Chapter 6:
Dinner Guest

Sam couldn't help but notice the knot that formed in her stomach the moment she pulled up to her house and saw Liam's car in the driveway. She reluctantly checked the time - it was past midnight. She had forgotten that Liam was due home today, and she wasn't quite sure how she was going to explain her absence. She looked at her phone, which had been on silent, to see the three missed calls and two text messages from Liam throughout the evening, and that made her even sicker.

Sam was well aware how strangely she'd been acting since Josh walked back into her life, and she had no idea how she was going to explain this to Liam… but did she really have to? Again, Sam realized she couldn't very well explain who Josh was and all he meant to her without explaining the events that took place on Mount Washington all those years ago. Even then, he would only think she was even crazier than he already did.

Sam knew just by the way he'd been looking at her the last few days that something in him had changed, the way he saw her. She had worked so hard to overcome all of her grief and all of the trauma she still carried around like baggage, waiting to eventually be unpacked. Liam was only getting a glimpse of the kind of crazy she knew deep down she was capable of.

Sam quietly turned the key in the lock, hoping that by some chance she could sneak in undetected, but it appeared, as she stepped into the foyer, that Liam was just going out… or had just gotten home. She wasn't sure.

His eyes grew as he looked at her, still in her skirt and blazer from work earlier. "Are you just now getting home?" he asked. This was so unlike her. She dropped her bag to her side, setting her keys down on the table by the front door.

"Work-" she began, but he stopped her.

"Bryana already told me that you left for the day. Said something about you driving to Calabasas?" Ouch. Caught.

"I wasn't working in my office," Sam explained, tucking a loose strand of blonde behind her ear, one of her biggest tell-signs that she was lying. Josh had pointed this out when they were younger and Sam had insisted on the guys letting her play poker with them. He read her like a book, always.

The gesture seemed to brush over Liam, who began to take his coat off, "I should say not. Where were you working? Especially in Calabasas?" he asked. She didn't like his tone, it was hard and accusatory. He'd never spoken to her in that way before. She cleared her throat nervously, her eyes falling to the ground and she pushed past him and walked into the kitchen to make herself some tea.

"I…. I went to see one of my client's parents. To get a better read on him…" she said meekly, pulling out her silver teapot and beginning to fill it with water. She kept her back to Liam so she didn't have to see the astonishment in his face, but it didn't matter. She could hear it in his voice as he said, "Sam, that seems really…"

"Crazy?" she said under her breath, chuckling and shaking her head.

"...unnecessary…" he decided upon. Sam folded her lips before she said anything else dumb. Why hadn't she just told him she went out for drinks with some friends?

….Oh right. Because she didn't have any friends.

"Sam…" he said, but she didn't respond to him as she turned on the burner, watching the black circle turn to an ominous, searing red. She set the teapot down. "Sam." He said again. She took in a sharp breath, turning to face him.

"What," she let out quickly. This wasn't a conversation she wanted to have any more. He neared her, his hands rubbing up and down her arms. There was a time when his touch calmed her, comforted her. Now all it did was make her feel guilty.

"I think… you might need to consider dropping this client this… this Elliot guy. You haven't been yourself since you started seeing him. I've never seen you like this," Liam reasoned, his eyes intensely searching for hers, but she couldn't meet his gaze.

"It's not that simple. And I won't be giving up on my client, if that's what you're asking me to do-"

"Sam you're acting insane," he finally snapped, dropping his arms from hers. Sam's eyebrows pulled together in confusion… anger.

"Why are you talking to me like this?" she said evenly, shaking her head. "So.. so I got a little invested. So I worked late tonight, so what? You do it all the time. Are you the only one allowed to care about your career? Are you the only one allowed to care about your work?" she combated. He stepped towards her, getting in her face a bit.

"My career isn't dealing with nutcases-"

"Don't you dare," Sam warned, her eyes angrily finding his before she pushed past him again and headed towards her bedroom, her feet heavy. She stripped herself of her blazer, tossing it away from her frustratedly as she sat down at her vanity and violently began wiping away her make up. Her heart was pounding, her stomach fluttery and queasy, especially as she heard him following her to the bedroom.

