See end of chapter for housekeeping A/N!
"Damn TJ," Luke muttered to himself, as he pushed open the door to his truck. Of course TJ would drop and shatter the new windows for the diner as they were placing them. Now the reopening was delayed another day while he ran into Hartford and picked up another custom cut glass. It was just the icing on the cake to finish out one of the most miserable weeks he'd had in recent memory.
Then, as if that wasn't enough, he realized when he walked up to the storefront that it was closed. He checked his watch and remembered the store closed at 4pm on Saturdays. He was five minutes too late. He suppressed the urge to kick the door, breathing in deeply with his hands clenched at his sides.
He was stomping back to the truck, muttering a few profanities under his breath, when he saw a small bar across the road. Why the hell not? he thought to himself. He crossed the empty street and slipped inside. Since it was so early in the evening, the place was deserted. He slid into one of the stools that lined the bar, and signalled over to the bartender.
"What'll you have?" the man asked, tossing a rag over his shoulder.
"Something on tap, whatever's cheap," Luke said, waving his hand toward all the brightly decorated knobs by the draft beer. The bartender raised an eyebrow, but said nothing, walking over and expertly pouring some beer into a glass. Luke slid over a card.
"Opening a tab?" the bartender asked. Luke nodded, accepting the beer and taking a long drink. He ran the card but when he came back around to hand it back, he hesitated. "You want to talk about it?" he asked.
"About what?" Luke replied shortly.
"The reason you're in here, alone, obviously aiming to get drunk on cheap beer, starting at 4 in the afternoon?"
They stared at each other a moment. "Nope," Luke finally said. He held out his hand to take the card back, and with a shake of his head, the bartender returned it to him.
Luke was very drunk by the time the bar had begun to fill up. People were all around, smiles on their faces and drinks in their hands. He'd never felt more alone, or more sorry for himself. He'd lost count of how many beers he'd had. The bartender continued to give him pitying glances, but since Luke wasn't causing a scene, merely sitting there with his beer, occasionally looking over at one of the televisions, he left him alone.
Two men lumbered up to the bar beside him, laughing and yelling. He glanced over, then did a double-take when he saw a well-coiffed head of hair signalling to the bartender. The man looked over, and his eyes met Luke's. "Well, well," the man said, his mouth twisting up in a smile.
"Max Medina," Luke said hoarsely, unused to speech after having been silent for so long.
"You own the diner in Stars Hollow, right?" Max said, snapping his fingers.
"Right." He turned back to his beer, not wanting to engage with the teacher even a little.
"So, did you ever tell her?" Max said, pointedly ignoring Luke's "leave me alone" body language.
"Tell who?" Luke said, without turning his head.
"Lorelai," Max said bluntly. "It was obvious you wanted her. Did you ever go for it?"
Luke swiveled around on his stool. "Not that it's any of your business, but yes. Yes, I did. But it was a waste of my time because she ended up running in the end."
"Ah," Max replied, raising his shot glass. "Then good on you for getting out. She didn't leave you at the altar, did she?"
"No," Luke said, tipping back the rest of his beer, then getting up to leave. He stumbled shakily, not realizing until he stood that he'd had way too much to drink on too empty of a stomach.
"Hey there, buddy," Max said, holding him upright. Luke tried to shrug him off, but he was too drunk to resist his aid.
"Not your buddy," he slurred.
"Stay, party with us," another man said. "You're already wasted!"
"Nah, I don't thi—" Luke started to say, but Max clapped him on the back and steered him toward a table with five other guys.
"Got a party crasher!" Max called genially. The men all raised their glasses in greeting and Luke mumbled one in return. He didn't want to be there but he couldn't walk on his own. He was at the mercy of these guys and he hated it. He felt like a captive, too drunk to realize he could insist on being put into a cab.
The man that had been with Max at the bar came back with a tray of shots. He set the tray in the middle of the table and held one up. "To my brother!" he said loudly, over the growing din of the bar. "Hopefully this one lasts at least until the honeymoon!"
Despite his drunken state, Luke perked up at this. "You're getting married?" he asked.
"Indeed," Max replied. He picked up the shot and tossed it back. "I waited until she asked me this time. I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice."
Luke grunted noncommittally, waving off the shot that Max's brother offered him.
"So how do you know Max?" one of the other men asked. Luke opened his mouth to answer but Max beat him to it.
"Ah, great story. One for the ages," Max started, lifting his empty shot glass as if giving a toast. "Luke here—it is Luke, right?—he was very good friends with Lorelai Gilmore."
"Lorelai, your ex-fiance?" the brother asked.
"The one and the same," Max replied. He set down the glass and picked up a beer. "So one day, right before I proposed, I was picking up Lorelai for a date and this guy—" he jerked a thumb toward Luke, "—shows up and makes sure I know how much of a presence he has in Lorelai's life." He looks over at Luke with a smug grin. "Isn't that right?"
