Chapter 16:

Thanks for the Memories, Kid

Sam couldn't believe Josh was coming over to her apartment—she still could hardly believe that she invited him. The last time they were alone, they almost crossed a very dangerous line; and they definitely would have if she hadn't rolled over on that remote. But before that moment that changed the path they were on, she couldn't keep her hands off him. And truth be told, she was worrying herself.

Ever since Josh started taking the medication she prescribed him, he was acting more like…well, Josh. Before, she could always tell the difference between Josh and Elliot—there were times when Josh shined through, but for the most part, it was Elliot's persona that had control. But now, he was doing little things that reminded her of the old Josh…his dark sense of humor being a big one.

Josh always had the ability to see right through her, and she knew her resistance against him was weak at best. He knew she didn't want to say no to him, which was what gave him the motivation and courage to continue asking her out.

But when she started telling him stories of their past…and he remembered those little details that no one else could have possibly guessed…she knew she couldn't deny him anymore. It took everything she had inside of her to not jump across the table and hold onto him, all while repeating gratefully, "You remember! You remember, you remember…"

She kept holding onto the hope that she would get to say those words to him sometime soon. Maybe she would get a chance to share more stories with him tonight.

The knock at the door announced his arrival. In her excitement, she went to the door without even realizing that Cee-Cee was laying right in the middle of the floor, resulting in Sam tripping over her, then accidentally stepping on her tail when Cee-Cee tried to scurry away. The cat screeched like it was being attacked by a large dog.

"Sorry, Ceec' but seriously, why sleep in the middle of the floor?" Sam shook her head then put on a smile before opening the door. She meant to greet him with actual words, but when she saw him standing there in a dark blue button down shirt and his short hair slightly spiked on the top, all she could manage was a breathless, "Hey…"

He grinned, revealing one of his hands that was behind his back, "I brought the catnip," he waved a little baggy.

Sam laughed, "Well that will definitely keep her occupied for the night."

Then he revealed his other hand that held a single rose in full bloom, "And for you."

Her eyes widened at the deep red color but when she went to grab it, he pulled it back and said, "Be careful though…tons of thorns on the stem." He held it up and sure enough, lots of tiny red thorns poked from the green stem, some hidden by the big leaves. He also held up his slightly cut up finger as proof.

She laughed again as she carefully took the flower from him, "Only you would get me something so gorgeous yet so dangerous."

"Can't have one without the other," he responded, stepping into her apartment and closing the door behind him. That was the understatement of the century. "It smells awesome in here. Am I smelling vegan food?"

She smirked at his humor, then walked to her cabinet to get a thin vase to put the rose in, "I'll have you know, I can cook for non-vegans, too. I made you pizza, remember?"

"I'll never forget it," he watched her fill the vase with water before placing it in the middle of the kitchen table. Sam saw Cee-Cee try desperately to climb up Josh's leg to get to the kitty drugs in his hand, "We meet again, Clarice," Josh told the cat, crouching down to scratch under her chin, "but you never called and now I feel like you're just using me for my cat crack."

"She's going to attack you," Sam said, trying to cover her giggles. Josh poured some of the catnip onto the kitchen floor and Cee-Cee went right for it, sniffing it in then rolling herself all over it. Sam tried not to stare at Josh as he leaned forward to pet Cee-Cee a few times. 'Damn it, why did he have to get better looking with age? This would be so much easier if he lost all his hair or got a beer belly…'

When he stood up straight again, his eyes met hers and she immediately felt a blush creep onto her cheeks at being caught. His grin was undeniably charming as he walked toward her and said, "Now that the monster is subdued…" He stopped directly in front of her, and she craned her neck to look up at him, unsure why she didn't back away. His raised his hands to put on her shoulders, but stopped before touching her. She witnessed the struggle in his eyes before he gripped his hands into fists and took a step back, "You look beautiful tonight, Sam."

"Thank you…" she murmured, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. She realized that he was showing her that he was letting her be in control of anything that happened between them, and she was both grateful and disappointed. They were two people in love who had been separated for years and yet they had to tiptoe around each other. She briefly wondered if he would hate her if she flat out told him everything, but knew that him hating her was just an unlikely as her ever hating him. "Um…how about some music?"

Sam went to her iPod stereo and selected Random Play in the hopes that nothing too dangerously bittersweet or romantic would come out during the evening.

To her somewhat relief, it was Lady Gaga's "Edge of Glory" that started off the night.

"There ain't no reason you and me should be alone, Tonight yeah baby, and I got a reason that you're who should take me home tonight. I need a man who thinks it's right when it's so wrong…"

"Do you need any help?" he asked, watching her scurry back into the kitchen to check on his chicken and dumpling casserole and her zucchini casserole.

"No, I think they're done," she said, pulling out the 5x5 dish that held his casserole. "How does it look?" She beamed proudly, tilting the dish in his direction.

"It looks great," he replied, chuckling, "But you seriously don't have to go all out for me every time you invite me over for dinner."

She shrugged a bit, absentmindedly saying, "They say the way to a man's heart is his stomach." She froze as soon as the words left her mouth; she meant to only state a random quote to match the moment, but she realized a bit too late that it a bit too close to their current situation.

Thankfully, Josh just laughed and said, "I do have to say, I was all yours as soon as you gave me all that pizza to take home."

