Disclaimer: I own all 21 contestants that appear in this fic. I also own the Black Chef and Valley. Zephyr is property of Cragmiteblaster, with slight personal tweaks from me. Everything else is not mine.

Ben's Note of Sheer Awesome: This is either going to be welcomed or hated! Hey guys, here's the first official chapter of Gender Battle! I'm aware I have two other fics I SHOULD be paying attention to, but I felt a new cast might refresh me a little. So, here's this! I WILL be returning to TDASB until the final ten after this episode, then I'll be going to Fire Island. Until then, enjoy the chapter!

Battle of the Sexes!

E1 P1: Arrival

It was beautiful day as the clouds rolled across the sky over the coast of Canada. In a particular spot on the coast, there was a beautiful forest and a small camp resting near a beach. A small town was a bit of a ways away, resting silently in the forest. Standing over on the beach was Chris McClain himself, smiling a giant smile. Standing next to him was Zephyr, who was still wearing his jester outfit.

"You really outdid yourself," Chris noted, smirking a bit. "How'd you do it? Sure, I rented an island, but a whole coast? Seriously, what did you do?"

"Chris, I'm a lot of things. I know guys who know guys," Zephyr said simply. "Just remember our deal and my guys are your guys."

"Sounds great to me. What could possibly go wrong with that logic?" Chris chuckled. A cameraman signaled that he was rolling and Chris gave a charasmatic grin. "Welcome back to Total Drama! Last season we had a blast on Pahkitew Island, with backstabs, pointless love triangles, and a villain that would quite honestly be tough to beat! I'm Chris McClain, host of this fantastic show, and with me is new co-host, Zephyr the Patient! Say, what is your real last name anyway?"

"I don't have one," Zephyr said simply. "My title is my surname. People do that now. Keep up with the times Chris."

"So do I have a fancy title? Maybe Chris the Handsome or Chris the Amazing or Chris the Charasmatic?" Chris said, giving Zephyr a cheeky smirk.

"More like Chris the #$% according to fans," Zephyr said flatly, making Chris scowl. "What? You asked. Get back to the show."

"Right, right," Chris said. "This season, we're bringing in twenty-one brand new contestants, each one more dramatic than the last! I can't wait! The theme for this season will be an old classic: the battle of the sexes! Watch as ten boys and ten girls, plus one gender neutral pineapple, fight it out for one million dollars!"

"I'm sure the audience is thrilled. I mean, what, it only took you six seasons to produce a good idea, right?" Zephyr snarked.

"Hey! World Tour was a great season!"

"Oh Hell, you seriously said that," Zephyr groaned. "Well, your funeral I guess."

"If anyone could rock a funeral, it'd be me, dead or alive," Chris chuckled. "So, who are the new contestants be? Will any of them be worth my pressence? How much drama can we milk out of them? And who will eventually win the million? Find out now, on Total Drama Gender Battle!"

(Theme song; I wanna be famous)

The camera returned to Chris, who had a big smile on his face. "Welcome back after the song that earned it's place amoung the best theme songs in Canada," Chris said with a heavenly sigh. "Ah, memories."

"Fame is a mixed bag. Most people don't want the spotlight," Zephyr shrugged. "So, how are we introducing the contestants? Are they arriving one at a time like you did in Island or are we going to rush through it with a camera crew?"

"Please, I've been running this show for six years," Chris waved. "The audience prefers a quick pan of characters. Plus, we already have our teams seperated, so it just adds to team building or what not."

"May I ask what you did with the pineapple?"

"I placed it on it's own personal craft," Chris said simply. "I know it self identifies as male, but I figured it'd be best if it was alone for now. It would make the teams unbalanced and I would have a bunch of feminists after my hide."

"You? Scared of girls?" Zephyr asked flatly.

"I didn't say girls, I said feminists," Chris corrected. "There is a significant difference between the two. Lucky for us, I didn't select any feministic contestants this season. That would be the last thing I need."

"I'm honestly surprised you even have a fear of them," Zephyr said. "Drama is drama, right? Wouldn't that create drama?"

"Shut up. I know what's best for this show, and trust me, the contestants I selected will cause plenty of drama. Speaking of, let's cut to them now. I'm sure the audience is dying to see who we've selected this season," Chris smirked.

Oh, the audience will be dying alright, Zephyr thought to himself. It's only a matter of time...

(Blue Ship)

Floating on the ocean side by side were three ships heading toward the coast Chris was standing. Each one was colored differently, one blue, one pink, and a small raft colored grey. The camera zoomed into the blue ship, going in on someone standing toward the stern.

The person standing at the stern of the ship was staring specifically over at the pink ship, a smirk on his face. He had combed over brown hair and had toned muscles. He appeared to only be wearing a green towel around his waist, which was tied together as tight as possible. The boy appeared to be giggling in hysterics.

"So soon, so soon," the boy giggled. "Perhaps there's a nice red head over there. Mmm, I do love myself some red heads. But blondes are soooo gullible. Which one, which one? Of course I have them all, but who's first?"

"Only a towel? Scandelous!" came a chuckle. The towel boy barely glanced back to see another boy standing behind him. He had evenly cut black hair and a black jacket with an orange shirt underneath. He also had comfortable grey pants a pair of grey tennis shoes. "You're already setting the mark for me to beat!"

