A/N: Hey everyone! Terribly sorry for the long wait for this chapter. I had told you it would be a slow process :p Anyway, I would like y'all to know that I am playing around with the Trigedasleng language and I plan to use it more often as I get comfortable with it, as I have found a website that has common phrases and words I can use. Nerdy, I know. Don't expect it to be fluent always, but I promise I will be working hard so I can deliver! Another note, I am planning on changing the title of this work since the current title I have is WAY overused and I would like something more… unique. If you have any suggestions for the title based on what you have read so far, don't hesitate to message me and share! Without further interruptions, here is Chapter Five of Love is Not Weakness!
"Again." I huffed in frustration as I pushed my body past its exhaustion point and arched my shoulder with sword pointed at Tyson, throwing all my weight in the lunge towards my trainer. Our swords collided with a sharp ringing sound. He didn't hesitate his counter attack, knocking my sword from my hand and kicking my leg out from under me sending me down to the earth. I landed with a grunt. He went to kick my side, but before he could get close enough I took one of my legs and swept it under his standing foot, causing him to crash down just as I did moments before. I took this opportunity to scramble upward and grab both our swords. He smiled widely as I pointed both weapons at his chest.
"Well done, Wanheda. You are learning quickly." I let out a puff of air then leaned down to give him a helping hand.
"What can I say, I have a great teacher." He chuckled, reaching out for his sword. I slid it into his hand, returning my own back into its sheath strapped across my back. As I dusted the earth off my shirt and pants, I heard clapping coming from the stands to my right. I couldn't contain my smile when my eyes landed on Lexa. She wore tight leather pants and a black t-shirt with her Heda cape draped across her right shoulder. No war makeup was present, just her dazzling green eyes shining brightly against the midday sunlight. She stood from where she sat and walked over to me, my smile mirrored on her face.
"Tyson must be a good teacher. Who would have thought that you would be moving as a Trikru seken so quickly?" She praised. I bowed my head respectfully.
"Thank you, Heda. I train hard so that one day I may join in the fights to protect our people." She took a cloth out of her pocket and began wiping dried blood off my arm from where I fell. I tried to keep my breath steady.
"How has everything been today? No peace council meetings?" She shrugged.
"None today. We have a break for the ambassadors for two days, then we will resume in our work to keep the peace across the lands. For now, I walk amongst my people, giving them encouragement as they do their daily tasks." It made my heart warm to think of Lexa walking around Polis all day for the soul fact of giving her people something to smile about. Even in time of peace, many people were still full of worry and wonder if another war will arise out of the shadows that line the peace.
She finished cleaning off my arm, put her rag away, and together we walked out of the training grounds into the main streets of Polis. At this time of day there were many people out and around, children playing, traders showing off their goods, soldiers walking about keeping quarrels down and settling arguments. We continued our walk in silence, Lexa only speaking when someone addressed her. I allowed myself to relax and simply enjoy my surroundings. We were nearing the city's main market square when a child came bounding up to Lexa, head bowed low and hands behind her back. She spoke to Lexa in a breathy yet excited voice.
"Heda, I made something for you! A gift for you as a thank you for keeping our city safe." She brought her arms from behind her back, and in her hands rested a beautifully carved, wooden dagger. It had markings of leaves carved into the wooden handle, silver shinning around the sharp edges. The little girl beamed as she presented her gift to her Commander. I watched in awe as Lexa sank to her knees in front of the little girl, her hands reaching for the girl's.
"A wonderfully made dagger, goufa. I can see your skill in your work. Keep adding to your skill and one day you will be making armor for your warriors and weapons for your protectors." Lexa praised. The child had tears in her eyes as she brought Lexa's hands to her mouth and wetted them with a kiss. After another bow, the girl ran off in the direction she came. Lexa stood, holding the dagger closely.
"I do what must be done to protect the lives of those that cannot protect themselves. That goufa, child, Clarke, is a reason I must make hard choices and carry out the meaning of Heda." She spoke without looking at me, pocketing the dagger. I stood frozen in place, my mind racing. My heart was beating loudly in my chest, threatening to burst from its holding place. I craved the touch of Lexa's hand, but I knew better than to try anything intimate in public. Instead, I shoved my hands in my pockets and followed her as she led the way into the market square, the sounds of people shouting praise to their Heda ringing in my ears.