Sam didn't look at him when he paused in the doorway, but she could see him standing there in her peripheral.

"Look… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," he said in a tone that didn't sound sorry, but Sam hardly cared if he was sincere or sorry or not. She just wanted to go to bed so that she could get to work and see Josh tomorrow.

"I'm fine," she said curtly, beginning to run her brush through her hair.

"I didn't mean to say that stuff, I'm just… I'm worried about you."

"I said I'm fine," she snapped again, turning towards him. She pointed the brush at him. "You don't have to worry about me. I am just doing all I can to help a patient, that should be commended. You should see how many psychiatrists throw pills at their subjects and call them good. Jo- Elliot is a very special case and I will not give up on him," she said sternly. Liam's shoulders slouched a bit and he neared her, kneeling down beside her vanity bench.

"Okay," he nodded solemnly, and Sam was almost relieved until he said, "But…"

"No buts," Sam groaned, turning back towards her own reflection.

"But what if you cross a line? Or get way too invested? What if you can't help him o-or you break a rule and lose everything. I've watched you work so hard to get to this point, I would hate to see you lose it all because of one patient."

But he wasn't just a patient. He was the love of her life… and she couldn't very well tell her fiance that. She could see Liam's face in her mirror, and Sam suddenly realized that she was going to have to figure out what she was going to do about Liam, soon. Something else she'd been putting off for far too long. There was no way she was going to be able to go through with this wedding, not with Josh alive and breathing and existing in her life, memories or not.

And it was going to destroy him.

Session 4 - Joshua Washington - 10:00 am

"Welcome back," Sam greeted, then felt her breath hitch when she saw him fully enter the room.

Not Elliot. Never Elliot in her mind again.

Josh. Like she'd known deep down all along.

He gave her a slight nod but his footsteps didn't falter as he took his regular place on her beige couch, collapsing upon it with a slight bounce. Sam snapped on the recorder, rounding her desk and leaning against the front of it. She crossed her arms over her chest and squeezed; anything to keep herself from running over to wrap her arms around him, knowing what she knew now. Staring at his face, she couldn't believe she'd ever doubted it in the first place.

'He's here. He's right here. He's alive.' The words just kept screaming in her head over and over again and she was having a hard time containing the grin that kept breaking on her face. She hated that she couldn't just run over to him and shake him, 'remember who you are! Remember, me!' Josh rose an eyebrow, crossing his own arms to match her.

"Care to share with the rest of the class?" he asked. Her smile must have been rubbing off of him, because he seemed brighter than the last time she'd seen him, perhaps looked like he'd at least gotten a few hours of sleep. She hoped the pills she'd prescribed were helping.

"Just a good morning," she replied as vaguely as she could. It was so hard to talk to him now. She wanted him to remember, wanted him to recognize her. She reached beside her and lifted her coffee to her lips, although she didn't need it. She was wired enough on adrenaline as it were. "What about you? Did you have a good morning?"

"Wasn't too bad. I took the bus instead of walking today. Thought I'd try to have a conversation with someone on the way here." Sam's own eyebrows raised, and she gave him an approving nod.

"That's good. Did you?"

"No," he said with a sort of chuckle. "Only crazy people are on the bus. Well, crazier than me, I guess."

"I don't think you're crazy, Elliot." Just like he'd accused her of before, Sam found herself saying the name simply to remind herself not to slip up, especially now that she knew the truth. It was crucial that she not push him, and she certainly couldn't just tell him he was a whole other person, that could make things even worse.

"Hmm. Well, you'd be the first, then." Sam didn't respond to that, she just lowered her head and walked toward her chair. She wanted to be closer to him. She'd sit on the couch with him, if it wasn't such an odd thing to do. Josh's eyes narrowed at her before he clicked his tongue, "Something's… different," he observed. "Like you're hiding something."

Sam's eyes widened. He was smirking. Did he know? Was this all some sick, elaborate joke? She shook the thoughts away. Of course he didn't know. Sam cleared her throat and changed the subject.

