"Um... I'm sorry, I don't know how this goes..."

I heard a chuckled from the other side of the confessional booth. "You can start with 'Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.'" Came the soft reply.

I was silent. I felt the rosary beads wrapped around my wrist and scoffed quietly. What the hell was I doing here? I wasn't even Christian! I didn't need "God's forgiveness".

And yet... something still compelled me to come here, to sit in this... this stupid box that had no real value other than maybe a nice piece of wood, maybe cherry... honestly, probably a waste of good wood, but...

"...Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." I muttered.

Silence. I shifted awkwardly in my seat and cast my eyes around my half of the confessional.

"..And how long has it been since your last confession?" The priest prompted.

My cheeks burned a little. I'd never done this before, obviously... I had no need to.

"It's been- I've never confessed my sins, honestly..." I said. 'If sins exist, I know I'm not going to, like, go to hell or anything, hell doesn't exist.' I frowned. 'Well, Gehenna does, but-'

"Would you please tell me what your sins are?" The priest asked quietly. "And be as specific as you feel you can, please."

I took in a deep breath, and I ran my fingers over my rosary beads.

"I... I betrayed my parents... they didn't want me to go to- to this one school, and I went anyways, and I went and dyed my hair and pierced my ears, and I don't regret it, but I should have been honest with them, I guess..."

One.

"And I... my dad, he..." I sighed. "For years, he kept secrets from me... he lied to be, and I didn't see him a lot, and I hated him for it, I hated him, and it was..." I clenched my teeth. "...and it was all to protect me, and the people he cared about. And I told him that he shouldn't be acting like a father... and I told him that I'd never acknowledge him as my father."

Two.

My fingers paused on the second bead. There was a small nick in the polished, red wood. I focused on that to distract myself from the stinging in my eyes. I blinked hard. I didn't care that there was a screen between us, I couldn't have the priest know I was crying.

"I also really hurt my friend... he's annoying, and he's a little unpredictable, and he's not the sharpest tool in the shed, but nonetheless, he's my friend, and I-I found out something about him, something that I didn't like, his father... is a bad-a bad... man, I guess, and I judged him off of that, and I got mad at him for lying to us, even though he couldn't tell us..." I scoffed. "I was an assho-sorry, I was... I was really bein' a jerk, and he didn't deserve it, and I hurt him."

Three.

This bead was flawless, and I wanted to go back to the chipped one, just for the distraction. I swallowed. I couldn't continue. I was sure I had more things, but these were...

These were bothering me the most.

I laughed bitterly. "I don't- I don't know why I'm here! I'm not religious, I don't want God's forgiveness, I just want-"

"...You just need to have your apology acknowledged." The priest finished for me.

I stared at the shadowy figure on the other side of the screen. I opened my mouth, then closed it again. I paused, then took in a deep breath.

"Yeah... I mean, I can't be forgiven for what I've done, there's no way they'll truly forgive me, I wouldn't forgive me... but I need someone to understand how-" I coughed a little. "-how sorry I am."

I heard the priest sigh. "I think that what you are really seeking is forgiveness, but you just don't expect it. I understand what you are saying, but you can be forgiven, and not just by God."

I snorted, but he continued despite my scorn. "I think you should ask for it." He suggested.

I shook my head. "I can't do that."

"Why not?"

I huffed. "Because..." I frowned. "...because..."

"Your pride gets in your way?"

"What?! I-"

'Don't lie, you just don't want them to see that you're weak.'

'You don't want to expose yourself like that.'

'You don't want to admit how wrong you can be.'

"...I-I..." I stumbled through my head for words, grabbing at thin air, it seemed.

"It's alright, son... one of our strongest enemies is our pride." The priest said. I heard him move a little in his side of the confessional.

"I-...I guess..." I admitted, my cheeks hot. I silently cursed myself for my thoughts. I was raised in a Buddhist sect, and my ego was about as big as the Impure King... if not bigger.

My demon was harder to defeat.

"...The first step to forgiveness is admitting you're wrong... I think what you need to do to start to repent for your sins is to face your friend, and your parents, and your father." I heard the smile in the priest's voice as he went on. "There's almost no doubt that they will listen, if they are your parents, and if he's your friend."

I was silent. The dim lights pressed down on me, and I slammed my eyes shut. My heart pounded as I realized what I had to do, that I had to go up to him, that I had to admit my wrongs, that I...

That I had to apologize.

"I guess... I have to apologize in order to be forgiven, don't I?" I rasped.

A soft laugh made my heart slow down it's rapid beating a little. "That's usually the order it goes in, but sometimes it's the other way around." He offered.

I cocked my head a little and opened my eyes. "What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

The priest let out a long breath. "Perhaps they've already forgiven you... all you need to do is acknowledge that with an apology."

I thought about that for a moment, then allowed myself a small smile. I huffed. "Those idiots would be the type to do that..."

'And I'm the type to say I'm sorry long after they already know it.' I thought to myself.

"I think you've already proven your remorse, but if you would like to go on, and express your forgiveness in some way, I understand you're not Christian, but all you have to do is make it known." The priest said.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the wood of the back of the confessional. The small box had originally felt confining and cold, and now the warm, dark browns lulled me. I sighed.

"Forgive me, Father." I warned. I heard him start to make a sound of confusion, but I cut him off.

"I'm so goddamn sorry, everyone. I'm so sorry, you don't even know how much I beat myself up over it... I'm not a great person, I admit it... but I could have tried to be a better friend." I shook my head. "I'm gonna try, is what I'm gonna do. You idiots have probably already forgiven me, but I hope you'll accept my apology." I almost whispered the last part, not wanting to say it out loud, but forcing my tongue to form the words.

I thought I heard a stifled chuckle, but it was probably my imagination. The priest quietly cleared his throat. "I think that suffices." I saw him place his hand in front of the screen, near where my head was. It was probably some sort of blessing, but I didn't move away.

"God, the Father of Mercies, through the death and resurrection of his Son, has reconciled the world to himself..."

I chuckled quietly. This verse... this was used to exorcise demons of Belial, the demon of Deception... The one who supposedly "drives one away from God"...

I couldn't be farther from God, and that wasn't a bad thing... maybe the verse was nothing but a weapon to me and other exorcists, but...

I felt a little lighter, as if one of my own demons had been brushed from my shoulders...

But that was true before the prayer of absolution.

"...I absolve you from your sin. In the name of the Father, of of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen." The priest finished.

I echoed the amen, then dropped my head. I kept my eyes closed to the dim box. There was a moment of silence, not awkward or tense, just there.

I smiled.

"Thank you, Father."

I heard the priest stand up and stretch. "There's no need to thank me." He said. I lifted my head and gripped my rosary beads in one hand. "You are the only one who has the power to fully forgive yourself."

I opened my eyes.

'Maybe, maybe not... but...'

"Thank you."

This story is a little weird, but I kinda love it. :) I'm in Quebec right now, on vacation, so I'm very tired, but I think that the updates will be every Friday as opposed to every other Friday.

I love you all, hope you're well!

. o O o .

"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others." ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero