Chapter 17:

We Are Not Alone

Once they were inside her apartment, the heavy reality of the situation hit her everywhere. She imagined herself walking out into the calm ocean and then being tossed about by a thousand tidal waves and she was all too aware that drowning was inevitable.

Her wet clothes clung to her skin like a scared child who she had no idea how to comfort because she couldn't even figure herself out. She could hear Josh behind her, the rain dripping off his clothes and onto the wooden floor; a slipping hazard. But he wasn't saying anything, and she wasn't sure if he expected her to say something, but she found she had no voice.

'This is not how this was supposed to feel.' She thought, as she strangely felt - nothing. Nothing. She frantically searched her mind for something to grasp onto. She couldn't focus. Nothing seemed real; her dreams about this moment felt more real than this moment.

She wanted to turn around - to look at Josh and see that recognition in his eyes. It was all she wanted since he came back into her life. All those bits and pieces that he remembered during the past few months fueled her hope that his memories would return. That Elliot would release his hold on Josh and let Josh be free.

And Josh escaped. He escaped the mines, the asylum, his dark past-himself.

Tears brimmed her eyes and she thought for a second that maybe she was finally going to express her happiness. But this wasn't happiness. This wasn't what it was supposed to feel like. The psychologist in her demanded an explanation.

"Sam?" His voice even sounded like Josh now. She couldn't understand that either. Of course it sounded like Josh, he always sounded like Josh.

She crossed her arms over her chest, the coldness seeping into her skin and on her heart. Her tears blurred her vision and she couldn't bring herself to turn around and confront Josh. She heard him walk toward her, but she held up her hand and walked further into her apartment. Unknowingly, she walked to the table that held the box full of memories that Josh found. It wasn't her that returned his memories. It was the pictures. Things from long ago that were nothing but replicas of faces of his past had more power over him than she did.

Who was she? Who were they?

She had no idea and it angered her. She didn't know who any of her friends were anymore because she had been so focused on trying to start her life over again after Josh's funeral that hanging onto anything from her past felt too strenuous. So she let go of the old her. The one that she felt like she was given the perfect life because she had Josh in it.

Samantha realized that by moving on, she had forgotten herself just as much as Josh forgot himself.

"Sam…" He tried again, a hitch in his voice. She knew he felt it too; this feeling of two like poles of magnets repelling against each other.

She finally found the courage to turn around and face him, and she was surprised that she couldn't tell if those were tears on his cheeks or the rainwater dripping from his hair. She opened her mouth to speak, instantly feeling the lump in her throat. She placed her fingers around her throat, trying to convince herself that she wasn't choking.

"I thought," she whispered harshly, a tight burning sensation starting from her nose, down her throat, and to her chest, "I thought when you became Josh again - I would become Sammy again…"

His eyes fell from hers and going to a fixed point on the floor, confusion and uncertainty radiating from his very core.

She folded in her lips, sniffing her nose loudly, her forehead scrunching, "I always think back to when I kept you from taking all those pills, a-and how saving you that night killed me." She sniffed loudly again and tears were now free falling as she stared at him, even though he couldn't bring himself to look at her, "I-I couldn't imagine a world without you in it, but th-then you just cut me out and d-didn't t-talk to me again until the night you t-," she sucked in a deep breath, feeling like she found a break in the tidal waves and was able to suck in oxygen for a moment until the water crashed over her again, "tortured me and got yourself killed in the mines anyway a-and we had to give you a f-fucking funeral where I h-had to admit my feelings for you to a bunch of people that didn't matter because I never got to tell you."

His eyes were narrowed as he stood eerily still. She hated herself for doing this - she never expected that the first thing she'd do when he got his memories back was yell at him. But she also never expected her first emotion to be anger. She wished she could ignore it - ignore it like she ignored everything else in her life for the past ten years. But she couldn't. It was like getting thrown into the past and she was given the opportunity to express everything to him now that she never could then. And even though she was so mad, all she kept thinking over and over again in her head was, "Make it okay, Josh. Make it okay. Make it okay."

Clearly he wasn't going to say anything yet, and she couldn't honestly blame him. What could he say? She hadn't even fully explained to him why she was so angry and she certainly had more to say to him. He probably had the same expectations as she did - that his memories coming back would be nothing but unending joy and tight embraces. And somewhere in Sam she knew that part would still come, because nothing he'd ever done to her had ever made her change her mind about him, even when he flat out did everything he could to push her away and beg her not to love him. But for now, now that he could give them, Sam wanted answers.