"Ahh, so that's what started it, huh?" Sam giggled, eagerly wanting to make light of the situation like he was.

She set her casserole on top of the stove next to his before getting their plates. He was silent as he watched her make their plates but when she turned to hand him his, he finally said, "No, actually…it was before we even actually met."

Sam gripped her plate hard as she scooped her food onto her plate, "Oh…?" She never actually did ask why he chose her out of all the therapists in the world he could have chosen, and she thought maybe it was because she was afraid of his answer. Because in the end, it couldn't have been anything else but fate bringing them back together.

They walked to her table and sat down across from each other, then he said, "Yeah, I just saw your name and something felt…familiar? So I thought…maybe you were one of my doctors before I lost my memory, and you would be able to tell me who I am."

Her heart sunk at his confession, "I'm…sorry; I wasn't even a doctor ten years ago…"

Despite everything, he still smiled at her, "Well, I know that now. I didn't know you were my age when I picked you. All my other doctors were at least fifteen years older than me."

She pushed around her food on her plate for a moment as she zoned out. So even just her name triggered something for him, he just didn't know what. But he had been hoping from the start that she would be the one to tell him about his past life, but she chose not to because she thought it would be better for him if he found out on his own. Now she was beginning to wonder about her choices…

Josh must have seen her distress, because he then added in, "It's okay though—I stopped caring about finding out my past around the time you brought me to Chris and Ashley's."

Her wide eyes shot up to him, shock taking over her, "What? Why?"

He shrugged absently, taking his eyes away from her curious ones, "I guess because I realized it's not that important? I mean, I obviously don't have anyone from my past that cares about me, that's why no one's tried to find me. And you…" his eyes flitted nervously for a second before glancing up to her, "You made me want to focus on right now. And the future. And… now I kinda think I ended up picking you for entirely different reasons altogether..." He confessed, his eyes falling from hers - she knew he was careful about his admissions at this point, since the two of them had no clear idea where the line that they seemed to always cross even was at this point. Sam closed her mouth, after she realized it was hanging open, and cleared her throat before taking a big, nervous gulp of her wine.

"So… why the change of heart?" He wondered, his eyes searching again for hers now. "I mean, why did you change your mind about seeing me outside of our sessions?" he corrected. Sam didn't really know how to explain what had changed, but she'd had a feeling he might ask this. She sighed, feeling her shoulders slouch a bit defeatedly as she fiddled with her napkin.

"The truth or a lie?" She asked lowly, her cheeks pink and her head slightly spinning from the wine.

"Truth. Always," he said, leaning back in his chair. He seemed at ease, which made Sam feel at ease, too.

"Because…because I wanted to," she said simply, bravely. She knew this would potentially (no, definitely) open up a dialogue between the two, one in which she had been avoiding out of fear of overstepping boundaries again - she didn't want to confuse the poor guy. But at the same time, she was tired of hiding so much of herself from him. Maybe he wouldn't ever remember but… maybe it was time to tell him the truth about who he was. Why not? Maybe they could go find a doctor who specialized in this kind of thing… maybe she was just wasting more time that they could be together on this silly notion that he would eventually remember everything on his own.

"I… I'm really glad you changed your mind about me, Sam and that… that you're willing to give me another shot after-"

"Do you still have those thoughts?" She wondered aloud, and Josh cocked his head to the side as he waited for her to elaborate. "The thoughts in your head that made you do what you did… you know, to Liam…"

"Oh, no. No, not really. I think those meds you prescribed have pretty much shut those voices up," he said proudly.

"Don't get the wrong idea, and I probably shouldn't say this to you at all but…" Sam paused as she stared at his expectant, patient face. He leaned back in on the table, his elbows propped up on the dark mahogany tabletop. "I think it was very sweet that you defended me the way you did… not that I think any of it was good or appropriate," she added quickly, but her stoic face broke into a smile as his did. "Just… if it ever gets to that point again, you'll let me know, right?"

"I get it, I get it," he chuckled. "It won't happen, no matter how loud the voices get." Sam noticed that they'd long since cleared their plates, and now they were just sitting across from each other, enjoying the company. Even still, the distance between them felt so vast across that table. "I won't let you down again, Sam." Suddenly, against her own will, Sam caught a flash of the night of the prank. She didn't want to recall such a dark moment, especially right now, but she wished he had his memory back just so she could ask him why he did it. Well, she knew why he did it but… why to her?

The week before the night on the mountain, 2015, when Josh had contacted them all, Sam had almost (almost) considered not going. Josh had made it so clear that he wanted to 'let her go,' and their five months of agonizing radio-silence just cemented that fact. Even still, even losing him in her life, Sam didn't regret going to him that night - she would never regret saving his life.

That's why when she got the invite, the first contact from him in what felt like forever, she truly contemplated passing it up, afraid that it was simply a pity invite or that he felt obligated since he invited everyone else. The thought of that felt much worse than him ignoring her.

Sam figured she always knew why he'd cut her off - he needed to focus on his own health, he didn't want to feel the burden of having to be sane and healthy for her when he clearly, so badly, needed to just fall apart. He didn't want to drag her down with him. But it was far too late for that, by then. Sam would have gone with Josh to Hell and back just to be with him.

