Chapter Two: Adjusting

Kyo ran to Shishou as they entered the house and immediately buried his head in the man's chest, mind reeling and emotions jumbled. Akito had scared him to death, even more so in small form, and seeing Yuki burst into tears hadn't helped. He idly wondered what had happened to make his arch enemy so scared, but that thought was erased as his mother came into his mind.

Some part of his brain was telling him that her death had happened years ago, but a bigger, stronger part was telling him that it was very recent, possibly only a weak ago. That was another problem he was having; he couldn't stand arguing with himself, each part of his brain fighting for power. And he really didn't want to be reminded of his mother's death.

It was his fault that she had died; everyone said so. They all said that the little monster had killed her. She had always been so terrified that his beads would slip and his true form would be revealed. But she had loved him. She had told him that everyday, yet she had still been scared of him.

He hadn't realized it then, and part of him still didn't, that his mother had actually been terrified by him. That she wasn't the completely loving mother that he had believed her to be.

Tears pricked at his eyes as the hurt came back full force, every snide comment ever made about him, or his mother, coming back to mind in new clarity. Everyone hated him and with good reason. Why shouldn't they? He was a monster. He could barely hug anyone without transforming. Why would anyone in their right mind want to take care of him?

That had to be what was wrong with Shishou. He was insane. Why else would he be letting him hang on so tight now? Why would he have offered to take him? He was out of mind. Kyo couldn't hold back his tears as this realization came to mind. Since he was insane, he would have to be taken to the hospital and kept there.

But that also meant that Shigure was insane to. Shigure had even let him stay in his house. That was almost as bad as Shishou becoming so close to him. He had to call someone, some older member of the zodiac, and tell them about Shishou and Shigure being insane. Maybe they could be cured so they could take care of other people. That would better for them, for him to simply be erased from their minds.

He could call Hatori. Hatori could erase mind if it was needed, and Kyo was certain it was needed now. Shigure and Shishou had to be cured no matter how much it hurt him. And it was going to hurt. As much as Shigure annoyed him sometimes, he still cared about him, and the man had allowed him to stay in his house. It didn't matter that they were both cursed by the zodiac. Shigure still needed to be cured.

It was going to be worse with Shishou. Even though he was now small again, he still had retained all of him memories. He could remember everything he and Shishou had done together, all the laughter they had shared, all the times Shishou had calmed his fears, and all the times when Shishou had taken care of him when he was sick. He felt like Shishou was his dad, and really he wanted Shishou to take on the title of being his dad, but he knew that was selfish of him. He couldn't ask Shishou to take on that burden as much as he wanted it. Maybe once his memory was erased and he was free of him, Shishou could meet a woman and maybe get married. Maybe they could get married and have children of their own.

But I don't want him to get married, Kyo thought sadly with big tears streaming down his cheeks and wetting Shishou's shirt. I don't want him to have kids, and I want him to be my dad.

You can't have everything you want, one part of his brain whispered. Sometimes you have to sacrifice the things you want so those that you care about will be happy.

Kyo closed his eyes tightly and plugged his ears, hoping that would put an end to the argument he was having with himself. Why did all this have to be so complicated? Why hadn't he been able to have a normal life with two parents who loved him, no Akito, and no stupid curse? Why had he been chosen to be cursed and everyone else normal? Why had he been picked out to have a miserable life, and why couldn't he stop answering himself!

He couldn't hold back the sobs anymore overwhelmed by all that happened, exhausted emotionally and physically.

Shishou had been noticing something changing in Kyo for the past few minutes, reminding him of the darkness the whole Sohma main house reeked of. Why had happened to make this come back? Kyo had been doing so well and was finally opening up to him, and to Tohru. Had Akito heard this and was determined to make the child's life miserable?

He drew the child up higher on his lap, allowing Kyo's head to rest on his shoulder as the child began crying. Shishou began rubbing his back, something that had always calmed him in the past. He waited a few minutes to see if that helped any, but it didn't, and he could sense the darkness growing every second.

He guessed Kyo's age to be about four, or five. Of course, he scolded himself mentally; he's around the age his mother died! No wonder I can sense darkness. He's probably remembering everything everyone said about his mother death being his fault, and he can probably feel the pain of losing her much more clearly now.

He held the child tighter while beginning to speak quietly into the child's ear. "Your mother's death was not your fault, no matter what anyone says. You did not kill her. She loved you very much no matter what you think."

