Seashells, Violets and Lace Gloves

By flower-in-the-ashes

Chapter Two: Emergence from the Night

The memory of you emerges from the night around me/Emerge tu recuerdo de la noche en que estoy.
The river mingles its stubborn lament with the sea./El río anuda al mar su lamento obstinado.

-Pablo Neruda, The Song of Despair/Una canción desesperada

At first ey doesn't see her. But then ey do and ey can't take eir eyes off of her. Ey found her stunning. Not particularly gorgeous by many standards, but an imposing, striking figure emerging into the main room of Jasper's party at the abandoned warehouse by the wharf, long legs undulating with movement that made her leather boots shine strange colors under the trip lights. Her pineappled curls spilled down about her face, barely hiding sallow cheeks. Katia sucked in a breath and eyed the lace trimmings with admiration. Who could wear so much lace and frill without coming off as an expensive hooker except this woman whose heels clicked above the faint beat of the music starting up across the room. It began to boom from the speakers and soon ey lost the sound, but eir pulse seemed to beat with it. How could someone no one could ever call sexy or beautiful be so alluring? Suddenly Katia felt glad that ey had allowed Rory to drag em here.

When he had advertised what basically amounted to being a rave with fancy alcohol and even fancier attire, Katia had been skeptical that ey would even really want to attend eir friend's party. But, he'd insisted, anyone queer within a two-hundred mile radius might come and ey could meet good people there, because in his opinion ey needed to get out more, and he had a wide-ranging circle of friends and acquaintances. He only had to slip Rory the invite to make her come, as she didn't need as much persuading. The attendees seemed likely to be queer witches, wizards, and wixen who took refuge together, some closeted; half-bloods, mixed-bloods, actual muggles, squibs, and those with too little magic to amount to much. All would be acquainted directly with Jasper, who himself was a queer half-blood. The other part of his identity, the fact that he had come out as being transgender and gay, might not endear him to any of those snot-nosed pureblood traditionalists from the wrong families (in eir opinion), but it certainly gave his intersecting communities, that of magical and muggle outcasts and the marginalized, someone charismatic to orbit around and a safe space to be their authentic selves. Katia adored the spritely man that made eir brother so sickeningly happy. He offered a refuge to those who could not otherwise ever be themselves. He was by far the most known activist of their time, at least by name, always pushing for full acceptance, and his tiny form did not do his large, fiery personality justice.

Katia shook eir head to scatter the daze that had settled over em and in doing so lost sight of the woman all draped in black, whose flashing eyes and curved nose had been turning this way and that to observe the partygoers. Katia sighed, a little disappointed. Ey would have liked to talk to her about that look. Anyone who could pull off such a fierce look without an ounce of traditional beauty trademark characteristics had to be someone worth talking to, and the ballsy choice of shade for her red lips had set something off in Katia's mind. Eir own lipstick felt like cheap lip-gloss in comparison, and the darting movements intrigued em.

Ey turned and almost ran into Aurora "Rory" Sinistra, eir current girlfriend. Aurora's pretty, soft, beauty-pageant features contrasted so starkly with the harsh, striking features of the stranger that Katia did a double-take despite recognizing her. The sallow yellow-brown of the other woman's skin also contrasted with Aurora's flush ebony flesh, and even, Katia realized, eir own more subtle golden hue. Ey blinked rapidly to clear eir vision of the last traces of the stranger ey had seen and grinned. "Did you see her, Rory?" Aurora would have to have been blind or high already not to notice the intense, unknown woman, but Katia asked anyway, breathless. Aurora grinned, exposing her milky, straight teeth and parting pretty pink lips.

"The woman in black that looks like some kinky school mistress fantasy?" Aurora beamed. "Absolutely. Can't say she'll win any nominations for being the belle of the ball, but she's got something to her, doesn't she?"

"Something," Katia agreed. "Want to go see who can find her first?"

Aurora snickered. "Why, so you can steal her clothes?"

Katia glared at eir companion and glanced down at eir own attire. "Why, what's wrong with my outfit?"

"Well, for starters, for a queer person you had poor taste in donning that mess. You look like you couldn't decide if you were going to a hoedown or not."

"I do not!" Katia spluttered, reddening like a human-shaped strawberry.

"I just mean," Aurora placated, "that it's that level of casual, not that you look like a country bumpkin."

