Break the Rules (Roy Mustang)
Often times I wonder
I imagine
What life would be like if I hadn't made the choice I had
If you hadn't made the choice you had
Where would we be?
But we both know without a doubt
That we made our choices willingly
We had our motives,
We knew the consequences
And still we did what we did
At the cost of our souls
Our sanity
Our relationship
None of it left untouched by the mass genocide our country called war
Because nothing is left sacred in the heart of a murderer
Not even one lauded as a hero
And even as I killed
Even as I destroyed
Like the obedient dog that I am
I was able to live through it
Able to accept it, even
But then I saw you
You, the quiet girl needing human affection
With eyes now hollow and dead
Making it clear that, like me, you willingly stained your soul
Willingly became as much a murderer as me,
And all for what?
A man who chained himself to the military,
Whose hands are stained not even with blood, but with ash,
Who took the secrets you carried with you and turned them into a heinous weapon
Used to ruthlessly slaughter helpless, innocent lives?
Funny, how our choices have brought us closer together
Have created an unbreakable bond forged by the horrors of our past,
Yet at the same time it has drawn a line,
Created a wall,
Disallowing us from ever being together!
Funny how this bothers me
How it maddens me
Even more so than the weight of sin inside my heart
Because just once would I like you to ignore the line
Just once I wish you would break the rules
No one even has to fucking know about it!
But that isn't enough to convince you, is it?
You were never one to break rules
And call me crazy, but it makes me want you even more
Makes me want to break the rules even more
Makes me want to just give in even more
But I have no choice, do I?
And so here I am, stumbling on
Pursuing countless women to forget the one I can never have,
Waiting for a blissful reprieve from this torture
This insanity
Knowing full well that it'll never happen
Because you're always right there,
Always standing behind me
Always there to hold me accountable
Always there to make sure I never forget
And you,
You stubborn, infuriating, wonderful woman you
Will be the death of me some day
In so many more ways than just one
And I?
I couldn't care less, to be honest
Because even if I fail
Even if things don't turn out quite right
If it meant I could be with you
Even then
I would never, ever regret it.
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