As she sat on the bus on her way up the mountain, Sam had no idea how she was going to feel seeing and talking to him again - he seemed so different on the video invite (that she'd unadmittedly watched a million times just to see his face and hear his voice). But once she'd really had the chance to think about it, there was never even the option of skipping.

Seeing Chris at the cable car was the first time she'd seem him in months, too. She knew he was spending a ridiculous amount of time with Ashley, who'd really taken the missing twins and her part in it quite hard. Before Josh had cut her off, he'd lamented to her about Chris being a 'traitor' for spending all his spare time with her, instead of with him. Sam knew now that wasn't Josh talking - the Josh she knew and loved growing up would never have felt that way about Chris.

She had been wanting to talk to Chris for some time - she'd talk to him once in awhile through texts, where he'd regularly give her a briefing on what Josh had been up to, but even he wasn't as up to date as would have been expected from how close the two of them were. When she did get a golden opportunity on the cable car, she'd only had the courage to mention that things had been weird between her and Josh and that she'd been worried… but they both agreed that this night might just be exactly what Josh needed.

Once the two of them had left Jessica behind and headed up the trail to the lodge, Sam didn't even get a chance to prepare what she was going to say to him as she (quite literally) ran into him on the path. It felt like crashing into a wall, and the sheer force of it knocked Sam back on her butt in the white, powdery snow.

"Hey kid, been walking long?" Josh's voice droned from above her, teasingly, and Sam felt her breath hitch at the actual sight of him. Based on the last time she'd seen him, he actually looked a little bit better. He'd gained some weight back, but his hollow eyes still looked tired and empty. He reached down, grabbing her by the hand and hoisting her up onto her feet. Her eyes stung with involuntary tears, she wanted nothing more than to throw herself at him - and then hit him for being such a jerk. Instead she brushed the snow off of her and replied with a sarcastic, "hey, watch where you're goin' why dontcha." Josh offered her a small grin before turning his attention (of course) to his best bro. The two of them exchanged an awkward handshake-hug.

"I'm surprised you took so long, I just saw that Ashley's already here," Josh taunted him with an elbow to the side. Chris just scrunched his nose and looked at his feet, shaking his head.

"Oh, we're gonna start with that already?" he grumbled, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose and Sam found herself giggling at his shyness, despite herself. She glanced back at Josh, who gave her a quick but reassuring wink before they turned to hike up the rest of the way towards the lodge together. At even that very small gesture, Sam's face was on fire, her stomach flipping. She forgot how incredibly giddy he made her feel, and even now it was as though no time had ever passed between them at all - and yet, at the same time, everything felt different. She wondered what the night had in store for them. She could only hope that he would take her aside at some point and explain himself, tell her that he was sorry for hurting her… anything.

But, as they neared the lodge, Josh's attention seemed to be scattered in all different directions, even though his demeanor seemed relatively subdued. He seemed hypervigilant - distracted. Sam didn't want to bother him, and something about the way he was acting made her positive that if she tried to engage him in any kind of conversation she would. So she stood back as Chris took the reins, trying to feel things out, no doubt.

"Man, I feel like this mountain gets bigger every time I climb it," Chris huffed.

"Oh yeah? Seems the same to me…" Josh assured.

"Oh, c'mon. You grew up here. It probably feels like it's shrinking," Chris combatted.

"I guess that's true…" Josh shrugged. Even though Josh was present, he didn't really seem all there, and it made Sam slightly nervous the way she could pick up the slight slur in his drawl - not unlike Thanksgiving, when he'd gone off his meds.

Chris fidgeted with his phone, trying in vain to get a signal, as if he didn't already know from years of visiting this lodge that it was a useless gesture, "When you gonna install some towers up here? I'm getting withdrawals already," he grumbled.

"You got a spare million lying around and I'll fix you right up," Josh deadpanned, and Sam found herself smiling again, on the verge of laughter or tears - she wasn't quite sure at this point so instead she just stood down by the gate waiting for Emily while Chris and Josh fumbled with the lock to get them inside.

"What's with the long face?" Matt asked unexpectedly, giving Sam a bit of a jump when he seemingly snuck up out of nowhere. She eyed his morose expression.

"I should ask you the same thing," she deflected. He gave a shrug.

"Just… a little uneasy being stranded up here with magic Mike," he said with a bit of animosity. Sam nodded with an 'ahh, gotcha". She'd just recently heard about Matt and Emily getting together - no doubt a direct result of Jessica and Mike coupling up only around the week prior to them. Even still, it had been well over two months (long enough for Em and Matt to go on a trip together, even) since they'd swapped partners. She had hoped the awkwardness would have subsided by now, but it appeared not.

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Sam assured, patting Matt on the shoulder, but he still seemed to be seething about something.

"Hey, Sam, can I talk to you for a second?" Sam suddenly heard Josh ask; she hadn't even noticed that he had come back over this way. Her mouth ran dry, her body growing warm with nerves as she wordlessly followed him up the trail and over to a more secluded area a few yards away from Ashley and Matt.

Once they were out of earshot, Josh turned to Sam and she found herself shrinking under his intense gaze. She felt hopeful that this was their moment, but as she noticed him fidgeting and seemingly apprehensive, she wasn't sure what to expect. He seemed to be looking around at everything except her. She even knew for certain at this moment that he was off his meds again, but she shook the thought away anyways, just trying to appreciate the fact that she got to see him at all, no matter what his state.