Katia relaxed a bit but still bristled. "I didn't know if I felt female enough tonight when I got dressed, or even very feminine at all, so I...compromised." Ey saw Aurora's eyes soften a bit in understanding

"Sometimes I forget," she murmured, "you're so femme so much of the time…"

Katia bit eir lip but put the issue aside to say, "So, can we go find her or what?"

The two decided to fan out in opposite directions to move across the room in hopes of at least one of them finding their target. Katia didn't really know what ey intended to do when, or even if, ey found the woman. Ey just knew ey had to talk to her, to something, and apparently Aurora felt enough of the same way to traipse across the open floor areas and wade through the bodies streaming into the building to help em. Maybe she just loved Katia that much to humor eir most eccentric notions. Either way, with Rory helping, ey had a better chance of-

Crash. A wildly flailing, badly dancing body barreled into em as someone already on their way to not knowing their own name fell into em, knocking em into someone else nearby. Swearing ensued. The floor rushing up to meet em and someone catching em at the last second in a lacy, gloved, firm hold that wouldn't let em break eir ass on the concrete. Embarrassed by eir inattention, ey glanced upward to stare directly into the face of the mysterious woman. Ey blinked sheepishly.

"My apologies," ey muttered, trying to regain some dignity. "Sometimes people start a bit early…"

"A bit?" The woman had a deceptively silky voice for someone who looked murderous.

"That fool could have torn both of our outfits, though yours is a little less of a loss…"

The woman pulled em upright, and Katia felt heat flood eir face. Were eir clothes really that bad? Ey chewed on eir inner cheek and dodged responding to the wardrobe critique, instead commenting, "Have you been to one of these before?"

"Enough times I suppose," the woman replied evasively, sliding her hands free of Katia. Katia quirked an eyebrow.

"I don't normally come to these things," Katia explained. "I'm Katia, by the way, and you should call me Kat. What should I call you?"

"Severus," Severus replied. "And I can tell. I've been assured that the invitees all know of magic, in which case may I…?" She gestured at Katia's figure. Immediately comprehending, Katia blushed and shook eir head furiously. "I'm fine, thanks. I'd rather wear a bad decision of my own than decisions others made for me." Ey bit eir lip and stared at Severus, whose only comment to the remark was, "Poetic." Katia rolled eir eyes and gave a mock bow in good humor. Severus smirked and curtsied outrageously. Then her attention caught onto the colored band on Katia's wrist, and she realized Katia was an alternate, someone whose gender was neither male nor female, nor an androgynous or neuter gender.

Clearing eir throat, and noticing the direction of her stare, Katia surprised Severus by saying casually, "Anywho, I actually caught a glance of you at the door and had to speak with you-I must say that your choice of lipstick is quite bold but very well executed, especially with the rest of your ensemble."

Severus wasn't quite sure what to say. The stranger that the drunkard had knocked into her had just complimented her outfit and makeup as casually as if talking to anyone else and not her. And actually looked sincere while doing so. Severus sneered uncertainly because no one had ever done that. A prolonged and somewhat uncomfortable pause passed, with Severus finally settling on, "Oh really?"

Katia nodded confidently. "Is that so hard to believe?"

"Yes," Severus replied honestly.

"You must not know very polite people, then," Katia muttered, frowning in disapproval.

Severus found this incredibly ironic and could only imagine the horrified looks of the dainty ladies in Narcissa's circle as they were accused of lacking etiquette. But, ironically, with all their etiquette training and tutoring on how to be "proper", no one bothered to teach them real manners…

"Oh, hey, you found her!" A pretty black woman interrupted Severus' musing. She came to stand beside Katia, slid an arm around Katia's waist, and thrust her hand forward toward Severus. "My name is Rory, short for Aurora. I'm from House Sinistra, and I'm Katia's girlfriend. Did ey already pester you about your look tonight? I swear, eir sense of fashion is terrible." Aurora was a tall, black witch with long, curly hair. A lump of amethyst shaped like an African violet hung from her neck, and a headband of tiny violets held back her thick, luscious hair. Katia was a shorter, more petite figure, with tan skin somewhere between copper and olive, telling of eir mixed heritage. A crescent moon pendant with a trail of stars nestled in its belly hung from eir neck, with runes on the other side, denoting eir devotion to eir Goddex.