Kyo heard this and mulled it over in his brain. Shishou was trying to make him feel better, another sign that he wasn't right in the head. Kyo began shaking his head, feeling as if his heart was breaking. Why did he always cause everyone so much pain? Why couldn't he just be normal and have people love him? Why were the only people who really seemed to care about him insane? Why did he have to be such a monster?

Able to no longer stay in Shishou's warm arms, knowing that every second he stayed there he was causing Shishou pain; he thrust himself out of the man's arms and ran in the direction of his room. He didn't get very far as Shishou's arms shot you and caught him around the waist.

"No," Kyo almost screamed. "No, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, but please don't hurt me. Please, just let me go. I'll get Hatori so he can come and fix you! I didn't mean to hurt you! Please, just let me go! Please," he sobbed as he was drawn back to Shishou's chest, almost hyperventilating, terrified that Shishou had come to his senses and was going to punish him for killing his mother and being a monster. He shook his head violently as the teenage and child part of his brain began arguing again. He tried to push away from Shishou, to run to his room, but couldn't.

Why wouldn't the voices in his head stop? Why in the world was he arguing with himself?

Because I'm insane, some part of his brain answered. Not everyone else; I am. I made them insane and am now insane myself.

I'm not insane, and I didn't make anyone insane. Shishou loves me like a son. He's treated me like one, why-

He doesn't love me. He only acts like he does because he's insane, and I made him that way.

No, I didn't. I didn't make anyone insane, I didn't kill my mother, and I'm not a monster.

You're wrong though. I am a monster, and I did kill my mother. I deserve to die. I deserve to have every limb of my body slowly sawed off with a dull blade-

"STOP!" Kyo screamed suddenly the voices in his head to much. "STOP IT! JUST STOP IT!"

Kyo simply sobbed, helpless to do anything else. He focused on the sounds in the room, Shishou's breathing next to his ear, and the murmured, quiet voices of Shigure and Ayame. It took him several minutes to realize that Hatori hadn't left and was now kneeling to next him, talking to Shishou. Kyo shook his head again, mind still in turmoil, but as he waited a few minutes he realized the voices in his head had stopped. He continued to sob though, unable to stop now, as his body went limp against Shishou.

Shishou looked at Hatori worriedly. "What could the side affects of that shot be?" Hatori frowned slightly.

"One of them was hearing voices. That would be my guess as to why he suddenly screamed 'Stop' without any of us doing anything. Of course, I'll need to ask him, but he doesn't seem to be sobbing anymore."

"He's also completely limp. Is that a good thing?" Hatori shrugged.

"Possibly. It may mean that screaming made the voices stop, or he's simply given up on trying. Physically they were both fine for this, but I was very worried about what it would to do them. It was engineered to turn them back into whatever age that their most trying experience was, as Akito so eloquently put it. Kyo?" the doctor asked gently. "Could you look at me please? I need to ask you a few questions."

He saw the child shudder and could hear him draw in a deep breath before turning to look at him. His eyes were red and puffy, exhaustion showing on every inch of his face. "Are there voices in your head?" he asked kindly keeping his gaze locked with Kyo's. The child shook his head.

"There were, but they stopped. It was like I was arguing with myself, wondering if I had made everyone insane because Shishou was taking care of me, and Shigure had let me live in his house. I'm the cat, a monster, and no one should be willing to take care of him because of my true form. I thought that you all had to be insane to take care of me, and I caused it, and I caused my mom to die. I wanted to get away so I wouldn't cause anyone anymore pain. If you erased their memories than they could live a happy life and Shishou might be able to get married and have children." It was obvious that the child hadn't meant to say that by the surprised look on his face.

Hatori had known that this was going to be hard on both the teens, but he had never realized how insecure Kyo really was. He looked at Shishou and saw the same surprise he knew was on his own face.

Shishou tightened his arms around the child and kissed his forehead. "You are not a monster, and Shigure and I are not insane for any reason and especially not for taking care of you. I love you very much Kyo even though I don't think I've actually said that to you, but I love you with all my heart. I do not wish to get married, and I already have a child: you. I know biologically, or even legally, that you aren't my son, but in my heart you are my son. Since you very little, I have thought of you this way. You did not cause your mother's death like I said earlier. In no way are you responsible for her death no matter what anyone says, understand?" Kyo was looking hesitantly up at him, unsure if he believed him. Kyo bit down on his bottom lip, thinking.

If Shishou was telling the truth then much of his problems were solved, but how did he know Shishou wasn't insane?

