Title: Home

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Chapter Three:

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The meeting between Merlin and Nelson was as awkward as awkward gets. Morgana sat between the two men, trying not to notice the tension in the room. It was almost deadly quiet until Nelson began asking Merlin questions about his occupation and hobbies. She could tell that Merlin was tense by the way he sat rigidly with his cup of tea in his hands, as well as his tone of voice and his impassive look.

After Nelson had drank all of his tea, he asked to use the loo. Merlin gave him directions, waiting a moment before getting up and going into the kitchen again. Morgana could tell by the sounds coming from the kitchen that Merlin was at his liquor cabinet. She knows he's upset, and she thinks she knows why. Sighing heavily, she gets up and goes into the kitchen as well.

She finds him with his back to her, leaning with his hands on the counter and his head down. To his left, is the bottle of Scotch she remembers he brought 3 weeks ago. She watches him in silence for a few moments before clearing her throat to make her presence known. He doesn't turn around, but he picks up the glass of brown liquid in front of him and takes a large gulp.

"You're angry with me."

He doesn't say anything as he takes another drink.

"I'm sorry... I- I wish I knew how to change that, but-"

"I'm not angry with you, Morgana." Merlin sighs, finally turning to look at her. His expression is pained and his hand is tight around his drink.

She wants to go to him, but she's not sure he's feeling receptive at the moment. "Then why are we acting like we barely know each other."

Merlin shrugs, "I'm not acting like anything. Just having a drink."

"Don't do that." She says in annoyance.

"Do what?" He's taunting her.

"Don't lie to me like I'm stupid!" She whispers furiously.

Merlin glares, "Then stop acting like you're stupid!" Merlin whispers back with equal fury.

"What the hell are you talking about?!" She bellows just above a whisper.

Merlin scoffs, "I'm talking about your lying boyfriend."

"Why are you so convinced that he's lying?"

"Because he is!" Merlin gestures angrily at the hallway. "Do you really expect me to believe all those stories he told you?"

Morgana says nothing. She knows it seems ridiculous, but why would Nelson lie to her? He has no reason to!

"And telling you to stop spending so much time with me?" Merlin laughs humorlessly. "That's rich... the worst part, is that you didn't even disagree with him." He shakes his head and sighs heavily. "I thought our friendship was worth more than that."

"It is." Morgana says sternly. "I did disagree with him and tried to explain that you're just a friend, but he told me that he would breathe better, knowing that I'm not sleeping in another mans bed."

God, Merlin thinks, that was an unintentional kick below the belt. He shakes the pain away, "So he doesn't trust you."

"He- he does. But maybe he's right about us. We're too old to be sleeping together in the same bed."

Merlin's anger is fueled by that. He furrows his eyebrows at her. "When did people's opinions of us ever change our friendship?"

"It doesn't."

Merlin laughs at that, though there's absolutely nothing funny about any of this. "It already did, Morgana."

Tears are beginning to rise in Morgana's eyes as she stares at her best friend. "Your friendship is worth more than anything I have, Merlin."

Merlin looks down at his drink. "Don't lie to me like I'm stupid." He says softly. "If I really meant more to you, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

A mixture of sadness and desperation wars inside her as they stare at each other. She feels like she's beginning to lose him. "What do you want from me, Merlin?" She asks desperately. "Just tell me and I'll try to give it to you."

For a long time, he doesn't answer. Finally, he sighs and knocks back the rest of his drink. "I don't want anything from you." He says hoarsely.

Nelson enters the kitchen suddenly and stares between the two. Merlin turns, putting his glass in the sink.

"Everything alright?" Nelson asks.

Before Morgana could reply, Merlin beats her to the punch. "Morgana isn't feeling well. Maybe you should take her home."

It was at that moment, Morgana realized that she had truly hurt her best friend. And there's nothing she can do about it. Her heart breaks as Nelson wraps an arm around her and ushers her towards the door. She looks over her shoulder, wishing to see Merlin look at her once more, but he doesn't.

...

