, Sweetie. Hi," she smiled and cuddled her close.
"Hey, Lucy Bear," said Harm sitting down beside his little girl. "You look so pretty in your hat."
"Uncle AJ got it for me," Lucy replied and laid her head on her plate.
It broke his heart to see her like that, but he knew he needed to enjoy the party as much as he could. "You've got good taste, AJ," said Harm, an effort to thank his friend for Lucy's hat.
"So do you," he nodded towards Ana then whispered, "Do I hear wedding bells?"
Harm smiled a tiny bit and shrugged his shoulders. "I guess anything's possible, but nothing soon."
"Don't let her get away," AJ smiled. "She's a gem."
"That she is," agreed Harm, watching as Ana and Mac visited while Maggie played with the button on Mac's sweater.
"Hey, everybody," Bud greeted as he and Harriet entered the restaurant. "Happy Birthday, Sir."
"Bud," said Harm with a mock-annoyed tone. "We're out of uniform; it's Harm, and thank you."
"How are you doing, Sweetie?" Harriet asked Lucy. "Look what I brought for you."
"You brought me a present?" asked Lucy. "But it's Daddy's birthday. He's supposed to get the presents."
"Uncle Bud has his present," Harriet told her. "This is just for you."
Harriet handed Lucy a coloring book and brand new crayons.
Lucy's face lit up unlike it had done in ages. "Thank you, Aunt Harriet! "
"You feeling better?" she asked as Lucy thumbed through the book.
"No," said the little girl. "I'm really sick, but Mommy says I can get better."
"I bet you can. Remember when you were about three years old and Daddy's plane had an accident. Do you remember that?" Harriet asked her arm around Lucy's tiny shoulders.
"Nuh-uh," said Lucy, opening her box of crayons. "I don't remember only being three."
"Well, I remember it. I came and watched you while Mommy went to see Daddy at the hospital. He was really sick," Harriet told her.
"Was he sick like me?" asked Lucy.
"No, he had a different thing wrong with him, but it was really bad. Now look at him. Does he look sick?" Harriet pointed at Harm as he sipped a beer and picked up Maggie as she began to fuss.
"No, he's all better," she said. "And I'm gonna be all better too. The medicine makes me feel sick, but Mommy says it'll make me better."
Harriet cuddled Lucy, "It will."
The waitress came by just then to take everyone's order, and to deliver fresh baskets of homemade bread and cinnamon butter. The grown-up's chatted about the goings' on of everyday life while the children entertained themselves, Lucy with coloring, DJ with a game on his placemat, and Maggie with throwing her cup on the floor repeatedly. Once their meals arrived, everyone ate in happy silence, a sign of a delicious meal. When it was time for the cake, Maggie threw a fit when she wasn't allowed to dig her hands into it. Everyone laughed and sang to Harm as he made his wish; a wish that his little girl would be well again.
"Well," Mac smiled. "What do you say to some of these gifts here?" she asked Harm.
"Which one should I start with?" he asked.
DJ voiced his opinion, "Mine Daddy! It's blue!"
Everyone laughed. "Okay, buddy," said Harm, reaching for the blue package. "Did you pick it out yourself?"
"I got three choices," DJ told him and moved off his chair so he could see his Daddy open his present.
Harm removed the wrapping paper, then the lid off the white gift box to reveal a dark green sweater. He pulled it out and held it up to himself. "Well, how do I look?"
"Pretty," DJ murmured and drew more laughter from the party goers.
"From you, son," said Harm, reaching over to tousle the boy's hair. "That's a compliment.
"Should I open this one now?" continued Harm, holding up a red gift bag.
"That one's from me," Mac told him. "Go ahead."
He removed the tissue paper, tossing it onto the table, and pulled out a small box. Carefully, he took off the lid and pulled out a gold ID bracelet. Looking closely at it, he saw it contained the names and birthdates of his children, instead of his own name. "Wow, Mac," he said. "I love it."
Mac smiled, "I'm glad. Happy Birthday," she leaned forward and placed a kiss on his cheek.
"Open mine next," Lucy told her father but didn't move from her spot on Bud's lap.
"Okay, I will," said Harm happily. He picked up the yellow gift bag and reached inside, pulling out an object carefully wrapped in bubble wrap. "Did you do this, Button?" he asked as he slid his finger underneath the tape along the edge.
"Yes," Lucy replied. "Mommy watched me."
He pulled the bubble paper off and unveiled a silver picture frame, containing a new picture of Lucy and DJ.
"You like it Daddy?" Lucy asked. "Mommy had us take it at the store."
"I love it," he said, blinking back a tear as he kissed Lucy on top of her head.
"Well, I think it is my turn," AJ smiled. "Open the big one first," he told him as he handed him a long heavy rectangular object.
With a curious expression, Harm slipped the paper off of the box. "This is interesting," he said.
He set the box upon the table and lifted off the lid, finding himself face-to-face with a hard cover copy of the book Captains of the Seas. "Oh, wow, AJ. I love it!"
"Now open the smaller one," AJ instructed. "It's from General Creswell."