Relieved not to have to ask awkward questions about someone's pronouns that would undoubtedly make her seem like a prick since she was unsure of how to do it without coming across as disrespectful or impolite, Severus took note of how Aurora referred to Katia. Not missing a beat, she said, "Yes, ey did. I told em I could give em a makeover but ey turned me down."

The witch and wix both brightened at noticing her immediately pick up on Katia's pronouns. Smiling, both magicals shared a look and seemed to decide something together before turning back to her. "How should we speak of you?" Katia asked gently, "I want to refer to you with the same dignity with which you have shown me."

"I am female," Severus replied with no hesitation, adding a little tensely, hoping they would understand, "though some may not see if that way." She knew that it was a touchy issue for some, and didn't know if these two were safe to confide in. "And you?" She jerked her head at Aurora, who nodded.

"I am as well," she told her. She smiled warmly at her. "We are not like some people." She put emphasis in the same place and lightly laid a reassuring hand on Severus's' shoulder. "Here you will not be judged. Everyone is like us, queer in some way. I am pansexual, and Katia is a bisexual Alternate, attracted to other alternates and female people."

Severus blinked a few times rapidly, staring at the petite people in front of her. Her shoulders loosened a little and the tension she felt faded. "Some of the Pureblood Court now do not look on those like us as kindly. Are you sure no one here will report back to someone who sees us less favorably-" Severus noticed something peculiar cross Katia's face, but ey hid it well.

"Not everyone on the Court thinks that way," Katia interrupted softly. "Especially now with the current situation with which it's faced."

Severus wanted to ask what the "current situation" was, but at that moment Katia, who had been looking over her shoulder just a moment before, grabbed her hand and started dragging her toward what she realized was a tiny, short man with his hair neatly groomed into a ponytail situated at the nape of his neck. He wore impeccable wizard's dress robes, and spoke to a taller, darker man, also in dress robes, whose long dark hair was also neatly combed back and held in place with a black cloth headband. "Jazz, Fab!" Katia yelled over the noise of the room.

Sooner than she realized she would, she found herself standing between Katia and Aurora and near the two men, a couple of yards away. The men started to turn toward the three, and Severus felt the blood drain all the way from the roots of her hairline, seemingly to her feet, through the floor, and beyond. One of the men had a very familiar crest on the right breast of his robe. Severus felt herself go rigid, and Katia tugged on her arm impatiently. Ey turned to Severus impatiently, one eyebrow raised, but Severus offered no verbal explanation. Instead, she, as gently as she could, pulled her arm free from Katia's grip, and, plastering a polite smile onto her face, excused herself in a mumble, ducked her head and tried to walk calmly away. Immediately she could hear Katia and Aurora calling out to her, and cringing, she paused, if only so they would stop drawing attention to her and spreading her name around. There couldn't possibly be that many Severus's around matching her descriptions. She faced them, not able to hide her annoyance. They seemed sweet, but she had just met the two, who had completely disregarded her comfort.

"I would appreciate it," she said once her companions were close enough to be in hearing range, "if you didn't introduce me to many people. I am trying to keep somewhat of a low profile and remain discreet." She dropped her voice despite the competing noise and said softly, "My survival depends on it. You are going to get me killed, you fools!"

Katia looked positively aghast, while Aurora frowned over her shorter companion's head. Katia knew, then, that if Severus startled this easily, ey would not be able to tell the alluring woman eir true, full identity. Ey lightly touched Aurora's pain with the tips of eir fingers, looking over eir shoulder at her, into her eyes. Then she turned to Severus and said, "I am deeply sorry, Severus. I just assumed you would want to meet the hosts. They're lovely people and they would not purposefully betray you."

"Regardless of what they intended," Severus snarled, "one slip of the tongue to mention I have been here and my life could have very well been over."

"And why is that?" Aurora asked suspiciously. She was less hesitant to offer her sympathy. Severus sounded as if she were in some kind of trouble.

"That is none of your business," Severus snapped. She whirled and again began storming away. Katia bit eir lip and followed. Aurora sighed behind her and remarked, "I don't know why you're bothering. We don't really know her-"

"She's scared, Rory. She probably isn't out and this is just going to push her further into the closet! I mean she finally felt safe and I just-I'm an idiot!" Katia ran ahead, catching up to Severus only once they were out on the street. Severus, as if sensing em, sped up, and Katia, afraid she would Apparate away, darted forward and threw emself the last couple of yards at Severus' back.

They landed with a loud 'oomph' and a thump, Severus falling forward and hitting her nose painfully and Katia landing in a heap on her back.