"A-and I'm sorry, Josh, but-" she sniffled, wiping her cheeks roughly with the sleeve of her soaked shirt, "-but losing you changed everything!" Before she could stop herself, she found herself gripping onto his damp shirt and shaking him gently. "You were my everything! My first hero and my first villain, a-and my first love. And then you were just gone and I had to spend years learning to live without you, but I wasn't living. I was just existing and I never even got to know why!" She couldn't mask the hurt in her voice; she'd never heard herself sound like this. There was so much pain in her that had just been bottled up, waiting for a moment like this.

Josh's eyes had finally flitted back up to Sam's flushed face, and there was no mistaking the tears for rainwater now - he was crying, too. God, she hated herself for this even more now. She never wanted to make him cry. But before they could move on to the next part of their lives, the happy part, Sam had to close the book on the past.

"Why did you do that to me? Didn't you know how much I loved you? Didn't I make it clear every. single. day. with every text that went unreturned and every call that you routed to voicemail? I spent years wondering why I lost you, what I might have done wrong... why you had to die. And then I-I hated everyone for their prank taking away my best friends, my family, my life… but especially you." She found herself calming now, wrapping her arms around herself in a tight, comforting hug because he wasn't. "And then, I realized," her voice broke, her words wavering, "that they didn't take you from me, Josh. You left me. I thought I saved you that night, in the bathtub. But that was the night I lost you."

Josh took in a staggered breath, his mouth falling open to say something, anything, but instead he took a step towards her and wrapped his arms around her so tightly that Sam felt the air stolen from her lungs. His hand rested on the back of her head, pulling her as closely to him as possible, as though he were trying to force all of her broken parts back together.

"Sam, I am so sorry," he cried, and Sam effortlessly embraced him as well. She knew he was the one who'd caused all this pain, even after years of sympathizing for him and building him up in her mind. And because of this, Josh was the only one who was going to be able to make it better. "You have no idea how sorry I am."

Sam pulled herself away from him, although it was nearly impossible to do so. She knew he was sorry. She'd always known he was sorry. But she still wanted to know, "why?"

Josh shook his head slightly, but slowly took her hand, leading her towards the couch. Sam didn't even care that they were still soaked as they sat down on it, her hands still engulfed within his. Once again he opened his mouth the speak, his eyes falling back towards the floor and his eyebrows pulled together in intense concentration, trying to form a coherent answer.

"I just… I remember being... so mad at you, and I hardly know why. I was mad a-at everyone."

"Why were you mad at me?" Sam choked.

"Because…" he paused, and then his eyebrows unlocked and arose in an epiphany. "Because you saved me."

"I-I don't understand," Sam shook her head, leaning away from him a bit as she tried to digest the answer she'd been waiting a decade for. Josh sighed, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

"Do you know what it's like to watch yourself go insane? To be fully aware it's happening, but not be able to do anything about it? Even with my meds, my anger and my grief was just completely consuming me and… I started having these- these thoughts. I wanted to hurt people. I wanted to hurt people I cared about, people I knew only made a horrible mistake. They never meant for my sisters to die but… I wanted them to be in as much pain as I was-" he explained, and Sam's lump in her throat grew double in size as she tried to keep herself together. Even still, silent tears streamed down her cheeks. "I… I tried to kill myself because I was trying to stop myself. But… you showed up. The hero. You saved me, and I knew I had to let you go before I did something awful to you. I never wanted to hurt you, Sam."

"You tortured me because I saved you?" she managed to ask, but it was so quiet she almost didn't hear herself. He shifted in his seat, pulling her closer to him and staring at her with big, intense eyes. He spoke very slowly, like he wanted her to hear every single word he had to say to her.

"I-I know that doesn't make any sense now but at the time, it did. At least to me, anyway." He suddenly let out an abrupt laugh, and Sam jumped from the suddenness and inappropriateness of it.

"What?"

"Even though I was mad at you for no good reason, I loved you so fucking much. It was like… it was like the voices in my head were battling it out. Even though I put you through hell that night, which again I am so so sorry about… I still set you up for success. I wanted you to escape me. And you clearly wanted to be a hero. You saved me, after all. You were so brave and beautiful and you almost did everything right… you were going to be the star of the night. And… the hero that you always wanted to be. Because I knew you hated yourself for not being able to stop what happened to my sisters as I did…"

It was crazy. It was horrible. It was inexcusable.

But it oddly and relievingly made sense.

There wasn't just one reason, and it wasn't even Josh's reason.