Shishou looked to Hatori for help. Hatori frowned. "Kyo, you trust my word as a doctor, don't you? If I told you that you, or someone else was sick, you would believe me wouldn't you?" Kyo nodded wondering what Hatori's point was. "As a doctor I can say with certainty that Shigure and Shishou are not insane. I know the signs of insanity, and they have none of them." The child seemed to consider this, one hand gently gripping Shishou's shirt. "Do you believe me?" The adults could almost see the battle he was having in his head, and after a couple of minutes, he nodded slowly. Shishou released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"You don't think I'm insane now?" Kyo shook his head tiredly. "And, Kyo," he continued gently, "you are not a monster. You can not help the form that you take, but it does not make you a monster. What makes someone a monster is their actions, not what they look like. It matters what is on the inside. A monster is someone who will kill relentlessly and without thinking, enjoying the killing, and takes satisfaction in human suffering. If I started crying would you be upset?" Kyo was surprised at the question, but nodded. "That's the difference between you and a monster. You care and a monster wouldn't. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Kyo thought about this before answering. If Shishou was telling the truth then he really wasn't a monster. And he certainly did not want to see Shishou crying, or almost anyone for that matter. Kyo understood what he was saying, but still wasn't sure if he completely believed him. He nodded his head, and curled closer to the man, exhaustion about to overcome him. "Can I go to sleep?" he mumbled, eyes already closed and drifting. He managed to hear Shishou say yes before falling deeply asleep.

Shishou looked down at his surrogate son and sighed. "Is he going to be okay?" Hatori had taken a seat at the table sensing that both Shishou and Ayame had questions they wanted answered.

"I believe they both will be fine, but it is going to be hard work. They've both had such terrible childhoods and, like I said earlier, this was designed to return them to the age they were when the most terrible thing happened to them. They thing they were most upset by. We know what was bothering Kyo and he'll be easier to deal with since he still remembers the bond he shares with Shishou and is reluctantly accepting help. Yuki, on the other hand, is going to be much harder. After his trip to that room's of Akito's he stopped talking for a while, just like Kisa, and he's probably going to be the same now. And then we have to take into consideration how he feels about Ayame. Does he still hate you?" Hatori remarked idly, giving his long time friend a piercing stare. Ayame sighed dramatically as he sat down with Yuki still sleeping in his arms.

"I'm afraid so, Tori, but I'm sure we will be able to declare out brotherly bond!" he said to loudly, making Yuki stir. Hatori sighed.

"I knew he couldn't be mature for very long." Ayame heard this and smiled widely.

"Of course, I can't. It's not in my nature. I was surprised to see him so upset and scared. Am I supposed to be his guardian, or something why he's little? This is such the perfect chance to deepen our brotherly bond," he said again almost bouncing up and down at the prospect of finally having Yuki accept him. Hatori sighed again at Ayame's behavior.

"I'm not sure what role you are supposed to play. Akito's being very secretive about all this. Ayame, don't you think you should go put him in his room before you become too loud and wake him up? I don't think he's going to go back to sleep very soon if he's woken up, and he really needs his rest. They both do," he said turning to Shishou. "There are going to be physical side effects, obviously, but there can also be severe psychological side effects. Kyo was hearing voices in his head, and in some cases, it did cause temporary insanity." Shishou and Ayame both looked up at this, and Shigure stuck his head in.

"Temporary insanity? Should they have really been given this then?" Hatori shook his head.

"No, they shouldn't have, but any of the side effects will occur within the first eight hours, and I'm hoping that they'll both sleep through it all. They're exhausted mentally and physically and should sleep at least eight hours, but they could wake up earlier. I'm going to stay here in case they do wake up."

"What happens if they do wake up before the eight hours are up?" Ayame asked, still containing his excitement at the prospect of finally being able to deepen his bond with Yuki. Hatori shrugged.

"A number of things could, but whatever it is, it won't be pleasant. I'm more concerned about what this will do to Yuki's mind more than I am Kyo's. Kyo shouldn't have anymore psychological side effects. There is usually only one and no more, but Yuki's mind could be damaged permanently if he wakes before four. I do have some sleeping pills I could give him if I had to, but I would prefer not to. We should all be as quiet as possible until then." The three men nodded.

Ayame and Shishou carefully stood up and headed towards the children's room to tuck them into bed. Neither said a word to the other. Shishou gently laid Kyo down in his bed that suddenly looked to huge for his small body. He pulled the covers up and around his chin, tucking him in tightly. He passed a hand through the child's hair, kissed his forehead, and then left the room.

Ayame didn't leave Yuki quiet as quick, wondering what in the world Akito had done to terrify the child so bad, and what part he played in Yuki's problems.