"Beat in what?" the boy asked, not even turning his head to look at him.

"For the best crimes in the season of course!" the boy giggled. "I'm Ripper Jackson, descendent of the great Jack the Ripper! His history and work has been passed down my bloodline for generations! And I hope to join the Greats from my family and commit the best crimes ever imaginable!"

"Yeah, yeah, that's nice," the towle boy said, barely paying attention to Ripper. "Say, do you think the girls over there like surprises? I love giving surprises particularly but not having them scream is an upside."

"Everyone loves a surprise, especially if screaming is involved," Ripper chuckled. "Screams of terror are espeically delightful if a crime is being committed. I can't wait to here one myself when I commit my first evil act."

"Hmm. Noted," he mused. "I'm Karl. Karl Silva. If you happen to see any of the girls before me, send them my direction, would ya? Ten lovely ladies and not enough time to get them all."

"Promise to be evil and I won't mind misleading them at all!" Ripper chuckled. "Assiting in crime. A start that will lead to a big finish!"

Will this guy shut up already? Karl thought to himself. I'm trying to concentrate. Blonde or red head first? So many choices...

Toward the back of the ship, another boy was resting his head underneath a top hat. He had strawberry blonde hair and had light pink skin. He was wearing a red shirt and a black overcoat, along with nice black pants and shoes. He seemed to be staring up at the clouds with a calm smile on his face.

"Being cool has its perks," he said, staring up at the sky. "Perhaps that's why I was offered the spot in the contest. I was offered to participate in Survivor, despite me not being remotely old enough. Perhaps Total Drama just caught on the cool wind and followed. Either way, it's cool."

"Would you please be quiet? I'm trying to focus on my dancing!" snapped a voice. The voice came from a boy with a brown beard and brown hair. He was wearing a pink leotard and a tutu, along with ballet shoes on his feet. His hands were in the air and he was twirling with a scowl on his face. "Honestly, some people..."

"I apologize. Sometimes I get caught up in my own monologues," the other boy apologized. "I'm August Shaw. I'm an occasional actor and model, but I typically just work at home."

"Sure," the balerina grumbled. "I'm Chuck Goodwin, and I don't really give #$% about your life. You might look cool and popular, but guess what? Some people had to earn their right to be stars! I've studied ballet for years and only recently was I ever taken seriously! Of course, I did get booed off the stage for the talent show, but that's a load of #$%! I'll show everyone here who the real star is... me."

"That's cool," August nodded with a sincere smile. "I wish you luck. May the wind of cool guide you to victory... if, of course, I do not achieve it myself."

"Hmph. Whatever," Chuck grunted, dancing away from August with a look of disgust on his face.

Inside the ship was a small closet, which was currently occupying a young boy who was holding himself in the fetal position. He had tan skin and small cut brown hair. He was wearing a green beret and had on a yellow sweater and a blue tie. He was shaking nervously, gulping every so often.

"You're fine Dusk, you're fine! No worries, no worries... gah!" he jumped, looking at the wall and seeing a small sliver sticking out of it. "Stay away from me! Don't hurt me!"

Dusk continued to shiver in fear as the door began to open. He trembled and gulped loudly as the door opened fully to reveal a round boy standing in the doorway. He had shaggy red hair and wore a tan shirt with red lines across it. He had blue paint on his face and light brown skin. He was wearing a tan pair of gloves and dark pants. His teeth were clenched as he looked around the closet.

"Dang. No sling shots. Battle strategy is a load of #$% without weapons," he grumbled to himself. He then noticed Dusk cowering fearfully and scowled. "What the #$% happened to you?" he grumbled.

"Gah!" Dusk screamed, reaching into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. "Take it! I only have my license in there, but I don't need it! Steal my identity just don't throw me over board!"

The boy was quiet for a moment before grinning. "Now that's a good strategy! Dump the people overboard who commit treason! I like that!" he laughed. He reached down and picked up Dusk's wallet, looking it over. "Dusk Noir huh? I'm Rygoth Tabs, battle strategist known across the fandoms. You, my friend, just gave me an extremely good idea!"

"Eep! I didn't mean to do that! I'm sorry!" Dusk said fearfully. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of gum, tossing it to Rygoth. "I don't need it! Just don't credit me for giving you ideas!"

Rygoth raised an eyebrow, but merely shrugged. "Your loss. It was a great idea," Rygoth said, picking up the gum and tossing Dusk back his wallet. "I'll keep you in mind if we ever need a distraction. You'd nail it. Later."

Rygoth left Dusk alone in the closet, making Dusk whimper. "I hate being alone... I wonder if he would come back if I asked nicely?" Dusk asked himself. "Who am I kidding... he'd totally squash me! I'm going to die here aren't I? EEK!"

Outside the closet and in the main room of the ship, a young business man sat at one of the tables, talking on the phone with someone. He had a fancy top hat covering his red hair and wore a fancy white business suit with a pink flower in the pocket. He also had on white slacks and white shoes. He seemed smug.

"Yes father, I completely understand," he said. "We need the money to increase business productivity and this is the best way to show off for the company. I completely understand. Yes sir, all of my fellow contestants are like my employees. I shall treat them as such. Good day, father. I'll keep you posted."