Josh reached over and cupped her face in his hands, as though Sam would even be able to look at anything other than him at this point. She still couldn't believe that it was his face staring back at her - how was it possible that his face seemed to have changed ever so slightly since he remembered? It was just barely a little more Josh.

"I did something awful that destroyed both of our lives for way too long, Sammy. I swear I will make things right again. I promise you right now that I will spend the rest of my life making that up to you." Sam wanted to speak but he leaned forward and roughly pressed his lips to hers, silencing her, and Sam didn't fight it. She didn't even want to. Her hands instinctively gripped onto his arms, pulling him closer to her, because all of a sudden she felt ten years of anger and sadness and frustration begin to melt away.

"Say that again," Sam breathed huskily when his lips left her mouth to pepper kisses on her cheek, her jawline, her neck.

"I'm sorry," Josh mumbled into her skin, and Sam closed her eyes and felt a smile far larger than she even thought she was capable of forming as she stifled a laugh.

"No… the other one," she demanded. Josh pried himself from her, his face confused for just a moment before his features softened and he knew exactly what she needed to hear.

"I love you, Sam." She giggled slightly, her stomach in knots as she brought his lips back to hers, and murmured, "I love you," back to him and she felt him relax under her touch, like he'd been waiting his whole life to hear that.

Before it went any farther, Sam felt a shiver roll through her, and she was suddenly very aware of just how cold and wet they both were. She nodded towards her bedroom, wrapping her arms around herself again, this time to subdue another shudder.

"C'mon. Let's get into something dry," she offered.

"Well… it's just our clothes that are wet… we should probably take them off," he teased dryly, giving her a little nudge with his elbow as they walked side by side to her room. Sam felt a smile creeping up on her before she excused herself into the bathroom first.

Once in the quiet privacy where she could take a moment to collect her thoughts, Sam leaned over the sink, catching her reflection in the mirror. She brought her hands up to cup her pinkened cheeks and swollen eyes, suddenly flushed with nerves. She slowly reached up to unfasten her damp hair, feeling liberated as it cascaded down onto her shoulders.

This was happening… was this happening? She'd waited so long for this moment, and now it was here and she had no idea how she'd gotten to this point. She couldn't believe that only weeks ago, she was engaged to another man. Now, here she was, stripped down to her most vulnerable, bare version of herself with the man she'd loved since… well, since forever, really. Years upon years of mourning and going through life as a ghost, finally coming to an end in one night.

And all that was separating them now was a thin, wooden door.

She took in a jagged, uneven breath and collected herself before she opened the door and stepped out, stripped down to only her bra and panties; Josh was still in his wet clothes, standing in her bedroom where he had been before and looking quite out of place - and yet, just right. Sam had the fear of a 17 year old girl all over again, as though everyone and everything since then had never happened. Things suddenly felt very real, as they both realized that this was it.

The way he looked at her dried up any doubt that she had - no one had ever looked at her like that - with such awe and revere. It confirmed everything she'd ever felt or loved about him in that one look. She neared him slowly, deliberately, almost forgetting that this moment was real, that she could reach out and touch him. He was real.

She reached up, gently tugging at the zipper of his jacket, trying her best not to let him break eye contact with her - he didn't. She slipped her hands under the cotton of his damp jacket, running them up his chest and over his shoulders, pushing his hoodie from him as though she were trying to strip him of a layer of himself. He leaned down, his forehead pressing against hers as she nervously fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. She almost jumped when she felt his chilly hands softly move up and down the length of her sides, holding back an involuntary shudder - the good kind this time.

She perked up onto her tiptoes, dotting his lips with small, uneven kisses before he pressed forward, his hands suddenly up in her hair, taking over and holding her in place as the kiss became more intense. Suddenly, Sam didn't feel like she was the one in control anymore - and she didn't even care.

Josh's hand grazed her belly, pushing her back ever slightly onto the bed where she sat, staring up at him with expectant, nervous green eyes. She reached for his belt buckle brazenly, unfastening it and helping him out of of his jeans - another layer shed. She leaned back onto her elbows with a smile, letting him scale the length of her body before she felt herself crushed under his pressure. She basked in the feeling of his trailed kisses on her lips, her jaw, her collarbone. Everywhere he touched came alive, sending shivers all over her and she never realized what it felt like to feel this blissful. To feel this loved.