"Have the sleeping pills been working?" she asked, and Josh gave a bit of shrug.

"I'm sleeping more, if that's what you're asking," he droned, but then he frowned. "Actually, I think I've been dreaming even more… only now when I wake up at least it's morning instead of the middle of the night. I'm finding it easier to come out a nightmare in the daylight." Sam leaned back in her chair.

"Is it the same nightmare as before?" she ventured, and Josh kinda zoned out, staring into space instead of at anything directly, as though he were trying to remember, to piece the fragments together.

"It's a lot of different stuff… I keep seeing those twin girls. If I didn't know any better I'd think I were being haunted. I remember at one point I was being sawed in half," he recalled, leaning his forehead into his hand and rubbing. Sam closed her eyes and swallowed… she couldn't get the image out of her head now, the way it felt standing in her towel in that theatre room watching Josh get ripped apart… real or not, that image was forever burned into her memory. "I mean, that's gotta mean something profound and metaphorical, right?" he chuckled. Sam allowed a tight smile, even though she could still hear Josh screaming in her mind.

"Sometimes, they say that dreams are memories of a past life," she offered. "Or perhaps these are pieces of your repressed memories… try really hard to remember your dreams, Elliot. Write them down if you need to. Something in your subconscious could be begging to be let out." Josh tilted his head to the side, pondering. "What are you thinking?" Sam asked almost instantly - she knew this look on his face.

"Have you ever done hypnosis on a patient?" he asked. Sam clenched her jaw… she had, but she wasn't sure she felt comfortable with it just yet… especially knowing what he was repressing first hand.

"Maybe in a future session," she smiled politely. Josh nodded, folding his arms of his chest and sighing.

"To be honest, not much has happened since I saw you last…" Not for him, maybe. A lot had happened since she saw him last, however, and she knew it was feeling incredibly awkward now, knowing who he was and not being able to tell him. "I think… I only came today to see you," he admitted, a sheepish smile spreading on his lips. It was infectious, and she felt her own lips curl up as well. She needed to see him outside of this constricting, professional environment… somewhere she could see him be himself and she could just be Sammy, not Dr. Jensen. And she was well aware how over the line even thinking about this was. It was as though her hands were acting on their own accord as they reached over and clicked off her recorder.

"Why don't you come to my house," she blurted before she could stop herself, her own eyes widening at her candor. Josh sat forward a bit, his own eyes big as well. "For dinner," she added, torn between her personal longing and her Hippocratic oath. "I can observe you in a social setting outside of this place… then maybe next time you sit on a bus you will be able to strike up a conversation," she covered. He chewed on his tongue a bit and Sam winced, wondering if he had bought it.

He offered her a smile, a real one, before he leaned back on the couch, his hands behind his head.

"What time?"

Sam rushed around her kitchen preparing for the special dinner that was about to occur very shortly. She kept drawing blanks on what the perfect meal would be for Josh until she finally opted on homemade pizzas. She ended up making six—just in case. She made a thin crust gluten-free veggie pizza for herself. She remembered that Josh's favorite pizza was jalapeños, mushrooms, and onions. She made that, wondering if he still preferred it and if he would wonder how she knew. The other pizzas were more normal.

She also made a huge bowl of salad. She set out a quart of water. Liam came home near the end of her race, but knew she'd been slaving in the kitchen for awhile. He looked at all the pizzas then at her sweaty face and floured hands, "Are you—entering a pizza contest, babe?"

She stared at him, hands on her hips. "Shit…now I'm going to have to explain this to him minutes before Josh gets here." She wiped her hand on her forehead, instantly feeling the flour and realizing she had to fix herself up. She rushed out of the kitchen and into her bedroom, pulling off all her clothes as she spoke, "I umm…invited someone over for dinner."

Liam followed her, watching as she stripped to her underwear and bra before running into the bathroom to fix her face and hair, "Okay…anyone I know?"

She flipped her hair around which somehow made it bounce gracefully over her shoulders, then went for the eyeliner, "Not personally, but I've been—talking about him. It's J—Elliot."

