It's a Wonderful Cover Life
A/N: For those who kept count of how many days it's been since the last update, you can officially reset your abaci ;) Thank you to everyone who joined in on the reread, it was fun, despite the time zone challenges. We'll do it again next year with A Common Spy Problem (yes, I'm going to finish that, all 50 chapters).
Thank you Nervert for being such a fantastic beta. As always, you've suffered through so the readers won't have to. And I can just imagine you sitting in front of your PC muttering "She forgot everything I taught her". I'll catch up, again. Also thanks to the guys on Twitter who tried their best to correct my French, in particular Crumby. My ancestors are probably turning in their graves, but in my defense, it's been a couple of centuries since they've boarded the ship in France and sailed off to Africa, and then mixed with the Dutch and British folk :P.
This chapter is dedicated to two awesome Chucksters who celebrate their birthdays today (in my time zone) – AdmiralK and Frea O'Scanlin. Have a good one, guys!
I don't own Chuck.
73. Have You Met the Awesomes?
The doorbell rang long before Sarah was prepared to answer it. With a hand on the knob she paused and took a deep breath, raking her fingers through her hair. The last time she'd been this nervous about meeting someone was nearly a week ago when she'd stood on the Bartowski's doorstep. That hadn't turned out so bad, she told herself. This would be a piece of cake. Or so she hoped.
Before the bell could ring again Sarah swept open the door.
The couple on the threshold looked exactly like she'd imagined them from Chuck's accounts – Devon was tall and muscular, though not in a bulky way, and seemed rather laid back in his dark jeans and bondi blue sweater. Ellie, looking a bit more formal in her slacks and burgundy turtleneck, was obviously related to Chuck. Sarah recognized the shared facial features at once, but unlike with Chuck, the brunette's face was unreadable. Devon, on the other hand, gave Sarah a toothpaste commercial grin which put her somewhat at ease.
"Ellie, Devon, hi."
She stepped aside to let them in and the couple accepted the silent invitation.
"It's nice to finally meet you, Sarah," Ellie said.
Sarah wanted to return the sentiment, but before she could she found herself enveloped in a bear hug, holding her breath as she waited for the sound of bones snapping.
"We've missed you," Devon said, and when he released her, Sarah took an instinctive step back, resisting the urge to check if she was still in one piece.
"Devon, what are you doing?" Ellie asked.
"We're pretending to be family," he said in a stage whisper as his eyes searched the room for anyone who might have been watching, before meeting his fiancé's. "That's how I greet family."
Though Sarah should've been concerned about his lack of acting ability given that Christmas was approaching fast, she couldn't help but be amused.
"The coast is clear, actually," she replied. "But it's game on if you spot a fifty-year-old redhead who's about this tall."
She indicated the height with a sideways palm at chest level, but quickly dropped her hand when she realized that the gesture had unintentionally drawn Devon's gaze to her breasts. He wasn't leering, but she didn't want Ellie to get the wrong idea.
"We should probably go check on Chuck," Sarah said before the silence became awkward.
Devon, oblivious to what had just happened, motioned in the directions of the stairs. "Lead the way."
74. Ce Moment-Français Gênant
"Hey, sis," Chuck said from his prone position on the bed. "Thanks for making the trip."
"Anything for my little brother," Ellie replied, giving Chuck an awkward hug.
"Actually we're happy you called," Devon said. "We've been curious about what exactly was going on here."
"Oh, it's just your average pretend-to-be-married-in-order-to-sell-off-an-unde r-performing-electronics-store-manouvre," Chuck replied. "We call it The Lichtenstein. Maggie has a little trouble pronouncing it though."
Chuck winked at Sarah and for a second she almost forgot about the other people in the room.
"That's probably because Dora the Explorer is teaching her Spanish instead of German," Ellie said. "And bad Spanish at that."
"How can you tell?" Chuck asked. "You don't speak Spanish."
"I still think her second language should be Japanese," Devon interjected.
Sarah masked her snicker at the Bartowskis' simultaneous eye roll with a cough when she realized Devon was being serious. Having probably had the discussion with his fiancé and her brother before, he turned to her for input.
"What do you think, Sarah?"
"French?" She offered the suggestion reluctantly, not really knowing why her opinion would count.
"French can work," Chuck said. "I've always wanted to see the Eiffel Tower, and even if we never make it to Paris, there's always Canada."
Devon mulled it over. "I don't know – "
"French is awesome," Chuck cut in. "I even know some."
"No, you don't," Ellie said.
"Do to." He looked over at Sarah. "Do you speak French?"
"Fluently," she replied, hoping it didn't come across as bragging. She could've just nodded.
"Okay, then you be the judge," Chuck said. "Here goes." He cleared his throat. "Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"
"Uh – " Sarah, heat radiating from her face like a bonfire, knew she should follow with something a little more articulate, but "wow," was all she could manage, followed by another "uh".
"Nice." Devon's head bobbed up and down as he sported a proud grin.
Ellie glared first at her fiancé, then her brother.
"What?" Chuck asked. "It's from a song. How bad can it be?"
Sarah's shoulders sagged in relief. Music wasn't really her thing, but now that Chuck had mentioned it, the line seemed vaguely familiar. Realizing that he really didn't speak French made the situation a little less awkward, until Devon weighed in.
"Well, Chuckster," he said when neither woman replied, "you just asked Sarah if she wanted to – "
"Show me where Maggie is so I can check in on her," Ellie cut in.
"No, I didn't," Chuck said. Ellie's eyes widened slightly, sending Chuck a silent message that he should've taken the out. "She's two doors down," he added.
Grateful for the change in topic, however obvious it was, Sarah took a step towards the door to give the guys some privacy and direct Ellie to Maggie's room, but Ellie's next question stopped her in her tracks.
"Do you guys need help getting Chuck to his room?"
Sarah felt heat rise to her cheeks again and a quick glance in Chuck's direction revealed a similar blush.
"This room has an en suite bathroom," she said. "We thought it would be more practical."
The excuse was pretty lame, and whether Ellie bought it or not was anyone's guess. Sarah considered kicking herself for making the same mistake twice in one night. Then it occurred to her that Ellie would probably believe the truth, but for the life of her she couldn't think of a way to take back the lie and not look like an idiot.
"Good thinking," Devon replied. He placed the medical bag he'd been holding on Sarah's side of the bed and undid the clasp. "Now if you ladies will excuse us, we've got some healing to do."
75. Right as Rein
Chuck had to remind himself that this was the lesser of three evils as he clutched the basin's edge for balance. He felt exposed in only his boxers and t-shirt, and his stance wasn't exactly comfortable. That Awesome was kneeling behind him, snapping on nitrile gloves, didn't exactly help matters. He reached past Chuck for a tube of cream and some cotton balls, and, hunched down, started to dab the abrasions on his inner thighs. Chuck had to fight the urge to assume "The Morgan".
"The good news is that you'll be right as rain in a few days," Devon spoke as he worked. "The bad news is that you won't be able to get your wang on until then, unless pain-is-pleasure is your type of thing."
Chuck closed his eyes, trying to wipe that comment from his brain. It was definitely not the kind of conversation he wanted to have with his soon-to-be brother in law, given their current situation, or ever really.
"You know," he said, "I never got that expression – right as rain. What does it even mean? Rain is sort of…it's all over the place." Not thinking, he gestured with his hands, and had to grab onto the basin again before he took a header into it.
"Nope," Devon replied. "It's an eighteenth century expression. The coachmen in England used it to denote passengers who were capable of driving a coach and four horses – they were considered to be 'right on the rein' or sitting 'right as the rein', and thus in a position to drive. So it's reign, not rain, but without the g. It became 'right as rain' later on – probably something to do with farms and crops and villagers being struck by famine when there was too little rain."
Chuck raised a surprised eyebrow. "Please tell me that was a pub trivia question."
"Nah, pub trivia is not that challenging."
Chuck promised himself to Google it, not that he didn't believe Awesome, but seeing as he was going to be looking up the Lady Marmalade lyrics anyway… The thought was cut short with a semi-girlish yelp when he felt a sting just above his right butt cheek.
"It hurts less when you don't expect it."
"You know," Chuck said, rubbing the sore spot, "that's not as true as you might think."
Devon shrugged as he placed the used syringe in a small medical waste bag before snapping off his gloves and shoving them inside as well. "It's over, isn't it? And I've spared you the panicked anticipation."
Chuck couldn't argue with that.
"And speaking of the unexpected," Devon said, "what's going on between you and Sarah? Things must be pretty cozy if you're comfortable enough to proposition her in front of me and your sister."
"Proposition her – " Chuck trailed off when he realized what Awesome was getting at. He had no idea what exactly he'd said to Sarah, but given Devon's remark, it wasn't difficult to guess. He groaned inwardly, wondering if it was possible for his ears to spontaneously combust, which in all honesty, would make for a welcome digression. Plus a trip to the ER with his head on fire might make everyone forget his ill attempted stab at the French language.
"Though that wouldn't explain all that sexual tension the two of you have going on," Devon continued, oblivious to what Chuck was thinking.
"There's no tension."
"So just sex then? Awesome." Devon's grin threatened to split his face in two.
"What? No!" Fearing that his current pitch might crack the window panes, Chuck purposely lowered his voice. "We kissed a couple of times, but that's it." The moment the words left his mouth, he knew he was cornered. He quickly changed the subject. "Thanks for taking care of the dinner reservation last night, and I'm sorry I left you in the lurch."