Days go by slowly for Morgana. It seems like the longer she goes without speaking to Merlin, the longer her days seem to drag on. She misses him in a way she didn't think was humanly possible. It's like she's always missing something, and she spends her entire day thinking about it. When she's with Nelson, she tries her best to feel happy and pay attention to what he's saying, but it's hard. All she can think of, is her best friend.

When she's home, it doesn't feel like a home. The place is unfamiliar and empty. She often finds herself getting into her car and driving towards Merlin's flat. There have been a handful of times when she had actually parked across the street from his flat and watched his window from her car. And too many times, she finds herself in the middle of typing a text to him before she turns her phone off and puts it away somewhere she won't be tempted to just text or call him.

She didn't think this would feel like this. She didn't think it would hurt so much to be away from Merlin. She misses the way he smiles and looks at her, or laughs at her jokes, or playfully pushes her when she makes fun of his ears. She misses his warmth at night when they're in bed together. She misses the way he dances whenever they're cooking together. She misses the food fights and his horrible baking skills. God, she even misses his terrible singing in the shower at 6 in the morning.

Sleeping has been harder to do. When Nelson offers to cuddle with her, it's awkward and uncomfortable. He doesn't lay down the same way Merlin does. He doesn't hold her the way Merlin does. He doesn't talk the same way Merlin does, or even sound the same way either. She ends up just making up a lie about a headache and asking him to leave.

When Nelson brings up the topic of his son meeting her, she tells him that maybe they're rushing. And it's the truth. She doesn't know if she wants things to be that serious between her and Nelson yet... if ever. Usually, she has Merlin to tell her if she needs to slow down or not, but this time, she's on her own.

She wishes she could just ask Merlin for advice. But they're trying that thing where they don't talk for a while until someone breaks. She tells herself that she won't be the one to call first... until she sees him with someone.

She's with Nelson, having dinner at an Italian restaurant a few blocks from her flat when she hears him. Merlin. It's only a chuckle, but she recognizes it instantly. Her eyes dart around the restaurant, trying to find him, but she doesn't see him. At first she thought she was hearing things, but then she hears him laugh again, this time accompanied by another, different and feminine laugh. She makes up an excuse to go to the restroom, and hurriedly leaves the table to walk around the restaurant.

Finally she sees him, sitting on the other side of the wall where she'd just been sitting with Nelson... and he's not alone. Her eyes narrow dangerously at the girl he's with, sizing her up and trying to contain her anger... no, not quite anger. It's a little more bitter and a lot more disturbing than anger. Could it be-? No! Why would I be jealous of her? She's probably just his coworker or something. But then the girl leans over and touches Merlin's hand. Morgana sees him blush, and the feeling in her chest curdles and boils. She notices something else after that. The blue scarf around the girls neck, is hers… well, not exactly hers. She bought it for Merlin two years ago as a birthday gift, along with some cologne, and a new watch. The same watch that he's still wearing.

Morgana tries not to read too much into why the girl he's with is wearing his scarf, but it's nearly impossible. He had never given any of his past girlfriends his clothes or anything of the sort. I had been the only person to ever wear his shirts, or hoodies, or sweatpants! So who the hell is this girl and why does she have Merlin's scarf on her?!

Morgana finally breaks. Making her way into the restroom, she takes out her phone and calls Merlin for the first time in 3 weeks.

He doesn't answer, and she swallows her fear. She calls him again, and thankfully, he answers.

"Hello?"

She can hear the wind roaring in the background, and knows that he excused himself to go outside. She bites her lip, not knowing what to say.

"Hello?" Merlin asks again. "Morgana?"

She stammers, "Yeah- err, hey. Hi."

"Hey." Merlin says slowly, the confusion evident in his voice. "Is everything alright? Are you okay?"

Tears well up in her eyes because it's so good to hear his voice again. God, she misses him. She swallows hard and tries to sound okay, "Of course... I just... I wanted to see how you're doing."

"Oh... errr, right. I'm... I'm doing good. And yourself?"

"Yes. I mean good. I- I'm okay as well." She mentally slaps herself.

"Good. That's... good."

There's a short silence that seems like forever before Morgana asks in a soft voice, "What are you up to?"