A pregnant pause. Sam didn't even need to look up to know the expression on his face. But then he chuckled, a forced amused sound, "Good one, Sam. I know you're not that stupid to bring one of your mentally ill clients here."

Sam pursed her lips together to keep from snapping at his choice of words, "I'm not lying, Liam. I invited him to dinner and he'll be here soon."

Another pause, then, "What the fuck, Samantha? After the fight we just got in over this shit? A-and the fact that it goes completely against your professional code to mix your work life with your personal life? And on top of that, you didn't even have the decency to tell me until now?"

She hardly cringed at his raised voice, "It was a last minute decision, Liam. And I have to do this—he doesn't have anyone else."

Liam threw his hands in the air and began pacing as Sam finished up with her makeup then went to her closet and pulled out casual, yet still presentable, clothes, "Then set him up in a group therapy or some shit and force him to meet people! Isn't that your job? Not to make his shrink his only friend!"

Sam pulled on her slacks, "Please don't talk to me about my job as if I don't know what I'm doing."

"But you obviously don't! Do you have any idea—." Before Liam could finish his thought, the doorbell rang.

"Oh, that's him!" Sam said excitedly and it was as if the argument with her fiancé didn't just happen. She grabbed her blouse and slipped it over her head before running back out to the kitchen. Liam's eyes followed her with a look of disgust as he tried to figure out why she was acting like a teenager who was eager to hang out with her best friends.

Sam cleared her throat and fluffed her hair one last time before swinging the door open. Her chest heaved up as she sucked in a breath upon seeing Josh standing there. "Josh is here…my Josh. It's him. It's always been him…"

"I'm so glad you could make it, J-Elliot," she greeted in the calmest voice she could muster. She stepped aside so he could enter. She wasn't surprised to still see him in his normal clothes—blue jeans and his dark hoodie. At least it wasn't pulled over his head though.

"Nice place you got here," he commented, staring down at the short blonde who was positively beaming at him.

Before she could respond, Liam came out, "It's actually my place," he said in a tone a bit too possessively. It made Sam cringe inwardly—he hadn't referred to the house as his since she moved in with him two years ago. Still, though his face was tight and unreadable, he held out his hand to Josh, "Liam Graham."

Sam noticed the corners of Josh's lips pull up, his amusement not going unnoticed. But while he politely shook Liam's hand, his eyes fell to Sam, "Seriously? Your name's gonna be Sam Graham?"

Sam couldn't even get out a goodhearted laugh before Liam was asking, "There something wrong with my future wife's name?"

Josh lost that little bit of a smile when he realize Liam was not fond of jokes, "No, man…not what I meant…"

"Uh-huh, man," Liam responded and Sam wanted to slap the shit out of him.

But she was able to maintain her air of hospitality and lead Josh further into the kitchen, "I made pizza, hope that's okay. You have your choice of—."

"I like your cat," Josh interrupted, staring down at Cee-Cee who was rubbing up against his leg and purring loudly.

Sam smiled, glad someone else was welcoming Josh, "Good girl, Clarice."

Josh leaned down to pet the cat, her meows long and happy, "Hello…Clarice."

She laughed—it was a laugh she didn't think she made since she was eighteen. She covered her mouth but her eyes shone with joy and the pleased look on Josh's face made the moment even more priceless.

"That was perfect," she complimented.

"So this is a dinner, right? Let's eat dinner then," Liam broke the moment, squeezing in between them to get to the counter and grab random slices of pizza.

Sam wanted to apologize to Josh for Liam's behavior but Josh hardly seemed to care, "Awesome. With all this food I won't have to worry about taking my meds to knock me out tonight."

Liam shot Sam a look but she chose to ignore it, "I made plenty so you can take some home tonight if you want to."

"This is my favorite," Josh pointed to the jalapeño pizza, his eyes roaming to Sam, "You found this out simply by listening to me talk about my past? You are good."

She laughed gently, but Liam continued to shoot her looks. He probably thought that she found that out through all of her stalking practices that she perfected within the last week.

Liam sat down at the head of the table, his plate clinking just a bit too loudly against the wood. Josh sat at the side of the table, then Sam sat between the two. They all began eating in silence, though Sam could feel Cee-Cee going between herself and Josh, her soft body rubbing against one leg then the other.

"So—can you tell me about yourself, or is that all confidential?" Liam asked. Sam wanted to reprimand him—he was acting like a spoiled child who wasn't getting his way.

Josh shook his head, "No, the good Dr. Jensen here helped me open up, so it's all good," Sam could hear the sarcasm in his voice, though Liam may not have picked up on it because he never dealt with Josh's humor before, "It all started when I was younger and wanted a unicorn. I begged and begged my parents for years until one day, they got me a fucking unicorn" Josh's smile was genuine as he told his story, "I loved Tulip the Unicorn so much, but then one day her head just started to rot and it was beyond disgusting, man, you should have seen it. Anyway, turns out my parents just bought me a horse and drilled a hole into its head and stuck a piece of metal in it. I've never been the same since."

Sam folded in her lips. This was definitely Josh and his warped sense of humor. She eyed him from the side before shifting her eyes to Liam who looked beyond revolted. He dropped his pizza and cocked his head to the side, silently telling her he wanted to speak to her in another room. She told Josh she'd be right back and followed Liam into the living room.

"What the fuck is wrong with him?" Liam asked in a voice that was low, but still could possibly be heard by Josh.

"Shhh," Sam looked into the kitchen to see Josh eating contentedly, "He was just telling a joke, Liam."

"But he's a damn guest in my house and doesn't even have the decency to answer a question in a normal way?"

"You were kind of rude," she didn't hold back to say, "'or is that all confidential?' C'mon now…"

Liam shook his head, "Let's just get through this dinner so we can send him home."

Before Sam could protest, Liam went back into the kitchen. Sam bit her lip and stared at Josh for a long moment, silently wishing she'd never have to send him home.

But Liam rushed the dinner and tried to close the evening with, "Well, I have work early in the morning. Let me show you to the door."

"I have to call a cab," Josh said, taking out his cell.

"Don't do that, I'll drive you home," Sam interjected before thinking. She grabbed a plate and piled up six slices of pizza for Josh to take home.

"That's not—," Josh began but stopped when she handed the plate to him then went to grab her shoes.

"Samantha, why don't you—," Liam tried to stop her.

"I'll be back in about an hour," Sam said, "There's usually not that much traffic this late at night. You ready, Elliot?"

Josh nodded, his peripheral vision taking in the sight of an outright pissed Liam. Josh walked out the door, Sam closing the door behind them. They were silent until they reached the main road.

"I don't think your fiancé likes me very much," he said as a joke, mostly because it was so obvious.

Sam sighed, easing her shoulders down as she began to wash away her anger over how Liam was acting, "He just—doesn't understand the situation…"

Elliot looked like he wanted to ask about the situation himself, but went with, "You gonna be okay when you get home? I mean…he seemed pretty mad…"

She looked over at him in the darkened car. It was at this moment that she realized she was finally alone with Josh. They were safe in the bubble of her car—she could tell him everything right then. Who she was, who he was, who they were. She had to bite down on her tongue to not come right out and say it. It wouldn't be healthy for either of them if she did that. It could potentially confuse him even more and make him believe that she was the insane one.

"He'll get over it," was all she said as she plugged her iPod into the stereo and pressed shuffle.

Josh watched her fidget with her device and made sure she didn't take her eyes off the road for too long, "So when's the wedding?"

"December 31st." Sam witnessed Josh smiling to himself, but trying to cover his laugh with his hand, "What's so funny?"

Josh gave her a look that said I really shouldn't say but she nodded him on, "Well…I just think it's funny. Since it's on New Year's Eve, I'm assuming you're luring people to the wedding with free booze. It's a great way to ensure a huge wedding," he paused here, looking out his window, "You don't seem like someone who wants a big wedding though."

Sam bit her lip to keep from saying anything. Elliot only spent maybe a total of ten hours with her and knew her better than Liam did. It was hard not opening up to Elliot—she finally got her friend back that she needed to tell all her secrets to and just vent but she couldn't because she was his psychiatrist.

"But I never told you…what I should have said. No I never told you…I just held it in. And now I miss everything about. Can't believe that I still want you…" The old school music of Colbie Caillat filled the air and it made her wonder if Josh recognized it. She was Hannah's favorite singer; his sister was constantly playing her songs.

She recalled a time when they were driving home from the beach. Beth was driving, Hannah was in the passenger seat, and Sam was in the backseat sitting in the middle of Chris and Josh. They were all casually talking about their day when Hannah yelled excitedly about a song that came on the radio, cranking it up so everyone could hear.

All the windows were rolled down, and Sam laughed and laughed at Hannah's crazy hair that flew all over her head no matter how tame she tried to make it.

"I don't know, but I think I may be—fallin' for ya, dropping so quick-ly, maybe I should—keep this to myself…wait until I—know you better, I am tryin' not to tell you; but I want to. I'm scared of what you'll say—."

"Hey, bro!" Josh yelled over the music and wind to Chris. Sam instinctively sat forward so they could see each other while they spoke. Josh reached behind Sam and tapped his shoulder when Chris didn't hear. Sam's stomach did flips and rolls over the mere thought of Josh's arm around her, "Why didn't you ride in the car with Ash?"

Mike, Emily, Jess, and Ashley had also spent the day at the beach with them, driving their own separate car. There would have been plenty of room for Chris to ride in the back with Ashley, but at the last moment, he chickened out and chose to ride in Beth's car.

Chris shrugged and raised his voice as well, "I dunno! Em's car is a bit smaller so—."

"Bullshit!" Josh laughed despite still sounding somewhat disappointed in his best friend, "You just didn't know what you would end up doing on the long drive home!"

"So I'm hidin' what I'm feeling, but I'm tired of—holdin' this inside my head…"

The gentle rocking of the car, along with spending the whole day in the sun and water, was making Sam sleepy and her eyes started to droop. She allowed the car to sway her to the right where she was able to rest her head on Josh's chest. His arm came down and around her, his fingers lightly caressing her upper arm. Yet he continued to yell over the music to Chris as though having Sam lay against him was normal and natural.

"You guys can be so annoying with how obvious you are and yet neither of you make a move!"

Sam smiled, loving how deep his voice sounded with her ear against his chest.

"Uh-huh! Sure, bro, you're one to talk!" Chris countered.

Josh laughed, his fingers that were lingering on her arm suddenly squeezing her gently, "I'm not the one complaining though!"

Back in the present, Josh's voice snapped Sam out of her memory, "If you just follow this street all the way down, my apartment is the last one on the right."

Sam didn't even realize that she drove all the way to his place with the two of them just comfortably listening to music the whole way. Yet when she parked in front of his building, she regretted having zoned out. She invited him to dinner to talk to him more—Liam pretty much ruined that. But she tried giving herself another opportunity by driving him home. Time just seemed to be slipping away from her the harder she tried to grasp it.

"Do you need coffee for the ride back?" Josh suddenly asked her. Sam turned her head to meet his gaze, "I can make you a cup…"

He was asking her if she wanted to come in for a moment. It was something that should sound off all kinds of alarms in her head. She should just tell him goodnight and drive home, and wait until his next appointment to see him again.

But she found herself nodding instead and getting out of her car with him. She followed closely behind him as he unlocked the front door then traveled down a winding hallway until they reached his apartment number. Sam held her breath, her hearing becoming hypersensitive when the sound of him turning the key seemed louder than it should have ever been.

'This is so wrong, Sam, what are you doing? You can very easily get your license suspended…'

"Come on in," he said in the most pleasant voice, holding the door open for her before walking in behind her. He set his pizza on the counter before working on getting her coffee ready. She almost wanted to say that she didn't actually need any, but then what was her excuse for coming here with him?

So she looked around, taking in how small the place actually was. His living room and kitchen practically blended together into one room, and around the left corner she spotted the tiny bathroom, and around the right corner, his medium sized bedroom. The door was wide open and she could see the messed up sheets hanging half off the bed.

She averted her eyes away from the bedroom. Against his wall beside the TV were piles and piles of textbooks.