As he hung up, another young man with purple hair approached him. His hair was scattered around, covering his left eye, and he had a creepy smile on his face. He was wearing a white shirt with a purple bunny toward the top and shiny black pants. His eyes were bright white, shining toward the other boy as he approached.

"Do you need something?" the boy who hung up his phone asked. "If not, I have a business plan to write out. The Rockefellar's didn't get far without a solid business plan. I, Flippard Rockefellar, will have the best plan of all, retaining the same laws back when my ancestor started the company to start with."

The purple haired boy stared creepily at Flippard for a moment, his smile never wavering. "Your desire for power outweighs your desire for quality," the purple haired boy said. "You lust for power and you lose quality. Beware your desires and your desires will turn into rewards."

Flippard scowled, staring suspiciously at the boy. "What do you know? You look like a mere commoner among men. Have you ever owned a business? I don't think so."

"Perhaps not. But it's not something I want. Power brings too much pleasure that I would drown in my own lust," he mused. "Be warned by a mere peasant named Hugh Carnal: power ignores quality. That would be all."

Hugh slipped away, Flippard scowling after him. "This team will need a lot of breaking in, it seems," Flippard grumbled. "They'll learn to accept authority around here. Power ignores quality. Hmph. Who's been gaining power for decades, centuries? Certainly not him, that's for certain."

On the roof of the boat staring across the sea, another boy stood, staring solemnly in the distance. He had a brown mohawk with the rest of his head completely shaved. He wore a yellow scarf and a black overcoat. He appeared to be bored out of his mind, and yet content with it.

Of all the jobs I could have taken, he thought to himself. Reality TV is below me. I have ways of getting a million dollars that don't involve this #$%. But... Chris did make it clear that I would be paid handsomely. I should check my account when I get a chance, just to check.

"Hey there!" came a voice from behind the mohawk boy. The mohawk guy didn't try to make a move, but he was immediately turned around and his mouth was forced open. In front of him as a boy with fizzy blonde hair wearing a green face mask. He was wearing a white dentist coat and black pants. He looked at the mohawk boy's teeth and whistled. "Those are some big chompers," he noted.

"What the #$% do you want?" the other boy said, snapping his mouth shut. "Checking my teeth is weird, you #$% idiot."

"Keith Orel," the dentist smiled, introducing himself. "I hope to be Dr. Orel someday, but Keith is fine for now! I love studying teeth, and yours look absolutely amazing!"

GERMANIC VIKING"Hmph. The Monari family always has excellent teeth," the boy muttered. "Bjork. And before you go asking, yes, I'm Scandinavian, get over it."

"I hear scandinavian teeth are amazing," Keith mused to himself. "So, what do you fancy of becoming when your older?"

Bjork scowled at the question, but then formed his lips into a smirk. "None of your business," he grumbled. "But... if you must know, I'm going into the family business. What family business? Again, none of your #$% concern."

"Ok! I was just curious," Keith shrugged. "Hey, if you get any of your teeth knocked out, come find me! I'm sure I could figure out how to fix them, no sweat! Plus, since we're team mates, I'll even do it for free!"

"Uh huh, sure," Bjork muttered, looking at the camera with an eye roll.

(Pink Ship)

Across from the blue ship, the pink ship was also floating forward. As the blue boat only had a bunch of boys, the pink boat safely held only girls. Inside the boat's cabin was an Asian girl with black hair and indigo robes was thinking to herself quietly.

"Remember, everyone deserves to be heard, but this game is still important," she said to herself confidently. "This is a game of honor, but also a game of lies. You can't get blinded by the lies. You can do this Yi. Just meditate and relax. That's what Father always tells you to do."

"My dad always tells me to eat oranges. Not a fan. I much prefer blueberries myself."

Yi looked up to see a girl with tan skin and curly brown hair approach her. She was dressed completely in dark blue and had a blue headband with a blue flower on it. The girl smiled at Yi and sat down next to her. Yi smiled back at her, giving her a small bow.

"Hello. I'm Yi Lin," Yi said with a smile. "Who might you be?"

"Blue Azure, two shades of the perfect color in the universe," Blue said, smiling a big smile. "I love blue so much. It brings me so much joy and peace. What about you? What's your favorite color?"

"Yellow. It represents cheer and happiness, which I enjoy seeing on my friend's faces," Yi said. "Blue is an interesting choice though. Are you secretly trying to express sadness through happiness? I'm not quite sure I understand, but I'm sure there's plenty of time for me to."

"No, no! I'm not sad at all! In fact, I'm really excited!" Blue giggled. "I wonder if we'll have a challenge that involves painting. I do great painting skies and oceans! Not so much other things, but those for sure!"

"Well, if we have that challenge, I'll definitely be relying on you," Yi smiled. "Just remember that you can always rely on me, ok?"

"Sounds good! We can be allies! Plus, indigo is a shade of blue, so it was meant to be!" Blue giggled. "Blue!"

Toward the front of the ship, there appeared to be a makeshift hammock made completely out of rope. Inside the hammock was a girl with wavy light green hair and light pink skin. She was wearing a white undershirt, a green shawl, yellow pants, and a set of sandals. Around her head was a pair of pink headphones, which was playing a soft tune.