"Josh," she began, but he took over quickly, pulling her in for a quick, fleeting hug.

"I don't have that long; I've got some stuff to take care of-"

"Oh, do you need any help?" she offered, hoping that she didn't seem too eager. He shook his head.

"No I just…" finally he paused, sighing before meeting her gaze. He brought his hands up to her shoulders, bringing his face close to hers and Sam stopped breathing. "I just wanted to take a minute to apologize to you for disappearing on you. I started to write you a letter like 100 times but it never seemed right. And I never expected you to come here after I-"

"It's fine, Josh," Sam forced a smile, albeit a weak one. She was just happy he was alive and well. "Really, I understand. You've been through a lot." He heaved another sigh, shaking his head a bit.

"I just… I hate that the last time you saw me I was… a little bit stupid." Sam smirked, narrowing her eyes teasingly and cocking her head to the side. She brought her hand up, her pointer finger and thumb about an inch apart.

"Just a little, tiny bit," she teased, and she could see the faintest promise of a smile dying to break across his lips. She wished so badly that it would.

Instead, he very seriously said, "And I appreciate you not telling anyone about that...and… thanks for not giving up on me..."

"Of course," she nodded. There was a pregnant pause between them, a silence where a million things were said. Josh cleared his throat, thoroughly ending the moment as quickly as it crept up on them.

"Anyway, I uh… I just wanted to break the ice. I don't want things to be weird between us," he added sincerely. Suddenly, his watch began to beep. Josh reached down and silenced it before he uttered, "I've gotta get something but…" he began to walk off in a bit of a hurry, turning back towards her once more. "I wanna set some time aside tonight with you… to talk," he called over to her, and Sam felt relief wash over her. She had been hoping that something like this might happen - and he was right. At least the ice was broken.

When Sam joined the group once more, her eyes caught Ashley's curious ones peering over at her. A knowing smile crossed the redhead's lips.

"What was that about?" She asked, raising her eyebrows suggestively, but Sam just offered her a coy shrug. She felt relieved even just thinking about how promising this night seemed, no matter how sad the circumstances shrouding them, like a dark cloud, looming.

"Sam?" Josh said across the table from her, and Sam snapped herself back into the present, noticing that she hadn't heard much of anything Josh had said over the last couple of minutes - he noticed, too. He chuckled a bit, "where do you go when you disappear like that?"

"I never know," Sam said, taking another drink of her wine. Her cheeks felt warm, and she tried to pretend like she didn't notice the way he was looking at her. Again.

The music player shifted, a new song starting. Sam recognized it right away and if Josh had his memory back, he would have too. Her eyes closed and she let the music wash over her, "I love this song," she confessed, swaying back and forth. It was called "I'm Wanderin'" by Kristina Train, and when Sam had discovered the song on a music station when she was younger, she'd fallen in love with it. Josh smirked, a slight look of recognition on his face.

"I feel… like I know this song. It sounds familiar," he said. Maybe sometime over these years he had heard it again, but Sam knew he had when they were younger. Sam had showed the song to Hannah and she played it on repeat for a week straight in honor of Mike. Josh wanted to kill Sam for ever introducing her to it. And listening to it now filled Sam with a strange, homesick feeling.

"Let's dance," he suggested suddenly, his smile fading into a look of terrifying seriousness. Sam opened her mouth to object, but Josh was already standing and nearing her, his hand extended out towards her. Sam stared at him reluctantly, and he rolled his shoulder, "I know, it's corny. But, c'mon, you're practically dancing already anyway," he pointed out before taking her hand and pulling her up to him with very little resistance on her part. "Might as well have a partner."

"Okayyyy," she said almost inaudibly, slipping off her shoes. Josh didn't wait to take ahold of her waist, bringing her body to his. Sam felt like she was a recovering alcoholic with someone dangling a glass of wine in her face; it was the most beautiful, excruciating kind of torture.

"Is that all you got, Jensen?" he teased, and Sam realized how stiffly she was moving. "I know for a fact that you have better moves than this. Remember?" He, of course, was referring to the night at the bar. She had tried to keep her face straight, but his coy smile made one break on her face anyway. She laughed quietly, her head falling back lazily.

"What am I going to do with you?" she groaned, pressing her chin to his shoulder. Her hands gripped him a little closer, and she could feel him relax under her touch as he laid his cheek on her head. They swayed together silently, and Sam let herself just enjoy this moment, one that she knew she probably shouldn't be having, but her heart felt too full and happy to pull away.

Oh I'm wishin' - been yearnin' for your kiss

Mmm I've been missing the warmth of your caress

Since I lost you, I lost you, all I ever do

Is be wanderin', wanderin', wanderin', wanderin' back you

"Sam?" She heard him say low and close to her ear, and she closed her eyes at the sound of his voice saying her name like he had so many times when they were young.

"Hmm?" she somehow managed to reply, albeit weakly.

"Thanks for not giving up on me." Sam didn't respond, just shifted her neck so her head was resting against his shoulder on his chest.

She decided. She was going to tell him. He needed to know who he was - to the world. To her. And once he knew, they could move forward. Maybe it would never be how it was in the past… but that didn't mean they couldn't have a future.