There's silence and a sigh before he finally answers, "I'm just having dinner with a friend."

"Oh." She doesn't know what to say then, but she's curious. "Like a close friend? Or..."

"Just a friend." He doesn't elaborate further.

Morgana pinches the bridge of her nose and looks up at the ceiling. She immediately wishes she hadn't, for she finds herself staring up at wads of dried up toilet paper, plastered all over the ceiling. Tearing her eyes away she walks over to the sink and leans against the marble surface around it. "Listen, I was wondering if maybe... maybe we could do something this weekend?" She bites her lip and shuts her eyes as she awaits his answer.

"This weekend?"

"Yeah." She actually crosses her fingers.

He sighs and clears his throat. "I- I can't."

"Oh." She tries not to sound so disappointed, but she could still hear it. "I- are you working late again?"

"No, it's... I have plans... with a friend."

She couldn't help the way her face scrunches up in a frown, or the way her heart sinks, or the way she suddenly feels sick to her stomach. She used to be the only person he ever makes plans with. Now, it seems like she's no longer a part of his life. She swallows her sadness and tries her best to sound nonchalant. "Oh okay." She grits her teeth and clenches her hand into a fist. "That's... that's good."

"Yeah."

"Well, I have to go now, but... I guess I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah... I..." Merlin trails off, and for a moment, hope begins to fill Morgana. Maybe he's going to say something more. Maybe he'll cancel his plans for the weekend and agree to do something with her. Maybe he's going to ask to see her... but all he says is, "I guess I'll see you later or something."

She hangs up and stares at her reflection in the mirror. Tears begin to fill her eyes and flow down her cheeks. She feels ridiculous and pathetic. Her boyfriend is outside waiting for her, and she's in here, pining after her best friend of 14 years. How did she not feel this way until now? How did she not see Merlin as more until now? Why is she still crying?! She sniffles and pulls a paper towel from the towel dispenser before dabbing quickly around her eyes.

The door to the restroom opens, a girl walks in and to the sink beside the one Morgana is using. She doesn't bother looking over, until she catches a familiar blue from the corner of her eye. Turning her head slowly, she sees the girl who was with Merlin at his table.

She knows she should just leave, but she couldn't help herself. Curiosity got the best of her. She smiles politely and leans over a little towards the other girl. "I like your scarf." She manages. "It looks… soft." she finishes a bit awkwardly.

At first, the other girl just stares at her with a confused look, but then her expression changes to delight as she instantly begins to gush. "Thank you. It really is."

Morgana almost couldn't resist rolling her eyes. I know. I bought that for the man who gave it to you, she wanted to say, but decided not to. Instead, she smiles and nods. "Where did you get it?" she asks as non intrusively as possible.

The other girl blushes and presses her face to the side onto the scarf, inhaling its scent. Merlin's scent. "It's actually my boyfriends."

Morgana's heart plummets at that as she stares. "Oh… really." she doesn't really sound interested, because she's really not. Definitely not.

"Well," the other girl says with a tiny laugh, "Not yet… but he will be."

Hope spreads back into Morgana's heart, though she's not even sure why. It's not like she and Merlin could ever be anything. She's with Nelson and he's… well, he's probably going to be with whoever this girl is. Still, she can't help the relief she feels at the fact that Merlin and this girl aren't official yet. "Really?" she asks, now curious as to why the girl thinks that she's going to be Merlin's girlfriend.

The girl nods and turns to look at her own reflection in the mirror. She pushes her breasts together and smiles to herself. "Because I'm going to sleep with him."

If that isn't a kick to the gut, Morgana simply can't deny that the next word the girl says, definitely is.

"Tonight." with a large grin, the other girl turns and leaves the restroom.

Morgana's heart sinks, and her stomach flips. She suddenly runs towards one of the stalls when her dinner threatens to come back up. She has never felt so sick in her entire life.

…

A/N: So I lied. I'm sorry, but instead of a 3-shot, this fic is actually going to have 4 chapters because this chapter is getting a tad too long. Anyway, I hope you guys liked it! Leave your thoughts!

-McDiggin'It