A/N: I'm here! I'm alive! I'm still breathing! And, finally, some great news from my crazy part of the world. We're closing on our new house (house #2 in this process; we gave up on the first one!) on Friday knock on wood! Better yet, I got a job offer from my first-choice school next year… The benefits and pay are truly awesome. It's been one hell of an uphill climb for me over the past 2 years, but it's finally paying off. To all who've provided feedback and support as I decompressed through my fanfic habit, you'll never know how much it's meant having you in my corner. You've all kept me sane!
In that spirit, I think I'm ready to slam out the end of this story and the entire Reap trilogy. Look for the last third of this story in the next few weeks. I'm ready to rock and roll!
Chapter 17
Breathing the sweet, subtle fragrance of roses and freshly mowed grass, Sam closed her eyes and savored the warm touch of sunlight on her face. A light, late summer breeze ruffled her short hair and tugged on her dress blues. It was nearly midday and Sam knew she couldn't linger here long, but this was something she'd been meaning to do for a while. A few more minutes wouldn't put her far behind schedule.
Sneaking out of the SGC hadn't been an easy task. While Jack may have been somewhat relaxed in his running of the base, there were things he always paid attention to. The whereabouts of his wife, naturally, was at the top of that list. Still, when Sam had gotten up that morning, she knew this particular day would be a good time to take care of some unfinished business. She'd left a quick note informing Jack she was running an errand and would return by dinner. Then, with the help of a few favors, she grabbed an Asgard transport device and had made her way first to a nearby military base and then, via car, to this sunny hillside.
The field which surrounded her was both peaceful and horrifying, amazing in its beauty and awesome in its emotional power. There was no other place on Earth like it. It was, quite simply, hallowed ground. Thousands of nearly identical white marble headstones set with military precision dotted the landscape in a scene unforgettable to any who witnessed it firsthand.
It was even more profound for those who'd buried loved ones here.
One year ago, Sam had been eagerly putting the finishing touches on her hair and makeup, worried that her swollen ankles would interfere with her choice of wedding shoes. The twins had bumped and kicked happily in her abdomen, seemingly aware of their mother's joy. Everything had been perfect – until the moment Daniel had interrupted her blissful preparations with the news which would knock her world off its axis.
The horrifying weeks which had followed that revelation were now permanently etched in her brain. Sam's grief had grown into a living entity, clinging to her with jagged claws and refusing to relinquish control for even a moment. She'd fought a desperate war against that monster, needing to be strong for her unborn children but nearly overwhelmed with her despair. It had been hell on earth.
This place, deceptively calm and silent, had been the site of her greatest battle with her grief. The glorious setting and her desperate emptiness had been utterly incongruous, making Jack's funeral surreal and distant. In her mind, the day was shrouded in a fog of emotional turmoil except for one, crystal-clear memory. "On behalf of the President of the United States, the Department of the Air Force, and a grateful nation, we offer this flag for the faithful and dedicated service of Brigadier General Jonathan J. O'Neill." General Hammond's voice had been thick with emotion, but his hands had been steady as they'd handed her a perfectly folded American flag. In that instant, reality had sunk in. Sam would never see her beloved Jack again.
As she pulled her mind back from that terrible day, Sam was surprised to feel moisture on her cheeks. It had been many months since she'd shed tears over last year's trauma. Jack's miraculous return had almost completely wiped away the lingering darkness of those horrible weeks.
Almost.
Swiping a hand across her cheeks, Sam knelt on the soft grass and tenderly laid one hand on the ground. Then, looking skyward, she took a deep breath and spoke her mind. "I know I don't talk to you a lot," she whispered, "but you've given me lots of reasons to be angry. First Mom, then Janet…" Sam swallowed a lump in her throat. "You've taken some pretty amazing people away from me." Pausing for a moment, she closed her eyes and focused on the warm sunshine. "When I thought you'd taken Jack, too… I think I hated you." Opening her eyes, she frowned slightly. "I know death is part of your plan. And I know you need to make the tough calls. But knowing that and feeling that are two different things."
As the breeze once again tickled the back of her neck, Sam sagged slightly. "A year ago, I wanted to crawl into this ground with him. I stood right here, on this hillside, begging you to make the pain stop. I had no idea how I'd go on without him. I thought you'd taken my world away." Tears once again streaming down her face, she shook her head in awe. "But then you gave it all back."
