So we come to the consequences of the previous night's passion. Thanks to all my readers and reviewers, and those who favourited and followed Obliviate. A very Happy Halloween in advance to you! :)

Chapter 5 – Back to Step One

As Sirius woke up in the morning with sunlight falling into his eyes, he was suddenly aware of the other person who lay beside him on the couch – Lily. For ten full seconds he stared at her – her blouse half open, her hair askew and her breathing slow and deep, trying to fathom how on earth things had turned out like this. And then it all came back to him in a flash – last evening, the movie, their kiss, and he stood up so fast that he nearly fell down to the floor. He inspected his own body – shirt tossed onto the floor, hair completely messy and lips slightly bruised.

Oh Merlin, what have I done? he thought.

Without the blind desire that had been the sole emotion controlling him last night, he felt the horror and guilt of his actions crash over him.

I kissed my best friend's girlfriend, he thought, as wave after wave of guilt tumbled over him.

And it hadn't been just one little kiss either, but a full on, passionate snogging session.

How did it happen? Why? he wondered, trying to fathom why Lily Evans, of all persons, had been kissing him. As he looked at the girl sleeping on the couch, he realised with a jolt that she probably fancied him. There had, in all probability, something more than just random desire behind her caresses; he had felt it last night as she showered him with kisses.

James deserves her, not I, he thought. I can't play with her feelings this way. I can't betray James. Lily needs to get her memories back, before it's too late. If it wasn't already.

All of a sudden, he knew where he could go for advice.

I should have taken her there straight away, he thought. Why hadn't I thought this before? His determination about not handing Lily over to any authority had made him forget the best possible source of a solution that could be found.

He hurriedly put on a clean shirt and tidied his hair. Scrawling a quick note to Lily just in case the young witch woke up before he returned, he turned on the spot, feeling the familiar twisting sensations that disapparation caused.

The next moment, he was facing the huge iron gates with winged boars on them. He entered, walking through the snowy Hogwarts grounds. Soon he was striding down the corridor leading to the headmaster's office. Giving the password to the stone gargoyle (which he had found out last week, courtesy of Filch for bringing him in with the accusation that he was planting dungbombs in the corridors) he went up the spiral staircase, and knocked at the door.

"Come in," came the familiar voice of Professor Dumbledore. He smiled as Sirius entered the office. "Ah, Mr. Black. Please take a seat."

As Sirius sat down in the chair opposite to the headmaster, he had, once again, the feeling as if the old man was x-raying him with his brilliant blue eyes.

"I admit I was surprised to see you here, Sirius," Dumbledore said, although he sounded anything but surprised. "I was under the impression that you had gone home for Christmas."

"I had, sir," Sirius replied. "It's that... There is a problem, and I was hoping you could solve it."

Dumbledore nodded encouragingly. "Please continue. I am all ears."

Sirius relayed everything that had taken place in the previous two days – his visit to Diagon alley, Lily's injury, her memory loss, the recovery of her lessons and magical skills, and the return of her memory about the incident with Snape.

"It sounds as if things were going positive, although I am curious why you did not take her to St. Mungo's."

Sirius told him about his memory of visiting the hospital at eight. The professor nodded understandingly once he finished.

"It is indeed true that once one admits a patient for memory loss in St. Mungo's, there is no alternative but to wait. We can use the hospital as our last resort. And as we can see, Miss Evans has shown great improvement in her condition with you. So, a wise decision on your part. But may I ask what the problem you referred to is?"

"Well, Professor, it happens that...that last night," he felt his face flush, "Lily, uh, kissed me."

It was the understatement of the century, but he was in no way giving the details to Dumbledore. He looked down at the ground, unable to meet the headmaster's eyes.

"And you are afraid that her lack of memory of the times spent with Mr. Potter, and her stay with you over the few days may have caused her to have feelings for you?"

Sirius nodded mutely, his eyes trained on his shoes.

"A probable conjecture, Mr. Black. So what do you intend to do?"

"I want her to get her memories back as soon as possible. If she can recall her memories of James, her feelings for him will return. But I have been unsuccessful so far, Professor. She can recall everything she learnt in class, but not her classmates or Professors. She can't remember James, Remus, Peter, her friends, no one. Except Sni-Snape."

Dumbledore nodded again. "Does Mr. Potter know about this?"

Sirius shifted uncomfortably. "He is away for his cousin's wedding. I didn't alert him because I was afraid that he'd be too distressed. And now..." he shuddered at the idea, thinking of last night. "I can't possibly do that."