"I should be thanking you, Chuckster." Devon's smiled turned mischievous. "Ellie thought it was romantic and spontaneous, and she rewarded me thoroughly afterwards."
That little tidbit was accompanied by a wink – two things Chuck mentally added to his 'didn't-need-to-know' list.
"As for you," Devon continued, "we'll just come up with a different plan to get you lai – "
"I think lying down seems like a good idea," Chuck cut in as a sudden wave of wooziness hit him. The drugs had kicked in, and his last completely lucid thought was that modern medicine was to blame for his current chain of badly chosen replies.
Devon looked perplexed for a second, and then seemingly remembered where he was. "Oh, yeah, of course."
He quickly packed all his supplies back into his bag before grabbing onto Chuck's bicep with his free hand, guiding him out of the bathroom. When they reached the bed, Chuck mumbled a thank you, but Devon didn't let go of his arm.
"While you're up and moving I'll help you to your room."
"This is my room," Chuck replied, grateful that he wouldn't have to take another step.
"I thought it's Sarah's room."
"It's both our rooms...both's our room – " Chuck smacked his lips together, trying to remember when he'd eaten cotton balls, but his brain felt equally fuzzy. Devon finally let go of him and he carefully lowered himself onto the mattress. "This is our bed," he said, slurring slightly. Then he waved his hand at in the general direction of the walk-in closet. "And that's my cowboy hat."
Devon pulled the covers up over his shoulders and gave him a not too gentle pat on the back. "I sure hope you forgot where you parked your forklift," he said and laughed, but Chuck didn't get the joke. Nor did he know where he was supposed to be off to when Awesome left the room with an "Enjoy your trip, bro."
76. Tea for Two
Sarah caught herself fiddling with a spoon and purposely put it down. Then she reached into the cupboard for teabags. She decided on chamomile, given the hour, hoping Ellie wasn't allergic or averse to it. She wanted nothing more than to make a good impression on Chuck's sister, or at least change the one Ellie must already have of her – a con artist using an innocent man and his child to pull off a scam. She had no idea how to go about it though, as this situation wasn't exactly covered during her year at the Institut Château Beau-Cedre, but what she did know was that breaking the woman's brother wasn't going to score her any points.
Maybe Maggie could vouch for her, Sarah thought, and cringed. If a four-year-old character witness was the best she could come up with she wouldn't blame Ellie if the woman had doubts. If it had been just about the ruse, Ellie's opinion wouldn't matter, but given the thing she and Chuck had going on under the cover thing…
The water boiled, derailing Sarah's thoughts. She quickly filled the mugs before turning to add them to the tray she'd prepared, and then she nearly dropped them when she saw Ellie had already made herself at home next to the big oak table.
They really needed to get a bell for the kitchen entrance, Sarah thought.
"Sorry," Ellie said with a shrug. "It's a bad habit – observing people without them knowing. It gives you a sense of who they really are. Devon just thinks it's creepy."
Sarah had to agree with Ellie's fiancé on that one, but she didn't say it.
"I can't really get up to much in the kitchen," she replied and her cheeks started to burn at the lie. Between making pancakes with Chuck, and having had her imagination run away with her earlier, she could evidently get up to plenty, hence the need for bells.
Ellie took the mug Sarah offered and added some cream and a spoon of sugar to her tea, stirring it slowly. "It's okay," she said, misinterpreting Sarah's reaction, "plenty of women don't cook. I'm sure you're good at other things."
Sarah nearly choked on a sip of tea. Apparently 'nice' wasn't a Bartowski family trait. "I'm known to have a skill or two," she replied, her tone somewhat terse.
"I'm sure you do."
Sarah put her mug down a little harder than necessary and took a calming breath before meeting the brunette's gaze dead on. "Ellie, look, generally I don't care what people think of me, but you're important to Chuck and Maggie, and they are important to me, so we should probably make some sort of effort to – " She cut herself off when an unexpected smile blossomed on Ellie's face. Then it all made sense. "You're testing me."
"Another bad habit, sorry," Ellie said, though she didn't sound the least bit apologetic. "I'm used to watching out for Chuck. He really likes you, Sarah, and I would never forgive myself if he or my niece got hurt because I talked him into this."
At that Sarah's eyebrows rose. "You talked him into it?"
"It was a means to an end. I just didn't think that things would get so…so out of control."
Sarah barely heard the last part. Her mind was reeling at the fact that, if it were up to Chuck, he would've turned her down. Sure, he did initially, but she wasn't surprised when he'd phoned the next day to tell her he'd had a change of heart. She didn't hold it against him – everyone had a price, or so her dad always made her believe, but Chuck Bartowski was actually not for sale, and that was the best news she'd ever gotten.
77. Pillow Talk
That could've gone better, and it could've gone worse, Sarah mused as she ascended the stairs after she'd seen off the Awesome's. She stopped by Maggie's room, poking her head around the door. The little girl was in the same position than when they'd put her to bed and, satisfied that she was still adequately covered, and breathing, Sarah pulled the door close, making sure that it didn't shut completely.