Sam's blue eyes swept over the rows of perfectly positioned headstones. Ahead of her, behind her, to her left, and to her right, snowy white grave markers dotted the green grass in a precisely regular pattern. There was only one area – the space directly below her hand – which stood out in this symmetrical matrix of memorials. One lone plot, no longer marked with a headstone, gave testament to her personal miracle.
"I have no idea what I did to deserve the incredible gift you gave me. I'm not perfect and I'm not a saint. I try to live my life in an honorable way, but I know I've made plenty of mistakes. And yet, for some reason, you decided to give me this miraculous second chance with my husband and children. I truly don't know why I was chosen for this. But I couldn't possibly live with myself if I didn't say 'thank you.'" Sam's throat tightened with emotion as she continued. "Jack and I are just people. We can't fix everything. But I promise you, every day you give us together, we'll work on making this world a better place. I know we won't always succeed, but we'll always try." She smiled slightly. "We never talk about it, but we both feel an obligation to give as much of ourselves as we can to our family and our work, especially since the accident. We both just know that we've been given something precious. Neither of us is going to waste that gift. So, again, thank you." She looked into the endless blue sky and smiled serenely. "I couldn't ask for more."
As her final soft words of gratitude floated heavenward, the sun hit its noontime apex, spilling warm golden radiance onto the hallowed cemetery. Sam shifted her weight, preparing to stand up and return to her car, when suddenly the earth stopped.
With the force of a locomotive, Sam's mind was rocked by a tidal wave of memories. Waking up in Jack's sleeping bag, heated and forbidden kisses, Jack's narcotic-induced inebriation and uninhibited passion, the constant interruptions from the radios, a second release of energy more powerful than the volcano, days of bittersweet lovemaking, soft confessions of love, a meeting with Thor, and the heartbreaking decision to put their relationship aside… It was as if a veil had lifted from Sam's mind, and she was suddenly able to remember an entire hidden chapter of her life. "My God," she breathed. "We gave it all up." Choking back a sob of overwhelming emotion, she raised one shaking hand to her face. Trying to get a handle on what was happening, she searched her mind for the reason behind this sudden revelation.
"It is possible, when removing memories, to build in a failsafe of sorts, ensuring their return if certain conditions are met." Glancing from Jack to Sam, Thor paused to make sure they understood his words. "I could program my device to give you back those memories should one of you experience the death of the other."
Of course. Sam took a shuddering breath and tried to compose herself. She understood now that Jack really had died a year ago. The Jack waiting for her back under Cheyenne Mountain was a replacement of sorts, pulled millions of light years through space and a few microseconds through time to fill the void left by the Jack who'd been vaporized on the stones of the Ancient device. Naturally, Thor's failsafe would have kicked in and returned the memories of those lost weeks to her.
Blinking, Sam suddenly jumped to her feet. In her life and memories, Jack had been dead for a few, terrible weeks. However, she had not been dead to him at all. She needed to get back to the SGC as soon as possible. If her husband was remembering all their experiences from the volcanic planet, she wanted to be there with him. And if he was not… She paused. If Jack wasn't able to remember their first, precious moments together as a couple, she wasn't sure what she'd do. It hardly seemed fair to share her own memories if he was never going to remember them. And yet, she didn't think she could keep this to herself forever.
Thor fixed them with his unblinking alien stare. "Please think about other safeguards you'd like instituted. The more comfort you feel with the terms of this procedure, the more successful it will be."
"Then I want to remember everything in the event that we ever got married to each other." Sam spoke in a rush, not looking at Jack. They'd never discussed marriage, so she felt a little awkward about bringing it up here, but it was important to her. "You could put it on that time delay, so we'd have a year to get settled. But, if we were together anyway, I'd really want to know how we'd first fallen in love."
Smiling as that particular memory unfolded, Sam relaxed slightly. Their anniversary was just a few months away. If Jack hadn't been struck with these recollections today, she could certainly wait for him to catch up.
Jack sat at his desk, playing solitaire on his laptop. He'd managed to clear his afternoon appointments and contract Grandpa Jacob for babysitting duty. As soon as Sam returned from her errands, he was going to knock her off her feet with his surprise.
A quiet knock on his door had him quickly hiding the game on his screen. "It's open," he called out.
The door swung in to reveal Sam standing in slightly disheveled dress blues. She looked out of breath and had slightly puffy eyes. Instantly, he was on his feet. "Are you okay?"
