Crushing Gravity

Chapter 11

"Who's he?" I whisper to Leah, but somehow it still seems startlingly loud.

"Billy Black, Jake's father," she answers, lips hovering just a millimeter from my ear. She's much more successful in keeping quiet.

I'm about to ask what's going on, but everyone is looking at him expectantly, so I hold my tongue because I figure I'm about to find out.

He starts speaking and I'm entrapped.

He has the kind of voice that demands silence. It's the kind that carries easily over every part of the bonfire, but still has you leaning in so as not to miss a single word.

His voice is a deep timbre that paints his words across your eyes as he says them, and I can almost see the images playing out in the orange dancing flames.

He tells the legends of his people, the Quileutes on the reservation, from Taha Aki and the spirit warriors, to the cold ones, and the great wolf men.

He has the voice of a storyteller, who makes his words come to life and seem real.

I'm so enthralled with his voice and the stories that I don't even think about it when I lean into Leah, as the surrounding night grows chillier, or when my thumb finds its way between my lips is answering nervousness to his chilling tale.

No, I'm too busy focused on the story. The one with the men that turn into giant wolves.

It can't be real, can it? I mean I feel stupid even to think it.

But Wolfe... who would she be if she were human?

My mind flashes back to all the times I had thought her eyes were so similar to Leah's, and the intelligence and familiarity in them was always obvious.

"Sam?"

My eyes snap open, which is strange because I don't even remember closing them. I retort to an upright position when I realize that my head had fallen onto Leah's shoulder, and hastily wipe my thump on my jeans.

The fire pit is just smoldering now, and several people are leaving as others pack up. Billy Black is no longer telling stories in his wheelchair, and nowhere to be seen.

"Sam?" Leah asks again, and I turn to face her, still feeling the heat coming from her body because of how close we are.

I stare. Her eyes, big and brown, are just like Wolfe's. I can even see the flecks of gold now that her face is so close, framed by dark lashes. They brush against her cheeks every time she blinks.

"Are you Wolfe?" I blurt, and then blink because I hadn't planned on just asking like that.

She recoils, eyes widening. "What?"

"You are aren't you? You're my giant wolf, Wolfe?"

She's absolutely silent and I can feel other eyes on me, but I ignore them.

Then, nervously, she nods her head.

Huh. I don't think I actually expected her to confirm it. It's just so crazy.

I stare at the dying flames, not knowing what to do or say from there. "Yeah, okay," comes out, just for something to say.

Her fingers brush my knee, touching again as she likes to do.

"What are you thinking?" She asks anxiously, causing me to look back at her. She's afraid. Of me? Of my reaction? Of me telling?

"I'm kinda disappointed."

She blinks, her face scrunching up. "Disappointed?"

"Well, yeah. That means there is no zoo conspiracy, right? This is a real bummer for me."

"This is it?" her lips slowly turn up and the gold seems more prominent. "No fear? No screaming, or running, or denial? Just like that, you accept it- accept me?"

"Well...yeah." I scratch the back of my head awkwardly. Was I supposed to freak out? "I suppose if you want-"

She lunges forward, trapping my face in her warm, warm hands, and then her lips are on mine. Her hold is firm, there is a slight quiver to it, but her lips are gentle, just a soft pressure.

It takes me a full three seconds to shake off the surprise and actually react.

I leap to my feet, taking several steps away, and turn my back to her as I cover my mouth, feeling sick.

"I think you should take me home now," I manage to get out, wearily.

I can hear her leap to her own feet, and practically feel her reach out to me.

"Sam, I- I'm so sorry- I didn't- I mean-"

"I think you should take me home now," I repeat, trying to physically turn into myself.

"Please, Sam, just forget it okay? Can we pretend I didn't do that?" she begs, touching my arm.

I cringe away. I had thought they were just friendly touches. I thought friends just touched that much. I didn't know she liked me like that; she can't like me like that.

"I think I'll find my own way home," I gasp, and stager towards the path that leads down to the beach and houses after.

"Sam, please-" she sounds ready to cry, voice thick and horse.

"I just- I just need to go home," I mumble more to myself than anyone. I feel a familiar detachment disconnecting my brain and body. "Home, home is a house, the house isn't my home. Don't have a home."

You like it here, Sammy. It's okay to see it as home. You might not have to leave.

"Shut up, Lyla!" I hiss, and push past Sam who had suddenly appeared in my way, and take off at a run.

"Sam!" Leah calls, sounding like she had actually let those tears fall.

My heart pounds loudly in my ears as my feet find the trail on their own, and carry me away. The forest stretches out on my right, dark and gloomy, but I don't feel like proving I'm not scared right now; I just have to get back to the house.

A howl, long, and beautiful, and mournful, rips through the night so very close. Goosebumps jump to my skin.

My feet move faster on their own, sliding along the spiky rocks, scraping my palms and knees, and elbows.

I don't know why I'm running anymore; I know she's not following me. Maybe I'm just running to run, or I can't stop my legs from carrying me, or maybe I'm subconsciously running from something else.

I burst through the Fuller front door, right past Brady and Collin now chilling on the couch, and lock myself in my room with a second skin of sweat making my limbs sticky.

My breathing is hard, and not all of it is because of my sprint from the cliffs.

I had never thought of Leah in that way; I had never thought of anyone in that way. I couldn't, didn't want to, still don't want to.

Because that would lead to me wanting a relationship, and maybe that person would somehow have liked me back, and if I haven't moved yet, maybe we would have started a relationship. And a relationship leads to sex.

People, in a relationship, out of a relationship, want sex. I don't want to be wanted that way. I don't want someone to want sex with me. I wouldn't be able to- I'd be no good- I couldn't handle it.

Someone kissed me, my first kiss, and I'm already terrified of what she would want from me.

I thought it was just friendship. But then she started to hold my hand. So I thought she just wanted a close friendship. But then she kissed me. So then I'll think she just wants a relationship, but then she'll want sex because we're in a relationship.

By breaths aren't slowing; they are only getting faster and it's only getting harder to breathe.

Is this what it feels like to have a panic attack? I haven't had one in so long.

Calm down, Sammy, take deep breathes. There you go, slowly. That's it.

God, what do I do? She is such a good friend, at least I think she is, and she is so nice. And I made her cry.

I use the door to help push myself to my feet, and crawl onto my bed.

Is it selfish that I don't want to lose her as a friend? Is it selfish if I just pretend it didn't happen, like she suggested?

Do I even want to hang around someone whom I know might want me like...that?

This is so messed up. I am so messed up. It was just a stupid kiss and I'm already thinking of sex.

How would that even work? My stomach rolls with sickness just thinking of it at all. I don't want to think of it. I don't want anything to do with it.

My thoughts and twitching, jumping, limbs won't settle or stop or slow, so I tear up the room. Trash is tossed, my clothes flung from drawers, and my mattress flipped.

Until I finally find what I'm looking for. My medication. I take two, the first time I've ever willingly taken them, but I want to just sleep and stop thinking.

A/N: Yay, hehe! So, what do you think; is Sam being too dramatic? Poor Leah...

Review!

~Silver~