Because nobody likes a vague disclaimer: Characters belong to the fantastical Joss Whedon.

Angel POV.

A note: Sorry for the massive delay. Life. Sometimes it gets the better of us. Anyway, uploading two today. The last two will be posted in a few days, maybe a week.

thanks for reading.

Chapter XVII: But Love, This Love Has Not Ended: Just As It Never Had A Birth

It Has No Death: It Is Like A Long River, Only Changing Lands, And Changing Lips

from My Love, If I Die And You Don't— by Pablo Neruda

†

I wake in an empty bed and though I know instinctively that she's gone, I can't help but resent the loss of my heightened senses, and the fact that she was able to leave the circle of my arms without me knowing it. When I finally turn to her empty spot, I see a piece of paper folded neatly in the middle of the pillow next to me.

I look at it for a few seconds before I finally pick it up and gingerly open its folds.

Angel,

I just wanted to apologize for all the pain i've caused you and Nina these last few months. To say i've been wallowing in self-hatred and sorrow is probably the biggest understatement of my life. I always thought that being brought back from Heaven would be the worst thing i'd ever experience, but then, I failed them all and they were gone and I became painfully aware of how wrong i'd been. I let the anguish inside swallow me up, until last night.

I can't express in words what your presence did for me, so I thank you. Whatever you think you owe me, or need to do for me, you've done it. I can't say it's all perfect now, but you don't have to worry about me anymore.

I'm in a better place thanks to you.

I know I probably shouldn't say this, but i've always loved you. Even after Riley, after Spike, after the endless meaningless conquests I've had, it's still you. I hope you can understand why I had to leave the way I did, and why we can't see each other ever again. So please, don't look for me anymore.

I want you to be happy, you deserve it.

And Nina, she's a good woman. I know she'll make you happy.

And I'll survive, I always do.

Buffy

She's never been more wrong in her life, and as I get out of her bed I find myself wishing I'd at least told her that I love her too.

Without the help of public transportation, no sure idea of her direction, and with only the knowledge of her plates, I spend the next month in Cleveland, and end up turning to Faith to help me locate her. Undoubtedly, she hid her tracks this time, and after two false trails and four more weeks, I find her by pure chance, luck or fate I'm not sure which, she's further North than I expected, in the city of New York.

I'm not sure why, but I follow her around for a few days, skulking in the shadows like in the good old days. Not once does it seem like she knows I'm here, and I expect it's because I'm human now.

Her life saddens me; she lives a life of routine, monotonous and steadfast. She works at a clothing boutique in the morning, then walks a group of dogs in one of the city parks, seemingly to get in her own workout. After she goes back to her apartment for an hour or so, she then heads into a diner nearby where she works the evening shift. Unsurprisingly, her nights are filled with vampires. I see her do little else than work, and I hate how alone she seems.

I'm inside the diner where she works the evening I decide to approach her, and just before I do, I overhear a conversation she has with some guy behind the counter. She hasn't seen me because I know her section, and so I sit exactly in the right spot where she can't see my face, yet in the reflection of the glass above I can make her out.

"Anne?" The guy's voice is carefree and light as he calls out her name. I'm not surprised by the change.

"Yeah?" She answers.

"I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go out for a cup of coffee, or tea, if you'd prefer, after work today?"

I can't help but feel jealousy boil inside me at the question, but I freeze, waiting for her answer instead.

"I'd really like to Nick, but i'm beat. Rain check?"

I exhale a breath I hadn't known I was holding, and I feel the sudden urge to laugh in the chumps face.

"Long day? Been there. Ok, no worries. Next time."

Nick's voice retains the lightness despite her rejection, and I chance a look back at them.

"Have a goodnight and see you tomorrow," She replies simply.

Nick then flashes her a big grin, and a small one creeps onto her own, and I briefly worry if she finds his attitude refreshing.

"You too, take it easy," Nick responds.

My eyes follow her outside and when she's out of sight, I stand and take a seat at the bar, that's more counter really, deciding I'd like to get to know this Nick character, who's obviously so smitten with Buffy. Maybe get some info out of him while I'm at it. I've got time since Buffy's on the slay.

I don't follow, not because as a human I'm more hindrance than help, but because following her through the city on the chaotic subway lines AND trying to stay out of view is next to impossible, and besides, the woman can handle herself.

A/N: I wrote this ages ago, and I wanted to rework it, but since it's been so long, i'm just going with what I got. You've been disclaimed. Anyway, Buffy Next.