Chapter Eleven
There's someone in my room.
To have survived in the jungle for as long as I have, I had to learn to become one with every environment I reside in. It has grown to become second nature to me; learning how my surroundings interact with myself and others. So much so that I barely noticed my adjustment to the room Peeta had provided me with. It has become a subconscious thing, it seems, however I am glad for it. It further improves my senses, and makes me deadlier than the day before.
I'm also an extremely light sleeper. So when the floorboard by my bed creaks as weight is pressed down upon it, I snap awake. My body reacts like it would do in the jungle if my clan had been ambushed. Immediately switched on; every muscle tensed; ready for a fight. My eyes fly open and I throw my covers off my body, lunging to the end of the bed where my only vantage point lies: the board at the bottom. My feet dig into the thin wooden edge of the board. It holds my weight without a single groan, and I stand without a single falter. Clenching my fists, I stare at my intruder.
Delly stands by my bed, her hand outstretched, clearly having been about to attempt to rouse me. Her blue eyes bore into me, full of animosity. She straightens. "Why are you still here?" she demands.
I stare back at her.
"I told Peeta very clearly"-My lip curls at the tone of voice she uses and Delly pauses. She dusts off her skirts with a sigh. "I made my wishes clear."
I snicker. As if her wishes truly mean anything. Their marriage is a sham; how can she expect her wishes to be respected when she continues to live through dirty vows? The only thing that has kept me from actually doing as she says or as Peeta says is the clear . . . unstable nature of their entire partnership. I know that Peeta himself clearly can't see it, he believes that the partnership is salvageable. Or maybe he doesn't. Maybe it's more for the sake of their name's reputation.
Hadn't Delly said she was going somewhere? I'd hoped she was going to stay away for the rest of the night. Clearly this is not what humans do.
"You do know that you're a savage, right?" Delly asks me. It's rather amazing how she can speak so much venom but keep her voice measured and almost polite sounding. She knows I don't have a way of communicating with her. She doesn't understand sign language. "You belong in the wild, not in civilized society."
What she is saying is true in some ways. I do belong in the wild; it is where I was born and raised. Being part of the human world and 'civilized society' as she puts it has never felt completely comfortable to me. I do intend to go home, someday, but there are too many questions left unsolved. If I do not belong in civilized society, or even just the human world in general, then why do I look exactly like them? Why do we have the same anatomies; needs; and means of life? Despite eventually finding my place in the jungle, it was never lost on me that I was nothing like the other monkeys. So, if I am human, how did I end up in the jungle at all? Kala found me as a baby, but what was a human baby doing alone in a jungle so far from the rest of its people?
This experience has grown from my need to claim Peeta and take him from Delly. There are so many unanswered questions about my own existence that I want . . . no, need, to solve. In the beginning, I had thought that my life had been so straight forward. Ever since that band of humans showed up, they changed everything. Where I thought I had known everything about my world it turned out that what I knew was very, very little.
"You have proven yourself not to be stupid," Delly continues. "So I'm sure you are aware of your own status here."
Is she trying to take advantage of my state of silence? The fact that she can't read sign language or decipher my eyes and that I can't write gives her the opportunity to vent her mind without interruption? If she said such things to her husband it probably would result in the type of dispute I have now stumbled upon twice. To give credit where it is deserving, Delly is very vocal in her opinions, an admirable trait to have in a world where females seem to be shepherded around like sheep. That doesn't make some of her opinions right, though.
Does she honestly believe that something like status matters to me? Does she think that because it has such importance to her that it has the same gravity of importance to everyone else? If I were on the same level of status as the enslaved animals who pull the humans to their destinations I still would try to take what I believe is now mine and discover the truth about my birthright.
"Why are you still here? It's been so long," says Delly. "Surely you want to go home."
No, Delly, you want me to go home.
"You've turned from a nuisance in the jungle to a home wrecker." Delly purses her lips in agitation. "You've done nothing but meddle with my husband's good nature."