The song came to a close, and of course, "No Diggity" had to come on right after to kill the moment.

"What kind of playlist follows up a song like that with "No Diggity"? Who are you?" He laughed.

"My music taste is vast," she shrugged nonchalantly.

"Apparently," he said quietly, his face close to hers, and Sam realized they were still holding onto one another. She smiled wryly, pulling away from him before she offered, "more wine?" Naturally, he agreed, and she avoided the intoxicating hopefulness behind his eyes.

She walked away from him and into the kitchen, all the while feeling his eyes follow her. She knew more wine was probably a bad idea—the last time they ended up drinking together she'd almost slept with him. And being so close to him and dancing with him in her apartment was already proving to be hard enough. After all these years, he still had a certain charm that was nearly impossible to come by. He could match her wit in a seconds notice, and his jokes were always somehow tinted in a flirtatious undertone.

She giggled to herself as she got the wine opener out. She heard something small tumble to the floor in the living room followed by the fast scurrying of Cee-Cee.

"What happened?" She called out absently as she grabbed the corkscrew to open the fresh bottle.

"Cee-Cee knocked over one of your boxes. I'll pick it up for you," Josh answered from the living room.

"Thanks; I swear, she's always knocking down something," Sam chuckled, twisting the screw into the cork.

There was a long moment of silence before she heard Josh call out to her, "Wow…you weren't kidding when you said I looked like Josh…"

She stopped twisting the corkscrew as her heart dropped to her stomach. That was a weird thing to say…I don't have any picture of Josh on the counters, do I? No…no, I don't have any pictures up, so—

"Sam…" he said slowly, uncertainly, alarmed, "why do I look so much like Josh…?"

And all at once, that's when the realization hit her: she left her shoebox on the desk beside the wall and Cee-Cee knocked it over and scattered all the pictures out. She let go of the wine bottle and dropped her arms to her sides. She had no idea how she forgot about her shoebox sitting there. She distinctly remembered telling herself to put it in the closet before Josh got there, but then she started cleaning, making dinner, getting ready… how could she have been so careless?

Sam sucked in a sharp breath. When she spun around she was startled to see him there in the archway of the kitchen, staring down at what could only be a photograph of Josh - no… of himself - in his hand.

"Is this some kind of joke?" He asked quietly, flipping the picture around to show her - it was one of them at the school carnival. In it, he was beaming proudly and Sam was triumphantly holding up a panda bear almost as big as her that he'd just won her after an embarrassing amount of time and money.

"No, no… it's um… that's..." she stuttered over her words, wiping her forehead with her wrist, uncomfortably. She was unsure how to even begin to explain this to him - she'd been awaiting the opportunity, wondering if tonight was the night… and yet, as fate would have it (and like most things in Sam's life), she didn't get a choice in that decision at all, anymore.

Josh snatched another photo out of the box, his eyes scanning all of the faces, shaking his head."What is going on? Wh-who is in all of these pictures? A-and who…" he plopped the box on the counter, nearing Sam with another photograph that he brought up close to her face, "and who are they?" he demanded, a photograph of Hannah, Beth and Josh sitting together on the steps of the lodge… Sam's stomach sank, her hands beginning to shake. "I know these girls. These are the ones from my dreams. How do you know them, let alone have pictures of them?" he prodded. Sam could see in his panicked face that he was realizing he already knew the answers to these questions as he asked them. He was frantic, seemingly overheated as he ran a bothered hand through his hair. He stared down at the open box, seemingly trying to decide to walk away from it or keep looking through them. His eyes traveled back to Sam, who was just standing before him, simply dumbfounded. "Say something!" he finally shouted, and when Sam jumped at his volume, his eyes softened and she could now see he was holding back tears. "Say...something."

"Do you…" her voice trembled, "do you remember at Ashley and Chris' when we were on the beach and I said… I said there was a reason why you feel like you've known me your whole life?" She asked weakly, her voice wavering as she tried to keep tears from falling out of her swelling eyes. Josh's eyes were wide… wild. She could see his jaw clench as he looked away from her, taking shallow, overwhelmed breaths.

"Am I Josh?" He asked very plainly. Sam felt her eyebrows crease and tears spill over. She bit her bottom lip to keep the sob from escaping her lips as she silently nodded. "And these were my sisters…" he added, peering down at the photo again, a statement rather than a question. Sam nodded again, wrapping her arms around herself. She watched through blurry vision as his eyes narrowed, a look of confusion on his face. "And you… you didn't tell me? All this time with me telling you how alone I was and that I didn't have a family… you knew?"

"Josh, I-" She gasped, taking a step towards him.

"I'm Elliot," he said, taking a step back and away from her, clinging onto the only thing he knew - that his name was Elliot. "My name is Elliot." Sam just shook her head, the tears continually falling from her eyes.

"No…" she choked out, "it's not." He brought his hands to his ears, shaking his head, trying to tune her words out. "Your name is Joshua Washington. And almost 10 years ago we endured a horrific night and somewhere along the way you blocked it all out-"

"No," he muttered, his face looking like his mind was running a million miles a minute.

"You pulled a horrible prank, l-like the one you did to Liam. Things got out of control and you ended up lost in these mines…" she began to explain. She figured she should save the wendigo talk for another time - this was already disturbing enough for him. She continued, even though she knew he didn't want to hear any more of it.

