A/N: Italics means the words has been crossed out
Written for the Lover's Day Event at Hogwarts (prompt: Sending a love letter, but the content of the letter is just bad jokes)
Dear Theodore Tonks (aka that weird Hufflepuff who keeps stealing my tie and should really give it back),
I write to you from upon the glorious location of my bed, where my elder sister tried to kill me today. She also tried to kill the owl who will be bringing this letter to you, but he's a survivor. I'm not, so I have a little bit of a haircut from where my hair took a sacrifice. I hope you can still love me anyways.
Narcissa seems to still be mad at my for accidentally absolutely purposely getting rid of her tea party invitation. I continue to pretend I had no part in Dobby eating it, but that's just a personal choice.
I miss you, today especially, (not because I wanted to use you as a sacrifice for when my sisters try to kill me, no, that's just silly). It's just that it's so quiet without your throaty croaky bullfrog voice and kindly drunken personality.
Write back soon,
The coolest person you have ever met
Dearest Dromeda,
I'm sorry to hear about your hair. It's the one part of you that never tried to kill me yet. Therefore, it had a very special place in my heart.
My house is very quiet, mainly because my family members prefer quiet hobbies such as knitting instead of assassinations. Maybe after tea time?
I have been spending most of my time studying, in an attempt to make Professor Flitwick hate me a little less. He still seems to hold a grudge over last time where I accidentally charmed a teacup into a flamingo that ate Rabastan Lestrange. Oops?
I miss you too, darling, your ebony black hair, and sweet, kind heart.
I'm sorry, I tried but that's so clearly a lie that it hurts, you insane snake
Missing you and counting down the days,
Ted Tonks (Stop calling me Theodore!)