Meddled with Peeta's good nature? Right. So I used mind games to make him ask me to come to London? I must have also used these abilities I didn't know I have to convince the other women of the expedition to agree with him when he said they couldn't leave me. Also, to convince Madge to tutor me. Why is Delly even acting like she cares? From what I hear, whoever decided to arrange their marriage was meddling with Peeta's good nature in the first place because they knew he wouldn't say no.
As if she is even one to talk. I walked in on her literally blackmailing her 'good natured' husband because of his inability to give her offspring. "You owe me for the things you can't give me." Weren't they her words? What even goes on in that tiny sun colored head of hers that she accuses people of doing one thing; even condemns them for it; but doesn't realize that she has actually partook in a strain of it herself?
"I know you must idolize him . . . Saving you from that wretched place and all that. But that doesn't mean I will allow your welcome here to become overwrought. You will leave. Do I make myself clear?"
Idolize Peeta? The thought amuses me. The only creature I ever idolized was Kala. I wanted her wisdom; her kindness; and her strength. Idolization includes recognizing the superiority of the person or thing being idolized. Peeta is not my superior, he never was. I'm sure he knows this as well himself.
I continue to stare at her. I wonder if she were able to know what I say through my gaze like her husband would she be able to decipher every colorful word I wish to call her?
The only person whose order I will follow is Peeta's. Even that is to a particular degree. He expressed his anger at my making an advance, but returned my kiss when I gave it. Like the monkeys in the jungle, I'm sure it would be a blow to his male ego if he allowed a female to control him like that so he chose to resist afterward. It resulted in his telling me off and lecturing about disrespect of his hospitality. If I knew such things bothered him . . . I probably would have done it anyway.
"Am I speaking a foreign language?" Delly says, her face placid. I can see her patience with me running thin through her gaze. Peeta is not the only one who can read eyes. "I know you understand English, girl. Do I make myself clear?"
Who does she think that she's talking to, really? I walk along the board to the closest bedpost, which runs upwards close to the ceiling to hold the canopy above the bed. I love that these are called canopies. Like the canopies back home in the jungle. I see Delly flinch at my movement. I know she still expects me to pounce on her like a wild animal, despite my having proven on numerous occasions that I am capable of controlling myself.
"This is my house. You're standing on my bed; in my room; wearing my clothes; and it was my husband who saved you from the jungle," Delly says, a twinge of anxiety finally in her voice. Like she has to assert her ownership of these things so vehemently or else it won't be true.
Oh, she doesn't want me to wear her clothes? Fine then.
I pull my nightdress over my head and throw it at her, the alarmed look it causes to rise on her previously controlled features hilarious. I'm naked now, and I know it makes her uncomfortable. That's what separates strength from weakness. Worrying about your body being covered for the sake of decency is a weakness. The humans seem to have some sort of perception that a body is shameful, and seem to have evolved to believe it is an embarrassment to be exposed. Peeta is like me in some aspects. When I found him at his shelter in the jungle he didn't mind me seeing him without his shirt on, but suddenly tonight when it turned into a sexual matter it became something completely different. The humans think that I'm an anomaly? They're the erratic ones!
Delly doesn't know where to look now and it amuses me greatly. Her eyes are now pointed to the ground, as if my eyes are suddenly naked as well. I know she doesn't look me in the eye because that would mean part of my naked body would be in her peripheral vision. "That is not what I meant!" she says, as if I'll actually care.
She throws the nightdress back at me. Her aim is as off as her throw is feeble, the dress heading right past me. I react quickly, and catch the dress with my foot. Delly can't help but be the one who stares now as I balance on top of the bottom board with only one foot, not a single wobble to my frame as I hold my leg out, the dress draped over my foot like I'd placed it there myself.
"Cover yourself up and be decent," Delly demands.
The only person whose order I sometimes follow is Peeta's. Just to spite her, I kick the nightdress off my foot and over the side of the bed. I return my foot to the board and crouch, not so much as leaning against the bedpost for some support. It's only fair that she sees me this way. I have seen her in the same light, after all. Keening for mating time with her husband, who turned her down due to my presence in their home. I smirk.