"My vacation has started," she said to herself, smiling, her eyes closed. "Nothing left to do for three weeks except relax and do absolutely nothing with my life. Audrey Iliac, you are an amazing lazy slacker. I would marry you if it wasn't weird."

"Marrying oneself is typically frowned upon, but love is love," another girl mused. Audrey slightly opened one of her eyes to see a girl with long choppy blonde hair covering one of her eyes. She had super dark skin and wore a black bikini top and a black long skirt. She had a seductive look on her face as she was looking at the blue boat. "Especially if it's a super-hot boy."

"Boys are distracting. I'm on vacation. Give me boys any other day of the week, but now? This is my time," Audrey said simply. "Now if you don't mind, I'm being productive."

"You're doing absolutely nothing," the other girl said flatly. "Come on, live a little! You never know if the guy your looking at is the one... you want to have sex with and then move on with life! I'm Angel Bae and boys are my specialty!"

"And I don't think you're getting the picture. I'm ignoring you now, so stop talking to me," Audrey said, resting her head back and shut her eyes. "Oh, and if anyone else asks, tell them to not bother me. I'm on vacation."

Angel simply shrugged, staring over at the blue ship with a smirk. All a matter of time before I meet the boys, she thought. And knowing how much of a hit I am back home, using my body to distract the other team should be a cinch.

Inside a small bathroom inside the ship, another girl was standing in front of the mirror, letting out deep, calming breaths. She had long brown hair and wore a yellow sun hat. She was wearing a yellow and pink striped top with a matching skirt. She continued to take in deep calming breaths, looking at herself with weak confidence.

"It'll only be for a few weeks," she said to herself. "Hilda's on vacation anyway. You might have gone behind her back to do this show, but it's not like she'll ever find out! Just try to figure out how to play without her. Of course, I'm a natural follower be nature... oh, why did I sign up for this? I can't do anything without her guidance..."

At that moment, without warning, the entire mirror shattered into a thousand pieces. The girl screamed, holding herself tightly in fear. "Crap, crap, crap! Bad luck! What do I do... um, God? You there? This is Clio Gold and I know I haven't prayed recently because Hilda said it made me look bad, but if you could wipe my luck clean, I'd appreciate it."

Before Clio could say anything else, a girl ran into the bathroom with a shocked look on her face. She had blonde hair done in two pigtails and was held in place by two scrunches. She wore a white shirt with a green clover on it and a green shirt. After staring at the mirror for a moment, she pouted.

" #$%it! All the mirrors on board. And I didn't even use my baseball bat this time," the girl pouted. "On the bright side, there aren't any ladders around here!" Suddenly, out of nowhere, a ladder falls on top of her. "Really universe? That's how this is going to be?"

Clio nervously waited for the other girl to climb out from underneath the ladder. She would have gone to help her, but she wasn't told to be Hilda, and so she wasn't sure if she should do anything. The other girl stood up and brushed herself, smiling lightly.

"Clover Byrant, the unluckiest girl ever," she said, shaking her head. " #$%! I've had a lot of unlucky things happen to me, but falling ladders? That's a new one! Geez, who knew ladders hated people? I didn't!"

"Yeah..." Clio said awkwardly.

"So, Total Drama! I actually never expected to come onto TV," Clover mused. "Actually, I'm terrified of being on TV! I was actually sending an audition to the national science fair on my project of how my bad luck is physically proven by science, but the mail got mixed up and my audition went to the show instead! The crazy things, right?"

"Yeah, right," Clio said, biting her lip. What should I say? Should I reassure her? Should I ally with her? Come on Clio, do something. "Is it contagious?"

"Nope! Well, I don't think so," Clover mused. "I guess if people are on my side, then the luck can damage our end goal, but it doesn't cause natural bad luck to those people! But, you never know!"

"Cool," Clio said awkwardly whilst thinking, Is it contagious? Ugh. I'm so glad Hilda isn't here to watch me fail miserably without her...

Outside of the main ship was another female contestant resting in what appeared to be one of the lifeboats. She had black hair done in a ponytail and a tan work dress with black lines around it. She had no shoes on and wore a color with a yellow gem on it. She had a huge smile on her face as she rested in the life boat.

"Problem with life boats: they signify death," she mused. "I mean, come on. They're used to escape a ship that obviously is going to sink and kill everyone on it who isn't a lucky sap to get on a life boat. Kind of sad really, but what's a girl like me going to do?"

As the young girl rested in her life boat, another girl bounced up to it with a smile. She had black skin and dark brown hair braided down her back. She had two green flowers in her hair on either side and wore a green tank top and a green grass skirt. She looked into the life boat to see the other girl and smiled.

"Hey, I'm Earth Short," the black girl said. "What are you doing in there?"

"I'm musing about why life sucks and drowning is the only option," the girl snarked before laughing. "Nah! I'm super excited to be on this show! I'm Bumble Ransome! How are you doing?"

"I'm doing fantastic," Earth smiled. "You?"

"As well as a girl like me can be doing. Which is well," Bumble shrugged. "I mean, I could be back in the mine right now, but instead I'm here. Not sure if it's an improvement." Bumble burst out laughing again. "Joking again!"

