CHAPTER SIX

SAYING GOODBYE

As the sun rose over the trees, on the third day since Sam died, I was transfixed on Ashe. The others had long since gone to sleep, simply curling up on the ground and nodding off. But not Ashe. She stayed up, tending the fire, watching it. I hadn't seen her sleep at all. They must have one person stay up to keep watch, but I wondered how long these women could go without sleeping. I also wondered why they didn't have tents or beds. Maybe they travelled so much that it was easier to have less to carry.

I tried to figure out the best way to talk to Ashe. but as I ran all of the possible ways our conversation could turn out, I realized there really was no good ending. She was going to tell me I couldn't go, no matter what I said. I had been trying to work up the nerve to confront her for days, but every time I went to talk to her, she set me to some menial task. Mind numbing activity had filled the last two days. I had only hours to obtain my permission. Sam's funeral would be tomorrow at sunset. It was Quileute tradition.

There was no good way to do this, and if Daedra was going to insist on it, then it might as well get done so that I could begin planning my escape. I was going to that funeral, one way or the other.

I pushed myself up to get to my feet from my sitting position on the ground when I felt a hand on mine. It was Daedra.

"Don't. I know what you intend, and I think it unwise. Please, allow me to ask on your behalf. It might go better than what you have planned." she said. Her words were simple, but somehow I felt like she knew what my true plan really was. I nodded my agreement, and she sat up, smiled at me, and then stood, dusting herself off, and went to Ashe.

"These have been trying times. We have a long road ahead of us. It would be a good thing for Bella to be able to say her goodbyes to her friend today. I will take her." Daedra said. Well that was blunt. I could have done that myself.

Ashe opened her mouth to answer, but T'sikati spoke first. "I do not want her there." she said in a voice so low no human would hear it. She stood up and made a face at me as if I smelled bad.

"I know you don't, T'sikati. My heart hurts for your pain, and I understand your anger. I am not saying that it is not justified. But even you must see that this is about more than your anger, or vengeance." Daedra said. She turned to Ashe. "It will help Bella to have closure so that she can move on."

"Maybe." Ashe said with no real hint of agreement. "But have you considered that being there could push her over the edge?"

Push me over the edge? Was she kidding? I jumped over the edge a while ago, literally and figuratively.

Ashe continued, "Seeing her family and friends mourning the death of the one she herself killed? It is too dangerous, Daedra."

"I'm well aware of what I've done." I muttered.

"What you've done yes, but not the affect it has had." Ashe clarified. "Maybe it will be too much for you. The last thing we need is you losing it and having T'sikati try to put you down." T'sikati smiled at the thought.

"Ashe, have you seen that happen?" Daedra asked, her brow coming together with concern. "Because I have not."

"No, I haven't. But you know that we cannot control the visions, and I don't need to see it to know it's likely." Ashe replied.

"Have you seen anything new?" Daedra asked.

"No. I would have told you if I had. The vision is still the same" Ashe pouted. "You?"

"The same." Daedra confirmed.

I wanted to ask about this vision they had both seemed to have, but I didn't dare interrupt.

"Maybe we should all go." said Anail. "Bella needs closure. We all do. A storm is coming, and we must learn how to find our way through it."

T'sikati growled in frustration. "If you are coming then you will stand far away." she said to no one in particular as she gathered some stones from the ground. "I don't want you near my people."

And with that, we began walking to the reservation for Sam's funeral.

We were about a football field away from the edge of the crowd when we came upon the gathering for Sam's funeral. We had missed the eulogies, but we had made it for the songs. Had I known we would be walking here at a mortal pace, I would have woken everyone sooner. I wasn't exactly sure how fast these women could travel, but excruciatingly slow was not at the top of my list.

I had spent the walk over trying to brace myself for this moment: the moment I would look upon Sam and his people and truly see what I had done. I had expected the ocean of faces in varying degrees of mourning. I had expected the air of grief and pain permeating the crowd.

But what I hadn't expected was the song.

I had learned the Quileute language fluently, but for some reason the songs eluded me. Something about the way they were sung made the words slip through my mental fingers when I tried to grasp them. I had never heard a funeral song before. The Quileutes are a very private people, and no one outside of the tribe was allowed near a place of mourning.

A single voice came up through the crowd, singing words I could not translate. The sound pulled at something inside of me and all of my focus went to that voice. More voices joined in. T'sikati stood, swaying, eyes closed and listening. As she opened her eyes, she seemed drawn to the song. She slowly paced forward toward the crowd. When I too tried to step closer, Daedra stopped me and shook her head.

