Chapter Title: Mustered Courage

POV: Harry

Characters: Ron, Hermione, Harry and Draco.

Ships: R/Hr…maybe H/D in this chapter…

I hear Snape chuckle as he keeps walking away. He wants me to talk to Draco…but I can't. Hell I just can't. I know Snape must know, he isn't thick and he must have read my mind when I dived to save Ginny. It was all planned. Before Lucius could send anything Dumbledore froze him and shot another spell. A spell that froze me as I fell to the ground. It was all part of the plan. I even started to wonder if I should just let them kill me. If Ginny was dead and only Draco was left I wouldn't know what to do.

I just wouldn't.

I know who I want, and it isn't Ginny, but I don't want to hurt her. I love her more then a friend but I only want her as a friend, a sister.

I am full of excuses. They are endless and full of hurt. I don't know what to do. When I was gone I couldn't stop crying about what I have done to my friends. I was to disappear. I asked for it. I asked Dumbledore to help me disappear from this hurtful world.

He allowed me to. He knew I just wanted to get away. To let everyone else have some time away from me. I thought that if I didn't die to many people would feel too much pain. Or they would hate me for…causing so much pain to everyone. I didn't mean to kill any of those innocent people. I was just trying to help.

But then I cracked under all the pressure. I was so weak as I finally caved and asked Dumbledore to let me back. I would give anything to see Ron, Hermione… Draco. But he said I didn't need to do anything for him that he would let me have back my life with no questions asked. He even let me graduate.

I want Draco and I can't have him. Everyone will hate me, Ron will hate me, even understanding Hermione, and I just know it.

But I spot Draco sitting on a chair hunched over with a look of despair on his face. He was looking as if he were about to cry. He was chewing on his lip and he was so very skinny. He eyes were sunken in and he was paler then ever. When Snape said the world would go insane without me I wasn't expecting all this. A brilliant Ron, a quieter Hermione and a skinny Draco. He looked as if he was nothing but skin and bones. He took the word thin to a new level.

I couldn't stop thinking about him the whole time away. What happened to him? I 'died' his parents died and most of his friends as well. Did he care? Well this answered my question. I start getting deep in thought about Draco. I mentally shake my head. I am doing it again. So I decided to talk, break the silence.

"So, how did the two of you get together?" I crack a smile as Ron turns red. I faked the smile but not the emotion. My face was just not used to smiling and my soul wasn't used to feeling happiness. It was unnatural, and it didn't feel right. I felt guilty.

"Well…we were together in secret before you…well erm…" Ron started.

"Died?" I add helpfully as he nods slowly.

"Yea. Then when you died we just fell apart and decided to get back together in your honor mate!" Ron beamed this huge smile as Hermione nodded.

"Yes, and we are in love." Hermione smiles and gives Ron a quick kiss. He turns red as she laughs. I smile a bit bigger. I feel a spark in my body, a spark of the unknown. Was it happiness? Of was it that twinge of fear and guilt I usually feared every morning I awoke remembering seeing those I called my friends, fall to the floor: Luna's hand going limp. Neville's broken nose and bloody face, and Seamus who didn't get up no matter how many times I cried and pleaded with him to do so. When Tonks fell my heart sank. That was Remus' only love. Remus loved her and I killed her. It was my fault.

When I hear the word love I can't help it my eyes dart back to Draco and I let out a sigh that brings Hermione's gaze to me. Every time I look at Draco I feel a sensation as if my heart is being tugged at. I hope it isn't love but I fear it just may be.

Now Hermione is naturally smart, no longer best in year but she is smart. She follows my gaze and finds the product of it. She spots me staring at Draco.

"Harry, you really should go talk to him…" Hermione says.

She knows. My heart starts pounding.

"He took it harder then us; he is crazy about you Harry." Ron adds.

I can't help it. I just get angry…so fast. He isn't crazy about me because I was DEAD. You can't be in love with someone who is dead.

"I am NOT gay!" I say it in a hushed voice but I made my lie clear.

Hermione gives me a perplexed sideways glance.

"Harry… before you get all sensitive, it is ok. We don't care and nobody else will. You are back and everyone is way to happy about that to mind anything you do. He loves you Harry…so much. The number of times I saw him crying, the number of times I saw him sitting in a corner huddled up and not hearing anything anyone is saying to him is too many times. Pansy has come to me several times in tears because she was so worried what Draco might do to himself…" Hermione spoke softly.

I glance back at the fragile boy.

"Harry, I know you love him more then Ginny. Even Ginny knows and has admitted. She doesn't care. All the time she has spent at Mugeo's has help. She realized you are her brother as much as I am." Ron talks slowly.

Harry looks down. He can't take this. Ginny doesn't want him. He has nobody left.

Except Draco.

"I can't…" I can feel the burning sensation in my eyes. I can't cry in front of him like this.

"Oh, Harry!" Hermione sighs and pulls me into another hug. I hug her back softly and bite back the tears. I just can't do it I am so pathetic. So scared of being hurt…I don't want to take that chance.

"Harry, you can do this. Don't worry about anything other then making yourself happy. When you do that Draco will be happy. I will be happy. Just seeing the Boy-Who-Killed-Voldermort happy will bring so much happiness to so many hearts." Hermione pulls away and gives me a smile to the new name the media has came up with.

I look away but Ron comes up behind me, one hand on each shoulder and gives me a reassuring turn and push towards Draco. I stumble a bit, sigh and look over my shoulder.

"Go!" Hermione and Ron smiled huge grins and point towards Draco.

I shove my hands in my pockets. I can feel the tears coming but I keep control of them. My heart is beating so fast it hurts.

I take short slow steps to Draco.

Draco is staring at the floor when I come up to him as he has been all afternoon. I clear my throat.

"What?" Draco asks loudly without looking up. He has a nasty tone to his voice. "I don't want to talk to anyone now."

"Oh, I am sorry." I didn't mean to make him angry.

He looks up with wide eyes as I turn to leave.

"Whatever you want Draco." I give one smile and start walking away. My heart aches more. It feels like I am suffocating slowly in the cool of the darkness that has overwhelmed me. In that dark cloud I lie with Draco's words as the rope that is firmly gripping at my neck. If this is love, I don't want it.

A/N: Thank you very much for the response. I have found a wonderful beta that without his help I for one would have gotten anywhere! Thank you very much both fans and my wonder of a beta, KeyKeeper12/Cortez/Duron/Phiros/Iclos. giggles Heh I think I will go with Cortez! Again THANK YOU! The next chapter will be of dear Draco's POV. I haven't decided who should be next…Hermione…Ron? Or perhaps bring back Snape and get him in the story itself? Hmm…I will let the fans decide. If you have anyone you should REALLY like to see (But try to keep it with my story :P No Voldermort or resurrected Lunas please!) then post it in your reviews. Anyways I have been babbling to much…see ya!

Oh and I hope you aren't angry at me for lying. No H/D YET. Maybe next chapter?