"Not how I remember it," Luke muttered.
"I knew there was something going on there," Max continued, not acknowledging Luke's comment. "Lorelai tried to tell me there wasn't, but I knew. A man just knows," he said to his friends, who all nodded in agreement.
"I never met this Lorelai, but she sounds like a real piece of work," a third guy said.
"Sexy as hell, though, wouldn't you agree, Luke?" Max's brother said, grinning madly.
"If I could stand, I'd be getting the hell out of here," Luke grumbled.
"It doesn't matter," Max said, continuing to ignore Luke's commentary. "I'm with Diane and we're solid. She's let me move in already, for god's sake. None of this 'I didn't have time to make a key' nonsense."
"What?" asked the guy to Luke's left.
"Oh this is a good one," Max said, leaning forward. "You'll like this, Luke. So, we're supposed to get married in a week, but she refuses to have a key made for me. She gives me all of these excuses. She's busy, she's tired. I should have known something was up. In fact, I did know. I was just hoping I was wrong."
"Hey, Steve," one of the guys said, and Max's brother looked over. "Why don't you get us some wings. Seems like we're having story time tonight."
"So what was the deal with you and Lorelai?" Max asked Luke. "She give you all her excuses?"
"What excuses?" Luke said, despite his misgivings at this whole line of conversation.
"Oh you know, the timing isn't right, she's worried about her life with Rory, she's not sure it's love, all that stuff." Max ticked off all the possible excuses on his fingers.
"Oh," Luke replied, shaking his head. "No."
"So what, then?" Max pressed.
Luke's nostrils flared in irritation. "Listen, buddy, you're not my shrink and I don't need to tell you anything. Once I sober up enough to walk, I'm going to go sleep it off in my truck and you can get back to your trash talking since you're obviously still hung up on Lorelai. I'm not, I'm fine."
"You look fine," the guy to Luke's left said sarcastically. "Never seen a fella looking so over it."
"Doesn't matter," Max said, reaching for another shot. "It's all the same. You want to get married, she hems and haws for a week before grudgingly saying yes. You let her plan exactly the wedding she wants, and don't complain when you have zero input. When she won't let you in her daughter's life, you accept it. And she still changes her mind at the last minute. Age old story of a runaway bride and commitment phobic."
Considering that the end of the conversation, Max moved on to discussing beers with one of the other guys. Luke sat there silently, stewing. Steve came back with the wings and all the guys, with the exception of Luke, dug in.
"You're wrong," Luke said finally, interrupting the conversation going on around him.
"What's that?" Max asked, turning back to face him.
"You're wrong," Luke repeated, more forcefully. "You don't know Lorelai at all."
"I don't?" Max replied, laughing. "I think I knew her pretty well."
"If you know what he means," the guy across the table chipped in. Max gave him a glare, and he held up his hands in apology.
"So which part did I get wrong? Did you propose and have to wait forever for her answer? Did you have to fit your life into hers and not the other way around? Did you even get to meet Rory? Because I think if I hadn't been her teacher, she would have put that off as long as possible."
"First of all," Luke said, resting his hands against the table and directing his gaze toward Max the best he could while drunk, "She proposed to me. And I said yes, right away, because I'm not an idiot. We renovated her house for us to live there. And I practically helped raise Rory, thank you very much."
"Well, then," Max said, leaning back and grinning smugly. "If everything was so perfect, why did she run?"
Luke and Max stared at each other. Luke felt the bile in his stomach rising up to his throat, and the walls seemed like they were closing in around him. He couldn't stay there, these men staring at him like he was to be mocked, or worse, pitied. He didn't want to be thought of as just another in a long line of Lorelai's rejects. He was different, they were different, he had always believed that. But what if he'd been wrong? He couldn't even fathom how much more it would all hurt if that were the case.
"I have to go," he said instead, and pushed himself up on unsteady feet. He crashed into some nearby tables, nearly pushing some other bar patrons to the ground.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," he heard Max say behind him, and felt a steady arm pulling him upright.
"Don't need your help," Luke snarled, trying to make his feet move one in front of the other.
"How about you hold me up, then?" Max suggested, trying to limit the damage in Luke's rampage across the crowded bar.
He burst out the front doors and onto the sidewalk, and lurched over to a nearby trash can. He braced his hands against the outside, and took a deep breath before retching into it. Over and over, he vomited, until there was nothing left but dry heaving. Unsteadily, he collapsed onto a bench beside the trashcan, feeling a cold sweat bead on his upper lip and forehead.
"Hey," Max said, sitting down on the bench, careful to leave at least a foot of space between them. "I didn't meant to upset you," he said. "I thought it might do you some good, you know, vent it all out. I know after the cancelled wedding, I went out with my buddies a few times. It feels good to let out all that anger and frustration. It helps to kickstart the healing process."