When she reached her room she leaned her head against the doorframe, her arms loosely folded across her chest and watched Chuck with a soft smile. Lying on his stomach with a pillow clutched under his head, he looked so innocent, like he didn't have a care in the world. Of course by now she knew better – being a single parent had to be hard, especially with all the shifts he'd pulled at the store according to his file, but not once had she heard him complain about it.
As if feeling her studying him, he slowly opened his eyes. One corner of his mouth tugged upwards.
"Hey," he said. His eyes were glazed and his smiled lazy, clearly as a result of the muscle relaxer Devon had given him.
"Hey," Sarah said back. "How are you feeling?"
"Like someone replaced my muscles with jello. 'Snice." His eyelids started to droop, but he forced them to stay open.
Sarah pushed up from the door and crossed the distance to the bed. "Why don't you get some sleep, hmmm?" she asked, brushing an errant curl back from his forehead.
"'K," he mumbled and obediently closed his eyes.
She stared at him for another moment before making her way to the walk-in closet. Moving around the room and bathroom as quietly as possible, she got ready for bed. When she slipped in next to Chuck she realized that the lamp on his side of the bed was still on and carefully leaned over him to switch it off.
"Sarah?"
Propped up on her elbow she froze, but she couldn't see if he was awake or not as he was facing away from her. Assuming he was talking in his sleep, she lay down on her side and pulled the duvet higher.
Chuck turned his head, his eyes still closed. "I really like kissing you, Sarah," he said. "Kissing you is fantastic. I was gonna say awesome, but that's taken. Does that make me Captain Fantastic?" He snorted. "I'm fantastic."
Despite knowing that he'd probably not remember anything of their conversation in the morning, Sarah reached out, running her fingertips down his cheek. "Yeah," she said, "you are."
Chuck didn't give any indication that he'd heard and she withdrew her hand with a wistful sigh, only to be startled when he did speak again.
"Sarah?" This time he opened his eyes, but he didn't seem any more sober than fifteen minutes ago.
"Yes, Chuck?"
"I think we should just do it."
"Excuse me?"
"You know…it. I've been lying awake nights thinking about it. Haven't you?" For a second she thought Devon had told him what that French phrase meant, but then he asked "Are you one of those anti-cuddle people? That would be a problem. I have needs."
"I cuddle," she said. If she had to be honest it would be a relief, and she might get her first decent night's sleep in what felt like forever.
The corner of his mouth started to curl upwards, but stopped halfway as he fixed her with a serious expression, or at least tried to, given his drug-induced state. "Don't worry," he whispered, "I won't try to cop a feel. That's third date stuff. And after the seventh date, I'll invite you in to see my etchings, but just so you know – I don't etch. Is that how you say it? I don't etch?"
"I'm not sure, but thanks for the warning."
"You're welcome." He shot her a silly grin, while at the same time attempting to frown. "I'm forgetting something."
Shaking her head in amusement Sarah slid over to the middle of the bed and turned onto her back. Then she lifted his arm and draped it across her shoulders. It wasn't exactly traditional cuddling, but Chuck didn't seem to mind.
"Much better." He sighed contently and closed his eyes.
They lay like that for a while until Sarah's curiosity got the better of her.
"Chuck?"
"Hmmm?"
"Why seven dates?"
"It's my lucky number. The one time I dated the same girl seven times in a row, even my roommate got lucky."
"Well that sucks."
"Yeah."
Something about the incoherent statement bothered her – not just the fact that his girlfriend and roommate had betrayed him – and then she recalled an earlier comment from Chuck about his roommate sticking it to him. Maybe it was a different girl, she told herself, or perhaps the timing was wrong, but then Chuck unintentionally confirmed her suspicion.
"Sarah, do you think Maggie looks like me?"
The implication of his question hit her square in the gut. Without thinking she rolled over onto her stomach and, given their current position, she only managed to give him a one-arm hug, but she held him as tight as she could, dropping a kiss on his cotton clad shoulder. She had so many questions of her own, but asking them now would only be taking advantage, and she was sure that was not what he needed.
"Chuck," she said instead, "I think Maggie is as fantastic as you are, but with pigtails."
He pulled her even closer, leaning his forehead against hers as he released a deep breath. "That's good to know."
A/N: Dun dun dun.
Coming up next:
His fingers squeezed something soft and warm, and his eyes widened when it elicited an appreciative little moan from Sarah.
I think that's all the motivation you need to come back *wink, wink*. And apparently it's only Chuck and I who didn't know what that lyric from Lady Marmalade meant. If you're part of our club, let me know. I would say 'see you soon', but I don't want to jinx it ;) Stay awesome, Chucksters!