"Stop," he said quietly, barely above a whisper. But Sam didn't. She couldn't. And she knew that even though he was resisting, he wanted to know this.

"We thought you died… we had a funeral. And I never expected to ever see you again," she sobbed. His eyes fell to hers as she continued to try to explain through the tears. "You don't even know what you meant to me… my whole entire life. You were my family and when I lost you I-" she couldn't even find the right words to end that sentence. "And then, by som-some miracle, you just walked into my office two months ago. And I thought I was crazy… I thought I was imagining your similarities and your mannerisms… I hoped... but I never believed it could actually be you, Josh."

He didn't correct her when she called him Josh this time.

He stared at her vacantly; she hadn't seen this look on his face in so long and it pained her more than she could fathom that she was responsible for such a heartbreaking glance. He plopped the stack of pictures away from him on the counter and took in a jagged breath, running his hand down the length of his face,

"I uh… I think I need to go." Sam's eyes widened, as that was literally the last thing she imagined coming out of his mouth.

"Josh," she cried, her voice breaking, "please." She neared him but he held up his hands to stop her from coming any closer. She did as he wanted. "Please stay. I'll tell you everything. Anything you want to know," she begged.

"I just… I need to think… about this," he said, his voice ragged and slightly breathless. Sam nodded solemnly.

"O-okay…" she relented, wanting nothing more than to lock him in her apartment and not let him leave until she knew he was fine. She hated the idea of him going out into the world now with this information weighing on him - she didn't even get to break him in easy. He just had this sprung on him and he was confused and scared… and worst of all, he didn't want her around right now. Just like when he cut her loose the first time. Try as she might, she couldn't fix him this time.

Even despite of the fact that he was visibly upset with her, he still neared her and pulled her in her a fleeting hug, and she felt him place a halfhearted kiss across her forehead before he brushed past her, grabbing his coat on the way out the front door.

Once it closed behind him, Sam's body shook with sobs. She dropped down onto her couch, her head in her hands as she cried, trying in vain to figure out how she could have possibly been so careless in leaving those pictures out? Even more than that, though, was the fact that this whole time she thought she was doing the right thing in keeping who he really was from him, afraid that it would be too much for him, and it ended up happening anyway.

Despite all of her despair at the moment, Sam knew that Josh just needed the time to sort out his head, and she knew he wouldn't stay gone for long - they had a connection. And even though he was hurting and confused, she was the only one in his life right now who knew the truth about who he really was. He was bound to want to explore that more soon.

In the meantime, her heart felt shattered for trying so hard to do the right thing and having it blow up in her face. Sam wiped her eyes, and took in a deep breath, deciding to at least try to clean up the dinner mess. It was better than wallowing.

As she carried the dishes to the sink mindlessly, she allowed her mind to wander to that dark place again, the night that he died. How was she ever going to be able to tell him about that night and the reason why he had been missing for the last 9 years? The details of that night still pained her so much that it was no surprise that she'd really thought very little of it since it happened. It was far too tragic, even knowing he was alive, now.

She also wondered how he'd feel when she told him what he'd done to her that night.

After fixing the boiler and getting into the bath that night, Sam had been trying everything in her power to decompress and get her thoughts in order - she kept thinking about what he'd said earlier, about how he wanted to set aside some time with her to talk. It was the most promising thing that had happened between them since Christmas break. She just wanted an hour or so to get herself mentally prepared for whatever it was that he wanted to discuss.

When she felt a draft and the candles blow out beside her, she froze, her stomach sinking. She pulled her earbuds out to see if she could hear anything going on, but it was eerily quiet. There wasn't even the sound of laughter or a party downstairs, which felt odd considering that's the whole reason why they were there.

"Hello?" She called out, "guys?"

Prank.

It automatically crossed her mind because… well, that's what always happened at a Washington event. Someone got pranked or scared or startled. It was practically tradition at this point. Since Chris had already pulled one on her and Josh in the basement, she'd hoped that was the extent of the shenanigans for the night.

"What are you doing out there?" she called out. It wasn't until she stood, wrapping the towel around her and realizing that her clothes were gone that Sam realized there was a very real possibility that she was the subject of the prank, and she felt her face flush with frustration - had these guys learned nothing? A stupid prank was the whole reason they were even here again. "Oh, for Pete's sake, my clothes?Whoever did this is off my Christmas list, seriously not cool, guys. Not cool at all," she grumbled.

She left the steamy warmth of the bathroom, the cold stinging air hitting her right away. She was even more upset that her clothes were missing for that fact alone; it was freezing. She began calling out for her friends but it was just as unnervingly silent as it was in the closed quarters of the bathroom. Although Sam would consider herself a brave person, she definitely felt the uneasiness of the situation growing as all the possibilities of what prank they had in store for her flashed in her mind.

After searching around, Sam was becoming more and more desperate, beginning to wonder if this was even a prank at all - maybe something bad happened to them?

Still, as she descended the stairs, blindly following the strategically placed balloons, she held onto hope that they'd all be laughing about this in a little bit, even though right now she could kill them.

She took the flashlight Josh had set on the credenza earlier, which at least made it a little easier to see in the dark, cold and seemingly empty lodge. She entered the movie room timidly, knowing that she was going exactly where she was being instructed to go.