"You sure love jokes," Earth mused. Suddenly, her expression changed. "DON'T BE AN ANNOYING LITTLE #$% AND STEAL THE ATTENTION AWAY!" Earth's expression to normal, beaming. "Not that it matters though! Do what you want!"

"Meh, attention is like fire. It hurts when it's on you. I like being the person who starts the fire and then feeds it with alcohol and gasoline," Bumble giggled. "Also, cool! Swearing is totally allowed! #$%! #$%! Daddy long legs!"

"Wait, what was that last one?" Earth asked.

"Daddy long legs! I once had one dangling from my mouth once. It was freaky, but we're good friends now. I like using it as a swear word just to annoy him," Bumble said with a shrug.

"Aw, that's kind of cute," Earth smiled. She inwardly thought to herself, HOW COME SHE'S SO CUTE BUT NOT ME?! AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHH! Oh, hey, pirate sound! Why do I have a feeling that's been done before?

At the back of the ship, a young lady was staring back the way she had come. She had blonde hair with two pink bows in it and sparkling blue eyes. She was wearing a yellow cheerleading outfit complete with a purple skirt. She seemed confident about something. Let's take a look inside her head to find out what.

This is easy, she thought to herself. You might be on a team of all girls, and you might only be attracted to girls, but it won't get in your way. Just see them as people and pretend they're boys. Maybe not that far, but this won't be that bad. Plus, I can't let the secret get out, otherwise I'm ruined. Just keep going and you'll be fine.

As the girl mused to herself, another girl approached her from behind, a smile on her face. She had mocha colored skin and brown hair with blue highlights. She had a yellow bow in her hair and was wearing a tan shirt and red shorts. She approached the other girl and held out her hand.

"Melody Tackett," she said. "Welcome to Total Drama team mate."

"Lyla Anders," the cheerleader said back, shaking the hand. "Looking for allies already? Isn't that a tad premature of you?"

"Not really. This is more of a social game than anything. I might have to strategize a little, but I'm mostly going to play it as sweet, friendly, and as a total daddy's girl," Melody smiled.

Lyla smiled fondly at the statement, thinking back to a pleasant memory. "Oh dads. You have to love them," Lyla chuckled. "I can't say I can relate personally, as I never knew my actual dad, but my mom's boyfriend is the best replacement I can think of. You really close to yours?"

"Yep. My mom travels a lot, so it's mostly just me and him at home," Melody mused with a smile. "I'm actually competing for him. He's done so much for me, and I thought it was time I returned the favor."

"That's actually really sweet of you," Lyla smiled. "Hopefully you win... if, of course, I don't. But I don't plan on losing, so don't go thinking this is going to be easy."

"Never did for a second," Melody smirked.

(Grey Raft)

In the middle of the two boats, a small gray raft was slowly drifting forward. On it was a giant mechanical suit with a glass hood that one could easily see through. Inside that hood was resting a pineapple, with a red face drawn on it. The pineapple appeared to be resting, but one couldn't be too sure, because it's a pineapple.

Alright, this is simple. Say hello, the pineapple thought to himself. "Hola? Como estas?" it said through a translator. No. Hello, he thought. "Bonjour," he ended up saying. Come on, where's that stupid English setting?

The pineapple continued to say hello in a variety of different languages, including German, Welsh, and Pig-Latin. After a few more tries, the pineapple groaned, giving up on trying. No use, he thought to himself. Maybe I should just act friendly. Maybe it'll last long enough for me to find the English setting.

(Beach)

After a few more minutes of cruising, the two ships and one raft arrived on the beach. Chris and Zephyr stood waiting for them, Chris with a sadistic smile and Zephyr with a slight nod. Once all twenty-one contestants were on shore, Chris beamed and began to speak.

"Welcome to Total Drama, the hottest TV show since always," Chris said. "I bet you all recognize me, don't you?"

"Le llamo Chris McClain?" Mr. Pineapple asked, cursing himself in his head.

"I have no idea what you said, but I'm going to say you're right," Chris smirked. "This season, as a lot of you know, we're going to be battling it out with a classic argument: which gender is better? As you can all see, there are ten boys and ten girls. You'll compete against each other as teams until the merge, where it'll be a complete free for all! The last person remaining in the contest will be this season's winner and win one million dollars!"

All of the contestants collectively cheered at this, totally excited for the season to begin. As they did so, Zephyr's eyes traveled to the boy's side, glancing subtly at Hugh. Hugh was looking back, licking his lips with a grin. Zephyr mouthed 'later' as Chris began to explain more.

"Now, just to introduce the teams, we'll call out all of your names, just to make sure we have all of the right people. Starting with the boys..." Lyla was quick to raise her hand, making Chris scowl. "What?"

"Shouldn't you start with the girls? I mean, you know, feminists?" Lyla asked innocently. "This season might be offensive to some people. I'd just thought I'd bring it up."

"Ugh, fine," Chris muttered, rolling his eyes. "When I call your name on the girl's team, let me know if you're here. Angel?"

"Present and ready to #$%... I mean, mingle!"

"Audrey?"

"I'm busy, leave me alone."

"Blue?"

"Ready to paint the town blue!"

"Bumble?"

" #$% you! Just kidding!"

"Clio?"

"Um... here I guess?"

"Clover?"

A sound of a piano falling rang out. "Why a piano universe? Why?"

"Earth?"

