Hey guys.
Old readers - this is a repost of this chapter because I made a mistake, tried to fix it and ended up with a system error. My bad.
New readers - Welcome!
I'm quivering when I step out of the restroom. Alice's chat, for lack of a better word, had shaken me up. Even if I did love Edward, what could I do about?
He was marrying someone else.
He was marrying my best friend.
What kind of person would I be to do that to Rosalie? What kind of person falls in love with their best friend's boyfriend?
This is some high school style shit, and I was above it.
A few deep breaths on the way over to the table and I'm steady again. I grab my coat and turn to Rosalie.
"How long will it be before the food gets here?"
Rosalie quirks an eyebrow. "Maybe 20 minutes. Or more. Why?"
"I'm going out for a smoke."
Kate gasps incredulously. "Bella! I thought you quit!" she exclaims.
"And I thought you knew I was terrible at quitting. I'll be back soon." I kiss Rosalie's forehead and leave the restaurant.
"Bells?"
My head spins when I hear his smooth voice and I face an unsure and concerned Edward. He has his hands stuffed in his jacket and he's leaning against the brick wall of the restaurant.
"Hey, Ed," I say softly, blowing out the cigarette smoke. He extends his hand and I know what he's asking. I hand him the cigarette and watch him inhale and exhale the smoke. His mouth curls around the smoke and I see his tongue swipe his lip before he hands me the cigarette back. I take it and look away immediately, not want to be caught staring.
"It's a shitty habit, huh?"
For a second, I think he means my blatant staring before I realize he means the smoking.
"Trust me, I know," I say in agreement, knowing he doesn't understand the double entendre of my words.
"Hard to quit though."
I look at him to find that even though I'm not staring, he is. His brows are furrowed, almost resigned, and he's looking at me intently.
I take a step closer to him and he closes his eyes and hangs his head.
"Bells…" he groans and looks back up. "I miss you."
I frown. "What do you mean? I'm right here."
He lets out a whoosh and turns away from me, digging his hands deeper into the pockets of his jacket. He's leaning on his back now and he turns his face upwards.
"I mean…yeah. You're here. But. We were different. We used to be friends. What happened?"
I mirror his position. "We still are."
"Are we? Fuck, Swan. You know what I mean. We're friends, yes. I say hi, you say hi, we talk about insignificant shit and occasionally ask each other some serious questions. But we used to be friends. Remember university? We used to watch tv shows together, go to places, act like idiots…we used to laugh. A lot. Do you remember that?"
He's earnest and he's breaking my heart.
"Yeah, I do." And I'm smiling but it's a sad smile.
"What happened?"
Life happened. Love happened. Heartbreak happened.
Rosalie happened.
"I don't know," I lie in a small whisper. It takes all I have not to burst into tears.
He looks at me and his face softens.
"I miss you, Bells."
A tear slips down before I can stop it.
I don't know who initiates it but before I know it, I'm in his arms. My arms wind over his neck and I push my face into his chest. His arms encircle me and he holds me tight. He smells like sandalwood and grass. He smells like home.
Turns out, he's sniffing me too because he says, "You smell like rain."
A chuckle bursts out of me. "I smell like water?" I ask, teasing.
He chuckles too and his chest vibrates in his humor.
"No. You know what the earth smells like after it has just rained? That's what you smell like."
I pull away from his embrace and smile at him.
"I hope this not your way of saying I smell bad."
"Shut up and take a compliment, Swan."
"Okay, Masen."
"You're such a smartass."
"I know." We're both smiling.
I take a step back and say, "Congratulations."
He rubs his neck awkwardly. "Thank you."
"How did you pop the question?"
He shrugs. "I took her to that restaurant that we met in. I figured it was time to ask. She wanted to come here later though."
"That's nice," is my brilliant answer.
He hums in agreement.
"Hey, Edward?"
"Yes, Bella?"
"I miss you too."
I don't realize how hungry I am until the waitress places my ravioli in front of me. I'm scarfing down the food and chugging the wine like there's no tomorrow.
Three glasses into the evening, I exclaim, "Here's to Rose and Ed! I wish a happy married life to my favorite couple out there!" Cheers erupt from our table and I'm happy. I think.
Jake orders some more alcohol and I drink most of it. I don't keep count of how much I'm drinking but I make sure my glass is never empty. Kate, Rosalie and even Edward are looking at me with concern but I'm quick to assure them that it's a celebratory night.
As the night goes on, my words begin to slur and my movements blur together and I can't see straight. I welcome the influence of alcohol with open arms. Today wasn't a day for sober-ness.
Alice and Jasper are the first ones to call it a night. Soon, one by one, each person leaves before it's just me, Rosalie and Edward.
"I should go too," I sigh. Edward and Rosalie exchange a glance and Edward is the one to speak.
"Hey, I don't think you should be walking, let alone driving. Let me drive?"
"Mmkay." I hand him my keys and lean back into the booth.
Edward turns to Rose.
"You're driving back home to your parents, right?"
Rose nods. "Yeah, I am."
"Okay, then I'll see you tomorrow evening after work.
Rosalie nods once again and stands to leave. She strokes Bella's chin and asks, "Are you going to be okay?"
"Yup. Love you."
Rosalie smiles. "Back at you." And with that she leaves the restaurant.
And it's just me and Edward.
I don't remember getting into my car but I'm surprised to see that we're parked at the side of road. Cars are whizzing by us and turn to Edward, who is staring at me with a lot of concern.
"Bella?" he asks tentatively, his voice soft.
My cheeks are wet and I realize I've been silently crying.
"Oh shit—I'm sorry." And I'm wiping furiously at my cheeks, trying to push back the tears to wherever they came from and failing.
"Don't apologize. Tell me what's wrong."
I sink into the car seat, feeling tears prick my eyes again.
What's wrong? I'm 27 and the only man I've ever loved is marrying someone else. I'm stuck in a job that I hate and doesn't pay well. I'm living paycheck to paycheck and I'm drowning in student loans. I can barely afford to fix my car. I feel like my life is passing me by and I don't know what to do.
"Everything," I answer simply.
Edward's hand wraps itself around my hand. He holds on tightly.
Tingles go up my arm and I fight the urge to climb into his lap.
"I don't want to go home. Let's go somewhere. Please?"
He smiles gently. "Where do you want to go?"
Thank you for reading!