"Hey! Guys come on!" Sam yelled out, regretting the sound of fear shaking in her voice. She hoped maybe they'd hear it too and have mercy on her. This was all sorts of messed up and if Josh had anything to do with this she was going to be livid. "I'm done with this I really don't appreciate the silent treatment here!" The doors slammed behind her, and Sam jumped and screamed from the suddenness of it.

"Hello, Samantha," a terrifying voice called out, as though it were on a loudspeaker. She searched the room for the source of the voice, her breath shallow and the fear burning inside of her. "Looking for me? I don't think you'll have much luck by looking, Samantha. You're only going to see what I want you to see." The projector above snapped on, and Sam could hear the sound of the reel clicking, pulling her eyes to the huge, illuminated movie screen. "And I have quite a lot to show you."

"What is going on?" She wondered aloud, knowing there was no answer.

"Open your eyes," he demanded.

And then, there she was, only moments ago, sitting obliviously in the bathtub. Sam felt nauseous as she stared at herself on the screen, realizing someone was in there with her and she didn't even know it. Worse, they were filming her.

"Oh my God..."

"She's quite beautiful, isn't she? A beautiful bathing bird. You think she has any idea what lies ahead?"

"How… why… why did you…" she stuttered.

"Do you think these were the last happy moments of this creature's life?"

"Why are you showing this to me?" She asked, her eyes filled with tears as the gravity of the situation finally began to weigh on her - this wasn't just some stupid prank. She was in real, genuine danger at this point.

"Why are you watching?"

Then, the scene changed, and it was worse than what Sam could have ever imagined. There before her eyes, she saw her greatest nightmare unfolding.

"Josh!" Sam screamed.

The image on the screen was more horrific than anything she could ever imagine, and yet she couldn't bring herself to look away. Josh was tied upright, a circular saw bisecting him while he screamed in agonizing pain. So much blood… Sam almost dropped to her knees, she was so destroyed.

"How does it make you feel?" the voice menaced, almost taunting her.

"Oh my God! What did you do?" She cried hysterically, unable to believe what she was seeing. No. There was no way. This wasn't happening.

"I'm going to give you 10 seconds…9...8…" he offered, and Sam didn't have time to mourn or think, she just knew if she wanted to survive at all she needed to run.

"Nonononnono!" She cowered, looking around for some kind of exit, and for a split second she almost thought about giving up. If that was true, if Josh was really dead, did she even have the fight in her to save herself?

"...7…"

"Please, no!" She begged, but it didn't matter. The doors busted open, and Sam could make out the terrifying figure of a masked man, and he was nearing her.

"Sam? Sa-am."

Sam didn't wait to see any more - she took off running back down towards the basement, hoping that the long and confusing corridors would offer her some kind of sanctuary. She held the towel tightly to her to keep it from falling off.
Sam rounded the corner by the boiler, regretting the fact that it was a dead end, so she simply held her breath and turned off her flashlight, hoping that he couldn't see in the dark and through that mask and maybe, just maybe she could go undetected. She could hear the sound of his footsteps over the sound of her rapid, fearful breaths.

"Sam? Why are you hiding? Why prolong the inevitable?" he wondered eerily, a game of cat and mouse. There was one thing that was undeniable at this point: whoever he was, he was enjoying this. Sam tried to run, tried to get passed him, but he caught her easily by the neck, bringing a gas mask to her face forcefully as he forced her securely against his chest. She screamed, she kicked, she struggled.

She put up a real fight. Even through her terror, she knew that Josh would have wanted her to fight.

She pawed to her right, searching for something, anything, to help her fight him off. Her hand grabbed ahold of something hard and smooth, and she instantly recognized it as the baseball bat from earlier. With all the strength she could muster, Sam swung the bat up and over her shoulder, hearing a satisfying crack when it made contact with this side of his head. He groaned, getting knocked back, and Sam leapt from his grasp to get away.

Of course there was no handle on the door to the next room - whoever this was, they'd really thought ahead. She slammed her shoulder into the hard, wooden door and tried desperately to force it open, only successful after a few times of throwing her body into it. She closed it on him just in time, and locked it quickly.

Sam didn't have time to think or reflect, she knew she had to keep moving. From years of hide and seek with the Washingtons in this basement, she knew there was always another way around, and if this psychopath knew that too, he was already searching for another route. She hurried to the next door, pushing through and falling instantly into a dilapidated, long hallway that looked like it was either in the middle of renovations and abandoned, or that it had been destroyed somehow and never got repaired. She rubbed her head and hissed in pain, walking carefully along the rusty nails and debris, desperately wishing she at least had a pair of shoes.

She followed the hall down, and once she found another hallway that was a little more bare, she took off running… which ended up being a huge mistake, as she, quite literally ran right into him.

She screamed, but the sound was muffled by the gas mask being forced over her mouth and nose, and through her gas-induced haze she could hear him say, "So sorry…" She felt her legs failing beneath her, her body lowering as her vision got dark.