"Of course I'm here. LOOK AT ME! Or don't, totally fine!"

"Lyla, the feminist?"

"I'm here, but I wouldn't really call me a feminist, more of an activist of sorts to make sure..."

"Yeah, I don't really care. Melody?"

"Here to make my dad proud!"

"And last, and possibly least, Yi?"

"I'm here."

"Alright then!" Chris said. "Zephyr, the mat?" Zephyr reached behind him and pulled out a rolled up pink mat which he handed to Chris. Chris tossed it to the girls, which Clio caught with a yelp. It unrolled revealing a butterfly. "From here on out, you guys are the Feminine Butterflies!"

"Butterflies are fun! I saw a spider eat one once. That was less fun than it sounds," Bumble giggled.

"Now, for the boys!" Chris said. "August?"

"I'm cool."

"Bjork?"

"Whatever."

"Chuck?"

"Shut the #$% up, I'm dancing!"

"Dusk?"

"GAH! My social security number is..."

"Yeah, totally bleeping that out. Flippard?"

"Ready to run this competition like a business."

"Hugh?"

Silence.

"Hugh?"

"Silence is something often desired. Cherish silence with bliss."

"Er... with that creepy bit of wisdom, Karl?"

"Hello ladies."

"Keith?"

"Chris, are your teeth naturally that white?"

"Why yes. Yes they are," Chris grinned. "Ripper?"

"Let's get criminal."

"And lastly, Rygoth?"

"Let's get this battle STARTED!"

Chris nodded and reached behind him. Zephyr handed Chris a blue tarp, which he tossed to Rygoth. The tarp unfolded, revealing a picture of a clam. "From this point forth, you guys will be known as the Masculine Clams!"

"This is a sign!" Rygoth announced. "Our strategy must be on the defensive! I can build that up, totally! Just give me a day, tops!"

"And for our gender-neutral contestant," Chris said, pointing to Mr. Pineapple, who merely waved. "Mr. Pineapple, who identifies as male apparently, will be out twenty-first contestant. As he had no specified gender, he will remain on neither team until the first single elimination. Until that point, Mr. Pineapple has immunity."

"Sounds fair," Yi shrugged.

"What do you mean by single elimination?" Chuck grumbled suspiciously.

"We'll get to that in due time," Chris assured him. "First, a tour!" Chris pointed over to an outhouse nearby. "First off, that's the Confessional. Use it to express your thoughts whenever you want. We have several of them scattered around the facility, so use them as freely as you want."

Confessional: First of the season!

Flippard: (He has a huge smirk on his face.) This show is a lot like a business. I have to run it like my father runs our company. Lucky for us, we have no women on our team, so I don't have to worry about them getting in the way. Hopefully the others agree to how this team will be run, because they don't really have a say in the matter.

Lyla: So... Total Drama. Hopefully I can be a better cheerleader than Amy was. I admit there are a lot of cheerleaders like her, but we aren't all snobs. I'll hopefully be able to play fair and not have to resort to torturing people emotionally to do it. (Pauses.) I wonder why that would be anyone's go to plan in the first place.

Ripper: I have one word to describe my time in this contest. Torture! The Rippers are famous for committing crimes and never getting caught for them! I'll start small, with petty crime and what not, and work my way up the totem! I'll finally be taken seriously at last!

Bumble: Is it just me, or is Chris' hair the resemblance of a dead rat? (Bursts out laughing.) Just kidding! But seriously though, dead rat anyone? I've seen a lot fo them down in the mine where I work, and #$%, Chris's hair looks almost identical! Maybe one of his parents was a rat? (Seems to think deeply about this.) That's totally plausible!

Bjork: I care about one thing and one thing only: the money. And not that #$% million everyone is going for either. I'm a hired hand by Chris to cause drama. My family works in the bounty hunter business, so we do jobs like this all the time. Not typically this pointless, but hey, money is money. As for the drama, I have a particular idea in mind that will satisfy Chris and keep things amusing.

Audrey: (She has her hammock set up on the confessional and seems to be taking a nap.) Ah... this is the life. No one to bother me, nothing to do... it's just one hundred percent perfect, just like I thought it'd be. (There was a banging on the confessional door, making Audrey frown.) Shut up! I'm trying to sleep in here!

Mr. Pineapple: (He lets out a sigh.) Ce n'est pas ma faute si je ne peux pas parler anglais. Mon costume n'a pas été fini avant la saison a commencé donc nous avons des problèmes de travail le traducteur. J'espère que cela n'affecte pas mon jeu du tout. De plus, à la hausse, j'ai l'immunité pour quelques tours, donc au moins je n'ai pas à vous soucier d'être éliminé pour être ennuyeux, non?

(Main Area)

After everyone had used the confessional, Chris led the contestants briefly through the forest over to a clearing. In the clearing was a few buildings, each one made of old logs. The two that stuck out were colored blue and pink, both on opposite sides of the clearing. Standing in the clearing was Ella, the Black Chef, and Valley, the latter looking annoyed.

"Welcome to Camp Zero!" Chris announced to everyone with a grin. "This used to be an old rehabilitation camp for trouble kids! Since it wasn't being used, we bought it for real cheap and now you guys get to experience life as troubled teenagers."