"Did you love her?" Luke asked, staring at his feet.
Max looked up in surprise at the non sequitur. "Uh, maybe? It was all so long ago. At the time, I thought I did." He leaned back against the bench, thinking. He was about to speak again when Luke broke the silence first.
"She wanted to elope," he said quietly. "I said no. Then she walked away and went straight to Christopher's bed."
"Christopher," Max mused. "Why does that sound familiar?"
"Rory's dad."
"Ah," Max chuckled. "Boy, that guy is an opportunist."
Luke looked over. "Huh?"
"Lorelai and I were together two separate times. We broke up the first time because the administration at Chilton found out I was dating a student's mother and all hell broke loose. And when I accused her of having something going on with you, she said she'd slept with Rory's dad while we were apart." Luke looked up in surprise, then snorted, and shook his head. "It's funny, too," Max continued, "because the way she talked about him I knew that he was never a threat. Now you, you were the threat."
"What?" Luke felt he must have heard wrong. He and Lorelai hadn't even come close to having a romantic relationship during the Max year.
"Oh yeah, she mentioned you a lot, except always without really mentioning you. You know, my friend came over to fix the porch rail, my friend owns the diner, my friend this and that…" He chuckled to himself. "No wonder she had no room in her life for me. It was all you."
"Me?" asked Luke incredulously. He'd never considered that he'd had such a pivotal role in Lorelai's life, enough so that her former fiance had felt threatened by him.
"So, let's psychoanalyze this," Max said, twisting to face Luke on the bench, and resting his arm against the back of it. "I'm just buzzed enough to play Freud. So, she wanted to elope, you said no, and so then she left and had sex with Rory's dad. Do I have it right so far?"
"She wanted to elope because we postponed the wedding," Luke replied.
Max grinned. "Okay, now we're getting somewhere. So why did you postpone the wedding?"
"It was too soon," Luke said. He clasped his hands in his lap and stared at them. His mind was beginning to clear now that he had purged most of the alcohol from his stomach, and his heart raced as he began to relive the past few months in his head. It made him feel sick again, and he knew this time it wasn't the beer that was turning his stomach.
"Too soon for what?"
"To get married."
"Well, yes, but what factors made the wedding too soon? You had out of town guests that weren't going to make it, or what?"
Luke sighed heavily. He didn't know why he was still talking, but he wasn't ready to move and Max was relentless. "I have a kid."
"Okay, a kid. And the kid doesn't like Lorelai?"
"No, she loves Lorelai. She's 13. Her name is April."
"Lorelai doesn't like April?"
"No, she likes her, too." Luke paused. "They got along great the one time that they met," he added.
"You only introduced your fiancee to your daughter once?" Max asked, puzzled.
"Yes," Luke replied defensively.
"That seems a little strange. Any reason?"
The door to the bar opened, and a few people spilled out, laughing loudly. The two men paused their conversation to watch them leave. When Luke spoke again, Max had been distracted, and had to ask him to repeat himself.
"Anna," he said again.
"Anna is… your other daughter?"
"No, she's April's mother."
"Ok, I'm going to need more to go on here," Max said, scratching his head. "So, did Anna not like Lorelai or something? Didn't want her around her kid? I mean, pregnant at 16, that's gotta raise some alarm bells."
"No, nothing like that. I don't even know, really." Luke tipped his head back to rest on the back of the bench, staring up at the cloudless sky. "We had a party. A birthday party for April at the diner. All of her friends were there, and they were bored. I didn't plan anything, I don't know how to do a kid's party. I've lived alone for decades. I don't know anything about kids. So I panicked. I called Lorelai. She knows how to do birthday parties. So she came and it was great. The kids all loved her. But Anna. Oh, Anna was mad. So mad. She acted like I had introduced the girls to a prostitute rather than my fiancee. And I told Lorelai that Anna was mad, and then it all fell apart."
Max waited a beat for more, but Luke had fallen silent again. "What do you mean, it all fell apart?"
He sighed heavily. "Well, I didn't see her for days. Lorelai, I mean. She was busy with work and she didn't come into the diner, and I couldn't find her at her house or at the inn. I looked for her all over Stars Hollow. I guess she was avoiding me. Then, she flew into the diner right before closing, and demanded that we elope. And I couldn't jump like that, I have to think of April. I can't just run off and make huge decisions like that without considering her. She's my kid, and she's a factor in any decision I make now. Lorelai should understand that."
"So you said no to eloping," Max replied, trying to get back to the point, and Luke nodded.
"I said no. And then, I went to her house the next day, trying to talk to her, to figure it out, but she kept saying it was over. Then Kirk drove Taylor's car into my diner—"
"What?" Max asked, but Luke continued on as if hadn't spoken.
