THE VEIL

Chapter 13

21st July 1980 - Perspective and Pregnancy

Perspective, Hermione. Perspective. She told herself over and over. She had let emotions get the best of her. Again. But when thrust in a situation where everything is up in the air, ever changing, it was almost impossible not be overcome. She felt suddenly reminded of Alice in Wonderland. As a young girl it was one of her favourite novels. Now she felt almost eerily like Alice and Sirius her Hatter. Like Alice she was on such a strange and wonderful adventure. She remembered that Alice too had cried. Who wouldn't when one did not know the way up? Was there a way up? Was there a way anywhere that she could go? The answer to that was, that is out of her control. What was in her control? Her mind whirled with thoughts. She could control her emotions. At least until that mercurial gaze turned her way and she was suddenly back at wondering which way was up. She was moving forward in time. Erratically, forward in time, yet forward nevertheless.

That thought calmed her a little. Yet the events she was moving through had shocked her to her core. Hermione thought of what was still to come, it crumbled some of her resolve. The 'what ifs' and 'what may be's' spun around her like the whispering. Could she handle what was to come. She took a deep breath. Perspective. Take each moment. Make them count. Wonder about which way was up later. Be brave. Like Alice. Face the Jabbawocky. She turned to face the wind, I am ready she thought. I can do this. The whispering grew louder. I am a Gryffindor. The wind pushed her and the veil parted. Which way was up?

Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs sat around the dining room in Lily and James's house drinking Butterbeers, all focused on the card game they were playing. The truth was that Lily had banned them from the lounge for the evening, as she at wits end on the "Mothering" that each of them put her through. She was currently lying on the sofa reading a book, enjoying one of the last moments of peace before hers and James's world would change with a brand new little life coming into the world. The little life that was currently kicking her in the bladder. Lily groaned. She had to ask one of them to help her, and asking one of them meant all of them. Grumbling she set her book down and began to try to sit up. She stopped as the fire flared a little. She looked at it as it flared again, this time something tumbled out onto her rug.

"Hermione!" Lily breathed in surprise. Hermione rolled onto her knees, and gaped at Lily.
"You're back!" Lily exclaimed softly.
Hermione smiled, "And you're pregnant! Congratulations Lily! Why are we whispering?"
Lily grimaced, "Because I never realised how much like mother hens those four are," nodding her head towards the kitchen of the house.
"Can you give me a hand? This little Hippogriff is jumping on my bladder." Hermione leapt to action. Taking Lily's outstretched hand; she pulled the pregnant witch to sitting position, then standing. She assisted Lily down the hallway and waited outside the bathroom for her, in case she got stuck. Lily was pregnant, Hermione thought, Lily was extremely pregnant.

"Lily, darling do you need anything?" Hermione heard James's voice echo through the house.
"Lily?" She heard steps and a pause.
"Lily!" More steps came rushing through.
"Where'd she go?" Peter asked
"I don't know!" James answered, anxiety laced his voice.
"She can't have gone far, she's too-" Sirius, also worried.
"Really Padfoot? Lily is not fat. Split up, She won't be far." Remus directed them; their footsteps moving around the house, going outside and upstairs.

The toilet flushed and James hurried down the darkened hall, skidding to a stop as he saw Hermione in the shadows. He drew his wand on her, not recognising her. Hermione backed away slowly. "Who are you? Where is my wife?" The bathroom door opened and Lily stepped out.
"Your wife is right here." Lily said exasperatedly.
"Put your wand away, unless you want Sirius to hex you for hexing Hermione."
"Hermione?" The lights in the hallway switched on, courtesy of Lily.
James lowered his wand. Hermione lowered hers, James hadn't seen her draw it; he rose an eyebrow.
"You are NOT going to practice hexing each other in the house! Now help me back to the couch James." Lily growled, in almost perfect imitation to Sirius.

