"..."

"..."

"Excuse me, but-"

"For God's sake, what am I doing here?" I muttered to myself, cutting off the priest before he had a chance to speak.

I heard him clear his throat awkwardly, and I huffed. I leaned forward and placed my chin in my hand. My long, straight hair fell across my shoulder, black, with an almost purple tint.

Okay, maybe I felt a little bad for not speaking, but... even after being in here for five whole minutes, I didn't know what to say, where to start... and after a few minutes of thinking, I realized that I really didn't have business here.

"Why are you here?"

I blinked, and looked up at the screen in surprise. "Aren't you supposed to be supportive of my being here?" I asked dryly.

The priest laughed a little. "I didn't mean it like that, child. Just trying to help you figure out your thoughts." His voice was soft, and I felt myself calm down a little.

I shook my head. "I... I guess... I came here because I was thinking about stuff from a while back, and I felt almost like I wanted to talk to someone, and-" I frowned. "But again, why come here? You're not a therapist-not that I need one-and you're definitely not your friend, I don't even know you." I reasoned.

I heard the priest shift in his seat. "Well... do you feel like you need forgiveness?" He asked.

I raised my eyebrow. "No." I said firmly. My brow furrowed. That didn't sound right, not to me, but I wasn't entirely sure why.

Another silence crept it's way into the confessional, and I leaned against the back of the seat. I crossed my legs and drummed my fingers awkwardly on my knee.

"Why don't you tell me what you were thinking about." The priest suggested.

I glanced sideways at the shaded figure, then sighed. "You think you'll be able to figure me out?" I asked, a dry smirk on my face.

I saw the figure shake his head. "No, but it may help you figure out why you're here." He said.

I rolled my eyes. 'He sure sounds like a therapist.' I pursed my lips, then huffed. I closed my eyes. "I was thinking about my mother... and my sister." I said finally.

"Did something happen to them?" The man asked.

I scoffed. "Yeah. I did." I muttered.

"Why do you say this?" He asked.

I hesitated. I couldn't exactly get into all the details, not without talking "nonsense" about demons and possession and the Illuminati, so how could I explain this?

I clicked my tongue and shrugged. "I... I caused a lot of harm to come to them... not... I didn't do it directly, but..." I struggled to find a good way to cover it up to make it seem more normal. "My... my mother and my sister and I lived together, and after a while, my mother started..." I swallowed as memories began to appear in my head, and I closed my eyes. It didn't help. "She started acting strange, and... it was pretty evident that she was sick... you know, like... 'in the head' kind of sick... she tried to hurt us." I murmured.

Eh. That was the best I could come up with.

The priest didn't say anything, so I went on.

"So... I called these people... they said they could help, and they took my mother and my sister and me away to this... this facility, and I thought they could help... turns out they were... uh, basically torturing my mother..." I swallowed, remembering how she looked the last time I saw her... bleeding, weak, disintegrating.

"...One day I woke up, and they had taken Tsukumo, my little sister, up for adoption, and I... I just ran." My voice cracked, and I cleared my throat. I blinked back tears. I wouldn't cry in here, no way in the world would I.

"... I'm sorry to hear that-"

"I'll bet you are, but that doesn't do much does it?" I snapped, crossing my arms across my chest. I shook my head. "Anyways... I saw my mother recently... she looked horrible, and she..." I trailed off, and took a deep breath. "She didn't blame me... for any of it... even though it was all my fault."

"...If you have her forgiveness, then why dwell on the past?" He asked.

I huffed again. "Because I don't know if I 'have her forgiveness'." I said.

"Why not ask her?" He offered.

"Because she's dead." I replied curtly.

Silence.

"I'm so sorry."

"My sister-" I went on, not wanting to remain on the subject of my mother. I squeezed my eyes shut. "I found where my sister went, when she was adopted... I... I went there... I felt like a creep, I was just watching the house, and I saw her, and she looked alright." I couldn't help but smile, but my eyes were stinging a little. "She had a nice family, but when I went up to her, she... she didn't remember me at all." I whispered.

There was another quiet spell before the priest spoke again.

"It sounds like she's happy, so why do you worry?" He asked.

I opened my eyes and wiped away the tear that had made it's way to my lashes. "Because I don't know if she doesn't remember her sister, or if she does and she hates her for what she did." I spat out.