"Are you a collector?" She asked teasingly, kneeling down to read all the titles.

Philosophy: The Meaning of Life; Introduction to Wines; UFOs in American Society; Underwater Basket Weaving; Cyberporn and Society; The Science of Superheroes; Kama Sutra—…Zombies in Popular Media.

"Not really, those are just some classes I took recently," he answered, pressing the round button on the top of the Keurig to brew her coffee.

She laughed lightly, "But these are so—random."

He shrugged, crossing his arms and leaning against his counter, "I sometimes get bored and just take whatever class sounds interesting at the time. Might as well do something with all that money sitting in the bank, right?"

The coffee machine beeped, and he handed her the mug, "Thank you…but seriously? You don't have any sort of plan for a major?"

"Not really…I mean, unless you know something I could do with Kama Sutra," he chuckled and sat down on his couch, to the far right, to show her that she was welcome to sit as well.

But Sam remained standing, feeling a bit awkward for doing so, but still trying to keep her nerves under control. She laughed with him, "So how'd that class happen?"

"It was in a good time slot—and it was a bonus that I was the only guy in that class, so you can imagine how much attention I got."

She took a sip of her scalding coffee as she tried to hide her face from him. She knew how expressional her face could get against her will and was scared to show what was racing through her mind. It shocked her how jealous she felt, despite telling herself that he was probably just joking anyway. Even still—she would have loved to take that class with him…

Elliot watched her switch her weight from foot to foot, and wince her face every time the hot liquid burned her tongue even though she seemed to otherwise ignore it, "You wanna see my movie collection?" He asked, pulling out a big binder full of blu-rays.

She looked at him, seeing the same look in his eyes that was probably in hers. The desire to want her to stay, but the potential strangeness of the whole situation wanting her to simply flee and be done with it.

But, just like when she followed him inside his apartment, she had no control of her body. She walked around the coffee table and sat down on the couch with him. Her hands gripped the coffee mug tighter, the ceramic almost burning her palms.

"Let me guess…horror movies?"

He did a double-take. She watched as a slow smirk curved his lips. She always loved how much bigger his smile seemed compared to anyone else's. It was almost like everyone else's smiles held some sort of fakeness to them—but Josh's were always genuine.

"Wow—first the pizza and now the movies. Is it something specific I said to give myself away?"

She gave a short laugh, "Well…you did tell that very excellent story about Tulip the Unicorn."

"Ha!" His laugh was deep and loud, and she could tell he was fully enjoying himself, "That was great, wasn't it? Totally came up with that on the spot." He opened his binder and, sure enough, all the horror classics lined the pages.

Thinking of his storytelling, it brought Sam back to a time when they were a lot younger—it was during her first sleepover at the Washington's. Sam was turning thirteen in a few days, so Hannah and Beth were having a grand time giving her a makeover. They painted her nails, put blue and pink streaks in her hair, tested every single eyeshadow color and shade…

But that was all over once Josh came around and wanted to partake in scary story telling with them. Sam didn't see the big deal about this, but Hannah and Beth tried their hardest to get Josh to go away.

Of course, he didn't; turning off all the lights then flicking on a flashlight that he pointed up from his chin, he began telling his story. The sisters held onto each other, but despite continuously telling him to stop, they would stay quiet for certain moments of the story.

There was no doubt that Josh was a wonderful storyteller. He had the voice that could draw anyone in. And when he got to the climatic part, and Hannah and Beth were hiding their faces, Sam leaned in close and whispered, "…and then what happens?"

And though they just met a few weeks ago, the interest in both their eyes sparked a bond that would never leave them. He smiled at her, the flashlight glinting on his braces. She quickly realized that her best friend's brother was completely dorky and she loved it.

Presently, Sam watched Josh's face as he told her about some of the movies in his collection. It was probably things he told her before—in another time, another life. But to think about how he didn't remember any of that and she was sharing these memories of them alone was clenching her heart. She wanted to reach out and shake him, yell "Please remember me, Josh! We loved each other…"

"Do I have something on my face?"