James hurried forwards to help his wife and Hermione followed behind slowly, she had gone three steps when she felt someone behind her. Still Jittery from James having pulled his wand on her, Hermione spun and her wand flashed as she used an unspoken spell and Remus went sailing down the end of the hallway.
"Oh Remus! I'm so sorry!" She rushed down the hallway and helped up the wizard.
"Godric's balls Hermione, where did you learn to hex so well?" Remus asked in surprise allowing her to help him up.
She looked at him smirking, "I had a really great teacher in my third year, for defence"
"I think that is the first time I've seen Moony laid out so fast." Sirius's voice carried down the hallway. He was leaning against the wall, his face in shadow.
"I didn't think third year covered that?" He detached himself from the hall and prowled slowly towards her.
"Sirius" She whispered. She launched into his arms. He staggered back a little. His arms came around her holding her tightly.
"My Princess, I've missed you." he captured her lips kissing her roughly, nibbling on her lower lip.
"Don't mind me," Remus grumbled as he walked past. "Might have concussion but its OK, I'm sure it'll be fine."

"You're allowed back in; on condition someone makes me a sandwich. I am so hungry." Lily warned the four men in front of her. Hermione sat next to her feeling the baby kick beneath her. They shifted uncomfortably when she mentioned a sandwich. James sighed and pulled out straws to the others.
"YOU ARE DRAWING STRAWS ON WHO MAKES ME A SANDWICH?" Lily yelled. Hermione looked up in surprise as Sirius gave Lily a withering look.
"Evans, your sandwiches are not natural. It is not right for a man to make a sandwich with cake sprinkles, onions and anchovies." Hermione blanched and looked at Lily as she remembered that sandwich wistfully.

James scowled at Sirius, "Sounds like you just volunteered Padfoot. Agreed Moony? Wormtail?" James, sat imperiously on the armchair.
Remus folded himself onto the floor smoothly, "Oh most definitely. Padfoot's, turn."
Peter, less graceful than Remus followed suit, nodding, "I did it last time, so yes it's definitely Padfoot's turn.
"What will you have Evans," Sirius growled. Lily sat back thinking, rubbing her protruding stomach absently.
"Peanut butter and chocolate sauce, please. Lots of both." She said finally. Sirius bowed and swiftly exited to make the pregnant lady her sandwich.

"Oh!" Lily exclaimed, her hand moved across her belly, her other hand grabbing Hermione's. Hermione's eyes widened at the movement beneath her hand.
Lily smiled at her warmly, "See told you, bloody hippogriff."
Hermione smiled back at Lily. "That is the first time I've ever felt something like that." She said softly as the baby kicked again.
Lily glowed, "It is pretty amazing, though I will be glad when it arrives. My ribs are bruised from the kicks."
She stretched her back and sat back, and asked, "Hermione, can you please go tell Sirius if there are no sardines on it, I will hex him?"
Hermione thought she was joking, until she shooed her off the couch.
"You, want sardines on your sandwich?" She turned a shade of green as the boys behind her chuckled.

Hermione nodded and walked quickly to the kitchen, hand on her mouth. Sirius looked up as he spread a thick layer on a slice of bread.
"Princess? You don't look well." Hermione shook her head at him, not quite able to trust opening her mouth.
"Are you alright?" He set the knife down and sat her on a stool. Hermione looked at him, face pale. "She- she wants-" Hermione gagged, "Sardines."

"Sardines?" he repeated her. Hermione pointed to the half made sandwich. Sirius stood up.
"Urgh. Really?" Hermione nodded.
Sirius stormed out of the kitchen yelling, "Really Evans? Sardines?" Lily raised her wand and voice at him.
"YES BLACK! SARDINES! Now make me my Sandwich! And no crusts!" Sirius backed back into the room growling, pulled out his wand "Accio Sardines." A small tin of sardines flew out of the pantry. He grimaced as he pulled open the tin and spread them over the layer of Peanut butter, then picked up the bottle of chocolate sauce and liberally poured it over the sardines, topping it with another slice of bread. He sliced off the crusts and halved it, before floating the sandwich out to the lounge.

