A/N: I wanted to do this before the chapter instead of the end for a few reasons. One being since I had that code issue last chapter I totally forgot to re-add in my end of chapter authors note. Two and this is IMPORTANT this chapter is dark. There is going to be talk of depression and the act self harm. Although I don't want to spoil stuff I also wanted to give people a fair warning. *Trigger Warning*

2011

The rest of 8th grade and all of 9th was hell. I realized that when I used to tell Bella "You are my best and only friend" I hadn't been lying. She had truly been my only friend and it took her leaving for me to notice. It hadn't been as though I was unliked and sure I would talk to people in class but when I walked into school the following week after Bella left I realized how alone I truly was. I fell into a depression and my grades went from solid B's to dragging in the low C's. In every aspect of my life I was barely getting by. Just surviving enough to not cause worry from my parents.

Then 10th grade came and I moved up to the high school. I'm not saying it was better but having a whole new group of people joining my class from middle school was different. People who never knew me and didn't know me as the weird loner now were in my classes. I also grew into my looks a bit.. Sure was taller now at 6'1 but I was less knobbly. I filled out more giving me more of a runner's build then a large red haired bird. I got into a group of friends who didn't care I never talked about my past and they in turn got me into the party scene.

"Hey Edward you coming to Mike's tonight," My friend James asked me as we loitered at a 7/11. I shrug. I really wasn't feeling a party at the moment. I dreamt of her last night and after those dreams wore off and I came back to reality I was always in a pretty shitty mood. "Come on one last party before x-mas break is up. After all it is New Year's Eve."

"Fine," I mutter liking the idea of getting drunk. Numbing my senses and maybe even getting laid. Hopefully that would get my mind off that stupid dream. Though I felt some guilt since I was suppose to hang with Emmett who was home for the holiday's and Alice. Our parents were going to some New Year's party for the hospital and were spending the night at a hotel. I knew my siblings would be disappointed but they would get over it.

Getting out of the house had been easy. My ride came and I explained to Emmett and Alice that I was hanging with some friends. Alice whined, Emmett was ticked off but he let me go. I only hoped he wouldn't rat me out. I was already in some shit with my parents at the moment.

When we got to Mike's house the party was already in full swing. Mike nodded to me with a beer in one hand and his arm flung around his girlfriend, Jessica's, shoulder. James and I made our way into the kitchen I mixed myself a rum and coke heavy on the rum. Then we made our way back into the living room where the music was loud, the air was thick with body heat and weed smoke, and the girls were hot.

Now normally a party is just what I needed to get my mood up but tonight there was no helping me. Although I tried to ignore it I had to admit over the last few weeks I found myself falling into a deeper depression. I took another shot as Tanya kissed down my neck trying to start something. Again this would be something that normally would lift my spirits along with something else but tonight I wanted nothing to do with this or to do with her. Tanya and I were, for lack of a better label, fuck buddies but other than sexual release and liking to party we really had nothing in common. She didn't know me and honestly I really didn't know her. I will admit it was like that with most of my friends. No one ever compared to her and maybe that's because I never gave them a chance to.

Finally the heat and the crowd got to me. The space seemed too small despite the fact Mike practically lived in a mansion. There was a whooshing sound in my ears that began to rival with the loud music. I shrugged Tanya off me and stumbled through the crowd. Finally I made it to the front door, the cool night air helped clear my head a little but the thought of going back there was nauseating so I began to walk home.

The walk wasn't too bad. 20 minutes tops. I stumbled on the side of the road as I walked. I muttered to myself. I was just glad no cops saw me in my clearly drunken state. What was wrong with me? I was young, I had girls willing to be with me, I had friends, I was invited to parties; why was I so fucking miserable?

Finally I came up to my house. Using my phone as a light I unlocked the door. Alice and Emmett must have already gone to bed because the house was dark as fuck, not to mention it was well after 2am. I fumbled to my room, as I did so I managed to drop my cell phone and then kick it under my bed. "Fuck," I muttered getting on my hands and knees trying to fish it out. Before I found my phone though, my hands felt cardboard. I reached a little further, getting a good hold of it and slid out a box.

Maybe it was the alcohol and weed but I couldn't for the life of me remember why this box was under my bed. That is until I opened it up. My breath left me in a gasp. Inside the box was all things that were her's or related to her. I couldn't believe I forgot about it all. How did I forget about it? Two weeks after she was gone I had gone on a rampage in my room throwing all things that were her into a box that I proceeded to kick under my bed. The forgotten birthday gifts, both hers and mine, the sheet music to the song I had been writing for her, photos of us, my walkie talkie, gifts she had gotten me over the years,and her earring in a ziplock bag. It was all here.

I began to pull out all the stuff and spread it out on my floor. I ripped open the birthday paper from the Robert Frost book and found myself reading the poem. The stupid poem she loved so much. The one she knew by heart. I tugged on my hair with shaky hands. With the book still open I marked the page with the photo strip from that fateful summer. My eyes couldn't bare to stare at her face for too long. That last photo with her kissing my cheek and me staring at the camera wide eyed in shock. I swear I could feel her lips searing into my skin at this very moment. I hastily pushed everything far away from me, clearing a space on my floor. I felt claustrophobic again. Like all these things, these keepsakes of her where removing the air from the room.

I reached into the box one last time to find my hand on what felt like wood. I pulled out the knife. The secret birthday gift Emmett had given to me. The tool that marked the tree I could no longer bare to look at. I opened it up. Stared at the metal. The whooshing in my ears was so loud now and the room felt much too small. It was almost as though I blacked out and what pulled me back was pain shooting through my arms. I looked down blinking as I saw the blood. I dropped the knife which seemed to echo as it hit my hardwood floor.

I felt my head getting light and the pain only increased. I remember thinking that it was too much blood and knowing this could be it. I wasn't mad about that though. Maybe this was a long time coming. What I was mad about was that I broke my promise to her. After all these years I wasn't careful, and I did hurt myself with it.

I'm not sure if I decided to lay down or if I just couldn't stay sitting up anymore but I found myself staring at those damn glow in the dark stars. I stared at the Cassiopeia constellation we made.

"Edward," I heard a voice whisper. "What are you...oh god….Edward what did you do?" Alice's face was now blocking my view. "EMMETT...HELP!" That's when the world went dark.

End of chapter 2. Hope ya'll enjoyed and thanks for reading (following/faving/etc.) Thanks Arcade Android for being me spell checker and helping me work out all that coding shit in that last chapter.

Write on,

Spunkransom12