See Chapter One for Disclaimers.

Chapter 74

In the wake Mac's split from Mic, Bud, Harriet and AJ who had all helped from the very beginning offered even more assistance and support than before, taking care of DJ, visiting their friends, being sounding boards and pillars of strength, especially for Mac as her pregnancy drew to a close. Mac was not as she once feared alone without Mic, she had a host of supporters and of course there was Harm. He was there for the worst of things, Lucy's chemo days especially. Still it was Mac Lucy wanted to be with her most of the time and she'd cry for her mother whenever Mac was not present.

Day after day and night after night Mac and Harm would sit beside their ailing daughter, sometimes playing games with her, and on night like this one, chemo nights, holding her close and loving her through it all.

"I think she's finally asleep," Mac said to Harm. They'd been sitting with Lucy for the better part of the evening holding her and rocking her as she rid her body of the chemicals used to treat her cancer. Chemo days were always rough on her, but they were perhaps rougher on Harm and Mac. Mac sat back in the chair she'd been resting in and laid a hand on her large belly. "Can you give me a lift?"

Harm nodded and held both his hands out for her to grab on to. "That help?" he asked.

"Very much, I'll be glad when it comes and I can see my feet again," Mac replied. "I don't think I got this big with the other two."

Harm looked down at the floor. "No, I don't think you did." It was hard for him to look at Mac without a piece of his heart dying every time.

"Dr. Bradley said at my last appointment I'll have to have a C-section if it gets much bigger," Mac smiled and put her hand around to her back. She'd been doing that all day on and off. "Can I have a ride home too? I don't fit behind the wheel anymore."

"Yeah, sure," he said, thankful for every time she came to him for help of any kind. Their interaction had become completely centered on Lucy's illness, and the closeness the couple once shared was long gone. "Are you ready?" he asked.

Mac reached out and touched Lucy's cheek. "I'm never ready to leave her like this, but I have to. I'm exhausted and they won't let us stay after eleven anyway."

He stepped close to Lucy on the other side of her bed. "I hate leaving her like this, too. Doesn't seem that long ago she was completely fine, and now look at her." He placed his hand on the top of her head and swallowed hard.

"She's going to make it, Harm," Mac said with determination. "She's all Rabb. She's a fighter." This as she made a small sound and rubbed her back again.

"Your back bothering you?" he asked, walking from the opposite side of the bed towards the door.

"It's been bothersome most of the pregnancy, but yesterday and today it's really acting up. Thirty-five extra pounds will do that to you," Mac sighed. "Lead the way Captain."

Harm held the door open for her, and together they walked to the elevator down the hall. There was a time when they would have made the walk hand-in-hand, but as so many others, that time had passed.

Harm protected Mac as the crossed the dark street one hand on the small of her back until they made it into the dark parking garage. "Harm, is there a bathroom in here? I have to go again."

"I don't know," he said, looking around a bit. "There should be...oh yeah, right across there. I'll walk over there with you."

"Please," Mac smiled at him. She was really feeling bad and there was a time when she'd lean against him and let him take care of her. While they'd bridged the gap, they were still miles apart.

"So uh, is Mic...gone for good?" stammered Harm as they walked across the parking lot.

Mac nodded, "Yeah. At least from my life. He's still on exchange but I'm not exactly a Marine anymore so..."

Harm nodded and stared ahead. "Think he'll fight you over the baby?"

"I doubt that," Mac said. "Even if he tries there is no way he can win."

"He's the baby's father, Mac," Harm reminded her though he knew she did not need reminding.

"Trust me," Mac replied. "He cannot win. Not after Lucy."

"I'd damn sure hope not," said Harm as they finally reached the bathroom. "Go on; I'll wait right here."

"I'll hurry," Mac promised and disappeared inside.

The bathroom was dirty, like most public restrooms are, but Mac had to go so badly it really didn't matter. She undressed herself and went to do her business when she felt a strong pain wrap around her from her back to her stomach. Clutching her belly she let out a cry as she felt a rush of liquid between her legs. "Harm!"