Hermione followed slowly behind, she made it as far as seeing Lily moaning in enjoyment of the sandwich before bolting to the bathroom, expelling the contents of her stomach, the other all laughing as she exited. Sirius leaned against the frame still chuckling.
"I honestly thought the worst thing I'd seen was second year when Ron vomited up slugs for half a day, because his wand backfired." She sat back wiping her mouth with a cloth Sirius handed to her. He passed her a glass of water. Hermione took a small sip, then a bigger one.

"Better?" Hermione nodded, and Sirius helped her up. They walked back down the hall and found Lily in tears, James held her in his arms patting her gently. "What's wrong Evans?" Sirius asked, as he sat in the armchair, pulling Hermione into his lap.
"It-It was perfect!" She wailed, "It was so perfect! And- and now its gone!" She pointed at the empty plate, Hermione's hand went to her mouth as she struggled with her gag reflex.
"Evans, you have a funny way of complementing my sandwich making skills." Sirius said wryly.

Their attention turned to the fireplace as it flashed green and a scroll of parchment flew out. Remus caught it, reading it his brow frowning.
"Time to go, Order needs us."
James swore. He turned to his wife, "Lils, I don't want you to be home alone." he said to her concerned.
"I'll stay with her James, go, don't worry she'll be safe." Hermione said kindly.
"Thank you Princess." Sirius gave her a quick kiss.
"Come back. All of you!" Lily sniffled. "Or I'll find you and hex you into next year!"
James kissed his wife and followed his friends outside, the sounds of their apparitions echoing.

"I hate that I can't be out there with them," Lily sighed, her eyes still on the door. Hermione sat with her, her own face equally worried.
"They will be fine, Hermione. Plus apparently you're rather good yourself" Lily rubbed her belly giving Hermione a reassuring look.
Hermione shrugged. "I've had to face Death Eaters before. One of them gave me this," Hermione pulled the neckline to show part of the scar on her chest. Lily's eye's teared up again, "Oh how horrible!"
Hermione conjured a handkerchief handing it to Lily, "How about I make us both some tea?"
"Yes, that would be lovely." Lily blew her nose, and gave Hermione a watery smile "Then I want to show you the nursery."

Hermione was curled up on a daybed reading in the sitting room upstairs. She had convinced Lily to go to bed, or James would be incredibly upset if his wife wasn't looking after the baby. Hermione however couldn't sleep, so she picked a book, one of Lily and James old textbooks on charms and began to read. Noise coming from down stairs startled her and she grabbed her wand, setting the book down. She moved slowly down the hall towards the stairs, silently cursing herself that she should have probably waited down stairs for the four to return.

"Lily? Hermione?" James voice called up the stairs. Hermione descended slowly, wand still out. James too had his wand out, but lowered it, almost as soon as he saw Hermione, "Lily?" James voice was full of worry. Hermione lowered her wand.
"She is in bed asleep. It took some persuasion." Hermione reassured him, James nodded some of the worry faded from his face as he started up the stairs.
"Sirius and Remus are downstairs." Answering her unasked question.
"Peter?" Hermione asked as she began to descend past James.
"Home. Said he should check on his mother."

Hermione found Remus and Sirius in the kitchen raiding James's liquor cabinet. Both had large glasses of brandy in their hands. A third was poured for James, though Hermione doubted James would be coming back downstairs. Sirius set his glass down and pulled her into his arms kissing her deeply, until she pulled back with her nose crinkled.
"Did you get hit with stink juice?" She pushed away from him, Remus chuckled wearily, "Told you Pads, You bloody stink."
"Fine, I'll go shower. But Moony, you don't smell like roses either." Sirius grumbled and disappeared down the hallway.
"What happened?" Hermione asked quietly, leaning against the bench. Remus looked at her and shook his head, cringing a little at the movement. Hermione noticed the movements frowning at him.
"It's nothing, someone came up behind me. Sirius stunned the bastard, I got clipped by the spell."
"Well at least let me look at it, Marly won't be happy if you're damaged." Hermione said stepping around the bar and pulled the collar gently down.
"Marly? How do you know?" Remus burst asked surprised. Hermione smirked as she inspected the bruising gash on his shoulder.
"Remus, the times I have come and gone I've seen you and Marly together. Plus she told me after the wedding you saw her knickers." As Hermione spoke she had pulled out her wand and dragged it over the fabric of his shirt ripping it so she could see the extent of the wound. Remus sat in silence unable to think of what to say as the witch began whispering spells on his shoulder cleaning the wound and sealing it.

