Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, Happy Festivus, Good Yule, or what ever you celebrate at this time of year. If you celebrate nothing now, than Happy Sunday. This chapter has nothing to do with any of them or even winter but enjoy it!
Disclaimer: I don't own Happy Tree Friends or any of the characters. All rights go to Mondo Media.
"Lift!" the unimportant raccoon called, when he slammed open the door. He went over to Lifty and elbowed him in the side. "You could have come and found me after you came back to life; you knew where I died." I suppose it was a natural assumption given not only the town in general but their 'survival rate' so to speak.
Lifty mumbled something under his breath that I couldn't quite make out. "Look, I'm sorry but at least I got the loot." Lifty motioned over to me and the other loot, putting on a grin to fool him. "I even got that statue and if it's not real gold then someone certainly worked hard enough to make it seem that way that we can easily sell it as real gold."
Pft… easily. We'll see about that. As I already told you, I have a plan to stop them from successfully selling me. The unimportant raccoon grinned as well, much to Lifty's visible relief. "You're right, there's no way they can tell the difference and I'm so glad I thought of it."
"But I… never mind." Lifty sighed after receiving a glare from his brother. I'm not surprised he claimed credit for the idea and he'll blame Lifty when it goes wrong.
"So, let's sort through the loot by what to keep and what to sell, I'll figured out how much we can get for everything we're selling, and then we can head to the alleyway and get this stuff sold." With him, it was just impressive that he was able to keep track of all that stuff.
And so they set to work on the list they mentioned. I ended up in the sell pile, just as I expected, it was mostly only food and obviously money that was in the keep pile though there were also a few tools and a blanket in that pile. They had trouble determining my worth but ended on one hundred dollars, which I am worth way more than.
Once we made it to the alley, I was curious of who might be able to afford that one hundred dollars then and there. Animals came and went but none of them were able to afford me. With great restraint, I let them live because I knew Lifty needed the money from the other stuff they were selling. Okay, that's not entirely true; I did kill them when they were on their way out.
What can I say, it's what I do and it's oh so satisfying. But… I talked about that already. Now, where was I? It's easy to lose my train of thought once I start talking about killing.
Seriously, where was I? Oh yeah! They were trying to sell me. Well, fat chance of that ever happening for more reasons than one. That orange bear with the large afro was the first to actually show interest and be able to afford me so I sent a toilet seat from the sky to crush him.
The unimportant raccoon pretty much ignored it but Lifty was staring up at the sky in a state of awe. "How did…?" He was clearly having trouble putting my amazing kill to words. "That was weird… even for Happy Tree Town."
His brother looked up at the sky and shrugged. "I don't really find any death or injury here weird anymore and you shouldn't either. He looked like he was thinking about it. "It must have fallen from one of those buildings and picked up speed. Remember how Nutty died during that heat wave? Anything can happen."
"I guess that's true." He hesitated, looking back at the corpses that had gathered up. "This alley seems to be even more cursed than normal." Well, that took a while for him to notice but I can excuse it considering how cursed the town is without my interference. "I wonder how we've made it this long."
"Don't go around jinxing us, Little Brother." Even I know they are twins; calling him 'little brother' is incorrect. "This town does like to prove us wrong when we say stuff like that." He is correct there. I mean, I don't know for sure if the curse is sentient but, like the animals, I assume it must be. Besides, I am so why not?
"Fine, you do have a point there," Lifty admitted with a sigh, clearly never liking when his brother is right, and with good reason; I don't like it when he's right either. I'd obviously much rather Lifty always be right but luckily that is almost always when it's between the two of them.
Before either of them could say anything, the red porcupine came into the alley but, at the sight of me, ran as fast as she could. She thought she was safe but I sent a cheetah after her.
Lifty watched it pass. "That was a cheetah…" He was getting very suspicious but that was a good thing. After all, I want him to notice me as something more than just a gold statue, I just need to somehow get him to realize that I was the one causing it.
"What's a cheetah?" The unimportant raccoon asked, proving his stupidity even more. Sometimes it's hard to believe he and Lifty are related much less twins if it wasn't for their appearance. They're so different.
I thought about killing him right then, I had I had a good idea how but I didn't have to wait long. "It's an animal that lives in Africa, Mr. Didn't-Know-Cars-Need-Wheels." Lifty snapped in a delightfully daring move.
The unimportant raccoon elbowed Lifty and was about to say something in his defense but I wasted no time opening a hole to a pit of water with a crocodile in it, waiting to eat him alive. I don't know why but he grabbed me before he fell.
I made sure I flew out of his paw, hit a ledge I created, and bounced right into Lifty's paws. Lifty stared at me dumbfounded, unable to explain logically how I wound up in his paws, though, nothing in this town abides by any kind of logic. After a few seconds, his eyes narrowed in a way that made me start to get nervous. "Now I know there's definitely something up with you."
Never before had I wished I could talk as much as I did in that moment. I needed some way to communicate with him and it was kind of ridiculous. I could conjure up literally anything but actual spoken words. Wait, maybe I could try non-spoken words? It was definitely worth a shot. I focused on a note taped to my front reading, I mean you no harm. It was a simple note but hopefully effective as I could feel it appear exactly where I wanted it but I didn't know if it had the words.
However, the way he was looking at the paper proved there were words but he wasn't looking at it in the way I was hoping he would, he was looking at it with a strong sense of distrust and skepticism that his words and voice mirrored. "You mean to tell me something in Happy Tree Town means me no harm?"
I felt a familiar swell of pride as I replaced the note with one reading, Don't get me wrong. I mean others harm, just not you. Growing skepticism or not, I was just glad to actually be communicating with him, even though I'm still not sure why I care so much.
"Why me?" Clearly not sure what to think about what I was "saying", he motioned over to the hole for reasons I didn't understand until he said, "You clearly don't like Shifty and we're practically the same."
I did laugh a bit at that, though he couldn't hear it. Though, given his reputation, I bet I was the only one to have any positive feelings for him, whatever those feelings are. The next note read, You really believe that? Before he had a chance to respond, I replaced it with, You're wrong. You're much smarter than he is.
"Well, I can't really deny that…" I knew he couldn't. With how stupid the unimportant raccoon is… Sure, there are animals in this town that are considerably stupider than him but not Lifty.
Then you know one reason I choose not to harm you. I had to think about what to put on the next note. I still didn't know why I cared so much about Lifty, I just knew that I did and just could not bring myself to kill him. I may not know ALL the reasons but I do know that I can't harm you so that should be all you need to know.
"Well, that's not all I need to know." I was greatly hoping it was all he needed but then I was stuck thinking of something else. Though, soon after, I got more of an explanation from him. "I have no reason to trust you right now."
I wasn't able to come up with any other explanations for the feelings in time but I did come up with another idea that I was more than willing to go through with. The next note was a long one. I can offer you more than just not hurting you. Anything you want. I can't conjure up anything long enough for you to keep it but I can make sure you get it. The only thing I can't promise is a permanent death for anyone here.