In the mind of Lexa… Later that afternoon…
I twirled the dagger the young girl had made me in between my fingers as I sat upon my throne. The day was close to being over, night creeping up on the people of Polis. I glanced over from where I sat to the far-left corner, admiring Clarke as she was reclining in a chair, reading. I thoroughly enjoyed evenings such as this, where peace was in abundance and I had the Sky Girl by my side. With her in my mind, I also thought what Titus, my advisor and the Fleimkepa of my people, had said when he noticed I was growing closer to Clarke. Hodnes laik kwelness, love is weakness. I gritted my teeth in my utter annoyance. How could I keep myself from falling for this girl that fell from the sky? The one that was winning my heart day after day? Living as Heda was to be alone. I followed that teaching from the first day I had learned I was a natblida, Night Blood. Clarke must have sensed my discomfort, her eyes now on me with head slightly cocked to the side.
"Is something wrong, Lexa?" Her voice was full of concern. I hesitated, should I share what was on my mind? What my inner thoughts contemplated? I eventually shook my head.
"No, Klark. I am fine. My thoughts wonder free, that is all." I attempted to comfort the girl. She did not seem convinced; however, she did not press the matter further. We both slightly jumped when the doors to my throne room were flung open, Titus hurryingly approaching my throne. He bowed low, then spoke in an urgent voice that had me on full alert.
"Heda, we have received word that Skaikru need their ambassador immediately." Clarke shot out of her seat.
"What's going on? Are they okay?" Clarke questioned, her crystal eyes clouded with worry. Titus slowly turned his head in her direction but never met her gaze.
"They have found an illness in their camp, one that your mother says she has never seen before and is unsure what it could mean. They have witnessed two deaths from the sickness, people called Harper and David. She requests that you be sent to help diagnose the sickness since you have more experience with diseases from Earth." He calmly explained. Clarke's hands were shaking and her eyes filled with tears. I rose to my feet, addressing Titus.
"Leave us." I ordered. Titus seemed to be questioning whether to leave, so I hardened my eyes, glaring him down until he got the point that it was not a request. He got the message, hastily rising to his feet and exiting the room. With the room once again empty, I stepped down from my throne and slowly approached Clarke, taking her hands in mine. She snapped out of her trance and met my eyes, tiny tears escaping to run down her cheeks. Without giving myself time to think, I leaned forward and kissed each tear away. I felt her shake under my touch, either from the crying or my lips brushing against her skin. She sank into my chest, arms wrapping around my waist to pull me closer. I returned the gesture.
"Klark, you must go to Arkadia. They need your healing experience that you have gained in Polis. I can send my fastest escorts to ensure your safety." I whispered. I did not want her to leave, but with her response to the news, one of those people who died was someone she knew closely. She leaned back to look at me.
"Are you sure? We could send another healer… One that has more experience than myself." She suggested, her tears now dry. I shook my head.
"They requested you. Besides, this will be a good time for you to visit your friends and your mother. It has been quite some time since you have been to your old home." My voice started to shake as I said the next statement. "If I send you, though, will you return?"
My heart skipped a beat when lips met mine. My hands rose to cup Clarke's face, holding her steady in my grasp. Her tongue brushed my lips, requesting entrance. When I granted her entry, a slight moan escaped my throat when our tongues met and danced in harmony. I knew this was a dangerous game we were playing, but for just that moment I wanted something more than the life of Heda. I wanted Clarke. I wanted her to know that I did care about what was happening with her people, and no matter the situation she was about to enter, I wanted to be her rock.
Her hands tangled themselves in my hair, causing yet another unhuman like sound to come from the depths of my cravings. My hands left her face, tracing down her shoulders, sides, coming to rest on her hips. I gave her a tight squeeze, earning a hiss out of her mouth and into my own. Our kiss deepened, desire pumping through our veins and controlling our every movement. As quickly as it all started, however, it ended with Clarke pulling away and resting her forehead against mine. Her breathing was heavy.
"Lexa… I can't, not now." I nodded against her forehead.
"A moment we shall save for a possible return." I choked out. My emotions were out of control, a situation so rare for me that I had no idea how gain it all back under my control.
"I will return, I promise." Somehow, I knew that promise would be kept.
At early sunrise, the following day, I awaited Clarke to do her last check over the supplies that were packed and make sure everyone was present. I had commanded that two of my best guards, my best healer, the servant girl Ezra, and one of the top hunters accompany her to Arkadia. Once everything was accounted for, she turned to me.
"Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim, Heda." She dipped her head then mounted her horse. With one last glance, the guards led the company through the gates of Polis and out into the woods. My eyes burned, but I could not show how much my heart ached watching the blonde hair quickly bound out of my view, her last words still ringing in my ears. May we meet again, Commander.
Two hours later with Clarke…
It had been two hours since I left Polis. My nerves were a jumbled mess with the knowledge of knowing I would be seeing my mother and the others in less than an hour. I wasn't sure how I felt about returning to Arkadia and not being with Lexa for an unknown amount of time, but I knew it was my responsibility as the ambassador for my people to return when needed. My thoughts drifted to what I could possibly be facing with this illness. Would I know what to do and what the illness was? Nothing inside of me was sure.
The head guard held up his palm, signaling our halt for a rest. Relief washed over me as I dismounted my steed. My butt had grown numb from the ride, though I knew I couldn't be as tired as Ezra, who was made to walk the whole trip so far. She approached me with a dip to the head.
"How was the ride, Wanheda? Would you like something to drink?" I could tell in her strained voice that she was tired from jogging behind the horses. It frustrated me that the servants were not allowed to ride a horse but must follow on foot. I took this as an opportunity to give her a chance to rest.
"How about I get us both a drink, huh?" She gave me a wide toothy smile then joined me as I headed towards the hunter with the canteens.
After everyone was given a fair share to drink away the sandpaper that had formed in our mouths, the guards took a stand while the remainder of us sat together in the grass. The hunter boy, Zano, scooted closer to me. He couldn't have been older than fifteen, shaggy brown hair pulled back in a tight braided ponytail. He had kind eyes that gave off a comforting hazelnut glow.
"Tell me, Wanheda, what is your home like?" His voice was raspy, but smooth.
"Polis is my home. Arkadia used to be though. In fact, I have lived there my whole life, even before it came to the ground. When we lived in space it was more like a container than a home. Earth… Earth is home." I whispered. It was true, even before I knew of the wonders that Earth held, Arkadia never seemed like home to me. Zano began drawing in the dirt, silence flowing over us. It wasn't long before the head guard had everyone packing up the supplies and starting the trip once more. I gave a slight huff of exhaustion then mounted my horse that Ezra brought over to me. With everyone in formation, we continued towards Arkadia.
In Arkadia with Abby…
"I can't believe you have Clarke coming back here." Raven spat. I shook my head in annoyance. Though, I couldn't blame the mechanic for being so closed off from the idea of my daughter returning for a visit. It had been weeks since Clarke had been in Arkadia and because of her new established life in Polis, many of Skaikru were no longer fond of her. They felt as if she had abandoned them.
I tore my eyes from the front gate of the village and glanced over at Raven. The girl had been through much since her landing over a year ago, the weariness and distrust gleaming in her darkened eyes. She stood with arms crossed against her chest and head slightly cocked to the side, her frown sending clear signals of her disapproval of Clarke's return. I released a sigh and patted her shoulder.
"Raven, I know that it's hard for all of you to accept her back, but you know she cares about you. All of you. She's doing what she knows best and that's doing what is best for our people." She shrugged my hand off her shoulder and limbed away with jaw clenched in hidden frustration. I did nothing except watch the young crimpled mechanic disappear into the Ark.
"Don't worry, Abby. She'll come around, just like the others." I didn't have to turn around to know it was Kane speaking. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close. I allowed my body to lean back against his embrace.
"It's so hard for her, I know. I just wish she would see that we need Clarke here to figure out what this illness could be. She has training from Polis, she'll know more than I do." Was that true, though? Did I really have to rely on my daughter yet again to save our people? It didn't seem fair for her, but it was my fault that she came to Earth alone in the first place.
Before Kane could reply, one of the guards from the watch tower shouted that someone was approaching the gates. Kane and I jogged over the front entrance to the camp and signaled for the gate to open. With a bit of a squeaky scream, the gates swung open, revealing a small band of Grounders. They all seemed young, yet the weapons resting on their hips and backs gave me the impression they were not to be underestimated. In the middle of the travelers riding on a black horse was a blonde Grounder. She wore a stoic expression, sword strapped against her back, hair expertly braided down to flow over her shoulders, showing off her sharp cheekbones. She rode in with confidence, the Grounders surrounding her parted to give me space to approach her. I looked up and met her icy blue gaze. I swallowed.
"Hello, Clarke. Welcome home."