He heard her scream his name, and stuck his head inside the door. "Mac? You okay?"

"No," she shook her head. "My water just broke." She gasped again as she felt another contraction come right on top of the last one. It was like DJ all over again.

"What?" he asked in disbelief, rushing into the bathroom. "Are you sure?" He tried to get into the stall where she was, but she'd habitually locked it. "Open the door!"

Mac reached out and undid the latch. She was standing with her panties around her ankles; the delicate white silk was now soaked in fluid. Her pink maternity dress was draped over her belly. She was breathing deeply, focusing, only one who knew her well could tell she was scared.

He knew with one look that this was real, though he almost pinched himself a few times to make sure. Thinking quickly, he did his best to put a plan of action into effect. "Okay, Mac, we need to get you to the car...uh...sit down and I'll go get it and be right back."

Mac eased herself down to the toilet, leaning down and breathing. "I always hated this part."

"I know," he said. "I'll be back in two minutes." With that he ran out of the bathroom and to his car, still somewhat in disbelief that this was happening.

He rounded the corner to the section where he parked to find the gate closed. "What the hell?" he asked aloud as she grabbed the gate and shook it violently. "How can this be locked? How the hell am I supposed to get out of here?" he shouted before realizing he didn't have time to spend venting his frustration over the inept parking garage staff, who wasn't even around to hear him. He turned tail and dashed back to the bathroom. "Mac, I'm back..." he said, very out of breath. "I can't get to the car; some idiot locked the wrong gate for the night."

"What?" she looked up at him. "No. I...Oh..." She began to rub her belly, "I think it's another DJ."

"Oh God, I hope not," he said, trying to mask his fear and doing a pretty poor job. "You're only 8 months along; are you having contractions?"

"Actually its closer to nine months," Mac breathed. "And yes I am. Strong ones."

"Oh boy," said Harm under his breath, rubbing his brow in panicked confusion. "Uh...let's get you lying down. You shouldn't be sitting up like that. Can you make it out here and lie on the floor?"

"I'll need a hand up," Mac replied. "Can you get to your seabag?"

"I'm not sure, I may be able to squeeze through the gate" he said as he held out his hands and allowed her to grasp them tight. "What do you need out of there?"

"I need something to lie on, I'm not laying on this floor, it's filthy," Mac made a face and looked down at the cruddy floor.

"Can you lean against the wall here while I run back and try to get you the car?" he asked. "I can either make it or not, it won't take me long to decide."

Mac nodded, "We have some time yet I think. Go on," Mac replied. "And try to call the parking garage people."

"I was gonna do that as I ran," he said, pulling his cell phone off his belt. "Hang in there, I'll hurry." He took off running again, stopping only long enough to dial the emergency number for the parking garage management that was on a sign on the wall. He reached the area where he'd been before, and he could see his car only 50 yards away. As he tried to place the call for the third time, with no success, he gave up. With his phone in his hand, he tried to make himself slim enough to fit through the 8 inch opening between the locked gate and the wall. He got his right arm and shoulder through and the lower half of his right leg before realizing there was no way the rest of him could fit. He carefully backed out, but in doing so he let the phone slip from his right hand.

It bounced and landed 10 feet inside the locked gate.

By the time Harm got back, Mac was in the midst of another contraction, one so powerful that her legs could no longer hold her. She fell to the hard dirty floor legs sprawled beneath her. This is the sight that greeted Harm as he returned.

"Oh God, Mac" he said as he knelt beside her. "It's a bad one, I can tell. Try to breathe through it, then I'll get you lying down."

She focused on his eyes and breathed deeply, in and out, until finally she took one long cleansing breath. "Help me up; I'm not lying on this floor!"