As T'sikati got closer, I became more nervous that someone would see her, sense her, and we would be exposed. T'sikati must have been shielded because no one paid her any attention.

The voices sang low and out of step with each other. I could hear weeping and breath hitching in chests trying desperately to keep the song. I felt the ragged edge of panic race through me when T'sikati stopped in front of one Quileute in particular who had his head bowed, barely singing. T'sikati put her hand on his shoulder and his head came up. He seemed to be looking her right in the face! He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and began singing louder, stronger.

I watched in wonder as she wove her way through the crowd, touching them all in turn until their voices rose together in a beautiful unity. Some of them stood taller at her touch, some fell to their knees. A few of them wept harder, and some shook so hard I thought they must be having seizures, but they all began to sing louder, their voices melding into a single pulse-like rhythm that penetrated the ground and the air.

Anail raised her hands to the sky, and the air came through and swirled among the tribe, lifting their voices higher, amplifying their sound and their intensity.

That is when I saw Jacob. As the wind crossed Jacob, T'sikati brushed her had across his back and his eyes snapped open and he began looking around frantically. Something had startled him. He was the only one no longer singing, and he was looking in my direction now. Had T'sikati somehow told Jacob I was here? Why would she do that?

Renesmee sensed the change in Jacob, and as the voices rose higher and faster, Jacob began pushing his way through the crowd in my direction with Renesmee, and now Seth too, right behind him.

I took a step back, and even though I tried to tell myself we were shielded and he could not see us, a burning panic raked its way across my mind and through the relative calm provided by the amulet. He was coming.

"He can't know we are here." I whispered. There was no way they could know, but Jacob was headed right for us regardless. The Four stood still, watching Jacob's approach. Even T'sikati was staring at Jacob barreling right for me.

What if they found us? What if they wanted me to go home? I would end up killing everyone.

As I turned and bolted, I heard Ashe let loose a colorful barrage of vocabulary as she gave chase at an annoyed mortal pace. I had to get back to the clearing. It had protections. I would be safe there. I hoped I would be safe there.

"I knew this was a bad idea!" Ashe screamed as she came into the clearing with Daedra and Anail right behind her.

"You're not helping, Ashland!" Daedra snapped as she grabbed my shoulders and tried to get me to focus. "Bella, please, it's okay, you are safe."

My shield did not agree. I could feel it. It was up now, for the first time in a long time, but it was too strong. It was closing in on me, crushing me, mentally and physically. The force of the vibrations in my mind seemed earth shattering, pounding their raging thunder deep down into my core and reaching out into the world around me.

"We have to stop her! She can't break like this." Anail warned.

This is how it ends. My own shield trying to kill me. It seemed fitting if I really thought about it, I mean, I had hurt so many people. Why would I be spared my own wrath?

T'sikati stormed into the clearing as if she was out for blood, but when she saw me, her eyes went wide.

"She's unstable. She needs our help." Daedra said. Ashe, Daedra, and Anail gathered around me. Daedra and Anail held their hands out to T'sikati to close the circle.

She walked forward but did not join hands. She walked past them and right up to me. She got right in my face. I could feel her boiling hot breath on me as she said, "I will do this, but I am not doing it to help you. Final death would be too good for you. Your hell will be here, on Earth, with what you've done. Your punishment will be to watch your world, your people, the ones you love, fall and shatter."

T'sikati stepped back and joined hands with the others. T'sikati began singing in Quileute again. I felt something tugging at my shield. As T'sikati's voice rose higher, the vibrations began to keep time with her chants. I felt like I was being torn apart and put back together all at once. The four women encircling me were standing stiff and on their toes, heads arched back, eyes rolled up in their heads. I couldn't even scream it hurt so bad. What were they going to do to me?

I realized it didn't matter. T'sikati said my hell would be on Earth, but it already was. I had already lost everything. Picturing the looks on everyone's faces when I took Sam's life, I thought, What's the point?

As I was about to give into the crushing push and pull in my body and mind, I opened my eyes and there he was, coming out of the trees. Here at the end, at least I would get to see him one last time. I could die with some sort of peace.

But there would be no peace.

"Damn him!" Ashe said with annoyance.

He was real. He was really here. I tried to run toward him, but as I came to where Daedra and Ashe had joined hands, some force kept me from tearing through them and tossed me back like some strange game of supernatural red rover.

"Let me out! I need to talk to him!" I said as I pushed against the force.

"Yeah, 'cause that's gonna happen." Ashe laughed.

I stepped nose to nose with Ashe and hissed, "I will kill you, you crazy bitch."

She smiled and whispered, "Bring it, Swan. I'd love to see you try."

*******************CHAPTER END*************