"—and I just felt like everything was spinning out of control. But through it all, god, I needed her. I need her. And I…" Luke trailed off, trying to piece everything together in his muddled head. "And I wanted time to get to know my daughter before we got married. To prove to Lorelai that I could do it. Be a father. On my own." He blew out a puff of air, almost angrily. "And I kept screwing it up. At every turn."
Luke fell silent at his admission, and the two men sat on the bench, both lost in their own thoughts. Occasionally, the door to the bar would open and the noise from inside would spill out, or a passing car would rumble by, but otherwise the night was quiet.
Max inhaled deeply. "When I was with Lorelai," he began, his voice contemplative, "all I wanted was for her to let me into her life. Her amazing life. Her and Rory's. They are some of the most incredible, smart, fun-loving, and caring women I know." He paused, looking over at Luke, who was still looking downward. "It sounds to me like Lorelai wanted the same from you. For you to let her into your life."
Luke shifted on the bench, letting his head fall forward to rest in his hands. It wasn't what he wanted to hear. He wanted it all to be Lorelai's fault. She ran. She slept with Christopher. Not him, he didn't do anything. He stood still. He just wanted to figure out if he could do this dad thing. Lorelai had done the mom thing alone, why couldn't he? Why was it all so hard?
"Have you talked to her at all since the breakup?" Max said, interrupting Luke's thoughts once again.
Luke's voice was muffled through his palms, and Max had to concentrate to understand him. "I told her we needed to stop fighting it, that we weren't meant to be. I told her to go be with Christopher."
Max leaned forward. "Is that what you want?"
"No," Luke said forcefully, lifting his head slightly. "God, no."
"Then what do you want?"
"That's the million dollar question, isn't it?" Luke turned to look Max in the eye. Another wordless stare passed between them. He felt a little stronger after sitting for awhile in the cool night air. He had a putrid aftertaste in his mouth but he was pretty sure he had a bottle of water in the truck. "I think I can make it to my truck," he said, avoiding the answer that Max was waiting for. "Would you close out my tab inside?"
"Sure," Max said. "Need help?"
"I got it," he said. "Thanks."
"No problem."
Luke stood up, trying to make sure he was steady before crossing the street. He was still a little shaky, but much better. Max stood up, too, and the two men regarded each other silently.
"Congratulations," Luke said finally, lifting his hand in a small wave.
"Thank you," Max replied, smiling slightly. "Good luck."
Luke nodded in acknowledgment, then ambled across the street. When he reached his truck, he slipped inside, and rested back against the cool vinyl seats. It had a been a bit of a weird night. He hadn't expected to run into Max of all people, the other man who'd also been engaged to Lorelai, and heard his perspective.
Frankly, before, he hadn't cared much about Max's perspective. He hadn't liked him. He thought that Max wasn't right for Lorelai. Who is? he thought glumly. You? He'd thought so. They'd balanced each other out. Sweet and sour. Hard and soft. Light and dark.
Out of all the things that Max had said that night, the one thing that kept echoing around in his brain was how he'd said he never felt Christopher was a threat. Luke had always felt like Christopher was a threat. Even way back, before he'd even realized the extent of his feelings. He'd watched Chris flit in and out of their lives, leaving two crushed girls in his wake. It made his heart hurt just remembering it.
And then, about how Lorelai's life had become so tangled up in his over the many years they'd known each other. He had never considered that maybe Lorelai needed him, too. He liked doing those things for her, fixing the house and doing the town events she liked, just to see that beautiful smile light up her face. But it seemed like he'd been the man in her life for much longer than he'd realized. Some part of him had always held her at arm's length. His heart was bruised by decades of loss and the thought of giving himself totally to her was terrifying. What if she left? What if, god forbid, she died?
What if holding back had turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy?
There was simply too much to think about, and he could still feel the effects of the alcohol on his body, although the numb, weightless feeling had been replaced by a cement block residing in his gut. He turned the cap around to cover his eyes and slumped down in the seat, hoping to catch a few hours before he made the trip back to Stars Hollow.
Thanks for reading! Couple of non-this story related things:
1) I'm participating in the Gilmore Girls Christmas advent calendar this year and I'm writing a fic. My day is the 23 so I'm planning a Christmas themed story. If you have a prompt you want to share, please send PMs or Tumblr asks (meags09) with ideas. There's voting for all the content on alspancakeworld on tumblr, so go check it out if you are looking to see what it's all about.
2) Is anyone interested in having my Soundtrack oneshots smutified? There's not a ton of LL smut out there these days so I aim to fill the void. (Dirty!)
3) I'm compiling a list of all the best Luke and Lorelai stories. You can find it on my tumblr: .com[slash]curatedjjfanfic. I have seasons 1-6 already up and I'm working on season 7 and post-series fics. I hope to continue updating it for the foreseeable future.