Sam blinked when he asked her this question. That's when she realized that he caught her staring at him. She blushed, her whole body heating up, and her taking longer sips of her coffee wasn't helping any, "No, just—dazed out for a second."

He studied her for a moment and she tried to keep her face neutral. He put down his binder then sat back, his head lazily rolling against the back of the couch, "Well, this is my office. You can tell me what's bothering you, Samantha." He said her name with acuteness and a grin, giving away that he was feigning his psychologist voice.

Even still, she shivered hearing him say her name. 'I should go, I need to get out of here. It's too much to handle right now. If I—.'

"I'll start with a question," he interrupted her thoughts. He shifted his eyes as he debated how or if he should ask. He opened his mouth slightly, his eyebrows narrowing and he looked genuinely confused, "Why are you so interested in me? I mean, I never had a—someone who…" he trailed off when he couldn't find the right words. Then: "Someone who wanted to know me? Am I like—an anomaly for your profession and you're trying to solve some sort of puzzle? Or do you visit all your patients and invite them to dinner?"

Sam furrowed her eyebrows. Her first instinct was to go on the defense but realized there was no reason to. He was asking sincerely and really did seem confounded on how anyone could find him in the least bit interesting. It made her lips turn down into a frown as she really tried to grasp the idea of him being alone inside his head with no memories.

"Is it only because I remind you of Josh?"

Hearing him talk about himself aloud was strange. It was like talking about someone who was standing right behind you.

"You…" she breathed, setting down her mug on the coffee table when her hands began shaking, "you just have so many secrets locked away inside you somewhere, and I want to help you get them out. You spend so much time by yourself, and that's not good—you need to socialize—discover if there's someone out there that can trigger a memory for you…help you rediscover who you really are. You have these moments where your—your eyes say so much—but other times, they're blank. I want to help you fill in all that blankness."

His eyes became glossy as she spoke, the idea of someone actually caring about him seeming overwhelming. But he quickly blinked away the wetness before he gave himself away.

"Hey, I have an idea," Sam went on quickly, not wanting him to feel awkward, "Let's do a social experiment. I'll take you to people I know—at least for the first few times—and we'll just spend a few hours or the whole day with them. It'll help you start talking to people and see that there are still a lot of good people out in the world."

He waved his hand and nodded, "You're the doctor."

"Great!" She stood up quickly, a big smile on her face, "Let's do a visit tomorrow evening to my mother's."

He smiled lazily up her, "Taking me home to mom already?"

She chuckled, grabbing her mug and drinking the rest before walking over to his kitchen counter, "My mom is thee nicest person in the world, so it's a safe starting point." She turned on the water to wash and rinse the mug. She placed it on the drying rack, then turned around to see him standing close to her.

"You leaving already?"

Sam sucked in a deep, brave breath, "Yeah…I should head home. Thank you for the coffee." She reminded herself over and over that Josh was here and alive. He wasn't going anywhere. She would see him tomorrow.

But tomorrow seemed ages away. Time passed so quickly when she was with him, yet so slowly when they were apart. She wished she could look into his eyes and kiss him. She wished he could lift her up onto his counter and wrap her legs around his waist. She wished she could feel his whole body pressed against hers and hear him breathing heavily against her.

But it wouldn't be Sam and Josh if all that were to happen. It would be Elliot and Dr. Jensen and she didn't want that—she wanted their true selves to be shining when they made their first—and final—connection.

So she settled for a hug. She stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around his torso, breathing in the smell of him—after all these years, he still smelled exactly like Josh. Her knees went weak when he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her tightly against him.

She wasn't even sure how long they stood in his kitchen like that. She wanted to believe it was a whole lifetime—reversing time to ten years ago and just letting this embrace fill in all those wasted seconds.

But then she felt him pulling away first, and though she grasped onto him tighter for just a second—the fear gripping her heart being almost too real—she stepped away as well. She whispered a goodnight while avoiding his eyes (she didn't trust herself if she made eye contact with him), then made her exit.

Her heart pounded heavily with the weight of already missing his arms around her. She already knew that she was still as much in love with him as she was ten years ago.

To be continued...