His mouth searched for hers once more and Sam found herself moaning softly into his lips. He paused for a moment, and Sam could feel a small smile form on him, as though he were happy with himself for eliciting some form of reaction from her. And then, Josh stopped, his body moving from hers and Sam felt the stinging air of the bedroom hit her wherever he was no longer connected to her. She sat up, suddenly feeling apprehensive, worried.

"What? What's wrong, Josh?" she asked, her hair falling in front of her face. He chuckled a bit, pushing it from his view of her. She loved saying his name as much as he seemed to love hearing it.

"I just… I guess I just realized we haven't really done this since we were teenagers," he said, rolling to his side and propping his head up with his elbow. His other hand reached forward, his thumb grazing her swollen, pink lips. "And then I realized that I can remember being a teenager. And it's so weird." Sam felt a burst of relieved laughter escape her. "Hey, D-do you… do you remember when I had that huge party while my parents were out of town, and I had forgotten that they were due home the next day instead of the day after. They called me from the airport and we all had an emergency cleaning session before they rolled up?" he recalled, his voice now lighter than she'd ever heard it. Reflective. Sam could have finished the story for him, but it was too wonderful to hear it coming from him. "And I would have totally gotten away with it had someone not puked in my mom's favorite vase?" he laughed.

Sam remembered it all too well. Bob and Melinda were furious and it took months for them to even leave Josh unattended to go out to dinner alone.

Sam smiled weakly, feeling the sting of those incessant and pesky tears hit her eyes and her nose tickle as she was overcome with emotion listening to him recall that memory… to listen to him recall anything. For the first time since she'd seen him in the street and hoped that it was him, even since finding out that it truly was him, Sam was really hit with the realization that Josh was here, because now he remembered her. And he was alive.

And he was hers.

She leaned in again, unable to keep their bodies separated for any longer - hadn't all these years been enough wasted time? She didn't want any more wasted time. She wanted him and only him. She wanted babies and weekend barbeques at Chris and Ashley's and Christmas trees. She wanted it all, everything she'd ever been unsure of with any other man who'd come in or out of her life. Never had she known love or desire like this - Sam refused to let this go. Ever.

"I love you," she whispered again, into his lips, her words filling his mouth and lungs. She loved being able to tell him that whenever she wanted, however many times she wanted. That she could keep on telling him that for the rest of their lives.

Her eyes slowly opened to find his, to tell him with her eyes and mouth and whole body that what she was saying was true. He responded with another kiss, pulling her closer to him. Everywhere his body made contact with hers felt like it was on fire now, and Sam was almost delirious with the sensation.

"I have always loved you," Josh said into the crook of her neck. He raised his head, his hand reaching up to rest on her neck. "Ever since I was a kid. I loved you even when I didn't remember that I loved you. And when I didn't remember that I loved you, I fell in love with you again, as a different person," he told her, his eyes drinking in every feature of her smiling face. "I think in any lifetime, in any scenario, I will and have always loved you, Samantha." Sam melted - she had no idea he was capable of so simply explaining exactly how she felt about him her whole life - And even better, that he felt the same way as her. After all these years of wondering, she knew.

Sam rolled him back on top of her, ready for this to happen now - more so than she ever felt possible. As much as she'd imagined it would be this amazing, romantic moment with candles and soft music playing in the background, she loved this more. Raw. Real. Just the two of them, no theatrics. They didn't need those things to make it feel special; it was already special as it was.

Sam helped Josh remove her bra, but she found herself surprised to find that those parts of her weren't his main focus. It was the little parts, the way his fingertips grazed her collarbone, her elbows and knees, the small of her back. It was like he was a topographer, mapping out the lay of her body.

"Umm… Have you done this a lot?" Sam found herself asking, despite herself. Josh's smile reached his eyes, more than likely sussing out a bit of jealousy in her curiosity. He shook his head. Sam raised an eyebrow. "I'm kinda finding that hard to believe, Washington," she droned, trying not to focus too intensely on the way it felt as he tugged at the hem of her panties a bit.

"I wouldn't say a lot," he chuckled lowly, shaking his head. "And certainly never like this," he added very seriously, and Sam found herself wordlessly nodding her approval before he reached into her underwear, his fingertips ghosting over her skin. She writhed a bit under his touch, and he let out another breathy laugh. "Easy now. I haven't even done anything yet." Sam was torn between wanting to smack him and wanting to kiss him, but she found herself rendered incapable of making any such decisions as his hand continued to expertly roam her body.

"Shut up, Josh," she mumbled, her eyelids feeling heavy.

"I love the way you say my name," he hummed through a smile, and Sam felt her own smile pulling at her lips as well.

