Hello everyone,
since the last chapter was on Friday, this one is one day later than usual as well.
Alright, I am currently having trouble with my Internet. So it may be that my updates will become a bit irregular.
Other than that, thanks for the reviews.
Disclaimer: Nice joke...
I am woken up by Linali for dinner later. She leads me down into the kitchen and I immediately notice a somehow solemn mood hanging over them. The other thing that comes to my attention is that Kanda is nowhere in sight. I sit down at the table, my stomach growling for food.
"What is wrong?" I ask the other silent occupants of the table.
They exchange an uncomfortable look, trying to avoid my gaze. I can clearly see that Linali is worried.
"What is it, Linali? And where is Kanda?"
"We don't know," she then forces out in a pained voice.
"What do you mean, you don't know?" I immediately stiffen, "Did he not come back?"
Sadly, the girl shakes her head. Komui lays an arm around her shoulder. My whole body is tense. Where is that jerk? What if something happened to him? A hot surge of worry shoots through me. Immediately I stand back up again. Linali looks up at me surprised.
"Where are you going, Allen?"
"Search Kanda of course."
In less than a second she is in front of me, preventing me to get any further, "No, surely not. You are not going to walk out there alone, in the dark, seven months pregnant. No way."
"But I need to find Kanda," I nearly whine.
"I'm sorry, but you can't. I am sure he will return at some point. Just be patient. If we would send a search party out for him he will just be pissed at us. We don't need that. Plus," she smiles, "Kanda would kill us if we let you go out here and then something happened to you."
I am torn between ignoring the girl and doing what she says, what I know is the better and more reasonable thing to do. In the end I sigh and let my head fall down. It earns me a smile and another hug from her.
"Kanda will come back alright, I promise. You need to look after yourself and your baby first. Sit down, eat as much as you want and then relax until that stubborn idiot returns," she says softly while guiding me back to my chair.
I do as she says, though I can't say I have much appetite even though the food tastes great. After dinner we settle in the living room, each a book in hand, while Komui returns to his laboratories in the basement. When Kanda still isn't back at nine o'clock in the evening I start another try to go search for him but Linali stops me again.
Soon after we hear Komui shuffle through the hallway to his bedroom. The girl follows about an hour and a half later, forcing me to go to my room as well, even though I want to stay in the living room and wait for Kanda. But with the argument, I and the baby need our rest, she shoos me into my room. That doesn't mean though that I actually sleep. I can't. I am tossing and turning, the concern for Kanda combined with my bump, making it impossible for me to find a comfortable position. So I lay awake a long time.
Until suddenly I hear the door downstairs creek open. Kanda! Is he back? Immediately I am back on my feet and out of bed. A look on the clock shows me that it is half an hour past midnight. Tip-toeing to the door I carefully open it. There is no light outside, but I can hear and see a figure coming up the stairs. From the posture and the long ponytail swinging behind him, he is easily discernible as Kanda. I soundlessly steps out. It is a testimony to his exhaustion and emotional turmoil that he doesn't notice me. Normally he can cut a tree leaf blindfolded.
"Where were you?" I ask softly.
Basically jumping he turns to me, his cobalt orbs glinting in the darkness, "Moyashi? What are you doing out here? You should be asleep."
"You didn't answer my question," I ignore his scolding.
"Hah, that is not – "
"Don't say it is not my business. It is if you suddenly disappear. You are my friend and caretaker if nothing else. I was worried sick. For god's sake you just stormed out, you have been unstable for days now and have been harming yourself some time ago. Do you know how many things could have happened? You could have been dead by now," I am working myself in a rant, hormones fuelling it, my arms crossed, leaning against the doorframe.
He only sighs, his face falling into something akin to defeat. What happened to the Kanda I knew? Even if we made a lot of progress in the past months, moments like this keep on worrying me.
"I did nothing like that, I swear," he murmurs.
"Then what did you do?" I ask again, taking a step towards him.
"I just visited some old places in the woods. I was at Alma's and my secret pond…" his voice holds so much sadness, but his face betrays basically nothing.