Before waking up tied to a chair, the last thing Sam remembered was the gentle sway of her body being carried, her arm draped around her captor's shoulder. He glanced down at her when he noticed her stirring, and there was something familiar about the eyes that peered at her though the mask. Her head was heavy and she could hardly keep her eyes open as she heard him say, "Sorry Sammy. It's nothing personal…"

As Sam stood presently, realizing that she'd been washing the same plate for the last five minutes or so, she shook the memories of that night off of her. That was the past. And that part of her history with Josh wasn't nearly as important as the years upon years of amazing memories they'd created in their life together. It was a sad, scary blip that changed everything, but it wasn't the one that she was going to let define them.

Sam shut off the warm running water, wiping her hands on a dishtowel. She brought her hand up to wipe away the remainder of tears from before, and even though the kitchen wasn't finished, she decided it was time to call it a night.

Sam's next objective opening the wine bottle with a pop and pouring herself a glass that was at least double the serving. She didn't care, she brought the glass to her lips and carried the bottle with her to the living room. As she walked, she caught a glimpse out her window that made her do a double take. She squinted to make it out a little better, nearing the sheer curtains and when she pulled them back, she saw that Josh hadn't made it very far when he'd taken off.

He was sitting across the street on a park bench - a bus stop. She hadn't even realized that it had begun to rain; in fact, it was pouring. The bus came, and then the bus went, and he was still sitting there, staring into space. She knew he didn't want to see her right now, but she couldn't let him sit out there in the rain like that, either. She hurried over to her coat closet, grabbing a black umbrella before slipping on some shoes and her jacket that were waiting by her front door.

It was admittedly brisk out, especially for California, but it was nothing compared to those nights on the mountain. Even still, she held back a shiver as she jogged towards him, narrowly being hit by a car as the rain seeming to douse her clothes instantly. She realized quickly as she drew closer that there was almost no point of an umbrella; he was already soaked.

"What are you doing out here?" Sam asked, wrapping her coat around herself tightly as she used her other hand to attempt to shield herself from the rain. Josh just stared at her, his eyes seemingly trying to take in every grove and feature of her face, trying to learn her.

Trying to remember?

"Are my sisters dead?" He asked, his voice raised over the sound the rain violently hitting the asphalt and Sam could only nod sadly in response. "Why didn't you tell me who I was?"

"Just… just come back inside. We'll talk-" she coaxed, trying to grab ahold of his hand. When he didn't budge off the bench, she let it drop limply. He looked up at her with those eyes - the ones she'd grown to love over and over and over again.

"Sam," he said, and Sam could tell by his face that he wasn't moving. He was insisting on hearing her answer right here, right now. She fidgeted with the unopened umbrella, shifting her weight from foot to foot, nervously.

"You… You had to remember for yourself." He looked away from her, back at some phantom point that he kept staring at. He shook his head.

"How could you do that?" he asked, and Sam couldn't read him anymore. His face didn't seem to match his words, he didn't seem angry or hurt anymore. He seemed amused, almost astonished - a total shift from earlier when he'd rushed out.

"I… I don't understand," Sam uttered, feeling the rain soak through her clothes and wetting her skin.

"How could you pretend you didn't even know me, feeling the way you feel about me?" he reiterated. When he put it that way it was hard to not feel a squeeze on her heart - it had been so hard. He didn't even know what she'd gone through, the torment and the heartache and the temptation over the last few months.

"It's been the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life," Sam admitted, her heart in her throat now.

"Harder than saying goodbye when I left for college?" he mused, a light in his eyes that and the smallest hint of a smile on his lips.

"Wha- what did you just say?" Sam felt her breath hitch at the mention of that precious, sacred moment between them… and that he was referencing a memory from when he was Josh - one she'd never divulged to him. Josh stood slowly and took a determined step towards her.

"I said… was it harder to pretend like you weren't in love with me than it was when I got in my mustang and drove away for college?" he reiterated, his eyes burning into her.

"Wha- how…" she began to stammer, trying not to get her hopes up but it seemed nearly impossible when he said, "Or when your parents divorced when you were 13?" She felt the corners of her mouth tug. She wanted to jump into his arms at that very moment, and it was incredibly hard to keep her feet on the ground. He took another step towards her. "Was it harder than watching me date that vampire?"

"Josh?" she said quietly. His eyes flickered when he said it.

Recognition.

"Yes, Sam?" The way he said her name sent a chill down her spine. She narrowed her eyes, a wry smile painted across her lips.

"...how much do you remember?" she asked, her voice almost a whisper. He reached towards her, brushing the golden, wet hair from her face.

"It's still a little hazy. Well… really hazy," he admitted. Even still, those were some solid memories he was recalling. "But...enough to know how badly you've probably wanted me to do this," And without another beat, Josh was kissing her - hard and deeply. Not unlike the way he did at Chris and Ashley's house, or even his apartment...but so, so much better.

Because he wasn't Elliot anymore.

He was Josh. He was finally, really Josh.

Sam gripped onto him, pulling him even closer to her - in fact, Sam was fairly certain there was no way she could physically be as close to him as her body yearned to be at this very moment without actually fusing themselves into one being. He pulled gently at her hair, tipping her head back as his tongue explored her mouth, his passion seeming to match her own. When they broke, Sam felt breathless. Her fingertips grazed over her own lips, still stinging from where his had just been. He pressed his forehead to hers and Sam relished in the feeling of him connecting with her.

"I'm ready to come inside now," he said lowly, his eyes dark and intense. Sam nodded without another word, turning to lead him into the warmth and dryness of her apartment.

To Be Continued...