(Hey guys. It's Jordon, back at it. Sorry about the delay. I finally started acting school and life got super busy, but here is chapter six. Also, I've added another chapter to Something Desired and it's pretty smutty. So if that's your jam, check it out! I'm also thinking about starting another story, this one centered around JJ and Emily, partially inspired by the explosion that occurred last night in Manhattan. I was a t work just a few blocks away, so the entire situation is very fresh and surreal. Please keep NYC in your thoughts. Also, to answer a question I received, this timeline is after the Will romance, ignoring the subsequent pregnancy plotline. Sorry I didn't state that earlier. Any who, here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy it, please review!)

"Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained." William Blake

When I step into the diner, everyone is already seated at a table in the back. As I lower my exhausted body into a chair, the waitress sets a basket of fresh bread on the table. The smell is tantalizing. I watch as my teammates all hungrily tear into it, ripping off large chunks with their hands. I ask the waitress for water and stick my nose in my menu. I can't have the bread. Not even one bite. Because if I have a single bite of bread, I'll have just a bite more, and then I will lose what little control I have gained over the past few weeks. I turn the pages of the menu, scouring for something safe to eat.

"Jayje, did you get some bread?" Emily attempts to pass the basket to me. I force a smile in return.

"I'm not really in the mood for bread, thanks though!" I assure her. She shrugs her shoulders and instead hands it to Reid, who helps himself. I can't help but watch with envy as he sinks his teeth into it, closing his eyes to savor it. It's not fair. Spence can eat anything he wants and stay rail thin. Why can't I be like him? I realize I've been staring at him and focus my energy on my menu once more.

All of the possibilities tempt me. Bacon cheeseburgers call to me, heaping bowls of chicken fettuccine alfredo invite me in. I find the section listing the salads and wraps and debate between the chicken Caesar and the Chef's salad with turkey. Finally I decide the chef's salad is the safest, with balsamic vinegarette on the side and no bacon bits. The waitress comes back to get our order and I'm the last to give her my order. We all make small talk about the little we have going on outside of work and laugh as Rossi treats us to a story about one of his ex wives. When our food is delivered I can't help both the sharp pangs of hunger and jealousy I feel as I see everyone else's food. Across from me, I can see Rossi ordered the bacon cheese burger I had been salivating over and I watch him bite into it with longing.

"Would you like a bite, JJ?" I flick my eyes up at him in surprise. I can feel everyone turning their attention away from their meals to instead focus on us. My mind goes blank as I feel the rush of embarrassment from being caught.

"Oh no, I- Sorry." I try to laugh it off. "Must have spaced out."

"And no wonder! With that measly little salad? That's not real food- you feed that to real food!"

"Y'know, it wouldn't hurt you to eat a few more vegetables Dave. Especially if you want to live long enough to find wife number four." Hotch quietly quips from the other side of the table. Our whole table begins to 'ooh' like teenagers and Morgan playfully butts his shoulder into Rossi's,

Rossi lifts his hands defensively. "Life is too short to live without bacon." I laugh with the rest of them, but am silently thanking the stars that Hotch unknowingly deflected Rossi's comments for me. I spear some of the lettuce and spinach onto my fork and dip it ever so slightly into the dressing before popping it into my mouth. I chew it thoroughly before washing it down with several large gulps of water. I repeat this, over and over,timing it so that my plate empties with everyone else's. The waitress refills my water glass and I drain it, trying to convince myself that I am full as my colleagues groan about how stuffed they feel. We pay our checks and file out into the parking lot. Hotch immediately climbs into his car, not wanting to spend any more time away from Jack. Rossi and Read are quick to follow.

Morgan helps Garcia into his car and Emily and I wave as they too pull out. I stretch my arms over my head as we walk to our cars.

"Man my body feels dead. I'm going to sleep like a log."

"Me too," she agrees before pausing a moment. "Hey are you okay?"

I consciously keep my face neutral. "Yeah of course! Why do you ask?"

She shrugs and I can tell she is also deliberately masking her voice in a warm, friendly tone. "No reason in particular."

For some reason this grates on my nerve. "Nope! I'm good!" I'm working so hard at making my voice cheerful that it almost comes out sarcastic.

Emily sighs and turns to face me. "I don't mean to pry. And I know we promise to not profile each other, but I can't help it. You've just seemed a little off lately, tired, down. You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

I can see the genuine care and concern on her face and my anger abates. This is Emily, my best friend in the entire world. She cares about me and wants the best for me. I rest my hand on her shoulder and lie through my teeth.

"I'm sorry. I guess I have been a little out of it lately. I'm just tired… And I guess a little lonely."

She gives me a crooked grin. "Well you know you are always invited for a movie night with me and Sergio."

I laugh. "Thanks, but not that kind of lonely…" I trail off.

"Oh." Her eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "Well, I mean, I get that. Who has time to date with our schedules?"

"Morgan I guess. And Rossi. He has to find those ex wives somehow!" I joke.

"That's true," she chuckles. "Whatever happened with what's his name, the hot detective from Louisiana?"

I distract myself with digging through my purse for my keys. "Will? Oh, same old as always. Too much work, not enough play, the distance." I rattle off. "But seriously, I'm fine. I just need a good nights sleep."

"Or maybe a good night of not sleeping." she smirked.

I rolled my eyes and hugged her goodnight, agreeing that we would grab lunch some time later this week.

The next morning I oversleep. As I hurry through getting ready, I scramble into the kitchen, opening the fridge to find that I am out of eggs. Shit. I was supposed to go to the grocery store, but then we got called out on that case. I drum my fingers anxiously against the fridge door. Finally I decide that this morning will just be coffee and an apple. The calorie counter app on my phone tells me that that's only 120 calories, but I figure that every calorie cut helps, and it would just help me meet my goal sooner. I dash out the door, telling myself that soon I will reach 120 pounds, and then my life can find some sense of normalcy again.

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