I'm just trying to be on team no happy endings...

I Wanted It To Be Me

Months.

It had been months since she had heard from Eric. A few days between texts or calls was normal, but it was coming up on 3 months of radio silence. She had a pretty good idea why though.

Initially, she had kept an eye on social media, because didn't everyone? She watched Raw almost religiously just to make sure he was still in one piece. All was well on that front. Then she saw he posted a picture of himself in a new house in the Encino Hills of California with a new puppy named Frank. Then she saw a picture of him and Gionna on New Year's and suddenly everything clicked into place.

She was getting ghosted because he wasn't single and he sure in the hell wasn't a Florida resident anymore.

He pulled up outside of her apartment complex, swallowing thickly. This was the first time he was going to be seeing her face to face since their night in New York. When he left, he had fully intended on searching his soul and clearing his mind. It started out well and then things got messy.

He was in love with her. He always had been, but never wanted to complicate things. Which lead to him being with other women throughout their friendship. The longer he kept up the charade, the harder it was to deny his feelings for her. He hated seeing her hurt. And hated it even more when he was the cause for her hurting.

But as fate would have it, he and Gionna began speaking again. Which lead to old feelings resurfacing, which led to dates, which inevitably left them being together again.

Had he taken the coward's way out by never admitting to anyone but himself that he had deep feelings for his best friend and then moving across the country all while basically ghosting her?

He absolutely was, but only to insure his friendship would stay the same.

There was brief knocking at her front door. She muted her tv to hear the knocking again. She stood from her couch and headed to the door as she wasn't expecting anyone. She peaked through the peephole as she sucked her teeth seeing an undeniable mop of bleach blond hair.

She unlocked and opened the door just enough for her to stand in the opening, "Can I help you?"

"Aren't ya gonna let me inside?"

"No. What do you want?"

He was taken aback, "Look, I just wanna apologize and explain myself. And I'd really rather not do it standing out here."

She rolled her eyes begrudgingly, but stepped back opening the door wider.

"Thank you."

She closed the door and folded her arms. She watched him as he paced back and forth.

"If you're just gonna wear my carpet down, you can leave."

"Look, I'm sorry, aight? I know it's been a minute since we talked..."

She cut him off, "A minute?! It's been months, Eric. Fucking months. And for what? Too busy working and moving and fixing whatever the fuck was broken with you and Gionna that you just fucking forgot all about me?"

"I was busy, yeah. There was a lot of shit going on in here." He tapped the side of his head.

"So, you ignore my texts and calls and comments and messages too?"

"You never called or texted."

"Oh, bullshit I didn't." She walked around her couch to grab her phone to show him. The last call being two weeks prior.

"I never got anything, hand to the man." He pulled his phone out showing her.

She shook her head sadly, "Gionna." She whispered.

"It couldn't have been..."

She interrupted him again, "Why not? That's who you've been with all this time, isn't it? She can't stand me or our friendship. So, why not?"

He looked down at his Jordans.

"What do you want, E? You wanna give me a status update? I know everything already."

"Ya know I still care about ya then, right?"

"I really wish you didn't." Her arms were folded again and her voice soft, "Why'd you disappear like that?"

"I really was trying to sort through some things going on in here." He gestured to his head and heart before continuing, "I figured it all out, but I came to the same conclusion. It was better off the way it was. Everything else was to distract me; to convince myself I made the right decision."

She wiped at her left eye, "What decision?"

He took a deep breath, "Its not important."

"You ghost me for months and you can't even tell me why?"

"You're already crying. I just..."

"You're being chicken shit. Just say it. How much more damage can be done?"

"I love you."

She rolled her eyes as he continued.

"I'm in love with you."

She frowned in confusion, "What?"

"I'm in love with you, but I couldn't bring myself to ruin our friendship."

She laughed and it sounded bitter and broken.

"Ruin our friendship? All I've wanted was for it to be me, E. From the very beginning all I wanted was you. There was always someone else in the picture and I figured being friends was better than nothing. And I was right, it was. But when I fell in love with you, I knew I was fucked, but despite all of that, we stayed friends. Despite me telling how I felt. Despite the nights of us hooking up. Through it all, we stayed friends. But when it's you having feelings for me, it's too risky and not worth our friendship? That's a fucking cop out and you know it."

He stood there silently watching her wipe away her tears.

"Go be with Gionna."

"What about us?"

"Us? There is no us. Not anymore. You showed me that in spades. There's a me and there's a you. You go do your thing and I'll do mine."

He stared at her. The finality to her tone sent chills through him.

"You're really throwing our friendship away?"

"Like you fucking did?"

"I didn't do anything. G must've deleted my shit..."

"Then go handle that. At this point, I don't care anymore. I'm done."

He stepped towards her, reaching out to touch her face to wipe away her tears. She turned her away and took a step back.

"I'm sorry." He whispered as he walked out the door.

She rushed to throw the lock then stood there looking at it. She took a deep shaky breath before she walked away and dropped back on her couch.

This is where I leave you. Until next time...