"Some of us are already trouble," Chuck grumbled, glancing at Mr. Pineapple. "Whose idea was it to bring in a fruit anyway?"

"Mimi majaribio na got sehemu. Ilikuwa ni uchaguzi wao," Mr. Pineapple said.

"No idea what he just said, but he basically auditioned and got the part. Enough said," Chris said simply. "I could say the same for August."

"Cool," August nodded.

"Moving on with actual business," Zephyr said, getting everyone back on track, "this is where you guys will be competing most of the time. As you can probably guess, the Masculine Clam's dorm is the blue building and the Feminine Butterflies' dorm is the pink building."

"Aw, I wanted the blue dorm…" Blue pouted.

"Well, actually Zephyr," Ella said sweetly. "I might have accidently swapped the dorms! I didn't mean to but I was so set on unpacking I might have mixed them up while I was singing."

Zephyr face palmed, groaning. "Fine, Blue, you and the rest of the girls are in the blue dorm. Guys, you're in the pink dorm."

"Pink is fine. Underrated color," Hugh mused. "Much as purple is."

"Then that's settled!" Chris grinned. "Now, allow me to introduce the staff, who isn't as cool as I am. Zephyr, who've you already met, is this season's co-host, as Chef Hatchet moved on to better things, or so he says. You guys will also recognize Ella, who competed last season."

"Hello everyone!" Ella said cheerfully. "Would you all like to sing a song?"

"No," Chris said flatly. "We've talked about this. Anyway, we also have a new chef. Now, despite all tries to get him to use his real name, he insists on using his chef name. So, without further ado, the Black Chef!"

"But he's white," Angel pointed out.

"I AM ONLY BLACK! I AM NO OTHER COLOR #$%IT!" the Black Chef roared, making the contestants eep. "Don't make that mistake, and we'll be fine."

"And lastly, our intern, Valley," Zephyr said, eying her carefully. "Come on Valley. Say hello."

"They don't deserve attention. Humanity should rot."

"Valley."

"Urgh… hi. There, now stop bugging me, you human trash."

"Close enough," Chris shrugged. "Well, that's all the introductions. There are a few buildings around the area, but the simple ones you should know are the dorms, the Mess Hall, which is the southern building we passed on the way here, and the auditorium, which is due north of here and is where our eliminations will be held."

"Good to know," Yi said with a nod.

"Now then, if you'll follow me, we'll show you to your first challenge," Zephyr said. "Which starts out in the auditorium by chance."

Confessional: Eliminations are important!

Yi: The staff seem nice… except for Valley. She seems a little… hatist? Is that even a word? Well, word or not, I wonder why she hates humanity so much. Too bad I'm competing, otherwise I would try and help her with her problems. I might be able to talk to her a few times outside of challenges and strategy though.

Rygoth: So, most of my battle plan will unfold in the auditorium. Perfect! I need the whole world to know my battle plan and how things are going to go down! If no one knows the plan, then it could easily spell out disaster for my own troops! Best be prepared at eliminations, just in case we have swing voters. They're the most dangerous kind of troops you know.

Angel: Black or not, the Black Chef is definitely hot. (She swoons.) So many boys to manipulate into helping little old me… and what better way than to do it with my body? Mmm… it's too hard to choose who I should manipulate first! Decisions, decisions…

Karl: (He has a perverted smirk prominent on his face.) I like a girl who hates people. It makes her denial so much more satisfying. I'll keep my eye on Valley, just because it'd be fun to see her squirm and hate me for all the nasty things I have in mind. (He giggles a creepy, perverted giggle.)

(Auditorium)

The twenty-one contestants were led by Chris and Zephyr to a big auditorium. It was a big room that had rows of seats in front of a podium at the front. Behind the podium were to giant doors that were firmly shut. Chris stood at the podium while Zephyr stood off to the side. Chris flashed a grin and began to explain things.

"As I've said before, this is where eliminations are going to be held," Chris said. "The rules, on the off chance you don't already know, are simple. The losing team will come here to vote off one of your teammates. You'll each enter the confessional one at a time and cast a vote. After that's done, I'll be handing out this seasons' token of safety, which so happens to be chocolate squares. The person who doesn't get a chocolate square will officially be out of the contest and eliminated via our secret elimination device."

"Cool," August shrugged.

"Now, today will be quite different," Zephyr said with a smirk. "Instead of having a normal elimination round, both teams will be eliminating someone today." Everyone gulped, suddenly nervous. "You won't really be competing against each other's gender, but rather among your own."

DUAL-IMMUNITY "Zephyr is correct," Chris said with a smirk. "Your challenge is simple. Around Camp Zero, we've hidden two immunity necklaces, one blue, one pink. Your goal is to find your respective team's necklace and return here with it. The first two who bring me the necklaces will be safe from the vote. Then, you will receive ten minutes of strategy time before both teams will eliminate one of their own. Zephyr will be holding the boy's elimination while I'll be over seeing the girls."

"Also," Zephyr said, "this season, we have a few idols in play. The Male Idol, the Female Idol, and the Chris Idol. They basically look like the male and female signs colored differently. Chris's idol is basically his face colored silver. The winners of today's challenge will receive clues to where their respective team idol is located, so winning would definitely boost your game."

