Waluigi glanced at the clock on the wall and cursed. Turned out it was half past, just the wrong half past. He'd got up early to finish off the work in time for the date but time had slipped.
Dammit! Stop now and you can grab a shower. If you don't you'll smell as bad as Wario!
Waluigi practically fled from the workshop to his bedroom, where he stripped off in front of the mirror. Not too bad, he thought. Lean and skinny was what he liked. Wait! There isn't time for this! Get in the shower.
When in the shower he chided himself. Don't be dumb and think THAT far ahead. You've stuffed up before doing that! It's only coffee and a cake!
Wrapped in a towel he looked at the clothes on the bed. Silk turtleneck, skinny black jeans and a black waistcoat. Right. 10 minutes to get dressed, then you'll still make it to the bridge on time. Damn! Why am I feeling out of breath? This is so dumb! Waluigi's number 1, so don't make like Luigi and blush like a volcano!
Okay! Just keep up a brisk pace and you'll make it.
It was warmer than of late with a pleasant breeze and some scattered clouds as Waluigi was in sight of the river. Plenty of time! Now what would she like.. .
Waluigi went pale when it dawned on him that he'd completely forgotten to bring a present. No! NO NO! He jumped up and down. How could be be so stupid! Something simple, like a nice scarf. Or chocolates. Or flowers.
Wait. There was a Toad graveyard 10 minutes away, or 3 minutes if he ran like someone going to the toilet when they'd found out that Wario was cooking. It was well tended, with many graves having luxuriant floral tributes.
I'm going to hell...
-
Rosalina sat in the sunshine looking at the clock. Only three minutes late but it seemed longer.
She sighed. Was this really a good idea? She had heard the rumours about Waluigi, that he could be charming but had a horrible temper and was fond of cruel practical jokes. Both Peach and Daisy knew him and Peach had been diplomatic. Daisy was less so and Rosalina suspected there was more of a backstory there. Still, it didn't seem right to press it.
But that hadn't gelled with what she'd seen in that chance meeting with him in the shop. He'd seemed almost as nervous as Luigi and didn't seem to be creepy, as Daisy had described him. He seemed almost sweet. She knew she would have to speak to Wario at some point and that Waluigi was instrumental in keeping Wario's various schemes alive.
Still she needed to give him the benefit of the doubt. It would be unfair not to.
If he's supposed to be so clever, he can use a watch-
"Hnnngh hnnn hnnn hnnn!" A sweaty figure who's face matched the colour of his purple turtleneck ran towards her table, dark red roses clasped in one hand, neatly derailing her train of thought.
"Wally what's happened?"
"Hunh huh, I...was...running... ."
"What?"
"I...got...flowers...for...you..."
"Ah. They're very nice. There are very interesting. Princess Peach says that this variety is particularly significant for Toads, usually given at births and funerals."
"Ah yeah Aha Ha ha ahahahah!"
Oh no! By Wario's underpants hamper she's onto me! Waluigi felt a fresh flush of sweat trickle down his back, grateful that he was wearing a waistcoat. Better not raise my arms...
"But I do like them. I wasn't expecting anything. I haven't brought you anything! I'm not sure what the customs are here?"
"Um uh, I'm not so sure either. I don't get invited to eat cake very often."
Don't blow it now! Looks like she doesn't know about the flowers! You can still save this!
Waluigi was feeling better now he'd sat down. She's still smiling.
"So tell me more about yourself? I have to say that the advice about hanging from chin up bars really helped."
"Um thanks. Well. Um. My names Waluigi and I do all sorts of things! If you need something made, I can make it? You need something watching I can spy on it. No need to get your hands dirty like a plumber, I can make a 'bot for it! he heh. I'm Wario's go to guy!"
"Okay! See, isn't it better now your more relaxed! Wow, it seems you have hidden depths Wally! As for me, I am a traveller from an early age, but not by choice."
Rosalina went silent, looked down briefly, then looked at the menu.
"Shall we get some drinks and cake?"
