Chapter 9

AN: Thank you so much to the people who reviewed! I love hearing people say they're enjoying the story, and as I'm very well aware, it's really difficult to make people like OCs, so I loved hearing that some of you liked mine! There's not too much happening in this chapter, but I promise to update really soon!

John and Morgan watched as Reid left the bathroom.

"I thought he got over pushing people away," John said, his accent more pronounced whenever he got upset.

"Yeah, well I thought so too, but I guess not," Morgan said slowly. Then, looking up at John he goes, "How did you know to look for us in the bathroom anyways?"

John laughed. "Well I went into your conference room looking for you and Reid, and Hotch told me that you guys were in here and maybe it was better to talk to you guys about what was going on, but I see why he really sent me in here now." He paused, "I thought it was strange too."

Morgan just nodded, so John continued, "Is it bad that I'm almost less worried about Liv than I am about him?" He asked, gesturing in the direction of the closed door. "Don't get me wrong, I'm sick to my stomach about it all. Every time I close my eyes, I'm imagining what must be happening to her… But that's just it. I'm not with her, I don't know. Meanwhile I'm sitting here, and I'm watching him fall apart. Not to mention, I know that if there's any chance of finding her, you guys are her best chance. I know that everything that can be done for her, is being done. I'm just afraid we're not going to be able to help him."

"You have no control over what happens or did happen to Olivia. And right now, we're the only ones who can help Reid. It's guilt, because it's something that you feel that you can control," Morgan paused. "I feel it too."

"Morgan," John said quietly.

"Yeah?"

"What if you don't get to Liv in time? What's going to happen to him?" John asked.

Morgan was afraid to answer, but John ended up finishing the thought for the both of them.

"I don't know that he'll make it."

The two men stood there for some time, each lost in their own thoughts, and without another word, they silently decided that it was time to get moving. Morgan went back into the round-table room to continue working and checking in on Reid, and John went back home.

Past 3am, Hotch finally decided to call it quits. They had gotten nowhere and his team was burned out. He told them to come back first thing in the morning, that they were just wasting their time running on fumes.

Everyone headed their respective ways, Reid shaking off Morgan's attempts to stay at his place as well as his offers for Reid to stay at Morgan's.

When Reid finally got home, he dropped his bag by the front door, feeling completely defeated. Exhaustion was an understatement, and Reid was also beginning to experience a tightness in his chest. He figured it was related to what was causing the soreness in his stomach – vomiting aggravated a lot more muscles than people realized.

He began heading toward his bedroom when an all-too familiar dizziness struck him. Reid instinctively reached for the back of the couch, trying to steady himself while his vision blurred and his head began to pound. He tried closing his eyes and willed his heart to stop pounding, failing to catch his breath on top of everything. Reid had broken out in a sweat, and was shaking uncontrollably. Coughing, he tried to force air into his lungs. His inability to take full breaths made him panic, but Reid hoped this episode would pass like all the rest had.

He couldn't help but wish someone was here with him – Liv, John, hell he even wished for Morgan despite the fact that this was the very thing Morgan was trying to prevent and that Reid had snapped at him for.

I don't want your help. And I don't want John's help. I don't need it.

Boy, had he been wrong. He knew it as soon as the words had left his mouth, but he couldn't take them back. He was really regretting coming home alone. And despite wanting someone there with him, he highly doubted he would be able to dial anyone's number given his current state.

The pain in his head was so overwhelming that Reid was beginning to lose consciousness. He was losing his ability to think coherent thoughts. Soon enough, Reid's hand slipped from the back of the couch as he passed out onto the floor.

In a couple hours' time, Reid had finally come around. He had been woken up by a strange buzzing in his pocket. Reid realized he was on his back, on the floor behind his couch. Slowly but surely, the memories were coming back to him. His phone stopped buzzing, as he evidently had missed whoever was calling him.

Reid struggled to sit up – he felt like complete shit. If he thought he had been feeling sick before this, he had been dead wrong. He didn't realize it was possible to feel this sick. By the time Reid had finally forced himself into a sitting position, his phone was buzzing again. He was able to reach into his pocket and see that Morgan was calling him.

It was past 7am – he was supposed to be back at work. He silently cursed himself out before picking up the phone.

"Reid, holy shit man. Where are you? I called you like five times." Morgan was saying on the other end of the phone.

"'m sorry Morgan. Jus' overslept," Reid tried to say, accidentally slurring his words – frightening himself at the realization. The words were barely coming out of his mouth.

"Reid, what's wrong?" Morgan had also evidently picked up on it.

"Nothin'," Reid said quietly, rubbing his forehead and desperately tried to force his mind to pick up its pace – something he had never had to struggle with before. He stifled a cough, wincing when he felt his chest wheeze.

"Well, I'm coming to pick you up," Morgan said, hanging up on Reid and not giving him the chance to argue. Reid sat there on the floor for a little while before he made the effort to see if he could stand up. Eventually he was able to pull himself up and, very unsteadily, stand without the assistance of the couch. Slowly, and carefully, Reid made his way to the bathroom to see what the damage was. Looking in the mirror, he couldn't help but think that he actually looked like death warmed over.

You're gonna die. The thought startled Reid.

Wouldn't that be so much easier, though?

So much easier than dealing with what was happening right now. Reid couldn't stop the thoughts in his head.

But how?

Relief.

But I don't have any.

You could always get more…

What a way to go out.

Sweet relief to end your suffering.

Just give up on everything?

Just give up. It's okay.

It'd be so nice.

A rough knock on the door made Reid jump a mile. He tried to shake the thoughts that were running around in his head. They scared him.

He headed to open the door for Morgan.

"Jesus, Reid. You look like you got hit by a truck," he greeted Reid.

"Good morning to you too," Reid rolled his eyes, his voice still rough and raspy.

"Reid, are those the same clothes you were wearing yesterday?"

Reid looked down as if to double check what he already knew, "Uh yeah, I fell asleep on my bed last night… Just… passed right out," Well, at least it's not a complete lie.

"You sure you're up for this?" Morgan asked, already knowing that he wasn't but was going to say otherwise.

"Yeah. I just want it to be over." Reid sighed.

"I know, Kid. So do I," Morgan said as they headed out to the car, not realizing the case wasn't all that Reid was talking about.