"Also, as Mr. Pineapple cannot compete in the challenge, he's free to do as he pleases, whether that be idol hunting himself or helping one of you," Chris said. "Now, we'll give you a few minutes to mingle before we start the challenge… after this break!"

Confessional: Breaks hurt necks.

Chuck: Hmph, idols huh? Look, searching for things is like dancing. It takes a lot of skill a precision. Things like that won't just be obvious. People might get annoyed with my ballerina thing, so an idol would do me good. I'll start with immunity and dance my way down. Only way to do it in my opinion.

Melody: Ooo! I used to play this kind of hide and seek with my dad all the time! When I was little, I loved looking for Easter eggs! My dad hid eggs throughout the year, not just Easter, because I loved looking for them so much! This should be easy for me!

Dusk: (Glances at the camera and screams.) GAH! I knew I was being watched! Ok, I admit it, I always have second helpings at dinner! I'm sorry! Take anything you want, just let me eat my second helpings in peace!

Clio: (Glances around the confessional.) So… should I get immunity? Hilda typically tells me what I should do… but she's not here. Knowing her she would tell me to find it and give it to her… but she's not here. Oh great, what should I do…

Keith: Well, finding necklaces won't ruin teeth, so I guess my services won't be needed today! In that case, I guess I can just relax and focus on trying to win the challenge! That's the upside to not being absorbed in work I guess. I don't think I'd be a target either way, seeing as how valuable I'd be if someone gets their teeth knocked out, but you never know.

Earth: Oh! A finding challenge! I work well by myself, but if someone wants to tag along, great! Taking walks by myself is relaxing though, so I might just stick with myself. (Her expression changes.) BECAUSE WHO NEEDS FRIENDS WHO ABANDON YOU? (Her expression returns to normal and smiles.) Better get that immunity!

(Mess Hall)

Gathered in the mess hall was Ella, the Black Chef, and Valley. Black Chef was working back in the kitchen while Valley was lying down on a table, taking occasional swigs from a beer bottle. Ella was smiling as she excitedly bounced up and down.

"First day! I have so many great things planned!" Ella giggled. "Walks around nature, feeding the birds, singing to and about the wild life, it's going to be so much fun! What about you Valley?"

"I plan on dying," Valley said. "Serves my humanity right. Piece of #$% if you ask me."

"Oh, come on! I bet you'll learn to love humanity!" Ella smiled.

"Say that again and I will not hesitate in ending you."

Before Ella could respond, the Black Chef exited the kitchen, wiping his hands off with a cloth. "Hey, are you two doing anything?" he asked. "I'm out of meat. Can one of you go into the forest to the freezer and get me some?"

"What's my chance of dying?" Valley grumbled.

"Roughly 38%, by my calculations," the Black Chef shrugged. "This area does have a bear problem. I wouldn't worry too much about the bears though. You leave them alone, they leave you alone."

" #$%. Bear attacks are almost guaranteed death," Valley muttered. "It would end this sad excuse of life. Fine, I'll go get some. Maybe some bear will recognize the disgust I give off from my humanity and kill me out of pure hatred."

Valley left the Mess Hall, leaving Ella and the Black Chef alone. Ella grinned at him, to which the Black Chef gave a small smile. "Any jobs for me?" Ella asked. "Zephyr and Chris don't need me for right now, as far as I could tell! I need something to do."

"Well, I did leave my secret steak sauce out in the blue dorm," he said. "Mind fetching it for me? My steak doesn't ever seem to taste right without it. I thought perhaps the boys would enjoy having some of it, but since the dorms changed on me, I would prefer it back at the Mess Hall."

"Sure! I'll be back!" Ella said, skipping out of the Mess Hall cheerfully.

BN: And there's the first chapter! Now, I'll try to get to part two quickly, but this is only a one episode deal. I'll be heading back to my other fics right after. Leave me a review telling me how well I did and what you think of the characters! I can't wait to expand on this cast and the new series, and I can't wait for you guys to come with me on this journey! Here's the stereo types for the contestants and I'll see you all next time!

Angel Bae: The Seductive Persuader

Audrey Iliac: The Laid Back Ignorer

August Shaw: The Legit Cool Dude

Bjork Monari: The Mercenary

Blue Azure: The Misunderstood Blue Lover

Bumble Ransom: The Innocent Slave

Chuck Goodwin: The Ballet Dancer

Clio Gold: The Individually Challenged

Clover Bryant: The Bad Luck Charm

Dusk Noir: The Paranoid Worrier

Earth Short: The Jealous Friend Maker

Flippard Rockefellar: The Robber Baron

Hugh Carnal: The Lustful Desire

Karl Silva: The Pervert To End All Perverts

Keith Orel: The Teeth Repair Guy

Lyla Anders: The 'In-The-Closet' Cheerleader

Melody Tackett: The Honorable Daughter

Mr. Pineapple: The Language Confused Pineapple

Ripper Jackson: The Descendant of Jack

Rygoth Tabs: The Battle Strategist

Yi Lin: The Trustworthy Betrayer

Next Time: The contestants mingle with each other and get to looking for the immunity necklaces. Some contestants bond, others fight, and one does absolutely nothing. Ella and Valley go do their errands for the Black Chef and one does better than the other. One contestant on each team wins immunity and both teams cast their votes for elimination.