"I don't think she would... she found a nice family, right?"

I glared at the screen. "Well, yeah, but we had a nice family too, before mother..." I let my voice fade out, and I shook my head. "Look, I don't know why I'm here, I don't need forgiveness from God, I don't even believe him, I just-"

"Needed guidance?" He suggested.

I barked out a laugh and stood. "No. I have no real path, but I'm going to keep going forward." I answered, dusting off my capris. "It doesn't do anyone any good to wallow in the past, especially if the past sucks, I should just shut up and forget about it, and forget about her, and-"

"It doesn't do any good to wallow in the past, but glancing back and addressing it isn't always a bad thing." The man behind the screen said quietly.

I looked back. He was still sitting down, that much I could tell.

"Yeah? What am I supposed to do? Go summon the ghost of my mother and ask her if she hates me?" I growled, placing my hands on my hips. I felt closed in on, trapped, because of how small the space was. My elbow was brushing the wall.

The priest laughed softly. "Why don't you search out what is left of your mother instead?" He said, finally standing. It seemed he understood that I wasn't going to be here much longer.

I raised my brows skeptically. "Am I supposed to understand what that means?" I asked.

"Find your sister again." He murmured.

I tensed, and my eyes widened. I stood, frozen for a moment, before I shook my head. "No... no, no way can I do that, she doesn't have to deal with me anymore, and-"

"I think it would be the best way to find closure, if not to rebuild your bonds with a person you obviously care very much about." He said.

I clenched my fists, and my fingers dug into my arms. I noticed that my arms had become more muscled, firmer. I wasn't the little girl who lived in the shrine anymore, even if my hair was the same, even if I looked like my mother, even if..

Even if I still thought about it every single damned day.

"...But what am I supposed to say?" I whispered.

The priest chuckled softly. "I think 'hello' is a good conversation starter, and then you'll find you can take it from there." He said, sounding confident.

I sneered at that. "She doesn't even remember me, her new parents even gave her a new name, I can't even..." My breath hitched, but I kept my voice even. "I can't even call her Tsukumo anymore."

I watched the man behind the divider, trying to find some sort of expression, but there was no way to make out any features.

"Then you ask her what her name is, and you start to explain who you are... it's quite simple."

I had to smile a little bit. "That was almost sarcastic." I muttered. I huffed and shook my head. "She's... she's still too young for me to just show up out of nowhere and tell her that."

"Well, you don't plan on leaving any time soon, am I right?" He asked.

I paused, then shook my head. "No..." I responded.

"Then give her some time... children grow up faster than you think." I watched as he walked to the front of the confessional, and I heard him stop. "You are very capable, I think... I think you came here just to get confirmation for what you were planning to do eventually, and that's fine."

I frowned. "So, what? I just walk up to her?" I asked.

I heard the curtain draw back. "Is that what you would do?" The priest shot back, a smile in his voice.

I blinked, then shrugged. "I... I don't know, I guess I'd talk to her new parents..."

"Then do just that..." There was another silence, then he spoke again. "Don't dwell in the past, but if it haunts you, turn and help the spirit be at peace." He said quietly.

I slowly let my arms drop to my sides. I didn't know what to say. He was right... I guess. Maybe. When I didn't say anything, he spoke again.

"Farewell, Child. I hope that your ghosts find the peace you can give them."

I heard the curtain swish shut, and his footsteps faded into the background.

I stood in the dim, tiny room, alone with nothing but my heartbeat and my breathing.

I looked down at my feet, and I closed my eyes.

Hm.

Maybe I didn't need forgiveness.

Maybe I just needed to walk away... but I didn't necessarily need to leave it behind.

I took in a breath and stood up straighter, opening my eyes. I smoothed back my hair, checked that my clothes were in order, and I stepped forward, flinging back the curtain and letting my eyes adjust to the light of the monastery.

I smiled, then glanced back into the small room. It was dark and empty, but it seemed a little less intimidating than it looked when I first arrived.

Maybe the past wasn't as scary as I was making it out to be.

Sorry it's a little short.

She doesn't have too much to say, even if it's important.

She's efficient, she can get things done eventually.

Anyways.

Hope you all enjoyed!

. o O o .

"The fears we don't face become our limits." - Robin Sharma