"I'm afraid it's either this floor or the sidewalk," he said as he carefully helped her up. "I couldn't get the phone to work in all this steel and cement, and I couldn't fit through the gap in the gate to get to the car."

"What about your coat? Or mine? Can we put those down do you think?" she asked. "If not I'll take the sidewalk."

"I'd rather be in here than on the sidewalk," he said, pulling his coat off and putting it down on the floor. "Let me take yours off," he said, reaching around and pulling it down from her shoulders. "I'll wad part of yours up for you to put your head on, and the rest of yours and mine you can just lay on, okay?"

Mac nodded and allowed Harm to ease her coat off of her and help her lie on a makeshift bed. "We have to get out of here, Harm. I can't have the baby here, not like this."

"I don't want you to have it here, either," he said. "But unless you can hold on for another ten hours, when the garage opens for business again, I'm afraid that's what's gonna happen. Do you think you can make it that long?"

"If Lucy and DJ are any indication I have time," Mac sighed. "Why don't you try to go outside and call?"

"I can't," he said. "I dropped the cell phone on the other side of that damn gate. Hey, do you have yours with you?"

"Only you Harm," Mac replied rolling her eyes. "Check my purse."

Harm picked Mac's purse up off the floor and rummaged through it. "I don't see it," he said. "I know, I'll run back over to the hospital and get help. I don't know why I didn't think of that before!"

Mac nodded again, "You're panicking, Harm. Calm," she told him as she felt another contraction begin to take hold.

"Want my hand?" he asked, not sure if he could reach out and grab hers like he would have done without question in happier times.

She nodded, "Yes," came her whimpered answer. "Oh it hurts. Definitely a boy."

"I didn't realize that labor for girls came pain-free now" he said with a slight chuckle as he took a hold of her hand. "You don't know the sex yet?"

"Don't' get smart," she panted. "No, we never liked to find out. I said that because DJ was painful the whole way and Lucy kind of built up. This one is hard. Its...It feels different."

"I know we never liked to find out," said Harm as he felt Mac squeeze his hand harder. "I just thought maybe you and..." He let his voice trail off as the remainder of the sentence was too painful to speak. "It's okay, breathe through it, and when this one passes I'll run and get help."

Mac nodded, and finally the contraction let up. She took a deep cleansing breath. "Get help Harm," she said it with a hint of desperation, and he knew then she knew more than she was telling.

"I'll be as fast as I can," he said, standing up and letting her hand slip out of his. He went to open the restroom door, and found just one more unbelievably rotten obstacle in his way. "Oh, for the love of Christ Almighty!" he yelled as he pulled on the door, noticing for the first time the bright red sign which read "For security purposes, this door locks automatically at 11:00 p.m." "Can this get any worse?" he asked himself as he slammed his fist against the door.

"Harm, what's happening?" Mac asked from her position on the floor.

"We're stuck in here, Mac" he said, forcing himself to calm down as best her could for her sake. "The door is one of those timed lock things, and it's locked. We're in here for the night. I'm sorry."

Hearing that she let out a sob, and turned her head to face the wall. "Its not supposed to be like this," she whispered. "Its not supposed to be like this."

"I know, it's not," he said softly, kneeling down close to her but still afraid to touch her. She was coming off a failed relationship with the baby's father, and the only relationship that existed between Mac and himself was that of co-parenting Lucy and DJ. "I'm here for you, though. We'll get through this, somehow."

Mac nodded. "We will," she sighed. "Can you..." She felt funny asking this of him, but she needed to be checked.

"What do you need?" he asked.

"Can you see if I've..." she looked over to her knees which she'd put naturally in the bent position. "I need to know if I'm dilated."

"Uh...okay," he said apprehensively. "How will I know?"

"Look and see how many fingers you can fit vertically," she told him. "It'll hurt a bit, but we need to know."

"Okay," he said, rising to quickly washing his hands before returning to her side. "You sure you want me to do this?"