Waluigi nodded. It seemed that the conversation was steering towards somewhere uncomfortable.
Their food and drink arrived, two coffees and a selection of small cakes. Rosalina smiled at Waluigi.
"Well, I sort of became an honorary mother to Lumas, the little star people that live in my cosmos. Then there was a cataclysm and I and my observatory had to escape through a black hole. We wouldn't have made it if it wasn't for Mario, Peach and Luigi."
"Huh?!"
"I know, it doesn't seem believable when I say it now, but that's what happened. It was this fearsome beast called Bowser who'd stumbled upon an ancient alien artefact, but didn't control it. It more controlled him and soon he was within its thrall.
We escaped through a black hole and into this Universe. We could not have done so without Peach, Mario and Luigi."
Waluigi was silent. He had no idea what to say next. But say something! Show that you can actually speak more normally than Wario running uphill after a pizza van.
"Whoa. So why are you here in the Mushroom Kingdom?"
"Princess Peach wanted to get to know me. There are certain skills I have to offer, but most I cannot tell you as of now. I will be going back to my base in a couple of months. Maybe you'd like to come perhaps?"
"Yeah! That'd be awesome! So what's it like being in low g?" You've saved it!
"Well, I never thought about it until I came here, but Mario and Luigi found it hard to get used to it. I felt bad for them."
Waluigi grinned. "I guess it must be kinda weird!"
"Yes. Mario found his space legs real quick-" Of course he would.
"-But Luigi... Wan't the best first meeting. I first saw him making a bee-line for the bathroom. His face was the same colour as his shirt!"
Waluigi sniggered. "So what happened?"
"Mario told me. Luigi got startled by one of my rabbits, so he ran off and tripped. But he was going so fast he launched himself!"
"Uh? What do you mean launched?"
"Oh. One of the quirks of my space base is that it is small enough that you could launch yourself into orbit if your careless when running or jumping. That's what happened to Luigi. He made two full orbits before Mario caught and de-orbited him! You tend to spin when in free fall. That's what set him off. Waluigi are you all right?"
Waluigi's face was twitching with snorts coming out of his nose and face. Finally, he could no longer hold on.
"Whahwhahahhahhhh! Ha ha ha ha! What a complete loser! Hello queen of space my name is BLAARGHH! Ha Ha ha!"
He laughed until tears where in his eyes. What a complete loser. He might have Daisy but that sure had to suck. Bet he throws up everytime he sees a pretty women!"
Waluigi was too busy snorting and sniggering to notice that Rosalina's expression more closely resembled a Gao statue, all traces of smile having diminished.
"I didn't think it was that funny. And I can't blame Luigi. You have no idea how changing g affects you. I've been caught out myself..."
She tailed off when she realised Waluigi was still sniggering, seeming unaware of her presence. She felt a flush of anger within.
"WALUIGI! HELLO I'M STILL HERE!" A mass of heads turned. Waluigi flinched.
"Hnn hn hn what? Oh. Yeah, but that was till dumb of him. You can make that loser jump and scream just by popping a bag behind him!"
"I think it's best if we end this conversation. What's so funny about being sick? Is it funny when you're sick? I didn't think you'd find other peoples' discomfort so funny?"
Waluigi felt like his clothes became much larger and much hotter. He slunk into his chair.
"Um...uh...so you didn't find it even a bit funny?"
"NO! My space home is a place a safety for all who are invited to it! It is my responsibility to ensure all guests are comfortable!"
He stared at his feet, the bunch of flowers and his feet again.
"Actually, I've been hiding something from you. I have heard Peach's caution and some of those rumours about you. But I don't believe in judging someone just on what others say. And you where so sweet in the shop. Disappointing! I expected better!"
"But...but..."
"I've seen enough. Don't contact me unless I contact you first. You can keep your flowers. Bill please!"
Waluigi sat in silence. Seemed his luck was back to normal. What is it with your ability to grab defeat from the jaws of victory. The one woman who asked you on a date and you screw it up!
He took the flowers and slunk off towards the woods. He hurled the flowers in the river. Well done.