Seeing her husband behind his desk, casually going about his work – or lack of it – had sparked an unbelievably warm glow in Sam's soul. Swallowing more tears, she nodded. "I'm actually really great," she said hoarsely.
Walking over to her, Jack brushed a finger over her cheek. His brown eyes locked with hers, washing away the last remnants of sorrow in her heart. "I think I understand," he said quietly. "I remembered something important earlier today."
"You did?" Sam was surprised. On her way back to the SGC, she'd decided Jack was not likely to have experienced the same rush of memories she had today. The timing was simply not correct. Though she'd examined the situation from many angles, Sam had repeatedly drawn the same conclusion. She was sure her husband would remain unaware of their earlier relationship until their first anniversary. In light of this certainty, his words were somewhat startling to her.
Jack nodded. Turning around, he reached behind his desk and pulled out a single, long-stemmed red rose. "This was supposed to be our anniversary," he said solemnly, handing her the flower. "I know this must be a really hard day for you." His words were simple, but his eyes spoke of understanding. Without words, he expressed his comfort and love for her.
Cradling the flower tenderly, Sam smiled up at her husband. "In some ways it was very difficult. But in other ways, today was unbelievably perfect."
Warmed by her brilliant smile, Jack leaned over and brushed a kiss on her mouth. "I just wanted you to know I hadn't forgotten." Then, with a devilish gleam in his eye, he drew her close to him. "I've even arranged for the two of us to spend an entire, uninterrupted evening together. No SGC. No twins. No worries. Sound good?"
Sam sighed and snuggled up against him. "That sounds divine."
"Excellent," he replied. "If you want to go change, I'll wait." Then, as if her appearance was finally sinking in, Jack pulled away and looked at her with a puzzled expression. "What's with the dress blues?"
Sam shrugged. "I went to Arlington." The single sentence conveyed a mountain of meaning.
Jack's eyes widened. "Why didn't you tell me? I'd have come with you." He looked at her intensely.
"I know you would have," she said softly. "But it was something I had to do myself."
Still examining her with tender concern, Jack nodded. "I understand." Grief was something Jack was all too familiar with. If anyone understood the scars left by losing a loved one, it was him. Squeezing her gently, he tried to lend his support in any way he could. "So, is everything okay?"
Sam smiled radiantly. "Everything is wonderful." The memories of their time together on the volcanic planet had filled a void in herself that she hadn't even been aware of. With a sudden giggle, Sam kissed her husband soundly on the mouth. "In fact, I now know what you're getting for our anniversary."
Jack put an arm around her and walked her toward the door. "Is it something good?" he asked teasingly.
With a knowing twinkle in her eyes, Sam spoke confidently. "Trust me. You're not going to know what hit you."
Daniel rushed down the corridor toward Jack's office, lost in a haze of concern and anxiety. He was so wrapped up in his troubled thoughts that he nearly plowed over Sergeant Harriman, who was walking in the opposite direction. The near miss caused the sergeant to drop a folder of papers onto the floor.
"Oh! Sorry, Walter." Daniel bent to help the man collect the documents. "I was just going to see Jack."
Sergeant Harriman looked surprised. "You'd better hurry, then. He and Colonel O'Neill are taking the afternoon off."
Now it was Daniel's turn to look surprised. Things on base had been pretty hectic since Woolsey's last visit. It seemed an unusual time for Sam and Jack to take a vacation day. "Really?"
Walter nodded. "Well, you know," he said quietly, looking around to be sure no one else was nearby, "today is a year after their first wedding date." His words were discreet, but filled with a much fuller meaning.
Suddenly, Daniel felt like a total heel. Of course. A year ago, he'd broken news of Jack's death to Sam on her wedding day. How on earth could he have forgotten? "Oh my gosh," he mumbled, "you're absolutely right."
Sergeant Harriman pointed down the hallway. "I think they're still in his office, Doctor Jackson. If you move quickly, you can still catch them."
Daniel handed the last paper to Walter and shook his head. "That's okay," he said quietly. "I can wait until tomorrow." Bidding the sergeant goodbye, he slowly stood up and walked back towards his quarters.
Heart heavy, Daniel contemplated the disturbing events of the morning. It would have done him a world of good to share his troubles with his friends, but Teal'c was visiting Bra'tac and he simply couldn't interrupt Sam and Jack's precious moments alone. Sighing, he resigned himself to the words he'd just spoken to Walter.
It would have to wait until tomorrow.