"Josh," she said again in an overdramatic but playful whisper, bringing his face back to hers and slowly moving their lips in unison. She was pleased with herself, especially when Josh emitted a low groan from the back of his throat, one that made her feel like she was doing things right.

His fingers bent against her, and her back arched involuntarily from the sudden pressure. But his mouth never left hers, his voice vibrating against her lips, "You're as perfect as ever, Sammy…"

Her eyes opened and she was not at all surprised to find him already staring down at her, his gorgeous eyes so full of life that it nearly brought her to tears.

He began moving his fingers slowly and her mouth dropped open in a silent moan and he pressed his forehead to hers. "Everything makes sense now that I found you again."

"Josh," she said his name again, a thick sob forming in her throat from everything he was making her feel by his words alone. She let out a low breath when he removed his fingers, sliding his hand up her stomach, over her breast, then to her shoulder where he sat her up with him.

Once again, his eyes searched hers, "No one's ever looked at me the way you do…from the moment we met again for the first time - it was like…" She smiled, her hands sliding down his chest, her eyes not being able to help themselves as they traveled over his body, her lips kissing any tiny scar she found, "Like we picked up right where we left off?" she finished for him.

"Well...you did anyway," he chuckled, and she loved the way his chest vibrated under her lips, "It took me some time to catch up."

Sam stopped and looked up at him, her eyebrows curved in concern, "Josh, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you before-"

He shook his head, cupping her face and kissing her again, "I think these last few months with you had me remembering things slowly, I just didn't realize it. Nothing made sense and then suddenly - everything did."

She nodded, biting down on her lip now to keep from crying again. Her chest felt heavy with all the things she wanted to tell him, but tried to hold it all in with the thought that they now had all the time in the world.

His eyes told her, 'No more tears, we've had enough of those,' before easing her back down to the bed. He shifted to take his boxers off and, just like the dream she had the night she saw him on the street for the first time, he crawled up the length of her body, and she welcomed him eagerly as he entwined their fingers, kissed her gently, and slid easily into her.

Her fingers clenched onto his tightly, their breaths mingled, their eyes locked.

Home…

"I love you," she told him yet again, and she swore she would tell him every single day for the rest of their lives. She felt she had to make up for all the days of their youth when she never spoke the words aloud to him, and for all the days she wanted to scream it when she lost him.

Their bodies moved together and it was like he was piecing her back together - and from his look, she knew she was doing the same for him, "Sammy, I'm so-," he started breathlessly. His lips pursed together and it was apparent he was trying to keep it together, "so in love with you."

They turned themselves over so he was sitting up and she was straddling him, her hips moving over his. His hands trailed down her back and to her hips, his mouth closing over her right breast. She moaned at the sensation, her hands running back through his hair.

Then he was looking up at her, and the electricity shooting between their eyes made its way to the rest of her body. She moved her body back and forth, their hips staying connected, and she felt him fully inside of her, and she finally knew what she was fighting for, for all these years.

They both moaned, and his fingers dug into the skin on her hips and thighs as he rocked with her. Sam felt breathless; he continued to hit a spot that he never once had trouble finding, even during their first time together. Her soul was finally connected to his again, and with that thought, she whimpered his name over and over and over, making sure he'd never forget it again, then she was tightening and fluttering around him. His breathing hitched before he grasped onto her, almost as if his life depended on it.

She trailed kisses all over his face as they calmed down, the taste of his skin just as addicting to her as ever. He closed his eyes and relished in the attention, and she knew he hadn't felt this way since they were 18.

"You're back…" she said lowly, almost to try to convince herself that all of this was real.

His eyes remained closed, but he smiled, his face resting on her chest, his warm lips moving against her skin, "Yeah...but…"

Sam's heart skipped a bit at his ominous but because she didn't need anything else holding them back from each other, "...What?"

He looked up at her, a sparkle in his eye, "Does this mean I'm gonna have to find another psychiatrist?"

She stared at him in disbelief for a long moment before cracking a smile, "Well, I dunno - my office door does have a lock…"

Josh grinned up at her, his fingers tickling her sides, "Sammyyy? Did you just attempt to make a dirty joke?"

"What do you mean attempt?" She acted insulted while trying to wiggle away from his fingers, though they were still connected at the hips.

"And after continuously telling me these past few months that I was acting unprofessionally. Dr. Jensen, I believe you were the one having all the fantasies about me." She didn't deny it, just flashed him a small grin before kissing him deeply, raising her hips enough to separate them, both groaning from how odd it felt to be two people again. "I promise I'll last longer next time," he assured as though she cared, which made Sam giggle.