"Where did you learn to do that Hermione?" Remus asked as Hermione repaired the shirt back up for him, and sat on the stool next to him.
"Books mostly, plus watching Madame Pomfrey work as she fixed my friend's often enough."
"You have a talent for healing Hermione." Hermione smiled at the complement.
"It's not what I want to do though. However, with how everything is going, I doubt I'll be able to do much of anything" Hermione took a deep breath. She was strong, she was brave. Remus slid the third glass over to her quietly and refilled his, chinking their glasses in a silent salute. Hermione lifted hers and downed it in one go, coughing as she put the glass down. However, it did the job straight away, making her brain fuzzy enough to stop thinking. Remus simply raised his eyebrow towards her as she pushed her glass forwards. Getting drunk seemed like a fabulous idea to her right now.

Sirius walked out in a dressing robe rubbing his hair dry with a towel, watching as she knocked another back. "Starting the drinking games without me Moony?"
"No, I should get going. I promised Marly I would stop by." Remus stood from the chair.
"Thanks for fixing my shoulder Hermione." Hermione nodded, staring into the glass. Remus and Sirius said their goodnights and Remus flooed out of the house. Sirius gently took her glass from her hands and moved it away, "What's going on Princess? Something is eating at you. It's been eating at you for some time now, hasn't it?" He asked gently holding her hands in his. She down looked at their hands intertwined. His were heavily tanned and a little rough, from working on cars and motorcycles in his job as a mechanic. Hers were neat and small; the ink stains that usually covered them were gone. They had been gone for a while.

When she didn't answer he pulled her gently to her feet and into the spare room he used when he stayed over, which was almost all the time now as Lily became heavily pregnant. Shutting the door he sat on the bed and pulled her into his lap.
"Come on Princess, talk to me. I swear I won't say a word to anyone, but you need to talk." He asked again. Hermione turned her head, brown into grey, she saw his honesty, his worry, his own doubts, his hope, and something that she wasn't quite ready to accept.

She took a breath. I am brave. I am a Gryffindor. I will not run. So she told him, how she felt each time she was wrenched from him. She told him where she went between each visit. She told him that she knew much of his past, as well as his future without going into detail. She told him how scared she was of each time she was pulled back into the world, to him, that it would be her last time through and she wouldn't be able to get back to her present. She told him her guilt for not quite wanting to go back, for the friendships that she had made in his present. Tears streamed down her face as she told him so many things except the one thing that still ate at her. The knowledge of what was to come for his future. She could not say a word. The truth of it was too dangerous and she knew that the burden was one that she alone was forced to bear. She had already learned that fate seemed to have a place for her in the past. In his past. And she was but a pawn.

Sirius said not a word, letting her relieve her soul from carrying so much, alone in a unique situation. He had watched her crumble on her last visit and could not bear to see her fall from sanity, as it was certainly the path she was careening towards. It was a path he had walked frequently, saved by the support and love of his friends. Yet Hermione, who so briefly visited on their lives, had none of that. So he let her talk it out of her system, rubbing soothing circles up and down her back with one hand the other holding both of her own in his. When she was done she took a shuddering breath and looked into his eyes again and whispered, "Sirius? Hold me? Love me?"

"In this moment, for eternity Princess," He crooned and kissed her softly, laying her back onto the bed. He held her and gave her everything she needed to show he loved her. When she was asleep in his arms, dressed in one of his shirts, he lay awake, his mind processing every word and feeling she had expressed. He knew she held back. He knew why. But the revelation of where she went when she disappeared was something that even he did not think he had the strength to comprehend, and yet she had.

He felt the wind take her, the whispering surrounded him, she didn't wake, she just rolled towards him and sighed as he saw her fade into the wind. Just one word.

"Sirius…"