Kili yawned in the bright morning light. He had spent the night curled up outside Fili's closed door, hoping beyond hope that Fili would open the door and let him in. Fili had not, but he had accepted Kili's invitation to look at Beorn's garden and gather some vegetables for the hobbit to cook lunch with. Beorn had also hinted that the tomatoes needed to be weeded.

Kili kneeled down next to one of the planter boxes.

"We can start with the weeds in this one, I think Beorn will appreciate us tending to his garden.," he said lightly to Fili.

Fili sat down, close enough to reach the plants but a good three feet from Kili. He looked a little skeptical of Kili's plan and Kili knew he would rather be brooding upstairs but the sun and dirt would be good for him.

Kili then started pulling the weeds, and Fili after a few thoughtful seconds, starting pulling too. They worked in silence. Thorin's story hung heavily on Kili's mind. Kili had always looked up to his brother, his strong, golden brother who never let anything get to him. He had no idea of the painful secrets that Fili had been hiding from the world all these years, and now, he had no idea how to talk to his brother.

They worked in silence. To Kili it seemed like days, instead of just a few hours. Fili kept his distance, and he didn't meet Kili's eye once. Until Finally-

"I'm sorry, Kili."

"It's alright." Kili said, pausing where he was and looking up at his brother.

"No, it's not." Fili answered

"What?"

"I'm not okay." Fili whispered.

"I know, can you tell me-?" Kili asked, holding his breath.

Fili shrugged his shoulders.

"Fili, look at me." Kili said, scooted a few inches towards his brother. Fili in turn backed away from him, hands clutching the wooden sides of the planted boxes.

Kili sighed, "Is this about what Thorin said in the kitchen yesterday, because I think he was in the wrong-?"

Fili shook his head.

"Yesterday you told me that nobody cared about you. I am listening to you now. Please, brother, tell me what's going on." Kili pushed gently.

"It's not that simple..." He started, but then he trailed off. A dead far off look in his eyes, a look Kili had never seen before.

"Please..." Kili asked again, trying to be gentle, trying to not scare his brother away.

Fili winced and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I can't..."

"Yes you can."

Fili shook his head again, "No, no, no. I cant." He whispered in a thin voice.

Kili sighed, "Please, don't do this. Please don't shut me out. I am your brother, let me in, Fili. I'm only trying to help."

He scooted another inch towards Fili and winced as Fili flinched away from him.

"Stop. STOP. Please, stop it."

"Fili?"

"I remember...I remember when I was taken with Ma. I remember everything. They hurt her. They...murdered her and I can never escape it. I can never escape the look in her eyes when the life drained from them. I can never forget her screams. It's too much. I can't...I can't do it anymore. It's too much. I can never escape it. When they took me again I thought I was going to die like her."

Kili's chest hurt for his brother, who had to carry this burden with him all these years.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier? Why didn't you tell Thorin?" He asked

Fili shook his head, "I couldn't. I didn't want him to see me as weak, or as a failure."

"Oh Fili. You are not weak. You are strong. A survivor. You escaped the horrors of the orcs not once, but twice. I don't think I could find another dwarf as brave as you." Kili said, scooting closer to his brother and grabbing his hands. For once, FIli didn't flinch away from him.

"They hurt me, like they hurt Ma." Fili whispered

Kili nodded his head, but he honestly did not know what to say.

"They burned my skin, and cut my hair. I have tarnished the Durin line." Fili continued in the same, thin whisper.

"No. No Fili. You are the bravest dwarf I know. You are my brother. Please, don't lose yourself in shame." Kili said quiet, squeezing Fili's hands gently.

"Everytime I close my eyes, I am back with them, listening to the laugh, listening to her screams. Sometimes, sometimes I don't know where I am or why I am still here. I cant. It's too much to bare." Fili said. He let go of Kili's hands and brought them up to his painfully short hair. He started rocking back and forth, "I don't know who I am anymore. I hear my name but it means nothing to me. I don't know why I'm still here. I've lost everything. They took everything from me. It's gone. I'm gone. All gone." The whispers were becoming louder and more frantic as he became lost in his memories.

"Fili. Fili, look at me." Kili said, and he grabbed his brothers shoulders.

He waited patiently for Fili to look up at him.

"I know your name." Kili said

Fili stared at him, drinking in his every word.

"Look at where you are, look at where you started. Just that you're alive is a miracle." Kili said

"What was taken from you, it was terrible. A terrible, terrible loss. But you have not lost yourself. You have not lost my love. I know who you are."

Fili's face crumbled, "But I don't-."

"You are Fili. Son of Dis, heir to the throne of Erebor. You are Thorin's nephew. But most importantly, you are my brother. My golden, strong brother. And I will be here for you, no matter what."

Fili stopped shaking as he looked at Kili dead in the eye, and Kili looked back. For the first time since they had found him, there was a slim glimmer of hope in his eyes.

"I'm Fili." He whispered.

Kili nodded, "Yes. Yes you are. You are Fili. And no one can take that away from you."

"I am Fili." He repeated, this time louder, stronger than before. He stood up straighter, and Kili saw a glimpse of the brother he remembered, coming out of the shadows.

"I will not let...I will not let what happened to me define me...because I am Fili and I am strong."

"Yes! Yes you are! You are strong!" Kili answered, smiling at his brother.

Fili smiled, the warmth returning to his eyes.

"Kili..." He said

And then slowly, he reached out for him and Kili accepted his embrace.

"I will always be here for you. You know that. Whenever your feeling lost, or afraid, come find me. I'll promise to try and make it better for you." Kili said

"Like you did just now?"

"Yes."

Kili smiled. He could still feel the tremble in Fili's embrace.

"Thank you, for telling me. I know it wasn't easy. But we do have to discuss one more thing."

Fili's eyes flashed up in panic, "Kili...I want to tell you more, but-I need more time-I don't think-I haven't found the words yet-I don't know..." He stumbled through his sentence, but falter when he saw Kili shake his head.

"No. No it's okay. You did really well. You don't to tell me anything else until you are ready. This is completely different, I promise; we have to work on that knife throwing habit of yours. Next time it might actually hit someone. You can tackle, me, Thorin, Bilbo—anyone you want-, you call yell and scream-even though Id rather you not- but the knife throwing has to stop. I cant even imagine what Beorn is going to say when he finds half his knives embedded in the wall. It must stop. Okay?" Kili asked, giving his brother the most stern face he could muster.

And then he remembered something he and Ori used to do when they were little and really wanted something.

Kili extended his hand, pinky raised up.

"Promise?" He asked

Fili stared at his hand, and then up at Kili.

"What?"

"No more knife throwing." He wiggled his pinky and smiled.

Fili scoffed, "What are we? Children?"

"Please?"

Fili froze, eyes glued on Kili's extended hand, and Kili realized that this would be the first time Fili actually reached out to anybody to touch them since he was rescued from the orcs.

"Fili, look at me." Kili asked again

Fili looked up at him

"You have to trust me."

Fili sighed, and then reached his hand out and linked his pinky with Kili's.

"Promise." He said. The he paused, "What about a dagger? Can I throw one of those?" He asked, and then he smiled. A true smile and Kili saw a glimmer of the old FIli shining through.

Kili shrugged, "Sure, but only if it's a small one."

He still knew that Fili had a long way to go before he was fully recovered. But he was glad that they had taken the first step together.

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