"And what about Miss Evans' parents?"

"I had Lily stay at my place with Mrs. Evans' permission. She doesn't know about Lily's memory loss, though."

"I appreciate your efforts, Sirius," Dumbledore smiled. "And I will try to help as much as I can." He paused for a minute.

"Sir, do you — would you like me to bring Lily here? Sirius asked hesitatingly.

Dumbledore considered his words for a moment. "I do not think that would be necessary, Mr Black," he said. "I have got a fairly clear picture of the situation from your narration, and I doubt if, given her amnesia, Miss Evans would be able to supply any other productive information. But, if you are not opposed to it, I would like to take a look at things, ah, from your own eyes."

Sirius did not pretend not to understand; Dumbledore was going to use legilimency. He gulped nervously. "By — by all means, do so, sir."

"Trust me," said the old headmaster, and fixed his piercing blue eyes sharply on Sirius' own. Fighting the desire to break his gaze, Sirius forced him to relax. He could feel a foreign presence sifting through his mind, but barely; Dumbledore was highly skilled. Then image after image began to flash before his eyes — Lily, lying in a pool of blood in the dark alley, himself tending to her in his flat, his conversation with Mrs Evans, Lily's laugh, Lily's smile... The images began to move, until Sirius saw himself and Lily sitting before the TV, Lily's hand on his... He began to struggle a little, despite himself. He had no wish for the professor to witness the events of last evening. Thankfully, Dumbledore did not probe any further, but withdrew from his mind. Sirius found himself gasping in his seat as the headmaster's office spun back into his vision.

"Legilimency can be a little disorienting, I am afraid," Dumbledore smiled at him. "Sherbet Lemon?"

Sirius nodded gratefully, and a moment passed between them in silence as he unwrapped and popped the toffee on his mouth.

"It appears that Miss Evans' loss of memory was not due to a deliberate or stray memory charm, but because of her head receiving a severe injury," Dumbledore explained once Sirius had composed himself. "The attack, I'm sorry to say, but I am sure you will agree, was by some Death Eater who is familiar with Miss Evans' blood status, quite a few of whom are out large. The only way to her problem is to relate to her her past life, and hope that somehow it will trigger her memories to return. Anyway, even if it does not happen, at least she will have a fair idea of what she does not remember.

"I have found, through many sources, that visual stimuli have a better effect than audio, in recovery of amnesia. What I mean is," he explained kindly when Sirius looked puzzled, "that if Miss Evans can actually see the memories which she lacks, rather than hearing about them from you, she has a better chance of recovery."

He walked over to his cupboard, from where he brought out what looked like a stone basin.

"This is a Pensieve. This device can be used to store and view memories which are stored in a person's mind. You can pull out memories and deposit them in here," he touched his temple and pulled out a string of silvery semi liquid, semi gaseous material, which he put inside the Pensieve. "Once the memory is deposited, one can bend his head, like diving headfirst into a lake, and one will be transported to the memory. Here, let me show you." He took Sirius by the arm and followed the steps he had explained.

After twenty minutes, Sirius thanked the headmaster, and with the Pensieve in his possession, left the school. Breathing in the cold breeze of winter, he could not help but wish that he had just stayed back at school and prevented the mess that, of late, were the lives of him and a certain redhead. Purposefully clearing his head of all thoughts save his destination, he paused on the streets of Hogsmeade and turned on the spot, disappearing from the lovely snow-covered village.

Appearing in the living room, he placed the Pensieve carefully on the table, and looked around for Lily. She was, however, nowhere to be seen.

"Lily!" he called. No answer. Brows furrowing, he looked into the kitchen. It was empty. His worry increased a little. What if she had wandered off somewhere on her own? Maybe she was tired of staying in the house for two days on end. He directed his steps towards the bedroom. As he neared the door, he heard the sound of light footsteps. But nothing had prepared him for what he saw.

Lily was just stepping out of the bathroom, her hair dripping and her skin moist, with nothing but a towel wrapped around her. The piece of cloth didn't leave much for imagination; much of her legs were in full view. As her eyes registered his presence, she gasped, her hand holding the towel around her fumbled in her surprise, and the white cloth fell down to the floor, pooling at her feet.

Sirius could feel his lips part as his eyes defied all conscious instructions, automatically roving over her exposed figure. She was absolutely, undeniably beautiful. For a long time, or what perhaps was just a few seconds, he didn't know, they both stared at each other. Lily didn't move, but just stood there, lips parted into a small 'o', apparently too stunned to even make a move.

