*comes out of hiding place*

Sorry about the really late update but it's here! Life just..caught up to me, lol. But I won't leave you hanging, loves.

Warning - characters have potty mouths. If you hate swearing...read it anyway..? ^_^

Disclaimer - I own nothin', sweet cakes.

"Seriously? Out of all the places in the fucking world? Here?"

"Shut up and get out of the car, Bells."

"Okay, I get it. The absolute best place you could think of with that pretty little head of yours was La fucking Push. How someone gave you a scholarship is beyond me." Wow, alcohol makes me snarky.

"It was either this or the strip club. Do you maybe want to get out of this car before I turn seventy?"

"Haven't you heard? Seventy is the new twenty. Being seventy is the shit!"

"You're loud when you're drunk."

"You're sexy when…always." I freeze as soon as the words come out of my mouth, hoping its un-platonic nature doesn't stunt the conversation between us.

But Edward, like always, surprises me. He barks out an abrupt laugh, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

"I can't say the same for you. God knows you're not fun to be around when you're hammered."

"Gee thanks. That did wonders for my self esteem," I reply, a little quietly, still relieved that my careless words didn't ruin the atmosphere.

His easy smile fades into seriousness.

"So. What's the deal with you?"

I look out at the dirty beach, littered with plastic and beer bottles from the bonfires that were held there. "Nothin'," I say, sounding childlike in my denial.

"I thought we were going to try to be friends."

"When did I say I want to be your friend?" I'm only half joking and I dismiss his statement with humor.

"You didn't have to say. I read your mind." His face holds no expression and if I didn't know him, I wouldn't have known that he was joking.

Edward Masen, the deadpan king.

"Okay, mind-reader. Tell me what I'm thinking now." My words still slur a lit, the alcohol in my system making me grin lazily up at him.

"You're thinking…" he scrunches up his face in mock concentration, "that you'll tell me what's bothering you."

I make a buzzer sound. "Wrong. I was thinking you'll take me elsewhere."

"Fine. Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know."

"Holy shit. I kind of fucking hate you right now." He rubs his face with his palms and I swear I hear him mutter, "Fucking women."

"Okay, okay. Highman park?"

He sighs, smiling softly. "Sounds good, Swan."

We're sitting on the park benches, staring out at the swings and slides. The park is empty except for the two of us. I haven't said a word and Edward doesn't seem like he's about to initiate a conversation any time soon, seemingly happy with just looking at the trees and occasionally glancing at me.

I'm also looking at nothing but my mind is miles back into the past. Back into the first time I met him.

He was all crooked smiles and emerald eyes and I was all flushed cheeks and an open heart. I remember him sauntering through Riley's doors into the noisy party room, his eyes searching for someone and not finding them. Instead, finding me. His lips stretching out into a lazy grin in acknowledgment before he walked right back out.

That smile.

That motherfucking smile.

Plump lips that stretched to reveal pearly whites. A dimple and eyes that crinkled and a face that melted onlookers.

It was like that smile had sunk a hook right into my middle and I wanted to know more about my fisher. And when he left the room, I followed. I followed him all way to this moment.

I followed him to fucking Highman Park.

I can't follow him anymore.

He caught another fish. His life is moving on and I can't love him anymore. Not if I ever wanted a life for myself. I deserved better. I deserve someone who actually fucking wants me back.

My love for him was pathetic and maybe it was fucking daddy issues for all I knew. My dad was never really around when I was younger and now I go after men that emotionally unavailable. Men who don't want me in their lives.

But I don't know how to not love Edward.

Maybe I always would.

Maybe I would always love him and instead of trying to move on, I should try to accept it. I would always love him and a tiny part of me would always have his signature etched deep. Maybe I just had to learn how to live without a tiny part of me.

Maybe I should learn how to live with loving my best friend.

When I followed him into Riley's kitchen, I don't think I realized I was following him. I wanted a drink and I went to get one. Instead I got myself into a one-sided relationship.

As I'm staring at the ground of the park, I remember Edward asking me what drink I wanted and me, getting a drink and somehow ending up talking for hours with this man.

I remember how as the night wore on, we got closer and closer, trying to hear each other over the music as people jostled around us.

I think about how we must have looked to others that night. Edward, sitting on a barstool with his leg hooked around mine, leaning towards me on his palm. Me, also on a barstool, wide eyes and bright smiles, touching his forearm to make an emphatic remark about whatever it is we were talking about.

I'm not crazy right? For thinking that maybe, this gorgeous, funny guy was maybe into me?

"I'm not crazy right?"

I break the silence that Edward and I were sitting in. I don't know what makes me do it—if it's the buzz or my need for answers.

"As far as I know."

"Edward."

Something in my voice makes his head snap and look at me. His eyes lose some of its mirth when he notices how serious I look.

"What are you talking about?" he asks, quietly.

I turn my head slowly and look straight into those mossy eyes I love so much.

"Do you remember the night we met?"

"Like it was yesterday, of course."

His genuine words crumble my heart.

Always fucking genuine.

"I'm not crazy right?"

His brows furrow, perplexed, but he doesn't say anything, so I continue.

"I'm not crazy for thinking that maybe…that was the start of something…romantic?"

Holy fuck, that was awkward. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

My cheeks flush and I vow to never drink again. I can't believe I just said that. Out loud.

But it's like a weight is lifted off me. Something that I've wondered for years, out in the air. Uncomfortable but earnest words that floats awkwardly in the atmosphere—both heavy and light. Heavy because of the weight behind it. Light because it's no longer on my shoulders.

Edward's eyes grow wide before they turn away from me. A sharp exhale. And then he speaks.

"You're not crazy, Bella. I was the crazy one."

I'm still reeling from his words when he shakes his head and looks up with a bitter smile.

"Why are you asking me this?" he asks with a scoff.

I ignore his question, my heart beating at an irregular pace.

"What do you mean you were the crazy one?"

My question is spoken quietly but I want to scream it at him. I want to throw things and shake him until I find an answer. My nerves feel fried and tried.

"It doesn't matter now."

I sigh sharply, frustrated with him, myself and everything in general.

"It does matter." A tear escapes the confines of my eye. "It fucking matters."

Edward doesn't say anything and chooses just to look at me. A part of me wants to think that he looks sad—even hope that he's sad but the reality is, he's expressionless.

It's like my words froze him into a statue and he's helpless—unable to communicate his thoughts or feelings.

Suddenly, I just don't care.

Fuck it.

The two words scream at me and I throw all caution to the wind. I'm twenty-fucking-seven and maybe what I'm about to do is a big mistake.

But really, how big of a mistake is it if no one from the future is coming to the past to stop me from doing it?

I'm a human and entitled to mistakes. Furthermore, I've spent my entire life being cautious.

Always carry mace with you. Never, ever go home with strangers you've just met. Don't drink more than 2 glasses of something in an hour but if you do end up breaking this rule, drink water like you're a motherfucking elephant.

Fuck it.

Fuck it all.

"Why does it matter?" He's indignant.

"Because I'm in love with you, Edward. That's why it fucking matters."

Ah. Well.

K, so I wasn't fucking lying when I said the chapter was going to be longer but...clearly it isn't. Reason being, it become too long (like 6k words kind of long) and I took out a lot and broke it up into smaller chapters. Do y'all hate me? I'M SORRY, OKAY? This was just a better way to end a chapter. As always, sorry about the mistakes. Still looking out for an editor!

Kisses. (even tho you hate me.)

- Sherri