Startled by the question, Snape looked down at her quickly and searched her profile. After a moment he replied quietly, "You know I do." Cassi's eyes began to water, and she fervently hoped she wouldn't break down. Keeping her gaze fixed on the castle, she asked the question that had been nagging her - "Why?"

Again, Snape was stunned. He turned her around by the shoulders, forcing her to look at him. "Why would you ask that?" he demanded. Was she accusing him of not really loving her, of just trying to get close to her for some sick, twisted motive? Seeing how close she was to tears, he tried to calm down. "Have I ever given you reason to doubt me?" he forced through gritted teeth. "Has anything I've said, anything I've done-"

"No!" Cassi gasped, eyes wide. He hadn't done anything wrong. The relationship was odd, yes, but she completely believed that he was invested. And he was right - she shouldn't ask that - but she needed to know what could possibly induce him to show any kind of affection for her. What could attract him strongly enough that he was willing to engage in such a strange relationship? Especially given his history with relationships? Cassi did not believe that she deserved to be the recipient of his affections, and she needed to know why he cared. That was the heart of the issue, the one she had to try to explain to him. "No...I've never doubted you. I didn't mean to blame anything on you."

"Then what did you mean," Snape said irritably. If anyone else had accused him so forwardly, then tried to brush it off under pretense of a misunderstanding, he wouldn't have been standing there still. His nature was to distrust people, and it had served him well before. But it was Cassandra...and despite his nature, he wanted so desperately to be wrong about this that he gave her a chance to explain.

She did not immediately take that chance. For a moment Cassi stood tottering on the brink of tears, then they all rushed out in one big burst as she buried her face in her hands and words began to pour out of her mouth like she'd been planning this for years.

"I mean that I'm not good enough for you," she sobbed. "And you don't believe me when I say it, but it's true. I'll never be good enough for you. You could have anyone in the world - anyone you wanted, if you truly wanted them. And you picked me, and I don't know why. I don't feel that I deserve you, and so I feel like you must not really know me, otherwise you wouldn't love me. I'm not good enough for you. So what could you possibly see in me," she sniffed, "that could even possibly tempt you to love me? I'm no one. I'm not smart, I'm not pretty, I'm not strong. What...what do you see?"

Snape's eyes had become increasingly narrowed as Cassi continued crying, and by the time she finished her explosion, they were downright dangerous. "Who told you these things?" he hissed. "Because not a single one is true." Cassi was shocked into relative silence as Snape began his own tirade. "Who told you you're not smart, or pretty, or strong? They lied. You are a brilliant, beautiful, iron-willed girl, and those who say otherwise are the ones who don't truly know you. Who told you you weren't good enough for me? What makes you think I deserve a higher standard than anyone else? I deserve nothing. I deserve to be shunned and rejected. I don't deserve any of this...I certainly don't deserve you. No, you're the one that should have someone better. You deserve...you deserve more than an old, tired professor."

His words trailed off as he moved away from her to stare across the lake. Cassi followed him with her eyes, stunned by his ferocity. Did he really believe his own words, or was he making excuses...to himself and her? "But what's in this for you?" she blurted out before her brain had a chance to process and refine what she was going to say. She winced at her own words. Perhaps that wasn't the way I meant that...

Snape turned and simply looked at her, then said, "Explain." Cassi considered just leaving and going back inside to escape the whole situation. She looked down at the ground and took a shaky breath. "I just meant...surely, you've met people that you like better than me. I've only been here four years, you've met loads of other people long before I came here, and even assuming all that stuff you said earlier - which I don't - that still doesn't explain why you're willing to be with me, and not someone else." She shot him a glance, wondering if this had made him mad again. He just looked tired as he watched her.

"You mean why I'm willing to be romantically attached to my student, who is 20 years my junior?" he asked bluntly. Wincing again, Cassi nodded mutely. Snape sighed quietly, keeping eye contact the whole time. Then he said, "First of all, I suppose part of me wants to defy everyone who says I'm incapable of human feeling. I know you don't think so, but the vast majority of students - and teachers, for that matter - fully believe that. I suppose they had almost gotten me to believe it too, and it's nice to know that they're wrong."

His words trailed off again, and he stood silently with his hands clasped behind his back. He turned to look back over the water. "And I suppose," he said quietly, "you provide me with something that I've been without for a very long time, something that I've missed immensely. Don't misunderstand, but you do remind me of Lily. You are not her, and you are not a replacement or a coping mechanism. However, it cannot be ignored that you make me feel as she did. I can share things with you that I haven't been able to share with anyone since Lily. You make the pain of her loss lessen, somehow, in your own mystical way. I've found that my life is pleasant with you in it, and that I miss you when you're not with me. It's been many long years since I became too old for obsessive crushes," he smiled, "but I do find comfort in your companionship, and I don't wish to lose you. I understand that you are young, and you are still changing and finding yourself. You will not always be who you are now. But you will always be you, and I am willing to risk loss in pursuit of a much larger gain." Still looking over the water, he fell into a contemplative silence. Cassi looked at him with eyes full of gratitude. She bit her lip, contemplating a daring move, then slowly stepped up behind him and slid her arms around him. Resting her cheek on his back, she said softly, "I will change, and to some extent you will too. But you're right, the gain is worth the risk. I appreciate your honesty, and your words, and I want you to know that I love you, Severus Snape."

At that, he broke away from her embrace so he could take her in his arms. Cassi buried her face in his chest, feeling protected and loved for the first time in her life. Snape buried his face in her hair, feeling needed and loved for the first time in his life. They stood like that for a minute, then Cassi raised her face to look at him. He returned her gaze, then slowly bent down to brush her lips with his. The kiss was slow, gentle, but indescribably sweet. All the blood in Cassi's body rushed to her head, and for one dizzy moment she wondered if one could pass out from being too happy. When Snape broke away she decided it must be impossible, because no one in the world could be happier than she was, and somehow she was still conscious.

Snape's mind, however, was in a less pleasant state as he kissed the girl he loved. The thought had crossed his mind earlier that he wouldn't rather be with anyone else if the world were to end, but then without warning, an image of Lily appeared in front of his eyes. What about her, Snape? he asked himself. Don't you love her, too? Or have you abandoned her now for this new girl? Yes, Lily told you to move on. But really, can you? Can you forego Lily in pursuit of this different person? You can't have both; you're offering Lily's place to Cassi. You're making a mistake.

He broke away from Cassi a bit more abruptly than he had intended to. Suddenly he just wanted to be alone with his thoughts and memories and feelings. Later he couldn't remember how he got from the Lake to his chambers, but he had a vague feeling that he may have been rather harsh, and he had the distinct impression of Cassi being surprised and a little hurt by his mood swing. He didn't care as much as he should have as he shut and locked the door behind him; but then, Severus Snape was never too good with emotions. And now, two futures would be dictated by his emotions.

Snape refused to completely forget Lily Evans. But it was equally impossible to move on from Cassandra Renner. Both were now irreplaceable parts of his heart, and he was certain that without either of them,life would not be worth living. So somehow, Lily and Cassandra had to coexist peacefully. And how could that ever be when they were vying for the same place in his heart?

It seemed as though even in his happiness, Severus Snape was destined for misery and heart-rending decisions. It's just not fair.