"Uh –" the noise escaped his throat on its own, but it brought her back to her senses. In a flash, she had placed the towel back around her, her face turning brilliant red even faster than one would have thought possible. Her actions brought him out of his daze, and with a blush that could compete hers, he bolted from the room in an instant.

He dropped down on the sofa, trying to calm his racing heartbeat. The image of Lily undressed had got branded in his mind. While the larger part of his brain tried to forget everything that had just happened, he was acutely aware of a small piece of his mind that had longed to pull her wet body flush against him, to touch her lovely, soft skin, and to snog her senseless.

"Great, that's just what I needed," he groaned, burying his face in his face in his hands, as he desperately tried to ignore how tight his pants had become.

-o0o-

When Lily finally stepped into the sitting room, fully dressed, Sirius had a tough time warding off the image of her naked, which had sprung to his mind as he looked at her.

"Um, hi," she said, her cheeks still pink.

"Lily," he addressed her, ushering her to sit down beside him. "I wanted to say something to you." he paused for a second. She was listening attentively. He cleared his throat, wondering how to proceed.

"Look, what happened last night, it was a mistake." He felt an unexpected stab of pain as he said those words, as if they were not what he wanted to say. Focusing on his purpose, he continued. "We... I should have never kissed you, Lily. I am sorry for leading you on. We can't be together, you need to understand this."

He ventured a glance at her; her lovely green eyes, which had felt so alluring last night, held pain in them, which made his heart clench.

"You...need to love James, Lily. You loved him. He deserves you."

She said nothing, just looked down at her hands.

"I went to Dumbledore for help, and he gave me this thing. It's called a Pensieve. I can show you the memories that I have of us through it, and perhaps you will recover faster. And then, things will be normal again." He paused tentatively, trying to judge her expression. She said nothing.

"Lily," he tried, unnerved by her lack of response. "Say something."

She looked up into his eyes.

"What can I say, Sirius?" He flinched slightly at how sad she sounded. He had been afraid that his rejection would hurt her, but had been hoping that maybe, just maybe, her actions last night had been fuelled by just random desire rather than deeper feelings. "You went through all this trouble for my sake, and so I suppose I should say, thank you." Her tone did not reflect any gratitude, though. It was flat, even a trifle tired.

"Something is bothering you," he persisted, although he was not sure he wanted to hear what it was.

Lily sighed. "Have you ever felt yourself being drawn towards someone, although that person says that we are not supposed to be together? Have you wanted someone who you realise has never been in your life the way you want him to be? Have you tried to remind yourself that you have a life with someone else, and yet wanted things to stay as they are, with you knowing only half about your past, just because you hope that you will get the person you want that way? Because that's all that is bothering me, Sirius."

He remained silent, not knowing how to respond.

"I have seen James' pictures, I have heard all you told about him, and although he sounds very nice, I admit that it hasn't stirred anything within me."

She paused for a while, her eyes dim with bitterness.

"But he..." Sirius tried.

"I know, he fancied me for six years. That, admittedly, is a rare show of determination. He must really like me."

Sirius opened his mouth to speak about just how much James loved Lily, but shut his mouth as she spoke again.

"You are right, Sirius. James does not deserve to go through this. I will work my best to get my memories back, just for him. And besides, it would be incredibly selfish of me to throw away my past because of mere feelings." She did not say it, but her eyes shot the rest of the message in his face. Feelings you clearly don't reciprocate.

His heart clenched painfully, though he could not pinpoint why. He placed his hand on hers. "I am really sorry, Lily. I don't want us to stay away from each other anymore than you do –" Whoa, where did that come from? "– but things can't go this way.I am sorry that I hurt your feelings. I should have controlled myself last night."

She stroked his hand gently with her fingers. "It's okay, Sirius," she said, flashing him a wry smile. "You were not the only one out of control."

He smiled at her, glad that much of the shadow had lifted from her face, although resignation reigned in her eyes.

"So, friends, then?"

She nodded and returned a small smile.

"Friends."

"We will start going through my memories from the evening, all right? I'll need the afternoon to sort the memories out."

She smiled. "Fine then. Would you like a cup of cocoa? You didn't have anything since you came back."

"Sure. Thanks, Lils."

She nodded and went off to the kitchen. Sirius watched her go, and as her figure disappeared round the corner, he found his mind recalling how her lips had moved on his last night with an emotion akin to desire, and felt a foreign feeling stir at the bottom of his heart.

How about it? Send in a review, please? It'll be nicer than Halloween candy!