She'd hardly expected it to last long, given how badly and how long they'd both craved it.

"Well, that's only round one, right?" Josh let out a brief chuckle and a nod. Despite the heat between them, Sam was still quite cold, never having fully recovered from being soaked in the rain a while ago. All she could think about now was a hot shower.

"Shower time?" She recommended, knowing he would instantly agree.

"I think… I think I can remember the last time we took a shower together," he said, standing from the bed with her and letting her lead him into the bathroom. When she saw the desire darken his eyes from the memory, her stomach did a flip when she knew exactly what he was remembering. She turned on the shower, the water instantly warming for them both to step inside. He held onto her, kissing her shoulders lightly. She rubbed her cheek against his, her fingers pressing against his back to keep him close to her.

"It was Christmas," she said in a daze, continuing his memory. She glanced up at him with a wry smile, "You surprised me when you came home."

"I was always so full of surprises, wasn't I?" Josh asked with a chuckle.

Sam smiled softly, "I would say you still are - you just showed back up into my life when, for the past ten years, I thought you were…" she trailed off, not even wanting to say it aloud anymore.

Josh stared down at her, and she could see the understanding in his eyes, "We still have a lot to talk about, huh?"

"Uh, yeah," she said, both laughing before finishing up in the shower. After they dried off, neither even bothered to dress before they slipped back into the comfort and warmth of her bed. She didn't have a problem with this, her hand sliding over his chest and stomach as she rested her head on him. Her eyes fluttered shut when he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her tightly against him. She had been tired for so many years, she forgot what having a content soul felt like.

"Josh?"

"Yes, Sam?"

Her heart flew when he answered at the sound of his name. She never knew something so small could mean the world to her.

"Ask anything, Sammy…" he told her softly, pressing his lips to the top of her head and inhaling slowly. She sucked in a deep breath, her fingertips pressing against his chest.

"Why did you change so drastically when you went away to college?" She almost hated asking this question because it brought up a really dark time in their relationship, but the unknown had been eating her up for way too long. Josh was here now, he could make everything okay. She felt his breathing slow, causing her to look up at him. His eyes were remorseful, but the small smile that played on his lips told her that, although these may be hard memories, he was glad he was having them.

"Sammy...I can't even begin to tell you what all was going through my mind back then - I hardly understood myself. You know I was never...right. I always needed my meds and - and I hated how much my life depended on them. And then…" he paused, and it was like he was trying to throw himself back in time, to his teenage self, and his stupid teenage decisions, "Then I realized...being at college and away from you...that I needed you just as much, and I convinced myself that that was stupid and I could prove to myself that I could be separate from you and still be okay. And then it ended up becoming my downfall. By wanting to prove to you that I could be independent, I stopped answering your calls, stopped calling you back, ignored you...but I thought - when we were together again, everything would be fine. But when I saw you during Thanksgiving break, it wasn't. Don't ask me to explain why I thought this," he chuckled, "I wish I could…"

Sam shook her head, "No, I...I think I get it. When you left for college, I realized I couldn't separate myself from you either. I don't think I ever got the hang of it."

He tried to flash her a lighthearted smile, but she saw the pain he felt through her, "You never forgot about me after all these years?"

Her lips parted, her nose stinging at the harsh darkness of the last decade, "Josh - you were my person. Not once did I ever forget."

Without warning, he pulled her to him and buried his face in her hair. He was completely still and she knew he was holding his breath, trying with all his might not to cry again.

"I forgot you…" was all he said, and it made her think that she may have been a bit insensitive with her words.

She held onto him, her fingers playing absently in his hair, "Not by choice, Josh; you can't blame yourself for that."

He laughed stiffly, but she could hear the choked sob beneath it, "You forgive way too easily." Sam didn't respond to that - perhaps she did. But she would have prefered to be a forgiver than the alternative.

She traced circles along his chest absently, still trying to wrap her head around the fact that he was here and this was all happening. She'd been so resigned to the fact that this would never happen, that she'd never get to find happiness like this. She looked up at him through her eyelashes, wondering aloud, "do you have any questions for me?" He let out a short chuckle and took in a breath.

"Um… of course. So… you said that you guys had a funeral?" he asked. Sam took in a sharp breath through her nose and closed her eyes. It didn't matter how long ago it was. It didn't matter that it was all a lie. It didn't even matter that she was wrapped up with him at this very moment… it still made her heart ache when she thought about the way that day made her feel - helpless and alone and utterly destroyed. "Sam?"