Mac nodded, "Nothing you haven't done before, well in a manner of speaking," she sighed and waited for him to do as she asked.

"I've never done this before," he said as he moved from her side to in front of her knees, "I know I'd remember!" With a deep breath, he slowly slipped one finger inside her body. "I'm supposed to feel as far up as I can, right?"

"Yeah," she replied breathing deeply. "Just do it before the next contraction."

"Just give me a little warning, if you can," he said, gently moving his finger around. "I'm trying to think back to that poster in the doctor's office, the one of the stages of labor. I think I feel your cervix. Can you feel me touching you at all?"

"Yeah," she replied. "You're good so far."

"Okay," he said, feeling relieved that he at least knew that much about what he was doing. "I'm gonna try two fingers, tell me if it hurts."

"A little bit," she replied. "Not too bad though."

"That's good," he said, feeling around very carefully. "I can fit the ends of both my fingers in that little space, whatever that means."

"It means I'm at 4 centimeters, a little less than half way there," Mac sighed. "Hand."

"Halfway there? Already?" he asked, removing his fingers from inside her and moving back to her side to offer her his other hand.

"I was probably contracting all day but didn't know it," Mac sighed. "Time them okay?"

He nodded and looked down at his watch. "Tell me when it's over."

Mac worked on breathing and concentrating for what seemed like forever, but in reality is was only two minutes. "Its over," she panted. "That was a tough one."

"It lasted for just over two minutes," he said, his eyes showing his worry.

Mac simply nodded, "Harm...I..."

He sighed, not knowing what to say. "I know, of all the ways you imagined this labor, being in the ladies room of a parking garage with your ex-husband wasn't one of them, but I'm here, I'm obviously not going anywhere, and I'll do whatever I can to help you through this."

Mac let one tear leak out of her eye, "There's one thing that's right about this," she sighed.

"You're here, we're here, doing this together," Mac replied softly.

Harm smiled, a bittersweet, broken-hearted smile. "Yeah, well..."

"It's true," Mac replied. "I'd much rather you with me that anyone else, especially Mic."

Harm looked surprised. "Really? You're glad he's not here, like actually glad?"

"Thrilled," Mac replied. "Things with us...well, let's say he showed his true colors."

Harm leaned against the wall on the side Mac was facing, squatting down but choosing not to sit beside her on account of the disgusting floor. "Can I ask what happened? I mean, you don't have to tell me, I'm just wondering why...?"

"He wasn't there for me when I needed him. When things with the pregnancy were rough...he was terrific but when Lucy got diagnosed, I started to feel like he was making me choose between her and this baby. If he did...well, you can see the choice I made, can't you?" Mac asked. She wanted him to hold her hand, but she was afraid to reach out unless she was having a contraction.

Harm nodded. "I don't get it, Mac. Lucy, uh, told me about you and Mic going to the 'special baby doctor' and everything. Why would you go through everything you two went through to get pregnant if he was just gonna walk out of your life like this?"

"He didn't walk out," Mac replied. "I kicked him out. Lucy is my daughter, she's here and she's real and I had to do everything I could for her, be there every minute, he couldn't tolerate that."

"Sounds like he couldn't handle playing second fiddle to anyone in your life, huh?" replied Harm.

"I don't think he could. And I thought you were controlling," Mac sighed. "Another one."

Harm held his hand out to her again and looked down at his watch. "It's been almost 10 minutes since the last one."

Mac nodded and started to focus on her breathing. The contraction was brutal and at its peak she stopped breathing, nothing working in her body as a result of the intensity of the contraction.

"Come on, Mac," he said. "Breathe, just like you know how to do. I know it hurts, but it'll be over in another minute or so. Squeeze my hand as hard as you have to, it's okay."

Listening to the soothing sounds of Harm's voice Mac managed to relax enough to breathe through the contraction. When she was finished, she looked, "How long?"

"A minute forty five," he said as he let go of her hand. "Do you think you'll make it till morning? Be honest with me, Mac; you've got no reason not to be."