"You are too uncaring for our world," Delly growls. "You'd roam around the streets like this if you were given the opportunity, wouldn't you?"
I probably would. I'm sure the reaction from the London dwellers would surely be both amusing and interesting. It is not London custom, however, which I respect for the sake of its people.
"All you achieve is further proving your savage nature," Delly presses. "Once a savage, always a savage."
How many more times is she going to use that word? I thought she was supposed to be literate? Surely she has other insults she could attempt to use rather than repeating the same one over and over again?
There is a creak at the top of the hallway. My head snaps to the door. Delly looks in the same direction as me, seemingly confused. "What?" she angrily demands. I roll my eyes. She can't even tell when her husband is coming our way.
Shaking my head, I dive off the bottom board. I body flip over the side, my hands briefly touching the mattress before using the leverage to vault myself forward, and land gracefully at the side of the bed where I threw the nightgown. Delly lets out a tiny scream, seeming to have initially believed that I was lunging for her. She stands dumbly as I swipe my nightdress off the ground and pull it over my head.
Just as the skirts have settled at my ankles, there's a soft rapping on the door. Instead of allowing me to answer, Delly stupidly snaps, "What?" at the knocker.
"Delly?" Peeta asks on the other side of the door, his voice so many different levels of shock and confusion.
"Peeta?" Delly asks back in alarm.
I rub my forehead with the heel of my hand. What was she expecting? There is no one else in this shelter! Peeta enters the room, his face looking like a visual representation of the confused tone he just had. "You said you were getting water, what are you doing in Kat's room?" he asks her.
It's clear that Delly must have returned while I slept and she and Peeta had sorted their differences. How inconvenient. It makes my task more difficult. Not impossible, just difficult. There is no questioning his interest in me, though, or else he'd never have kissed me back. This make up between spouses won't last. It won't be long before they're at one another's throats again.
"Didn't want me to find that you were harboring her?" Delly bites back.
Unprovoked by his wife's snippy remark, Peeta answers, "Well, if you expected me to kick her out over a spat, I knew you'd be disappointed." He meets my gaze from across the bed and I raise my eyebrows at him. He quickly averts his eyes, like looking at me is a dirty thing in itself. I know he's thinking about our kiss and the discussion we had in Delly's absence.
"I'll allow you to keep her," Delly declares, as if this decision had rested on her shoulders the entire time. Even her choice of wording reduces me to nothing but an animal. Her animosity amuses me.
"How generous of you," Peeta says, his tone flat.
"Why are you here?" I sign to him.
"It doesn't matter now," he signs back.
I wonder if the reason it now doesn't matter is the Delly's presence in my room. Why was he truly heading to my room? What had been his intention? Had he already succumbed to his true desires? The thought is entertaining, but I know deep down that he isn't that weak willed. It would take more than a kiss to make him give in to what he really wants.
"I'm tired. I'm going to retire to bed. Sorry for disturbing you, Kat." Delly says my name pointedly before sashaying out of the room. My gaze only briefly lingers after her, before it focuses solely on where it wants to be.
"I'm sorry if she woke you up," Peeta apologizes as soon as she's gone.
"She doesn't frighten me."
"I'm sure she doesn't," Peeta answers. He heads for the door. "Goodnight, Kat."
I don't answer him because his back is turned as he goes. Instead, I say my nightly farewell in my head. As soon as he's gone, I pull my nightdress over my head again. Stripping off in front of Delly reminded me of how much I enjoy being free of the restriction of body covers. I climb into bed, the duvet settling over my sensitive areas like an ice cool sheet. It reminds of me of sleeping in the jungle on the colder nights. When goosepimples would poison my skin and my nipples would harden to a point where I could cut wood with them if I desired.
Sleep is easier to find.
A/N: I can't promise that the updating for this story will be on a regular schedule just yet. Just know that I am trying my hardest to get myself completely back on track and that this story will continue no matter how long it takes.
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