"Yeah… I-" she felt his chest rise and fall, an even deeper breath, "we did."

"Musta been some party," he sighed. It was such a surreal thing to discuss with someone - their own funeral. "How did it go?" Sam excitedly popped her head up to look at him, her smile stretching as she remembered one thing she was happy to tell him.

"I did what you asked!" she announced excitedly. Josh just stared back at her in confusion, but Sam continued before he could ask, "I played Highway to Hell." Josh's face cracked, a reminiscent smile stretching on his own face before his head fell back and he laughed a few hearty, 'ha's!'

"Are you serious?" Sam nodded enthusiastically. Josh dropped his head back, his hand on his forehead, "Ah, man. My parents musta been thrilled." He paused at his own mention of his parents, but didn't say anything more about them. Sam knew he was trying to stay light. "You know, I knew I made the right choice in assigning you that responsibility. Chris never would ha-" Josh suddenly stopped speaking, his eyes widening. "Chris," he said in almost a whisper, sitting up slightly. "Oh my God, I forgot about Chris!"

Sam sat up on her knees beside him, her hair loosely falling in her face. She brushed it back a bit.

"He couldn't believe it when I told him you were alive," she confessed quickly, shaking her head.

"That's why I took you over there… so he could see for himself. I also kinda hoped that it would jog your memory." Josh rolled to his side, propping his head up with his elbow, his eyebrows pulled together in contemplation.

"So… I guess that means... technically… my plan for getting Ash and Chris together… kinda worked…?" Sam smiled and shook her head at his logic, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Um, noooo, Josh. I think they would have figured it out eventually. I don't think putting them in horrifying, near-death situations was the only reason why they are together now."

"Ohhh, you're no fun," he mumbled, his thumb pressed into his lip as he thought. "You think we can see him soon?"

"Of course. We can go tomorrow if you want," Sam offered, her heart rate speeding up at the thought of reuniting the best friends for good this time. Josh looked up towards the ceiling.

"Hmmm… tomorrow, tomorrow… I think I have plans…" Sam shoved him lightly in the shoulder.

"Oh quit it, you…" Sam dismissed him with a hand wave and roll of her eyes.

"Just Joshin' ya," he assured, and Sam felt herself flooded instantly by so many memories, so many instances where he'd used that line. And it never got old. He leaned in closely to her, "But really… how do you feel like pulling an ol' Josh-Wash Prank? Because I was thinkin'-"

"Don't you ever learn?" Sam mock scolded, pushing his face back from hers. Josh breathed heavily, laying back on his back closing his eyes. Sam couldn't tell if he was tired or just as at peace as she felt. She knew for a fact that she wasn't going to be able to sleep anytime soon, not with so much left to say. She laid back down, practically on top of him, just to feel him closer to her. She felt a smile form on her lips as she recalled another memory.

"How did you break up with Amber?" she snickered, suddenly feeling very giddy as she remembered their first kiss and the goth chick he dumped just for her - the first time she ever knew her feelings for Josh were reciprocated.

"Who?" he squeaked, popping one eye open to glance down at her.

"The vampire." Josh instantly began to laugh at her, his arm wrapping tighter around her as he squeezed her shoulder, lovingly.

"You and that damn vampire, I swear..." he sighed. "My adorable, jealous little Sammy…"

"I wonder what happened to her..." Sam mused, assuming she either grew out of the phase or ended up in prison for drinking her lover's blood or something. Or at least contracting HIV from the same behaviour.

"Who cares?" Josh groaned, leaning his head down to give Sam a kiss on the forehead.

"I don't even know what you were doing with her anyways," Sam pouted a bit, definitely feeling 16 again.

"I dunno…" Josh pondered. "Maybe to make you jealous? Maybe because I was a kid and she embodied all the scary, gothic, gore-porn that I was kinda entranced with at the time. But only because I didn't think I'd ever get you, Sam. And it just took one conversation where Hannah hinted at the notion that it was even a possibility before I kicked her to the curb," he confessed, and Sam felt herself grow warm with even more love for him, knowing that he had always felt about her the same way she felt about him.

"Did she get violent with you when you ended it?" Sam ventured. Josh sat quietly a moment before he recalled the memory as well, snorting out an abrupt laugh that made Sam's smile even wider.

