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"Fili?"
Kili found Fili in one of the spare bedrooms, curled up in the farthest corner with his head on his knees.
"Fili, look at me." Kili said quietly
Fili stayed still and silent.
"Fili, look at me." Kili tried again, not ignoring the shaking in his brother's hands.
"Go away, Kili. I'm fine." Fili muttered softly
"Fili...please?" Kili whispered queitly, and winced when Fili continued to ignore his presences.
"Fine. If you're not going to look at me, then just listen. What was that, out there? I don't know what had been going on with you—I don't know because you haven't said more than two worlds to me since we found you—but what I do know is that this had gone on way too long. Don't think I haven't noticed how you flinch away from everyone—including me—or how you never look anyone in the eye anymore. I know you have had your troubles with our uncle, but this had gone too far. What happened between you two?"
Fili froze, and for a moment Kili actually though he had gotten through to him, then Fili spoke, so softly that Kili thought he had mistaken it for the one inside his head.
"Why do you care?"
"What?"
"Why do you care so damn much about what happened to me? All you've done these past few days is hover over me. Like I am a bomb about to go off. Like I have said a million times before; I am fine!"
"Because you are my brother, Fili. You will always be my brother and I do care about you. You don't get to ignore me, Fili. Don't shut me out. Please, let me help you. I don't want to lose you." Kili said in a quiet whisper.
Kili stared at Fili, who had scooted farther away from into the shadows of the corner. Kili could see the burn scars on his face, the darkness seemed to highlight them instead of hiding them and Kili wondered once again for the millionth time what else the orcs had done to him, how far had the torture extended.
Kili walked over to him, kneeled down and slowed extended his hand towards him.
"Why don't we talk-."
"Stop!"
He was cut off by a sharp intake of breath as Fili immediately flinched away from his touch and jumped up away from him like he had been burned. He shot Kili a death glare before he walked over to the other side of the room, crossing his arms as he stared out the window.
"Don't touch me." Fili said in a barely audible whisper.
Kili nodded, stood up and stuck his hand deep in his pocket.
"Alright...but please, Fili can you just talk to me? Please, what is making you so upset? Was it the orcs-"
Kili winced as Fili visibly flinched his head away, as if the very name of his captors hurt him.
"Or...Did something...did something else happen, between you and Thorin before the or-before you were captured? Something that you haven't talked about, because I have never seen you like this with Thorin before. Please. Tell me."
Kili took a step towards his brother, and when Fili remained still, he stood another step then stopped. He looked up and was surprised to see that Fili was battle for composure as he sat down on the edge of the table and brought trembling hands to his face. He was acting...scared...as if Kili was going to strike him at any moment.
"Fili..." Kili walked over to him and bent so that their eyes met.
"Look at me" he said
And he waited patiently for Fili's glassy eyes to me his. Their eyes met for a split second and Kili forced himself to not flinch away from the shattered soul he saw. Then Fili looked away, at the ceiling, at the furniture, at the floor. Anywhere but Kili.
Kili sighed.
"I'm not going to hurt you." Kili repeated. Fili ducked his head, and shook it from side to side.
"And I'm not going to let you push me away."
Kili stared at his brother for a few more seconds before carefully, and slowly—very slowly—pulling over a chair and sat down in it, making sure to give his brother plenty of space.
"I am here to help you, Fili. Whether you believe it or not, I am on your side. If you want to hate Thorin for leaving you behind, I will be right next to you, hating him with you but, we are guests in this house. We cannot have knives being thrown or tempers flaring up every other day. Beorn was relecutant to take us in the first place, I doubt he will tolerate his walls being destroyed. Please, let me help. I can talk to Thorin, have him give you some space. But, I can't do anything if you don't tell me what the problem is. Please. Let me help you."
Fili remained where he was, sitting on the table, his blue eyes glistening in the light and Kili could tell he was thinking things over—trying to figure out what to say.
"When they took..." He started, and he faltered. Kili remained quiet, hoping his brother would have the courage to continue.
"Azog wasn't-." He faltered again, shaking his head. Then stood up from the table. the table moved and something on the other side of the table fell, making both of them jump. Fili crossed the rom towards the window in three gliding steps. He crossed his arms over his chest as he stared out the window for a few moments, then turned away from it and looked at Kili.
"Something...something happened to me while I was held captive...bad things...things that have happened before...and like before...Thorin did nothing."
The last word came out in a growl, and Fili pounded his fist on the window sill making Kili jump. He stayed silent though, hoping Fili had the courage to continue talking.
"He stood there and watched them...me-watched them ….hurt me and did nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing." With each word the pounding became louder and harder.
Kili nodded his head, trying to understand what his brother meant, but it was hard, Fili wasn't making much sense.
"Thorin never wanted them to capture you. You didn't see him after you were gone. He begged Gandalf to let us go after you. He begged the elves to help us. They all said you were gone.
Fili shook his head, "But I wasn't." He whispered softly, glaring at his reflection in the window.
"I know. I know, Fili. I wanted to go after you too. I-."
"But you didn't."
"I know. I tried. I really-."
"You didn't try hard enough! You left me to the orcs!"
"Fili-."
"You let me BURN!" Fili shouted, whirling around and glaring at Kili with a snarl on his lips. The burn marks on his face and neck illuminated by the last rays of the sunset.
Kili's eyes stung with unshed tears, how could Fili think that? How could Fili think that he didn't care about him?
"I never wanted this to happen. You have to believe me, Fili, brother. I am on your side. I want to help you. Please." Kili pleaded with his brother. But Fili was far too angry to care about anything at this point.
"Leave me." He growled
"What-?"
"Go away. Leave me alone."
"Fili-."
"GO!"
Kili had no choice but to turn away from his brother at the window. He walked towards the door and put his hand on the doorknob. He paused for a moment and thought about saying something but then he looked at his brother and winced at the radiating stare that Fili was giving him. He ducked his head, and left the room.
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