I only sigh, suddenly feeling the overwhelming urge to pull him into my arms. Like in trance I move forward until I am standing directly in front of him. He doesn't look up and I wrap my arms around him. I hold him tightly, reassuring myself that he is still here and fine. He doesn't even stiffen, actually relaxes into my contact.
"What are you doing, moyashi?" he nonetheless asks, trying to sound irritated.
"Just let me do it, Kanda. For once," I sigh, "I need to know you're here unharmed. And don't ever do this again."
He doesn't answer but to my surprise I feel strong arms closing around my back, pressing me against his hard body. He is holding me as tightly as I do. Softly I take one of his hands and lay it on my bump. He breathes out and his head falls onto my shoulder. We both simply revel in the other's warmth and comfort.
I don't know how long we just stand there, holding each other, but it feels like an eternity to me. And for all I care it could have lasted much longer. Unfortunately at some point I feel Kanda starting to detach himself from me. He looks exhausted, like he didn't sleep in days. Nonetheless I think to spot a softness in his gaze I haven't seen in very long. I can't help but smile.
"Now go sleeping, you look like I hell," I smirk softly.
"You should be the one sleeping. You have a baby to sustain," he at least smirks back a bit.
I only roll my eyes while I turn to my door, "When will everybody stop telling me that. I am pregnant, not invalid. Anyway, good night Kanda."
"Night moyashi," he answers as he slips into the room next to mine.
I smile again softly and relieved. Kanda is back safe. I stumble into my own room, all the nervousness rushing from my body and leaving it drained. As soon as my head touches the pillow I fall asleep.
Unfortunately I don't sleep all that well. The bed is new to me and uncomfortable, I can't find a position where I don't have to turn after a short time because I feel like I am suffocating or my back hurts. On top of that I keep on dreaming and most of them are not exactly nice.
So when the next morning I am awoken by a soft shake and a calm voice, I only groan and turn away from her. However not getting far because of my belly, which elects another groan from me.
"Allen, you have to get up," Linali murmurs in my ear, "It's already past nine. You need to eat something."
I groan again and slowly heave myself upright. The girl sits herself on the bed next to me.
"Are you okay? You look tired."
"I am fine," I yawn, "I couldn't sleep yesterday until Kanda returned," I turn to her, "Let him sleep please. He needs it, he looked awful last night."
She only sighs and looks down, "He's already up."
"What? He went to bed as late as I did."
"I know but he has been awake for quite some time now. And you're right, he looks awful."
"Where is he?" I ask urgently.
"Downstairs at the moment," she answers earning a relieved sigh from me, "The last I saw him, he was sitting in the kitchen staring into a cold cup of tea."
"I have to go to him," I say and scramble out of bed as fast as I am able.
Linali only watches me move around the room, shaking her head, "You two really mean a lot to each other."
As soon as I am clothed and have visited the bathroom, I stumble downstairs and into the kitchen. And in fact, there is Kanda, sitting at the kitchen table. He is only wearing black trousers and a sleeveless shirt, which shows the edges of his scars. He is barefooted and his long, black hair falls open around him like a silky curtain. He is staring down into a Japanese cup with tea on the table which is clenched in his hands. I sigh softly, but he doesn't react. He is pale and has subtle rings under his eyes, which are devoid of any form of emotion.
Softly I walk over to him and kneel down so our eyes are on the same height. His eyes snap to me when I unclench his hands from the cup and take them in mine. I smile at him as good as I can. Then I take one of his hands and lay it on my bulge. As if sensing Kanda's need for comfort the baby kicks hard against his palm. I am glad to see his tense face muscles relax, even if it is only the slightest bit. He sighs and to my surprise leans forward until our foreheads connect.
"Can you do me a favour and continue doing that?" he whispers to me.
"Doing what?" I ask surprised.
"Reminding me that there is also new life and not only death…"
I smile softly, "Of course. It would be my pleasure. Just don't slip away too far. I need you."
"I will try my best," he answers silently, closing his tired eyes.
I smile again, "I know you will."
I say and carefully move upwards, brushing my lips ever so softly over his. His eyes stay closed when I carefully stand up and instead hug him. He doesn't move but doesn't reject the contact either. What none of us notices is that Linali has been standing in the doorway the whole time, watching our interaction.
That's it for today. Thanks for reading.
Please review and see you next time.