"Actually yeah. But it wasn't because I dumped her. It was because I wasn't gonna be dressing up with her for Halloween. She was soooo pissed…" Sam knew instantly what he was talking about. She remembered feeling absolutely gutted when Hannah told her that Amber had coerced Josh into a couples costume. Josh loved Halloween and he was always ridiculously and intricately prepared every year with a stunning, movie-set-quality costume. She tried not to think about how that trait probably made the night of the prank (that they would speak no more of) that much more convincing. "Anyways, it wasn't any more violent than making out with the psycho…"

Sam smirked. She remembered Halloween 2012 almost more than any other Halloween (even though Josh always made sure everyone had a great time at each of his Halloween parties). This one stood out for her though, even at the time, because not only did Josh just break up with Amber, but he had just kissed her on his roof as well. It was a moment that meant the world to her, even if she still didn't exactly know where her and Josh's relationship was going. But she didn't even care, because he was single again and she didn't have to share him with anyone.

They didn't get to talk about a Halloween theme before the party, however. So it was a normal costume party, complete with classic Josh jumpscares and oddly labeled food (Josh O Lantern cupcakes, cookies, punch). Sam had decided on dressing up as Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas a few weeks ago; she was always a favorite of Sam's and she had no idea why she never went as her before.

She only told Hannah, mostly because Hannah was trying to figure out ideas of who to go as, finally deciding on Jasmine.

And when it came time for the party, Sam looked everywhere for Josh. She wanted to show off how good her makeup for Sally turned out, but even his sisters hadn't seen him. She had her hands busy with Hannah, however, because she was freaking out over the fact that Mike came as Aladdin, which pissed Emily off who came as sexy Snow White (Mike didn't want to come as her nameless Prince Charming and Emily didn't want to wear a long wig all night).

Finally, as Sam was talking to Beth (who came as She-Ra, Beth looked great in her long blonde wig), a person stopped beside her. Sam looked up, surprised to find that the person was dressed as none other than Jack Skellington; the black and white striped outfit covered him from head to toe, and it was completed with a pumpkin head.

Sam couldn't see the face, but she smirked, knowing exactly who it was. She pushed a long red strand of her wig behind her ear shyly, "Well if it isn't the Pumpkin King."

The pumpkin head leaned in close to her, his voice masked just like Jack's, "Fancy meeting you here, Sally."

She grinned and, having wanted to see Josh all night, she raised her hands to take off the pumpkin head, her eyes searching through the dark eye holes to silently ask permission to do so. He nodded, and Sam shimmied the pumpkin off his head, laughing when Josh had his face painted exactly like Jack's skeleton face.

"This is the first time I've let anyone unveil me," he told her, his large smile stretching the makeup around his mouth to really make him look like Jack.

"I didn't know you were coming as Jack!" She said, holding the pumpkin close to her now, "Wait...how did you know I was coming as Sally?"

He shook his head, a knowing glint in his eyes, "I didn't."

"Okay, Josh," she said sarcastically, wanting to continue prying him but this was such an amazing surprise. Last she heard, he was supposed to come as someone from Twilight with Amber, but of course, that was before he ended things with her.

"Uh-uh, I'm Jack," he corrected. He tilted the pumpkin head Sam was holding so she was looking inside, and there, carved in the center, was J+S. She blushed through all her green, doll-like makeup. He leaned in close to her, his voice deep in her ear when he said, "We're simply meant to be..."

"You're so corny sometimes," she said lowly, their mouths close enough together that their lips were able to brush, her stomach flipping and tightening at feeling him against her again.

Sam later on thanked Hannah for telling Josh that she was going to be Sally.

Even now, laying in Josh's arms as she began to finally feel the heaviness of sleep in her eyes, listening to his deepening breaths that told her he was feeling the same way too, Sam knew she had so much to thank Hannah for.

"I miss them," Josh mumbled sleepily, and Sam wondered if he could read her thoughts.

"Me too," she whispered.

"You okay?" He croaked a whisper, probably noticing the crack in her voice. She nodded silently, but gave a small shrug.

"I just feel like I've spent so long…. Alone. Just so utterly alone," she admitted. With him there, she finally didn't feel that way anymore. She looked up at him with glossy eyes. Josh bit his bottom lip and nodded in acknowledgement, his cold hand trailing along her shoulder and leaving goosebumps in its wake.

"I know," he said quietly, reaching down and tipping her chin up to brush a fleeting kiss across her lips. He brushed the golden hair from her face and rested his hand on her cheek as he said, "Me too, but… we are not alone, Sammy. At least not anymore."

To Be Continued...