"You're crushing my spine you fucker!" Severus growled. Katia quickly scrambled up onto eir hands and knees and rolled off of her, unable to hold in the small chuckle that escaped eir lips. "Fucker?" Ey inquired with a touch of humor in eir voice. Ey massaged the knee ey had banged on the sidewalk and crouched staring at Severus, a hand extended. Severus glared and huffily stood on her own. "I can help myself, thank you," she muttered darkly, fixing her injured nose with a wave of her wand.

"Shall I get a do-over, then?" Katia asked her softly. "One where I don't forcibly out you?"

Severus continued to stare at em blackly, gaze frosty. Katia wilted a little but nodded. "I guess I don't deserve it, do I?" Ey hung eir head, then gazed into Severus' eyes. Something was different, something had changed. Severus became strangely captivated, clearly seeing Katia's eyes for the first time. Eir brown eyes glistened wetly with earnestness, but not tears, and the inviting coffee pool they offered made Severus not want to look away. Magnetized, Severus, despite her usual wit, could only nod dumbly, even when Aurora walked up and cleared her throat, tapping her foot impatiently. It broke her trance, but she quickly fell into it again when she looked into Aurora's hazel eyes. This time, too, she felt transfixed, drawn in as if she wanted those warm oases to swallow her whole. Not realizing that she had risen, or that Katia had followed suit, she had to take a moment to finally pull away and collect herself. Katia and Aurora shared yet another look, waiting a moment until Severus regained her composure.

"Should we maybe go back to the party for a while?"

Severus wasn't sure she could risk it, but she felt a little daring, and so walked back in with them.

A couple of hours later, after dancing, lounging amongst silk cushions, sipping on apple martinis and chatting, the three once more exited, and while Severus would never fully lose herself in a party, she did enjoy being able to feel alive and womanly instead of barely getting by in her depressing life. Katia chattered happily on one arm and Aurora smiled, talk and dark, from the other one, laughing and offering input every once in a while but letting Katia carry on for the most part. Severus could feel them glancing at each other repeatedly as they strolled along the wharf together. The water lapped gently at the shore and city lights shown in the distance.

"So do you live near here?" Katia asked curiously. Severus scoffed. "As if I would tell you."

"Why not?" Aurora asked.

"Because that is how fools are murdered," Severus muttered. The other two fell silent and Severus wondered, if she were not lonely and afraid of dying at any given moment, if she would be talking to them at all. In that moment she felt like the most desperate, the most pathetic, the weakest and most pitiful creature to ever crawl across the face of the earth. More mortifying than her doubt in herself, she wondered if Aurora and Katia were somehow playing a cruel joke on her, or if they felt sorry for her. She knew they thought her ugly, even if not doing it unkindly. Instead of voicing those insecurities, she over-analyzed Katia and Aurora's facial features as covertly as she could.

Suddenly Aurora jerked free from her and ran to the very edge of the wharf, seeming as if she would fall into the water below. "Mi amor," she called to Katia, "come look at the starlight reflected on the water, mira como la toca la espuma del mar!" Severus felt like an outsider looking in just then, listening to Aurora about at Katia.

"She's an astronomer," Katia explained weakly, then called out, "Is it okay if Severus comes too?" Surprised, Severus looked at em to see ey had an affectionate, familiar look directed at Aurora.

"Of course! The sea doesn't care how many people look at her!"

Katia rolled eir eyes and gently tugged Severus along until they stood beside Aurora. Aurora grabbed Katia's hand and held it, and Katia, who saw how uncomfortable Severus appeared, grabbed her hand as well. They stood stargazing until, to their surprise, dawn arrived and the sun had started to rise. Finally, Katia wordlessly made a duplicate of the bracelet on eir arm and enchanted it, then handed it to Severus. "Owl us some time, would you," ey said. Severus hesitantly accepted it, but then quickly slipped it into her pocket. She would consider it. Katia grinned and got on eir tiptoes to plant a kiss on each of Severus' cheeks. "My mother would be disappointed if I didn't properly bid another lady goodbye," ey explained innocently, eyes glinting playfully. Severus blushed and refrained from commenting. Aurora, too, kissed her once on each cheek, and then the two walked a few paces away as if to Apparate. Just before they did, Katia signaled another guide over to help Severus to safety. When Severus looked back to where ey had been, ey were gone.