"Oh, okay," he said. Harm had not been aware that the General was in the habit of giving those under his command gifts, birthday or any other kind. After stripping the box of the plain black paper, he opened the hinged lid and stood in bewilderment. "Captain's bars?"
"Congratulations," AJ replied. "The General wanted to be here but he couldn't be so...Congratulations, Captain Rabb."
"Wow," said Harm, his flyboy smile in rare form. "This is amazing, really."
Analise moved towards Harm at the same time as Mac did.
Without a conscious though, Harm leaned in to Mac's embrace, unaware of what he'd done for several moments, until he saw the pained expression on Ana's face.
"Con..." she began again. "Congratulations, Sweetheart." And leaned in to kiss him deeply.
"Thanks," he said, his smile fading as he realized the extent of what he'd just done.
Harm opened the rest of the gifts on the table, receiving Harriet and Bud, the Roberts children, little Maggie, but nothing from Analise. He didn't question that though, figuring she'd want to do it in private.
The party wound down and Mac left with the children for home, knowing Mic would be upset if she were out too late. Finally, only Harm, Analise and Maggie were left.
"So," he said playfully. "What'd you get me?"
"At home, okay," she replied fighting her anger and her pain.
Harm wasn't stupid; he knew why she was upset. "Are you ready to go?' he asked softly.
"Yeah," Ana replied. "Let's go. It's late."
He rose from his chair and reached out for her, his hands touching her shoulders. "Baby, I'm so sorry," he said. "I know what I did and I know it hurt you, and I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," she replied. "It's instinctual. Let's just go. I don't feel well."
Knowing that was neither the time nor place to push things, he picked up Maggie's diaper bag and they headed for the car.
She was quiet in the car, and went upstairs to lie down leaving Harm to deal with Maggie. She took the gift she'd hidden and left it on the table for him to see.
"I left you gift on the table," she told him, not leaving her tightly curled ball.
With a sigh, he walked towards the table and picked up the envelope. He opened it and removed a folder from a travel agency. "What's this?" he asked her.
"Tickets to Hawaii," Analise replied. "You need a break, Baby. We need a break."
"Yeah, we do but…" he began. "I can't leave now. Not with Lucy like she is."
"That is why I think you need to leave," Ana replied. "It's not a long trip."
"I know, and it sounds wonderful," he said gently. "I just...I'm not sure I can leave her, Ana. I want to, I just..."
"You can't leave her or you can't leave Mac?" she snapped to words out before she noticed them.
He stood dumbfounded. "Is that what you think?"
"Harm," she said softly. "You know I've been thinking. Maybe...maybe it would be best if we, uh, if we took a little break."
"No, Ana," he said, immediately sitting beside her. "I'm sorry, I messed up and I'm really sorry, but I don't wanna lose you over it, or over anything for that matter."
"It's not just because of today," she sighed. "How long has it been since we made love?"
"I don't know," he said, then tried to venture a guess. "A week?"
"Try five," she sighed. "When we the last time you and I went out for the evening?"
"Okay, I get the point," he said. "Lucy needs me; I have to be there for her."
"You..."Analise stopped talking and began to cry. She lay back down and hid her face.
Harm sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Ana, please."
"I've been fighting...fighting this for a while now and...And I don't think that you can be what Lucy needs and what Maggie and I need and what Mac needs and..." She couldn't finish.
"You can't mean you want us to split up," he said, once again sitting beside her. "I can do better. I know I haven't been there for you, but I can do better."
"You shouldn't have to be in two places at once," she replied rolling over to face him, tears spilling over her eyes. "Mac and Lucy need you..."
"So you want me to be with them and not you?" He was dying inside at the idea of losing her.
"I don't want that but...I can't have half of you Harm and I don't want all of you at Lucy's expense. I think we just...just need a little break," she sobbed.
"But I don't want one," he whispered.
She bit her lip, "Harm, I'm doing this for you."
"I don't want to lose you, Ana," he said. "I love you, you know that."
"I do know that, and I love you. So much," she sobbed. "That's why I have to let you go. I'm sorry."
Harm rubbed his hands over his face. "You're my rock, Ana. You're who I come to when things with Lucy get me down."
"You can still do that, Harm. I'm not going to stop being your friend. But that's all I am to you anymore. Admit it," she said softly.
He shook his head. "No. You mean everything to me; you and Maggie."
"Say you love me," she told him. "Say you love me and not Mac. Say it."
"You know I love you," he said. "I say it every day."
"Do you mean it?" she asked. "Do you...Lucy has to be your focus. Lucy and me, and that's not the case right now. Is it?"
"It is," he insisted. "It is!"
"Harm...please don't make this harder than it all ready is," she begged. "Please."
"I don't think it can get any harder," he said, slumping against the back of the couch.
"I love you," she whispered. "But in good conscience I can't ask you to divide your heart anymore."
He was quiet for a moment. "So this is it?"
"I think it has to be," she replied.
As he stared into her eyes, his tears began to fall. "I don't want it to be."
"It doesn't have to be forever," she replied. "But I think it has to be."