"I don't know," Mac replied. "I could but...I just keep thinking about DJ. Long painful contractions, thirty six hours of them. I might make it, I have to, I don't have any other choice.

He looked at her. "Well, that's not exactly true, though I'm not so sure you really want me to do your delivery."

"Somehow I think I'd prefer Dr. Bradley," Mac replied. "Especially if it's like what he said it might be like."

"Which was what?" queried Harm, suddenly even more afraid than before.

"He said since the baby is so big I might not be able to deliver it naturally, and of course there's the risk of...well let's not say anything else for now," Mac sighed. "No reason for alarm."

He could sense she didn't want to think about all the frightening possibilities, and he didn't want to force her to. "Are you comfortable like that? Want to sit up at all?"

"I think I want to walk around a little," Mac said. "My back is really sore."

"Uh, I'm not sure you should do that," he said. "How about just sitting up a little? That way if you need to lie back down you're already there."

Mac nodded, "Can you..."

"Yeah," he said, sliding one arm underneath her and lifting her into a sitting position. "How's that?"

Mac shifted a bit then tried to ask again, "Would you..." But she froze up again.

"What is it?" he asked. "If you need me to do something, just ask. It's not like you've got too many options, you know?" He ended his sentence with a little smile, glad he was there to help her, but wishing they weren't in such a serious predicament.

"Do you think you could rub my back like you used to do?" Mac asked looking sheepish.

"Umm...yeah, sure," he replied, knowing she wouldn't ask if she didn't need him to do it, but feeling his heart break as he thought back on the births of Lucy and DJ. Those were such joyous times in his life, and this...well, this was sad on so many levels.

"Remember when she was born?" Mac asked reading part of his thoughts. "She wanted to stay in there and nothing the doctors tried got her out before she was good and ready."

"Yeah, I remember," he said as he gently massaged her lower back. "I was afraid I wouldn't make it in time, and I got there and you were still a long way from delivering."

"Ten hours," Mac sighed. "I'll never forget the look on your face when they told you it was a girl. The whole time you'd wanted a son, but one look at her..." Her voice cracked then and she let out a sob.

"Hey, Mac," he said softly, placing his hands on her shoulders without thinking twice. "She'll be fine. She's responding well to the treatment, and she's gonna beat this."

"If she doesn't it will be my fault," Mac whispered. "All my fault. She was sick for a long time and I never even noticed."

"No, it wouldn't be your fault," he said, hands still on Mac's shoulders. "When she first began getting a sick a lot, I was still around and I didn't see how serious it was, either. We let...other things in our lives at the time distract us, and that's not something I'll let you take total blame for."

"But she was living with me. I should have noticed the bruises, the nosebleeds...she was with you one weekend and you noticed it. Some mother I am..."Mac whispered.

He moved around to look her in the face as he spoke. "Mac, I didn't notice them, the doctor did. Please believe me, Mac, this is not your fault. Sometimes, bad things just happen, and this is one of those times. We have to stay strong for Lucy's sake, and that means none of this self-berating, okay? You're... you're a good mother."

"I just can't help thinking if I was more alert we could have caught it before it spread, now...Oh, God!!" she gasped as she felt another contractions come on.

"It's okay" he soothed. "I'm right here. Take my hands...good...now breathe..." He looked down at his watch; it'd only been 10 minutes since the last contraction.

"It really...this one is...Oh!" she cried out again as the pain seized her around the back and the front at the same time.

"Try to concentrate on breathing, Mac" he said. "I know it hurts and there's nothing I can do to change that, but just take it one second at a time, in and out..."

This time his gentle coaxing failed all Mac could do was cry out and gasp from breath.

He began to panic. "I'm gonna lie you back down, okay? Let's try lying on your side, maybe that'll help take some pressure off your back."

Mac didn't say or do anything, just gave her care over to him. Anything would better than this.